Questions of Life, Leadership, Respect, and Fear

 

“Life is but a dream for the dead.”

-- Gerard Way

What does it mean if I say "the only time I really get to live is when I'm already dead"?

It means you mistakenly think your life is shit when what you really need to do is make better choices.

When one good person follows, how come there are 20 assholes right behind?

Hey! Those 20 assholes have been behind me most of my life, so, go easy on them. They have an entire “League of the Perpetually Offended” they can bring to bear.

Should the way we were raised be a determining factor in ending a relationship? To me, I feel like as long as the core values align that shouldn’t be a determining factor.

My children were both raised in a constant battle of wills. Both have turned out surprisingly well as far as their relationships are concerned.

Why do mental health therapists say that you should stop striving for being "happy" and try striving for "well-being" instead? What are the differences between "happy and well being"?

Well-being is defined in many ways: Physical well-being. Economic well-being. Social well-being. Development and activity. Emotional well-being. Psychological well-being. Life satisfaction. Domain-specific satisfaction. Engaging activities and work. Yadda, yadda, yadda.

I’ll settle for some true happiness any day, over the like of this. True happiness encompasses all of it and more. Strive to be truly happy always and in everything you do, including attaining your well-being. It is simply a choice you have to make for your life.

What are some arbitrary rules that you made up for yourself that have held you back in life?

Never kiss ass. Never suck-up. Question everything. The respect you get is equal to the respect you give.

“Even if you cannot change all the people around you, you can change the people you choose to be around. Life is too short to waste your time on people who don’t respect, appreciate, and value you. Spend your life with people who make you smile, laugh, and feel loved.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

Why do people want to hurt me because I’m cute and smart?

I have the same problem. I think it’s because I’m smart and cute and they’re not. Jealousy. Just saying.

In these times of greed and deception, is being hypocritical a defect or a virtue?

Do you mean, in these times of greed, deception, and hypocrisy? It is just another defect in the superfecta. Hate would seem to be missing. "Virtue" is evidenced by morally ethical behavior.

Why do people give up on life and business?

Answering this would bring down the wrath of the League of the Perpetually Offended, and I’m really not up for that today, even though this simple sidestep will probably trigger them, anyway.

How do you express yourself using art?

I paint in acrylic, deep space objects. I try not to psychoanalyze why, but I’m certain it’s deep, spaced-out, and objective. 

What is your most irrational fear and how does it affect you?

Drop-dead gorgeous women scar the crap out of me. I am not a bit shy, except around them. I was introduced to one at a business function. The conversation went like this:

Boss: I’d like you to meet so-and-so.

Me: Very pleased to meet you. (Trying to keep my eyes locked on hers.)

So-and-so: Pleased to meet you as well. (She put out her hand and, as I shook it, I started blushing for no reason.)

Me: Boss, I’ll be in the bar.

So-and-so: May I join you?

Me: Sure. (If you must…)

I was trying to distance my soon-to-be drooling self from her overtly gorgeous self. I failed, and my rude thought was well served as the bar was not my finest moment. I felt like a doof.  My boss thought the whole thing hilarious.

Being afraid of a monster under the bed is perfectly rational, because there may in fact be a monster under your bed at any time, ready to eat you all up, but a fear of realtors is an irrational fear. Realtors, as I'm sure you know, are people who assist in the buying and selling of houses. Besides occasionally wearing an ugly yellow coat, the worst a realtor can do to you is show you a house that you find ugly, and so it is completely irrational to be terrified of them.”

-- Lemony Snicket

How do you choose the right livelihood over financial motivation?

Do what you love and love what you do. If it pays well, so much the better. If not, at least you’ll love what you do.

What makes someone deserve your respect?

When they respect me. You get what you give.

I had a doctor introduce himself as “Doctor Jones” so I introduced myself as Master Sergeant Villari. He asked if I had a “first” name, and I responded, “You first.” He smiled and told me it was John. I said, “Pleased to meet you, John. My name is Tony.” He said he would accept me as a patient. I told him to hold on, because I wasn’t sure I wanted him as my doctor, yet. I had some questions.

I don’t assume respect, just like I don’t assume the title of “Medical Doctor” qualifies you to “practice” your trade on me.

We had an understanding, as he was an ex-Air Force officer. When I left the area, several years later, I had my last physical with him and called him “Doctor” for the first time. He was surprised at it since we’d always been on a first-name basis. He asked me why, and I told him he had earned it. He wished the “Master Sergeant” good luck. I suppose I had earned it, as well.

Which one is more superior, to feel or to be?

If you feel, you, therefore, must be. To be, therefore, you must feel. I’m not too sure you can have one without the other.

