Questioning Trust, Love, Goals, Cheating, Cheating, and... Cheating

 

“You can be, not too old, but too big for some clothes.”

-- Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Is allowing your 26-year-old daughter to wear so-called "micro skirts" and other similarly skimpy outfits in public considered bad parenting?

I hate to break this to you, but, if she’s 26, you aren’t “allowing” her to do anything. She is a woman dressing as she likes. Your “parenting” stopped when she turned 18 or 21. You are “allowed” your opinion, but that’s about all the pull you have.

What is the approximate penis size?

On what? A giraffe?

Are some physicists correct in their assumption that the future has already happened?

Time as a loop would help explain past life regression, the present, and pre-cognition. However, the most insignificant change can alter what happens in the loop and, as we all know, change is the only constant in the universe.

Dated this guy for two months, he ended it because he wasn't ready for a relationship. Minimal contact for two weeks but yesterday he drunk texted/booty called me. How should I react to this?

He definitely isn’t mature enough for a relationship. He ended it, so don’t react at all.

Why and how can I stop feeling guilty when I do something for myself? I just feel like it's not fair when I'm happy or do something that I want.

My “go-to” for this is the airline safety briefing: Put on your oxygen mask first, then assist the passenger next to you. How can you assist others if you don’t help yourself first? I take care of myself so I can take care of those around me. Guilt doesn’t even enter the equation. I’m selflessly being selfish so I can exercise selflessness.

“In an extroverted society, the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that an introvert is often unconsciously deemed guilty until proven innocent.”

-- Criss Jami

What will happen if you have a girlfriend for 4 years without sex? You want to only have sex after marriage. Can she break up with you because of that?

Not if she truly loves you. She will understand, especially if she shares the same belief. If she has been with you for four years without sex, I’d say it might be time to make a move.

How do I confess my love to her? Do I ask her if she is a virgin before or after the confession?

If you truly love her, does it really matter? Not asking might be better than asking. She will note that you don’t really care about her past “flings” as much as you care about her current relationship with you.

My foreskin is very tight and won’t go all the way back. I’m now 40. Is it too late to get it sorted?

If they can make you into a woman, they can sort that little issue out. 

Do mean people's refusals to listen bother you?

They’re mean, so I pay little attention to them. If we all ignore mean people maybe they’ll change. If they don’t, continue to ignore them. Pretty simple, if you don’t think about them.

How do I know if someone is cheating on their ex?

This is confusing. How can someone be cheating on their “ex”? More to the point, if they are, why do you care? It’s their ex. I can understand if you're concerned that they might be cheating on you, with their ex, but not cheating on their ex. 

"When we were in a relationship I told you that there are millions of reasons why I loved you. Now that you have cheated on me, the same millions of reasons have become reasons to hate you. I hate you."

-- WishesMessages.com

My wife left me. What should I do?

After you finish the “I’ve got my life back” dance, go find someone who truly cares about you and start dating. Make sure she is so much more than your wife was. Take lots of photos of you and her doing fun stuff your wife never did, and post them. This is called revenge, although I hate the karma you’ll attract. I also wouldn’t give her the satisfaction of answering her calls or messages. Just let her stew.

My girlfriend cheated and blames me. What do I do?

Unless you’re really the cause, dump her. If you are the cause, but you didn’t cheat, this is still all on her for not letting you know things weren’t rosy. Her conscience is not your responsibility.

My boyfriend is cheating on me and making my life hell. What should I do?

Why, in God’s name, is he still your “boyfriend”? How about finding someone who cares about you? 

Are life goals more important than financial goals?

If your life goal is to be truly happy always and in all things, then yes. If you can attain this goal, attaining any financial goal will be so much more satisfying. Parents should always teach children to find true happiness as they mature, so they will be ready to sustain their happiness always.

I am interested in a guy at church but I have never talked to him. How do I find out if he is single and approach him in a non-awkward way?

If he is in church, is he wearing a ring? “I notice you’re not wearing a wedding ring. Single?” When he says yes, shoot him that “come hither” smile and leave what happens to happen.

