Memories and Love Lost (Updated from 3/31/2015)

"Old age has its pleasures, which, though different, are not less than the pleasures of youth."

W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)

I am of the firm belief that love lost, was never really love at all.  I loved my ex-wife up to the day I finally was forced to admit our relationship wasn't.  But, I had loved her for a reason.  I continue to love her for a reason.  Throughout our troubles, I tried to make it work - for years, even while it self-destructed.  The point?  Again, I loved her for a reason.  

I hated her for years afterward, until I finally realized the hate was eating me up for something that I was ultimately as much to blame for.  Throughout it all, including the hate, I still loved her.  Why would I have married her if I didn't love her?  If I loved her, what would it say about me if I could just turn that love off?  Would it say I spent twenty-five years living a lie?  Maybe, but it wasn't my lie.  Thinking back on my life, I have loved many people that I haven't necessarily liked a whole bunch.  Was it stupid?  A waste of time?  I don't think so.  I think these are experiences, people, and memories, that shape who we are and who we will ultimately become. I have arrived.

I am a self-trained artist in several media, including photography.  I have sold art and won awards, so I guess I'm pretty good at it.  I'm my worst critic and, most times, I don't see the appeal.  Art has to speak to me, as I think it has to speak to most people.  It must have a message; something that grabs us and takes us somewhere.  The artwork may not be my cup of tea but, if it transports me somewhere, I can love the effect without liking the art.  The title of this article speaks volumes to me.  I would love to have a large print of this in my house.  It speaks novels to me, and the short stories my mind has yet to write.  It brings forth a flood of memories, good and bad, and long buried.

"People often say 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder,' and I say that the most liberating thing about beauty is realizing that you are the beholder.  This empowers us to find beauty in places where others have not dared to look, including inside ourselves."

-- Selma Hayek

I could write a lengthy, boring post about why love is lost, blame assigned, cry or not cry, all the obvious stuff.  The bottom line? You really need to get over it.  One, or both of you, didn't give it your all; so time to move on.  Was it a waste of time?  Only, I think, if you take absolutely nothing away from the relationship.  For me, I was blessed with two great kids, two beautiful grandkids, and a butt load of great memories that far outweigh the memories that were a yoke around my neck.  Was the twenty-five years of marriage a waste?  I think not.  

We need to stop beating up the good memories along with the bad ones.  The bad memories are there as life lessons, and the good ones are to make us smile and realize it was time, for the most part, well spent.  This last will be a point of contention for those who wallow in denial and self-pity.  For those folks I offer this thought, coming from one who's been there:  If it was that bad, why did you stay so long, and, if you stayed, why is your decision to do so their fault?  When did you put them in charge of your happiness?  And, also, who put you in charge of theirs?  If you look down deep, there will be enough blame to go around, so, again, maybe it's time to get over it.

You loved for a reason, or it wasn't love.  If it wasn't love it was probably lust.  If it wasn't lust, it was probably stupidity, and you can't cure stupid, can you?  But, you can try to learn from the mistakes without dwelling on them.  If you must dwell on some part of a relationship, try finding the memories of the fun times, the good times, the times that made you fall in love, lust, and/or stupidity.  Sometimes our memories are all we have when all else has disappeared.  Try to spend more time relishing what you have, and less on what has gone hasta-la-bye-bye.  I think you'll find happiness returns much faster. Since people are attracted to happiness, you just might find a stronger relationship with someone to make more memories with.

'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

-- Alfred Lord Tennyson (1809-1892)

Was it never meant to be, or, was it meant to be fulfilled?  This question, posted by a fellow minister, piqued my interest.  Was "lost love" never meant to be, or, was there a purpose in the relationship that was, perhaps, greater than the relationship itself?  Was this "meeting" to fulfill some necessity in the cosmic "grand plan"?

Well, I'll consider my own failed marriage.  It probably should have ended much sooner than it did, perhaps before the birth of my daughter, but something made me hold on.  As it turns out, my darling daughter has produced two wonderful children and she is the doting mother.  Since it turned out, so far, she is the only one of the two kids to grace me with grandkids.  Was this a failure?  Did my marriage manage to bear the stress until after my daughter arrived, just so she could produce a child that might be the catalyst for some other future action?  If so, then what was meant to be, was fulfilled.  If not, then God just graced the world with one terrific mother.

