Questions of Love, Offense, Age, and Ethics

The face of the "League of the Perpetually Offended"

"The feeling of being "offended" is a warning indicator that is showing you where to look within yourself for unresolved issues."

-- Bryant McGill

The longs:

What work or ethics can guarantee success in life?

Work and ethics can guarantee much, including attaining a long-sought-after goal. Success in life, however, has more to do with finding true happiness than it does with attaining goals. True happiness is something you have to choose for your life.

It is the desire to strive for happiness always and in all things. “Always” ensures you have made happiness sustainable because nothing can end it, save your choice. “Always and in all things” is about rich or poor, happy or sad, alone or with friends, attaining goals or none. Regardless of what went before or will come in the next moment, you remain happy, always, and in all things. This is “success in life."

What is it like being around people who make you hard to love?

Never happens. I thought my ex-wife did this until a few of our mutual friends came onto me. I didn’t realize so many thought I was worth keeping and so easy to love.

One of the nicest, smartest, level-headed, and strong-willed people I know has had to face my emotional outbursts. One time I yelled at him just because I was pissed, that's it. I've hurt him too much, should I kill myself or distance myself from him?

No, but you seem to have “grown-up” by your question. How about continuing your journey, now, and apologizing to him, face-to-face. Why? Because he is the nicest, smartest, level-headed, and strong-willed person you have ever known, and, as such, he will appreciate the humility it will take for you to approach him in this manner. I know I would. I also know I would feel terrible if I thought for a moment that you felt death was preferable to coming to me. He may tell you to bugger off, but you would have grown for the effort you have made.

Do you have proof of having sex?

Who wants it? Sex is something gentlemen don’t need to brag about, much less show proof of. I have kids, and there are grandkids, and the “proof” is knowing the kids are mine.

Do people in their 40s see people in their 30s as teenagers much like how people in their 20s view those 10 years younger than them?

When I was in my 40s I was a Master Sergeant in the United States Air Force. I viewed those in their 30s as Non-Commissioned Officers I had to ensure were trained to take over the analysis and briefing of intelligence information so it was as timely and credible as it could possibly be for the nuclear and conventional bombing crews and the commanders over them.

They worked long hours to accomplish a job they couldn’t talk about. Being passed over for rank was not unheard of. Promotion points were a bitch. Many left the military or chose to cross-train to another career. There was never any judgment passed. It was what it was. There were no children serving, only military men, and women that we expected much of and for very little reward.

I stayed in for almost 23 years, not because they were “kids,” but because I felt a responsibility to ensure we trained the very best, the top 10% of the Air Force, for when I finally retired. At 20 years in, I was ready to go, and, at almost 23 years, I finally found a loophole to the “core knowledge” rule that was keeping me from retirement, which happened on April Fool’s Day, 1994. I requested that day so I would never forget.

I left my 23-year career in the hands of competent men and women, ranging in age from 20 to 45, not a “teenager” in the group, and had there been, they would have earned the privilege to be among the best. I never kissed anyone's ass, and that cost me, but I still hope I passed that lesson along, as well.

Reader comment:  Getting older sucks, It limits your chances for things you wish you can do, that only 20 somethings do. I feel sorry for younger people in their early 20s, I wish I had their age. I would love to be 23 years old again. Every time I see pictures of women in their early 20s on [this site], I think to myself, oh to be 23 again so I can look at those pictures without feeling like I am looking at women young enough to be my nieces.

My reply:  Indeed!

Reader reply: I bet you wish you were in your 20s again, Back when you were a young vibrant stud and a lady's man.

My next reply:  All things considered, no. Even back then it was an STD gamble. I’d rather not go back and press my luck.  There's enough excitement right here.

Reader's next reply:  Some people over 30 do you wish they were in their early 20s again, The older you get the more you wish you were young again some people are like that, Some people are just happy getting older, and looking forward to their last days.

My next reply:  Yeah, it’s called reality. No matter what you wish, it is what it is.

“I made many economies in my youth and they were fairly painless because the young do not particularly care for luxury. They have other interests than spending and can make love satisfactorily on a Coca-Cola, a drink which is nauseating in age. They have little idea of real pleasure: even their love-making is apt to be hurried and incomplete. Luckily in middle age pleasure begins, pleasure in love, in wine, in food. Only the taste for poetry flags a little, but I would have always gladly lost my taste for the sonnets of Wordsworth... if I could have bettered my palate for wine. Love-making too provides as a rule more prolonged and varied pleasure after forty-five. Aretino is not a writer for the young.”

-- Graham Greene

Should you trust your partner after a cheating affair?

Not on a bet. A “dogs and new tricks” thing. The old “tricks” tend to hang on like a recurring rash, burning sensation, or warts… that nobody really deserves.