"It is the answers, not the questions, that are embarrassing."

-- Helen Suzman

What is the difference between horrible and terrible?

It depends on how you feel about horror and terror. Is terror worse than horror? If the child terrorizes the cat, is that worse than the horror of the cat suffocating the child by sleeping on the child’s face? One is terrible while the other is horrible. As a side note, as much as I disagree with what the cat did, the child started it.  Just saying.

Am I the reason he doesn’t respect me?

Does it really matter? If you have to ask the question, what the hell are you doing that makes him disrespect you? I’d sit down and ask him what the issue is, then take action from there.

Should I completely forget my ex as he never existed in my life? I really love him and want him. Every minute I want him back. We broke up in January.

You are stressing over things that you have little or no control over. There are many people who find it impossible to just stop loving, like flipping a switch and it’s over. It is what it is until it isn’t. Well, it isn’t. It might be again, but this is not your choice, it will be his. The best thing you can do is move on. I give you a verse I wrote back when I was young:

"Some people say my love is like chalk,
That I can write in on and erase it whenever I choose.
Well, they’re wrong.
I use crayons."

Never stop loving, even if the one you love changes or leaves. This ability to love always is who you are, and you will find someone who will recognize this. It is time for you to move forward and start looking.

If accused of a crime, is "turning yourself in" taken into consideration by the judge, during your trial?

Your lawyer, if they’re any good, should work that to your benefit.

Do atheists understand Christianity?

Do atheists understand deism? Atheists and deists both have “faith” that they are right in their beliefs. “Faith” is simply a belief in something for which there is little or no proof, and neither deists nor atheists can prove there is or isn’t a God.

I wait, on pins and needles, for the League of the Perpetually Offended.

"I have repeatedly said that in my opinion, the idea of a personal God is a childlike one. You may call me an agnostic, but I do not share the crusading spirit of the professional atheist whose fervor is mostly due to a painful act of liberation from the fetters of religious indoctrination received in youth. I prefer an attitude of humility corresponding to the weakness of our intellectual understanding of nature and of our own being."

-- Albert Einstein

 I studied for a test for two days and I still failed. What am I doing wrong? All I want to do is to make my parents proud but it seems like I failed them.

First of all, have this conversation with your parents. They’ll probably tell you they’re already proud of you. Explain what is happening and ask for their sage advice. It might be that you’ve simply bitten off more than you can chew, or you’re not really happy with what you’re studying. Change is the only true constant in the universe, so be prepared to change.

My husband cheated on me, is it illegal to euthanize his dog (adopted under my name) as revenge?

What did the poor dog do to you? You can be arrested for cruelty to animals. Revenge will come back on you as karma. Divorce his ass and let him stew in that for the rest of his life, but leave the poor dog alone.

How does it feel to be a pathetic loser?

It feels like shit. It feels like you want to end it all. It is the bottom of the emotional rollercoaster. And, if you can survive it, you realize you aren’t a pathetic loser. You find that the person who trashed your life is the real “pathetic loser” and you feel sorry for them.

You make the conscious decision to never let anyone choose what you are, ever again. It is your life and only you can control it. And, then, you go about repairing your life. You get rid of all the drama, the anger, the lack of self-respect. You understand that what other people think of you means so much less than what you think of yourself. So, you make your life into so much more than it was before. Any you constantly focus on being happy always and in all things, because the alternative simply sucks. Happiness becomes sustainable.

Why does my mom treat her dog better than me?

Maybe she expects you to act better than the dog? Animals always seem to be treated better than the humans around us, and for good reason - like children, they are at our mercy. If children are abused, animals can be abused so much worse. I wouldn’t hold this against your mom, but you might want to make sure you deserve the attention you do get before you wind up in the doghouse.

In order to gain trust, is it better to be completely honest and open about yourself?

To a point. There are some things you should choose to keep private. It really isn’t necessary, for example, if you’re a man, whether you stand up or sit down to pee. Way “too much information” sharing.

“The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them.”

-- Ernest Hemingway

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com