Questions of Misery, Tragedy, Relations, and Life

 

“You can’t save others from themselves because those who make a perpetual muddle of their lives don’t appreciate your interfering with the drama they’ve created. They want your poor-sweet-baby sympathy, but they don’t want to change.”

-- Sue Grafton

 

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Note to my readers: I couldn't help but publish this quote. It so rings of the League of the Perpetually Offended, who ask for help but prefer not to listen, to anybody. Even though they broach the question, they seem offended that you actually had the temerity to answer.  I use words like "temerity" because it drives them to the dictionary.  Their command of language provides no cogent thought and is usually limited to cursing at me.  It is what it is.

Another point of note:  10,565 people read my answers this past week.  If I were to keep this number up, I would garner almost 550,000 views over the next 12 months.  Not bad for a humble "semi-ancient pie hole philosopher" in Mississippi.  I doubt I will ever step over the bar set by the likes of other Mississipians, Faulkner, Williams, or Grisham, to name a few of so many.  I continued to be humbled by the attention of so many and the derision of so few.  Than you, all, so very much!   

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What must be done to stop expectations?

Live life for the moment, because what is is. It is what it is until it isn’t. It does you no good to "expect" anything else. The truth is that it will be what it is… again. To expect what it is to be something it isn't doesn't make any sense.  So, it is what it is until it isn't, and then it will be what it is... again.

What would be the simplest life to live, and how?

Alone and Retired. Your only responsibilities are to monitor your money, eat, sleep, bathe, and do the chores. You have to answer to no one.

Would you help a man with a proper little black dress?

Proper or improper, help is help. Being a humble, ethical person, it would be incumbent upon me to selflessly try to help, if I can.

Why do I always feel like I’m such a foolish person when making mistakes? That way of thinking makes me feel bad about myself and invariably beat myself up. What should I do?

Understand that mistakes and failures are simply opportunities for you to learn why you went wrong. You can feel bad about yourself if you learn nothing from your mistake or failure.

Why shouldn't we let a tragedy go to waste?

A tragedy is usually due to some failure. Failures are not only opportunities to learn but are the best way we learn. A tragedy is only a waste if you learn nothing from it.

“Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.”

-- Brandon Mull

What do you do to feel like a nice person?

Selflessly helping someone in need always make me feel good. I helped the elderly lady across the street by putting her mailbox back up. Her smile was more payment than I expected.

When my boyfriend makes comments about my insecurities/anxiety disorder when fighting and doesn’t feel remorse or says sorry after I cry. How am I supposed to handle that?

Make him your ex-boyfriend.

My gay boyfriend hit me. What should I do?

Tit for tat. Hit him back, much harder. Or, knee him hard in the pills. That’ll put him off sex for a few nights. The best thing to do, however, is to go find someone who won’t hit you. Revenge violence really solves nothing. Leaving him can solve a multitude of ills.

What are you curious about or would you like to learn about before you exit this world?

The paranormal. Sasquatch, ghosts, and UFOs.

Reader comment:  Ahh, so what you are saying is you want to find out if magic is real and if Harry Potter really can ride a broomstick.

My reply:  Bingo!  We have a weiner.

When can order come from chaos?

When someone capable of understanding the "why" of the chaos can bring it into order. I took over a few “Marginal” rated Intelligence Divisions. I read the inspector’s reports, knew where the issues were, and pulled “Excellent” ratings during the next Operational Readiness Inspection. The other “Marginal” rated assignments were “by-name” requests because some dumb ass, that would be me, couldn’t leave chaos alone.  If you intend to meet chaos with order, bring a large meat cleaver and imbed it into the personnel roster.

“Where does the order come from? Well, that's easy! From the absence of chaos. Where does the chaos come from? Well, that's easy! From the absence of order. The only mystery is where and when they'll meet one another.”

-- Tiago Meurer

What is the best thing imaginable?

Being truly happy always and in everything you do, regardless of your financial circumstance.

'You don't know me,' says a son to his mother. Why is it that the person we most trust ends up to be the person we less know?

As a general rule, the son has more reason to trust his mother than the mother to trust her son. She’s been around the bock and he’s just cutting his teeth. Who do we trust to know more about life, the mother, or the progeny? Like I told my own son when he was young, “I know you. I’ve been you. You are so not all that, other than my son.”