What do you consider passionate sex?

When I was younger, I’d have said anything that left you gasping for breath. But, as I got older, I had to update that to anything “exotic” that took much less effort and the chance of a stroke.

Would you bully girls who reject you?

No, it’s a failure of yours that teaches there are better girls out there. Keep looking for one that appreciates your qualities.

What makes today different from every other day?

Every day is different. Monday is called Monday, but what happens during your schedule is different than previous Mondays. Every day is a new day.

My wife has been cheating on me for 4 years. What is the best way to seek revenge?

Divorce her before it becomes 25 years. Your revenge will be to find someone better than her, and watch as her life becomes shit due to her attitude. Karma will come around, sooner or later, and you don’t need to be the target.

“If you spend your time hoping someone will suffer the consequences for what they did to your heart, then you're allowing them to hurt you a second time in your mind.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

How can you change the hate towards you from others?

No. Those that hate are going to hate. Not much to do about them. They don’t really know me. They tend to read what they want into what I write in order to satisfy some need to be offended. They usually launch into a long dissertation that ends up agreeing with me. I just smile and move on.

If a woman isn’t into me, why would she tell other people that I was into her?

Delusions of “I’m all that” and the need to let others know that she’s a legend in her own mind? Personally, I’d stay away from her before she starts making up other stuff.

More characteristics of an ethical person, give its meaning and explain, why an ethical person should have that character?

The general rule is to form a personal code that reflects good ethical behavior, like honesty, integrity, trustworthiness, loyalty, fairness, concern for others, respect for others, and law-abiding. accountability, and so on. I’m not a dictionary, so you can look these up for yourself.

Basically, good ethics is supposed to promote good behavior. Standing by a personal code of good moral ethics defines who you are to those around you. It defines you as a good person.

Is every action that is legal also ethical? Can you describe an action that is legal but ethically wrong?

Unless the mother’s life is in the balance - abortion. The murder of innocence, an “at-risk” population that cannot defend themselves, for no good reason.

Why do guys sleep with you, ignore you, then hit you up for sex again?

They’re trolling for a slut. The best thing you can do is not be that easy. The reasons for not being easy are pretty obvious, besides the reputation issue, there are STDs to worry about. It’s better to find a guy you like that really likes you and stick with the relationship.

“He wants to use my body, to take advantage, and I want to let him. I want to be someone’s one night stand, some blithe slut... I want to allow myself to be like all those women I pretended to look down upon all my life, but whom I secretly envied for having the guts to have their legs spread by strange men in smoky bars.”

-- Valentine Glass

 

And... the shorts: 

If everyone else was practicing slavery and it was legal, would you do it too?

Only if it was consensual. Spankings will commence!

What are the disadvantages of life imprisonment?

For men, the “Rump” Rangers.

Is it possible that you see yourself as very pretty and others see you as very ugly?

When did women start coming on to ugly?

If women have the ability to both have sex and choose what their consequences are (abortion), then why can't men choose what their consequences are?

Men can’t get pregnant, so what consequences are we choosing?

 What does it mean if she tells you that she wants sex and not love?

Wear a condom. 

I need a big woman. What should I do?

Advertise.

In a word, how do other people see you?

Non-threatening. Just the way I like it.

What if a woman ends up marrying a man too "big" for her?

“A little pain, a little pleasure.” — The Marquis de Sade

Is there something like love at first sight?

Nope. What that‘s actually known as is “lust” at first sight. I fall into it, still.

I saw texts between my wife and a guy friend that she participated in by talking about being poly and openly talking about sex. Sometimes it got somewhat flirtatious. Am I wrong to feel like this is wildly inappropriate behavior?

No, but if it turns you on, discuss it with her. 

Can being with friends bring joy and tension? What are some tips for easing into it?

Don’t pay so much attention to the tension. Enjoy the joy.

Society or your soul, which is worth satisfying?

Your soul. You have to live with it, like, forever.

I like a girl from another country, but she doesn't know me. What should I do?

Introduce yourself. 

How do I manipulate my friends using their feelings?

Don’t. It’s a good way to get hurt, and karma is relentless.

What can you do when your girl loves sex?

Be at her every beck and call, Lucky. 

What should I do if my girlfriend is angry?

Ask her why, and then help her make it right.

How do I ask a friend to stop lying?

Please stop lying.

What would you love to do right now, sex or eat?

Sex! I can always eat.

How do I say no politely to a friend?

No, thank you.

How do I tell my girlfriend that I don't like hypothetical and silly questions?

I don’t like hypothetical and silly questions.

“The right thing isn't always real obvious. Sometimes the right thing for one person is the wrong thing for someone else. So...good luck figuring that out.”

-- Stephenie Meyer

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com