Questioning Wisdom, Cheating, Criticism, and Guilt

 

“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”

-- Rodney Dangerfield

Are you happy then you’re wise?

You can be wise but not very happy, or helpful. It would call into question the wisdom of such a person. One might find them to be more of a “wise ass” than just wise. I would like to think I was truly happy before I found wisdom. I had to forgive my wife, accept my part for all that happened, and learn to accept the apology I knew I was never going to get. This can, not only humble you, but, endow you with a modicum of wisdom.

Do the police intentionally turn on their siren when stuck in traffic?

I think so. Actually, if they have to respond it is best they not be “stuck” in traffic. With this in mind, their “intention” might be a rule of thumb to keep them available.

Why don’t you believe everything you think?

Being but a humble servant of God, I am bound to admit that not everything I think is morally ethical. Not everything I think is based on known physics. Not everything I think do I agree with. And, last but not least, I am not to be trusted, even if I think I am, and even by myself.

How do you beg for forgiveness in Islam?

Radical Islam, or regular Islam? It might mean the difference between losing your head and simply having your feet caned.

"What is love?" What is the best answer?

I think this will work for the many types of love, even the love of a pet:

“Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.”

-- Robert A. Heinlein

How can I get an older woman to have an affair with me?

The same way you ask any woman. Dinner, drinks, good conversation, and see what develops. I found that older women like to lead, in so many ways. Be polite, respectful, and courteous. Open the doors, pull out the chairs, help her with her coat, and the like. Yes, it is probably a test you have to pass. If you aren't invited up, this, too, can be a test.  Tell her you enjoyed her company and ask if she'd like to do it again, another night.

How are your business ethics different from your personal ethics?

They aren’t. Good moral ethics are good moral ethics. Honest and respectful, there is no substitute for morally ethical behavior in business or personal affairs.

My ex was a loser. How do I make sure I never attract more like him?

Get to know them for a few years. Live together. See how they operate in life and what their personal ethics are. Marriage is a partnership. Would you go into business with a partner you know nothing about? Most importantly, is how they treat you and what love is there. If everything else is a wash, their true love for you might also be.

When did you realize that being single was what made you happiest?

After my messy divorce. I swore off of marriage. I’ve been living in sin for the past 21 years and loving it.

Why do people that brag that they "tell it like it is" seem unable to handle criticism directed back at them?

I tell it like it is to the point of being a smartass. As I approach 70 years of age, my self-criticism is so much more meaningful than criticism from any other corner. I certainly don’t direct it back at them, that takes precious time from my life I can use constructively elsewhere. I take note of it and either ignore it or work it, but, usually, I’m already on it.

“To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.”

-- Elbert Hubbard

My friends are becoming friends with my ex-best friend and she is talking trash about me to them. I’m upset and disappointed. What should I do?

It doesn’t say much about your supposed “friends” that they listen to her. I’d drop the “friends” and go find new ones that don’t listen to trash spoken by trash. You really need to raise the bar when it comes to friends. Maybe try looking in the deep end of the pool. 

What should you do when a girl says she loves you?

That would depend on what they meant by it. There are many types of love. Girls tell me they love me all the time, but it is for who I am and how I treat them. My response to these girls is that I love them as well. But, then, I try to love everybody, except that group that goes out of their way to be offended by me. Tolerating them is hard enough.

What does “far and few” mean?

I think you mean, “Few and far between.” It usually denotes things that don’t happen that often. There are very few of them and they don’t happen that regularly to really bother with.

Can someone create guilt in you? I feel like someone induced that feeling in me and it changed how I see everything now. I think it’s all my fault.

No. If I’m guilty of anything, I’m usually already aware of it. If someone is trying to make me feel guilty, I can trace it back to them shifting the blame onto me for something, or they’re just ignorant of the facts. If I did something that had unforeseen consequences, I try to make it right as soon as possible. This happens very seldom, however, and usually with people who are looking to be offended anyway.

Author's comment:  I wasn’t aware of it. I thought it was totally the fault of the other person until that incident. I think they shifted the blame on me, although they didn't know what it was about. It's like they are doing it for sport.

