Questions of Joy, Respect, Rules, and Cheating

 

“...I feel like a traitor, a phony, a fake. But I am a hypocrite with the best intentions, and I need kissing desperately.”

-- Coco J. Ginger

How can I repent over backbiting?

Apologize for being an ass. Making right a wrong is never a bad thing. They can accept the apology, or not, but it helps to define for others, and yourself, the ethical kind of person you really want to be.

What makes you happy? I’m not relying on anyone but myself to get there and I just can’t be joyful about anything. Has anyone felt this way before and how did you break this feeling?

To be truly happy is a choice you must make. You can do this by understanding. Understand that any day on this side of the dirt is a good day. Understand that each day is another gift for you to strive to excel in. Understand that life is all about learning lessons. Understand that you might fail, and that failure is simply an opportunity to learn why you went wrong, and to correct it. Understand that if you can’t be truly happy before you get there, how will you be truly happy after you reach your goal?  True happiness is sustainable happiness.

Wake up each and every morning to thank God for the gift of another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. Understanding what the “gift” brings with it will probably help you break the feeling. Strive to be truly happy always and in all things. Why? Because the alternative, as you have found, simply sucks.

What might cause an "always honest" person to be unkind?

Stress. But, honesty is not a prerequisite for kindness, just as kindness is not a prerequisite for honesty.

When you do good things for other people, do you in general like it to be known?

Being a humble pastor, that would be feeding an ego that I try not to have. It is hard enough to live with my exceptional male prowess with the ladies. It would be selfish to do something good and go out of your way to make sure people know you did it so they can pat you on the back for it. I do good and if people learn of it in passing, no harm in that.

What's the difference between not giving up and fixating on something unattainable?

“Not giving up” means you’ll keep on working at it until you, ultimately, attain the goal. “Unattainable” means that, no matter how hard or long you work at it, you will never attain the goal.

“The brick walls are there for a reason. The brick walls are not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something. Because the brick walls are there to stop the people who don’t want it badly enough. They’re there to stop the other people.”

-- Randy Pausch

What kind of person can gain your respect?

Everyone immediately has my respect, whether they keep it, in the next moment, when they open their pie hole, is another issue. People who show no respect will no longer garner respect. This doesn’t mean I treat them disrespectfully, I simply choose not to treat them at all.

Are all actions performed in accordance with a person's reason always good? Is it ever bad? When is it good and when is it bad?

If their reason is also good, then their actions probably reflect their reason. However, actions don’t always follow good reasoning. As an extreme example, standing up for one’s self when called out for a fistfight. You choose to bring a gun. Your reasoning to stand up for yourself is admirable. Bringing the gun, however, is wrong on many levels. If our reasons for action are good, then the actions should do no harm. When what we think of doing is more harmful than why we’re doing it, we need to find another way.

What is the biggest impediment to solving a problem?

A solution.

Does knowing what good a person should do is the same as having the capability of doing the good?

If you recognize what “good” is, then you have the capability of bringing good to fruition. But, it is a choice. The ability to do good does not guarantee “good” will be the choice. What we think and what we do is all about our choice. Choose to do good, and then do it.

Is it wrong to object that only the weak and stupid take responsibility for their mistakes and every other bad outcome in their lives and ideas?

Absolutely not! You should demand that all people take responsibility for their choices and actions, including those who really think they’re above being “weak and stupid.” Those who consider themselves “above the fray” are usually as bad as those deep into it.

“Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”

-- Sigmund Freud

Do you think obeying the rules all the time is the best thing to do? Why or why not?

Rules are meant to be broken, hopefully with the intent of making them better. If you break the rules, ensure that you do no harm. Rules are in place for a reason, and breaking them could put you or others in jeopardy.

Why do you make your own code of conduct policies, rules, and regulations?

Because they are, for all intents and purposes, mine, and I have to live with them. The military ingrained in me a specific “code of conduct” which I have tweaked for civilian life and embraced for the past 48 years. I have tried to ensure it is morally ethical.

There are times when I find the need to “bend the rules” in order to ensure the most right of outcomes, and this is important. “Your own code of conduct, your policies, rules, and regulations” is nothing more than guidance. It should be a living code, able to change, update, and meet unforeseen situations with the same intent as the original morally ethical guidance.

Rules are, after all, meant to be broken, to be updated and tweaked, but never to be bastardized for evil intent. Will we fail? Constantly. All we can do is strive for the best outcomes possible, not guarantee it. There are usually too many variables. Strive for the best, but be well-prepared for failure.

Now everybody knows that I am a fraud, and everybody knows that I am not always loyal, so I can deceive and lie anytime I want.  It doesn’t matter what I did or do, I will still be punished for it, but that’s my doings, not everybody else's doing?