"Love is divine only and difficult always. If you think it is easy you are a fool. If you think it is natural you are blind. It is a learned application without reason or motive except that it is God."

-- Toni Morrison, Nobel Prize in Literature, Medal of Freedom

(Okay, are you ready?  I'm about to wander off into left field for a moment, as I do from time to time.  I'd ask you to bear with me but, what's the point.)

This whole question of fate - what was meant to be, bodes the question of what part of God's cosmic plan runs amok when monsters like the Nazis, ISIS, and Hamas, are allowed to exist?  Or, are these horrors also meant to set the cosmic scales back into balance; to set some other action in motion, to set another mistake right?  The philosophy behind the thinking can literally take us from the butterfly flapping its wings in Mexico and causing air movement that destroys crops, ruins an economy, and leads to nuclear war on the other side of the globe.  It offers up for us the real possibility that even the smallest of things can have tremendous impact, and consequences, for our lives, the lives of others, and perhaps the universe.  What we consider "failed romances" may, indeed, have all been for a higher purpose.

This whole idea of consequences also brings the morality of abortion around to the question of just what possible savior of mankind are we killing in utero.  If we treat abortion as simply a fact of life, like our relationships, we might lose sight of the possible consequences.  I equate this to the human version of destroying our rainforests just as we begin to realize they are the possible source of cures for most of what ails mankind.  With abortion don't we run the risk of losing the next Einstein, Bach, Angelou, Tennyson, or Mr. Rogers?  Are the consequences of our actions worth the possible loss?

On the flip side is the possibility that the next mass murderer is never born.  We are left with a risk/reward study that is heavily weighted to the moral side of the scale.  Better to let them all live and handle the evil when it rears its ugly head.  Consequences of the small ripples each of us cause in our sea of humanity.

"Better to have never met you in my dream than to wake and reach for hands that are not there."

-- Otomo No Yakamochi (718-785)

So, what of the love lost?  Was it never meant to be, or was it, perhaps, that what was meant to be was fulfilled?  Or, does it really matter in the first place?  What was, was, and are memories. What is, is, and... now are memories. What will be, will be, and is what we make, or don't make, of our dreams, and this future, will also succumb to memory. All was meant to be, and all will be fulfilled, right?  Be careful, then, about an answer, for it, too, was probably always meant to be.

As for myself, I think we meet people again and again throughout our many lives.  Friends reappear like wildflowers in spring, and enemies find us like the cold breeze of winter.  Like death and taxes, we can truly not escape either.

"It's great to reminisce about good memories of my past. It was enjoyable when it was today. So learning to enjoy today has two benefits: it gives me happiness right now, and it becomes a good memory later."

-- George Foreman

Like the scene in the dark artwork, above at the beginning, I think I might ultimately find myself, having crossed the "older than dirt" barrier, on some rickety wooden dock that creaks as much as I probably will.  I'll be sitting on the hard bench with my umbrella and overcoat to ward off the drizzle and evening chill.  I will look across the water and revisit memories of family, friends, and my many loves.  I will smile as tears of joy adorn my aged and wrinkled face.  I'll shove the two-day-old stub of an expensive, well-chewed, cigar back between my lips, and look down at the opened bottle of bourbon.  As I reach another sip, I begin to dream.  

I will be discovered there, sooner or later, having passed peacefully.  I will be frozen in time, like a photograph, my finger just touching the bottle, a smile forever on my lips. 

Memories are a terrible thing to waste on anger.

I look forward, fondly, to meeting all again:  

"It is better to have loved you... and lost you, then never to have loved you at all. As each life comes and goes, I so look forward to suffering our meeting one more time; to suffer loving you again, and losing you, as always. This curse upon me, for some slight to God of which I have long since forgotten many lifetimes past, keeps me humble before my Lord. One day I will earn favor, and on that day, in that life, love lost will be love found again, and a bit of balance will be restored. Until then, I dream."

-- F.A. Villari

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Life, Heaven, Genius, Aging, Sleep, and Answers

"God, she was gorgeous. Pure and cleanly beautiful. From the rounded crests of her cheeks to the delicate sweep of her jaw, she had the kind of face sculptors memorialized in marble and the rest of us gazed upon for centuries to come."

