Questioning Barriers, Parents, Pride, and Value

"Every liability is just an asset in hiding."

-- Mark Victor Hansen

What does it feel like to be finally free from all legal barriers at 18? Is there a change in lifestyle and work ethic? Lastly how happy are you as a person having to depend mostly on yourself for everything.

You made me chuckle. What country do you live in where, at 18, you are “free” from all legal barriers? The “change in lifestyle” usually means you have to work for a living and support yourself. Your “work ethic” will come under a microscope by those who make a study of “legal barriers” to employment. And, lastly, I certainly hope you don’t forget to be happy always and in all things while you’re “having to depend mostly on yourself for everything” while obeying the laws of society. The only thing you need to consider now is death and taxes. I haven’t smiled this much all day. Thank you!

Is constructive criticism as valuable as positive reinforcement?

If done right, constructive criticism is a critique the recipient can use to see why they went wrong, study the fix, and try again. Failure is simply another opportunity presenting itself for study. If criticism isn’t constructive it is a wasted opportunity for training.

Has anyone ever set up a surprise party for your birthday?

Approaching the 70-year mark, I’ve managed to not be surprised for my birthday by a party.

Who do you think is adept at hypocrisy? How do you react in a practical way to such a manner of action?

I am a self-proclaimed hypocrite. Now, more of a “do as I say, not as I do” kind of hypocrite. It’s a holdover from my military career. There are fewer things I do that I know are not “right”. I was used to getting a pass, now I have to give myself one, but, that doesn’t often happen. It ends up being a reprimand for weakness in the face of nobody. My slips are becoming fewer and fewer as I get older and more sedate in life. I smile, now, when I see myself start to slip. I take a breath and regroup. Retirement can be a bitch.

What do you do if you found yourself becoming a liability for someone else?

I would explain the issue and offer to step away. There may be a circumstance you are misreading, so discussing the issue is necessary. If you are, indeed, a liability, it is incumbent on you to take the initiative and step away so they can shine.

“Nobody can treat you like a liability without your approval”

-- Ane Krstevska

If one person does not want to be a parent, the default should always be abortion, Why or why not?

Abortion is not the cure-all for not thinking. How many innocent lives are you willing to murder for the selfish sake of sex? There are condoms, birth control pills, the morning-after pill, and most important of all, the good sense to think about what you’re both getting into. “If one person does not want to be a parent, the default should always be” keep the legs together and the dick in the pants. There are plenty of options available. Or, live with the guilt of the death of your unborn progeny. It is another choice. But, then, I come from the “pro-life” viewpoint. I’m sure someone who is perpetually offended will come along shortly with their "pro-death" viewpoint.

Can fun actually be valued? How?

This is pretty simple. How important is it for you? Rank “fun” against everything else you need in your life. If you can answer this, you have determined value for fun in your life.

Is professing love quickly a sign of weakness and immaturity?

Defining “quickly” would be nice. If you’re in lust, then it isn’t love. Enough time needs to go by so you are sure of your feelings, and it would help if you have an inkling that the target of your affection might feel the same.

I would be careful labeling this. There is nothing wrong with communicating feelings, but doing it too soon can cause unexpected issues, like embarrassment. Having said this, I’m not so sure I’d go with weakness as much as it might be a question of maturity in the sense that, the more experience you have, the better you become at the “game” of love and relationships.

Is it wrong to spend all your days in bed online?

It falls under the heading of “GET A LIFE” in my humble opinion. 

How can you handle or change a proud person?

I’m all about putting the issue on the table. If their pride is overbearing, they may not understand how egotistical they sound. I always strive to be humble, but that’s just me, and I constantly strive.

I’ve discovered that being humble is an art, and not as easy as one thinks. You have to know yourself, then try to control yourself. My best “go-to” for this is remembering my military training - you have the God-given right to shut up.

“A proud man is always looking down on things and people; and, of course, as long as you are looking down, you cannot see something that is above you.”