And, your point is? This is a statement, not a question. It’s like me admitting to everyone that I’m a hypocrite; do as I say, not as I do. It is a statement of fact, not a question.

What is the joy of living?

True happiness. We label it the “joy of Living” and then go on about our business without giving it a second thought. But, that “joy” is our true happiness in life. If we strive to constantly grasp that concept and hold onto it always and in all things, we will have found true success in life.

How can I go from being a coward to not a coward? I'm 24 years old and soon it could be too late to fix my personality.

It is never “too late” to fix your personality. Being a coward is about fear. Not being a coward is about conquering that fear and taking risks.

It’s about fighting for what you believe in and standing up for your personal code of ethics. It’s about not being afraid to fail. It’s about understanding that failure is simply an opportunity to learn, correct, and move forward. The fact that you recognize you have some work to do is taking the first step. Now, move your other foot. 

“In a word, I was too cowardly to do what I knew to be right, as I had been too cowardly to avoid doing what I knew to be wrong.”

-- Charles Dickens

Which is more peaceful, hate or love?

Even though “love” can be anything but peaceful, I’d have to choose it. Besides the uncomfortable moments of disagreement, there is also the opportunity for some “kinky” love-making which might, depending on a couple’s appetites, get a bit rough.

Why do some people find anger a healthy feeling?

In war, that “healthy feeling” is when the battle has started and you’ve decided you want to survive. Survival is just the impetus to move forward.  Anger, however, will allow you to do what’s necessary to arrive at the other side, not forgetting that you still have to bring the training for armed combat and survival with you.

Anger should never be a wall you hide behind at the exclusion of all else. This is how you die the innocents in war suffer. Anger can be a healthy thing if understood and used appropriately.

Would a married woman cheat on her husband for any reason?

Well, I doubt she would stray for no reason. When you say “any” reason, I’m pretty sure she should have at least one reason.  Any reason might include just because it feels good, which would mean she is a little loose, to say the least.  Depending on the man, it might be the very reason he married her.

My boyfriend of 4 years told me I’m not worth moving in with or marrying. I’m ready to be married, so I ended it. Now he is ignoring my texts when I want my stuff back. Why is he being a jerk?

Absolutely, and you were so right in ending the relationship because, well, he is a jerk. Next time this happens, however, you might bring some "big" guys with you to move your stuff out before you end it and while you inform him that he’s an asshole.  I would recommend paying a couple of off-duty cops.

If someone cheated on you, would you cheat right back?

Oh, hell yes! But, then, after a 25-year failed marriage, I can be an asshole. Two wrongs don’t make it right, but it sure will feel good, especially if you do it with someone that will just piss them off. But, since cheating is a way of saying the relationship is so over, why not just end it before cheating and diminishing oneself?

“When people cheat in any arena, they diminish themselves-they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true.”

-- Cheryl Hughes

What should I do if my girlfriend catches me cheating?

Reprimand yourself for poor planning and for not being intelligent enough to end the relationship before finding someone new to “wet your wick” with.

Who is the most dangerous person that you have ever met or encountered?

I was a tech sergeant stationed in Sicily and worked on my off time as security at the “sports bar” on base. It was a naval base with lots of Marines who liked to play pool. A rowdy foursome came in to play and, eventually, I had to go over and have them “tone it down” a bit. That’s when a side of beef picked me up by the collar and put my back to a post. The look on my face must have been priceless.

One of the Marines told “Buba” to “put the sergeant down.” Now, I can tell you, the look on Buba’s face was priceless. He put me down and straightened my “referee” shirt, sheepishly telling me he didn’t mean anything by it. I could tell he was a big one, but not necessarily the sharpest tool in the shed. His fist could have used me as a nail.  He's an asset one want's in a war zone.  I would, anyway.

His buddy apologized, again, for Buba’s reaction. I asked him to tighten Buba’s leash and try to enjoy the evening. I left to finish messing myself. 

Should I go to my girlfriend’s mother's house after a breakup?

Only if you had something going with her, as well. If so… you go, boy!

I got my girlfriend pregnant. I’m 45 and she’s 15. What should I do?

After shaking my head and biting through my lip, I’ve decided to pass on answering this for fear of being banned from the site. My first answer was, "Shoot yourself, you sick shit." But, when I read it back I thought, "Yeah, say that five times, fast." (That, that, that, that, that...)

If a girl asks for your opinion of her, does that mean she likes you?

No, she probably means she’d like your honest opinion of her. The answer you give her might make her like you, however. But, if she’s stroking your leg while she’s asking you… it really doesn’t matter what you say as long as it’s positive. 

“Everyone has their own ways of expression. I believe we all have a lot to say, but finding ways to say it is more than half the battle.”

-- Criss Jami

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com