-- Kristen Callihan

What are some great opportunities in life? 

Her name is on the tip of my tongue.

What do people argue about the most with other people?

Politics.

Is becoming smart easy?

It is easier than becoming intelligent. If you can become smart and intelligent, you are an anomaly. Not everyone intelligent is smart. If you want to be smart, keep your ears open, ask questions, read, read, and read. Did I mention reading? I wasn’t the most intelligent student in high school, but I excelled in college and entered the Air Force in the field of Intelligence, of all things. I served in Intelligence for 23 years.

How hot is a 70-year-old’s woohoo?

Is she having a hot flash?

Is belief almost as powerful as the truth?

Belief is more powerful than truth. If you believe something strongly, the truth will not move you. The only way the truth has any chance is if a person has an open mind.

Can young people teach older people?

It happens all the time. Technology is the bane of the aged.

"You are never too young to teach and you are never too old to learn."

-- Les Brown

Where is the better place that God sends us if we are blessed? To see friends, relatives, pets, and all the people we have ever interacted with in all our lives. Is reincarnation a true natural state? Will we experience life forever?

I think it is okay to say “God” here. There have been many “suppositions” concerning the afterlife, but they are only suppositions. The only way we will truly know is when we arrive. Until then, it remains the “next great adventure” for those who believe in it. If you don’t, there will be nothing, as you expected. There may be nothing for the believers… as well, but we choose to pad our bets. Kind of smart, when you think about eternity.

What do you think of the lack of discernment in people?

For the majority of people, I don’t think the majority even know what the term means. However. they are only human. How much “discernment” do you expect from them?

How, do I return to fix a failure in life. I tried to break 5 minutes in the mile two years ago and failed, I haven’t run in two years but I lift weights, how can I break 5 minutes in the mile in about a year?

You failed, so you lift weights now. It isn’t that you failed. it is what you did when you failed. You moved on. If you fail, it is a lesson that you need to try harder. If you don’t, you have certainly given up on the challenge.

At which age did you start to really think in childhood?

I just turned three. It is my oldest memory.

Why is it wrong to laugh at people or look down on them when you think you are better than them?

You think, but you don’t know. And, if you don’t know, how does that make you any better than they are? I had a doctor who wanted to talk to me before he decided to take me as a patient. He finally decided to take me on. I told him to take a breath. I wasn’t sure I wanted him as my doctor. He looked at me crosseyed, and then he laughed. He saw my point. No one is better than you, and you are no better than anyone else. We all have our responsibilities.

What's your favorite quote about relationships?

Try this:

“It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is.”

-- F.A. Villari

According to the published articles, and the most scientific theories of genius, can we consider this genius formula to be scientifically right: Genius = IQ +AQ (Adversity Quotient) + Creativity + Grit?

No. Some people have good memories. Their “creativity is questionable, as is their “grit.” Now, if you were to look at “smart” people who are geniuses, you would probably find your formula is, for the most part, correct. Smart people are creative, and they have true grit.

Who had the best morals in the world?

The Dalai Lama.

How do I stop lying? It's not easy. We all know that now. Tell something. Does my god like lies? Why do I have to lie? Is it good?

It is a test of your will. As such, it is not supposed to be easy. This test was put in front of you. How you complete the test shows who you are. If you don’t lie, you don’t have to remember anything. The truth is always good, and it is always the better path.

Is it music that makes an evil laugh be perceived as evil, but isn't evil at all?

What?

Who has more friends, a bad person or a nice person?

It doesn’t matter. The nice person has nice friends, and the bad person has bad friends. If you only have one friend, and they are nice, you are wealthy. If you have more friends, and they are all bad, you have a growing problem.

In your professional opinion, what are the primary underlying causes or triggers of procrastination that individuals commonly face?

Lack of desire in the face of responsibility.

“You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

Are you sometimes shocked by how aging is affecting you?

No. I live life like it will never end. I am truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. It is a choice I have made.

Do you just enjoy your day the best you can?

I have only failed once, and she is no longer with me. 

Is your age not how you think of yourself?

Youth is in your heart. If you are 80, always think of yourself as 30. In this way, you will be ready for the next great adventure.