-- C.S. Lewis

What is the nicest thing an unknown person has done for you without asking?

People I don’t know come out of the woodwork to take on the League of the Perpetually Offended for me. I gave up trying to have cogent conversations with them, and I refuse to lower my bar for them. Thankfully, there are a few others out there who have no qualms about taking them on, lowing their bar into the gutter where it’s been taken, and effectively handling the issue for me. I am always grateful. 

What would you do if this happened on your first date?

Uh… what?

What was your most loyal pet?

Before I joined the military, my family got “Penny” from the pound. A beagle/Springer. A hunting dog that was afraid of loud noises, like shotguns. But, she was loyal to a fault. Being an only child, she was like the sibling I never had.

Which mindset produces more successful and happier children, woke victimhood or rugged independence?

I suppose you can be happy being a “victim” if that’s all you’ve ever known. I think teaching a child to accept being a victim is tantamount to child abuse, however.

Would you ever unlove someone with who you are deeply in love?

I still love my ex-wife, even after all she put me through for 25 years. I think if you really understand love, you understand that it isn’t a “switch” that well-adjusted people can just turn off. My wife did, but, again…

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

-- C.S. Lewis

How important is it to have "me time"?

Very important. I take care of my elderly mother, my girlfriend needs some of my time, the fricking cat, the yard, and house chores. It is one reason I take a few hours in the early morning, as part of my “me time” to answer these questions. “Me time” is a way of refilling the bucket of everything you do for others. If the bucket goes empty you are borrowing from yourself, and that leads to stress.

Why do people like to stay in bed for some time even after they wake up?

As you get older, you’re afraid to move. All the aches and pains of a misspent youth come back to haunt you every morning.

Reader comment:  LOL. We should have taken better care of ourselves when we were young, that's for sure.

What motivates you the most when you wake up early in the morning?

The 18-pound ex-feral cat. He wants to be fed, at 3:30, when my “significant other” wakes up for work. I would say my “significant other” motivates me but, when she’s off, the cat still wants to be fed at 3:30 in the damned morning. Sometimes, I’m motivated to kick his ass, but it would make too much noise, and he moves too fast, and he bites to the bone. It is a hate/love relationship.

I'm 23 now I'm still useless do I have any worth for living?

You’re 23 and you think you’re useless, this means you’re still alive. Any day on this side of the dirt is a great day. If you have life, you must still be here for a reason. Start by thanking God for the gift of another day in paradise and another chance for you to try to excel in your life. If you feel useless, then go out and be useful. Stop asking questions and start answering some. Failure is simply an opportunity for you to learn, so learn. Try volunteering. Try living some of the long life you have left.

What should I do if I'm labeled as not a "team player" at work?

Try being a “team player” at work. If you don’t know what that is, then ask. If you want to be on the team, then ask the team leader to mentor you. Good supervisors and managers don’t label people, they help people.  If the people can’t be helped, they are, unfortunately, left to look for other employment.

Asking for help and striving to be more than you are can be akin to opening a door to a new and better you. Good supervisors and managers note this, and you will find more opportunities coming your way, either because you ask for them, or because they think you can handle them. 

“A player who makes a team great is more valuable than a great player. Losing yourself for the group, for the good of the group — that's teamwork.”

-- John Wooden

What tasks can help creativity in a child?

Any task that has much room for improvement. Even children will look for easier routes. Set it up so they'll want to find them.

What is the meaning of the proverb “two heads are better than one”?

In the parlance of computing, two heads equal more memory, more power, multiplied programs, and differing logic. Three heads are better than two. Above five heads, however, you risk becoming a congress, and, as we all know, a congress rarely knows what they’re doing.

What is that one thing you are always thankful for?

Waking up. 

What made you realize your crush wasn't worth it?

The vast age difference. She deserved a full life with someone who could give her their full life. I didn’t even broach the subject. 

What do you call somebody who knows a little about many different subjects but isn't an expert in any of them?

The person is a generalist rather than a specialist.

“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.”

-- Unknown

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com