My reply:  I hate the word “fault” being thrown around. I think people use it just to shift the blame away from themselves. Having said this, is it possible we made a mistake? Of course, mistakes, like failures, are the best way we learn. If I see that I made a mistake, I own it. It was my mistake and I try to make it right. I critique why I made the mistake so I don’t make it again. I also try to fix whatever happened.

Don’t feel guilty about learning. Own your part, and make others own theirs. Learn why things went south and correct it if you can, but don’t dwell on the learning experience. Learn, try again, and again, until you get it right, and then press on. Guilt is your purview for what you know you did. It isn’t for others to throw about in order to save face. 

Why are high-profile pastors falling from grace?

It is a real bitch being only human, especially when you forget why you exist. Organized religion is usually about power, or some other hidden agenda, like money or fame. Greed is insidious. There is one pastor that hit his congregation up for another private jet. I think he already has four. How many does one person need? But, yet, the congregation keeps on supplying. I suppose if you’re that stupid, he’ll keep on taking.

Christ asked that his “clergy” give up everything and follow him. He state that upon the solid rock that was Peter, he would build his congregation. Somehow this meaning morphed into a physical building, a church. But, then, Peter wasn’t really the sharpest tool. From the death of Christ, “Christianity” became enamored with money, property, and power.

Reader comment:  Yes, I have thought about the same things you are saying about churches. Jesus didn’t say or give example about having churches. I consider churches man-made egotistical. They show off wealth from hard-working fools too.

“The moral high ground to which I aspired had turned into a slippery slope.”

-- Alfred Alcorn

What relationship advice would you give a woman who believes every man cheats in a relationship?

Don’t get involved with men.

Why don't people share their partners? Don't they trust each other?

I don’t trust me, why in God’s good name would I trust someone else? My marriage went south, so "trust" is already dicey. Her taste in men, me included, speaks volumes about her. I can see STDs flowing like candy. No, until people can grow the hell up, sharing is definitely out.

I can't trust my husband. I am scared of him hurting me. I’ve had men cheat on me in my past. He's never cheated on me for 10 years. How do I pull this wall down?

Sounds like a communication problem. Try talking to him about this. Let him know you live in fear of him hurting you, and why. You might be surprised at how he reacts, especially after 10 years and no affairs. Sounds like he loves you.

Are online friendships the only way I’ll get any friends?

Unless you get your ass out from in front of the computer and go meet people, yes. 

I kicked my daughter (16) out for being pregnant. She lied to me about not having sex. I miss her so much, what can I do to cope?

Apologize. Start acting like a loving, understanding, parent. She made a few mistakes, we all do, so, who was supposed to teach her better? Teaching fell short and the student takes the wrap, not the teacher. Well, doesn’t that sound typical?

Swallow your pride and admit to her that it was as much your fault as hers. Love her like a parent and help her to work past this. She will love and respect you for that, and she might just learn something in the process that she can pass on.

“My research continues to amaze and baffle me. As human beings, we are geniuses. What we didn’t get from the home, we find ways of getting elsewhere. It’s evident, then, when one looks at the stats we don’t have a teenage pregnancy problem and we don’t have a street gang problem. I will even suggest that we don’t have a drug and alcohol problem, nor do we have a crime problem rather, these are only the symptoms that we are experiencing, and the real problem is broken homes that result in broken lives.”

-- Drexel Deal

Is it cheating when you have sex for money?

Yes, but let’s call it whoring. It’s a “twofer” morality issue.

Can a married man cheat on his wife's best friend?

If the married man is already having an affair with his wife’s best friend, and then he cheats with, yet, another woman, he will be cheating on his wife’s best friend, as well as his wife. That third woman must be great, or he’s just notching his gun.

Has any man ever answered his front door naked?

My brother-in-law answered the door in his underwear. The two ladies excused themselves and, for some reason, the Jehovah's Witnesses never darkened their doorstep again.

How did you move on from your long-term relationship?

After 25 years of marriage, she made up a story and had me arrested. I was so ready to move on.

Is having an "ex" a sign of great inner weakness?

It might be a sign that someone had no clue of what their constant lack of fidelity might lead to. Okay, yes, it’s a sign of great inner weakness for one or both of them.

"Beware of the villain posing as a "victim." Real victims often do not go seeking "revenge," they usually just want to be left alone."

-- Unknown

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com