Is it a sign of intelligence if you're unbothered by people’s gossip and opinions of you?

The gossip and opinions say more about them. I just don’t give a fig.

Why do different people have different talents?

If everyone had the same talent, no one would get hired and nothing would ever get accomplished… except that one talent. Not everyone wants to do the same thing. I mean, if we were all meter checkers, how many times would you want your meter checked? And, you could check it yourself, since you’re just another meter checker. Just saying.

Growing up, my parents compared me to others, leaving me feeling isolated and dealing with childhood trauma. I have shyness and lack motivation, and it feels like everyone is better than me. I have low self-esteem, and overthinking has led to lost opportunities?

This is a statement, not a question. Do you have a question to ask us? Other than a lack of quality parenting, you could be a regular person.

“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.”

-- Anne Frank

Why are some people afraid to sleep?

They live in New York City or Chicago?

What is the importance of learning from personal experiences rather than relying on the experiences of others or book knowledge? How does this contribute to our overall growth and development as individuals?

Indeed. When you experience learning, for yourself, it tends to mean more, personally for your growth and development.

When the time is right, will you change?

That depends. Change into what?

Does your life become less important the older you get?

Nope. It gets more important because you have less time to squeeze everything in. Some things on the “bucket list” are going to have to wait... until the next life.

How do I stop a girl from being naughty?

Stop paying her?

Why does my mum refuse to get a DNA test so I can find out who my real dad is? Does she not know & is guilty

Her getting the DNA test won’t tell you who your dad is. You have to get one, or, better yet, just ask your mom. She couldn’t have been with that many men.

“There are things in our blood that are just naturally passed down to us, whether we want to recognize them or not.”

-- Raquel Cepeda

What can be a unique way of answering, "How are you"?

“In lust, but... what are you doing tonight?” “Peachy.” “Who’s asking?” “Hard.”

How often do you wish you made another choice?

When the relationship goes sour. I only made one mistake in 70 years, of life, and I divorced it. You need to know when to take the trash out and go fishing.

Hitler was a genius, do you know that?

Hitler was a megalomaniac. He was obsessed with his own power. A real “ultramaroon.”

Will good atheists go to heaven?

Nope. That ship sailed. They believe in nothing, they go to nothing. Pretty simple. Theists may find out there is nothing, as well. Theists like to pad their bets. But, death is the only way to find out who is right.

Why does my boyfriend answer with "f#@k you"?

He only knows two small words?

What do atheists think about death?

The one good thing about being a theist, we think of death as a doorway to our next life, the next great adventure. Theists like to pad their bets with faith in God. We may be wrong, but… what if we’re right?

“The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

-- Thomas Jefferson

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Elections, Stupid, Empathy, Aging, Size, and Nipples

 

“Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest, than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.”

-- Bertrand Russell

Why do elected people become arrogant as soon as they win elections and don't care for their electorate and act like kings and rajas and roam around with pomp in huge cavalcades?

They forget, they only serve as long as the people keep voting for them. Arrogance and “pomp in huge cavalcades” will get them one term… that is if the voter is smart. Most voters believe everything they hear, right or wrong. Voters, by and large, don’t care much about their responsibility for “due diligence.”

Where have you lived that you'd never live again?

California. It went to hell in a handbasket.

If you could tell one story about your life, what would it be?

I was born, lived, married, had two children, divorced, had a long relationship with my friend, became wise, and died an old man. It is a very short story.

How can I avoid constant failure?

Learn. It’s why we’re here.

Can it be said human beings definitely have an ability to choose not to do something, even if they initially wanted to? But, truly wanting, or not wanting, to do something, is much more complicated?

We call that a freedom to choose, to do or not. It is not that complicated, but many think that it is. They have a problem with the freedom of choice. To do, or not do, this is the question of choice. 

Monkeys, when did you realize you were not a human?

It amazes me that you think a monkey will answer you.

“The monkey didn't help matters any. He was sitting on top of the microbus, just watching the undead plunge to their end. His face appeared so serene, so intelligent... as if he truly understood the situation. I almost wanted him to turn to me and say, 'This is the turning point of the war! We've finally stopped them! We're finally safe!' But instead his little penis popped out and he peed in my face.”