Why have I lost the will to live?

Maybe because you don’t know how to, or why you should? If you know how to live, you will understand why you live. Only you can choose to walk this path, just as only you can discover the how and why.  But, first, you need to make the choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of what has happened in your life. Dying is a way to ensure you correct nothing. Living is the only way you can find happiness, the how and why, but you have to choose to do so, and then live what you choose.  This is your path. 

Who has and always will talk good about you? Why?

My mother, because she's my mother. Even when I made mistakes, she would tell me everyone makes mistakes, but you have to learn from them so the mistakes aren't wasted.

"No matter where you go, or however long you're there, you can always come back home to me. Whether tears or smiles cloud your eyes, you can rest upon your knees. Whether you have found yourself or lost your sense of purpose along the way, I'll be there to take you in. I won't give you away.

--Jennifer Megan Varnadore

Is it okay to say “Happy Independence Day”?

If you’re enjoying your independence, there is little reason not to be happy, unless you choose not to be. Say it, scream it, dance it, and sing it. Independence demands it!

What is the meaning of the phrase "never forget where you came from"? Why do some say this is one of the biggest life lessons we all need to learn?

Never forget that you were once poor as you deny work to someone who asks for it.

Never forget you were once hungry as you shake your head at those in the soup line.

Never forget the poor state that educated you as a doctor, when you think about leaving to make more money.

Never forget those who helped you create a multi-national company when you consider treating those below you badly.

Never forget where you came from, as it is your history that you can fix, ignore, or celebrate. Fix it or celebrate it, but never ignore it.

Who respects you?

Me. I have to respect myself, or nobody else will. But, then, if I respect myself, I really don’t much care what others think of me.

If you were sentenced to life without parole, wouldn't you spend the whole time trying to escape?

To what end? I would always be looking over my shoulder. No, better I spend time trying to atone to society for whatever I did. If I become a better person, I may get privileges that make life bearable, or I may be considered for commutation, which is a lesser sentence, not “pardon” or “parole.”

How does the mindset (attitudes) of a truly intelligent person affect their decisions?

I think the “mindset” of anyone affects their choices and decisions, or lack thereof. I suppose I’m a “this” because of “that” person. I believe in cause and effect.

Reader comment:  "Well, if your anything like me, you crush any logical problem blindfolded but cannot tolerate the ways other people behave. Especially those we care for.

Your standards are unbelievably high, so you expect those you love to also have high standards of how they treat others.

The sciences and arts are easy, people are hard. This effects our decisions in the way a broken heart will, adding irrationality into the mix."

“Life is good! It is only our thoughts, choices, and actions towards the situations we meet in life each moment of time that makes life look bad! The same bad situation in life that makes one person think badly inspires another to do a noble thing! The same good situation in life that makes one person feel so good to get into a bad situation inspires another person to create another good situation because of the good situation. It is all about thoughts, choices and actions! Life is good! Live it well!”

-- Ernest Agyemang Yeboah

Are you able to fight the bullies/negative people back?

Generally, I just try to ignore them. If they ask me why I’m ignoring them, I’ll let them know. But, usually, I find they don’t really want to change, so expending any effort is usually moot. I used to get into it with them all the time, but it just became tiring.

When anybody says that they’re done, do you accept their own choices?

If they accept it, my acceptance of their choice is irrelevant. I may not agree, but it is their choice.  You can't save people from themselves, only they can make that choice.

Is the saying or expression, "calm before the storm" just an expression or does it have an actual scientific answer?

Animals are generally able to feel the pressure changes before an impending storm. My cat comes inside and hides under the bed ten minutes before I hear the first clap of thunder, so hearing probably plays into this, as well. You can experience this on a battlefield as everybody is waiting to attack but all the noise of getting prepared has frightened all the birds and animals away leaving an unnatural silence. A “quiet before the storm” of war.

Would you rather get sprayed by a skunk once a month for life or lose your freedom of speech in all countries for life?

I choose the skunk. Sooner or later, because of my endless efforts, there will be a concerted effort by society to end the spraying simply because everyone else is being punished by my constant presence.

What is the meaning of this quote, "It is said that respect is not imposed but earned. Being respectful means being courteous at all times in all dealings, regardless of stature."?

It is not imposed, and shouldn’t be expected due to status or stature, but you generally get back what you give. Everybody is deserving of respect, but if the respect isn’t mutual you have the free choice to temper any respect you show them. If I’m advised that I was being disrespectful to a person, it’s usually no more than they were to me. Respect should always be a two-way street.

“Barking at people earns their respect about as effectively as staring into the sun improves your vision.”

-- Richelle E. Goodrich

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com