Am I so funny you forgot to laugh?

If it strokes your ego, yeah, let’s go with that.

Is the teacher who complains about being tired a bad teacher?

I’m not sure how teaching children to complain accomplishes anything but dumping a new load of whiners into society.

Is real life really measured by the amount of wealth one has or by the number of faces that smile when they hear your name?

Wealth won’t make you truly happy unless you already understand true happiness. Wealth can be fleeting. True happiness is sustainable because it comes from within. When you can be truly happy and own nothing, wealth will simply be seen as a means to an end. You will be happy with or without it. Your wealth is worth nothing if people don’t smile when they hear your name. It isn’t how wealthy you are that makes them smile, it's your attitude toward life and what you selflessly do with your wealth.

“Remember that your real wealth can be measured not by what you have, but by what you are.”

-- Napoleon Hill

Why does the narcissist overly explain their reasons for hurting me instead of apologizing?

Their constant need for self-validation?

How am I supposed to be myself again?

Look in a mirror. Is it you? Ta-da!

You are who you are until you’re not, and then you are who you are… again. There is no escaping you. You can put on a “mask” but, underneath, it is still you.

What is a word that best describes people who think that happy people are annoying?

Miserable.

What makes you truly happy, and why aren’t you doing more of it?

I am! I wake up every morning to celebrate another “gift” from God, another day in which to excel in life. This is true, sustainable happiness, always and in all things, regardless of one’s circumstances. If you aren’t truly happy with what you do, constantly, what is the point? 

How do you become genuinely happy?

Happiness can only be found inside. Anything external will not provide truly sustainable happiness. You must make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances.

Get rid of all the drama you have invited into your life. Get rid of all the debt, personal and financial, that you have invited into your life. Get rid of all the bad influences, friends, the job you don’t like, and even family, that hold you back from true happiness. Make your slate as clean as possible, until you are happy with what you accept in life. It is, after all, your life. You deserve to be happy in it.

Now that your slate is “fairly” clean, everything you do from this point on, other than survival, should be selfless. Treat everyone with respect. Give of yourself to those in need. Help those you see that need help. Most importantly, because you are constantly happy in life, smile always! This will drive the perpetually miserable and offended in life absolutely nuts. When you have them as enemies, you’ve attained your goal of success in life - true happiness.

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

My narcissistic boyfriend was getting calls from a girl, I broke up with him because he acted suspiciously. When we talked that same week he told me he had nothing to offer me. A few days later he’s dating that girl. Was it a lie or does he feel inferior?

Oh, I think he's is so inferior. It was probably because you were on to his real self. The new girl is probably a ditz, but wait to see how long it takes her to realize he’s shallow. He might be dating sharp people as a way to make himself look good, not realizing they, ultimately, see right through him.

What do you do when your ex shows up out of the blue?

Close the door. You don’t need that drama. 

How can I make my friend a bit less insecure? She’s so pretty but she doesn't see it.

Tell her how pretty she is, and tell her how you feel about her illogical insecurity. Ultimately, it is up to her to accept who she is. Try introducing her to guys who are sensitive and caring. This might help bring her out.

How do I tell my ex who is currently in rehab that I’m not interested in getting back together?

You said it pretty well. Try that. It is hard to have a romantic relationship with someone who has weaknesses if you really don’t love them deeply. And, if you don’t love them that deeply, then they need to hear this as well. You can be their friend, show them moral support, but you have a life to live, and it obviously does not include him as a romantic partner. 

Is it normal to get angry when falsely accused?

Yes, but it is hard to think straight when angry, so let it go. Find out who accused you wrongly and go about straightening it out. False accusations tend to bite the accuser in the ass, so facilitate that.

“There are abusive individuals whose worst little demons are greed, sloth, envy, gluttony, pride, and wrath enslaved by their god which is money. They usually set their false assumptions, wrong judgments, gossip and lies forceful than the ones who hold the truth but what they missed out on is that the victims of their aggressions, the targets of their wrong accusations, and the recipients of their repetitive harassments carry what is truly essential and what lives longer, that is: truth and goodness, both of which shall always prevail against their vicious, evil manners.”

-- Angelica Hopes

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com