-- Max Brooks

How can I improve my life and prove, to myself, that I am not hopeless and stupid?

The fact that you have presented this question, is pretty good proof, to those who are reading, that you are not all “hopeless and stupid.”

Who is someone who wants to be part of your success because they are not a part of your struggle? For me, it’s my mom.

Your mom struggled enough, preparing you for success. Let her be part of it. She earned it.

Kindness, respect, compassion, helpfulness, sincerity, honesty, sacrifice, happiness, courage, empathy. How do you apply these traits to your daily life? Please if you see this, can you answer it?

If I were to do any of the opposite, I would be a person with a game to win. Everything listed are traits that will garner accolades from the people around you. If you let one of these traits slip, someone will notice, and some explaining will be necessary. These are the traits of a person who holds themselves to a higher standard.

Are you scared of darkness?

Only the darkness that isn’t mine.

If it's just enough to be alive, why do disabled people have to work and how does translate into your values?

Life is all about learning. We learn by doing. Disabled people can sit and vegetate, and can learn little to nothing. They will, in all probability, go nowhere. My values are all about learning, not vegetating. Even motivated disabled people have value to society.

Why do some people refuse to accept that everything is an image?

“Thought” is not, necessarily, an image. Why do you accept that everything is an image? My “thought” is that more people don’t “accept that everything is an image.” 

"The only thing more dangerous than ignorance is arrogance."

-- Albert Einstein

If everybody enjoys hurting others, how come some people are claiming they can't be sadistic cuz they don't have any empathy?

What the…? The definition of empathy: “The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another.” So, if you have no empathy, you are, most probably, a sadistic son of a bitch living a lie. Just saying.

How do words sometimes make no sense, tell a story or related thing and how to act in the situation?

And you are using this question as an example?

Is being inherently stupid and incompetent a valid reason to kill oneself?

It isn’t valid, but it does show that one is inherently stupid and incompetent to try and use this as a valid reason to kill themselves. I would be seeking some help before offing myself using this reasoning.

What is wisdom but to know that you are a fool?

Wisdom gives you many tools. To make this leap, if it is true, is one of them.

Why does no one give a f#@% that others are purposely choosing to hurt and abuse me? Why do other people team up with others to control and manipulate me?

Sounds like the tact of the League of the Perpetually Offended. They team up to do this kind of thing. I try to ignore them. I certainly don’t get into it with them. You will know them when they, almost immediately, go to the gutter with their language, and, no matter what you say, you will be perpetually wrong. It would be better if you ignore them and move on.

What makes a human being different from others?

Higher brain functions.

“Everything hinges on how you relate to your brain. By setting higher expectations, you enter a phase of higher functioning. One of the unique things about the human brain is that it can do only what it thinks it can do.”

-- Deepak Chopra

Are you sometimes shocked by how aging is affecting you?

Not really. I’m 70 years old, and in pretty good shape… thanks to the military.

What do you think of the quote, “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul”?

For the majority of people, this rings true. An “ego” can get out of hand for those who don’t pay attention. It is always good to feed the soul, occasionally, and meditate on recent actions.

Are our leaders exclusively interested in power, to the exclusion of all else?

Not all of them. 

Who is a lady to satisfy me?

At the risk of wasting their time, they will need to know how easy you are to satisfy.

How do you deal with negative energy?

I shake it off. Negative energy has the reality of creating negativity. Negativity is counterproductive for someone who is all about positivity. I have chosen to strive for true happiness, always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. It is my choice. There is no room in my life for negative energy.

What happens to people when they become old and lonely without any close ones around them?

Unless they choose to be loners, they risk becoming very sad.

“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.”

-- Jodi Picoult

How does it feel when girls laugh at how small your penis is?

It doesn’t phase me. I show them my tongue... first. That, alone, would shut them up.

What weird questions and topics can I ask in a tech-community of village and city?

“Why?” But, note that “Because” is not an answer. It only opens the discussion to “Because what?” It makes “What?” become the new “Why?” It is weird, how that works out. 

Why do poor people hate working?

Not all “poor people” hate working.

Is it a sign of low emotional intelligence if someone is bothered by gossip about them?

Low emotional intelligence? Back in my day, we called it “having a thin skin.” I learned long ago that gossip says more about the “gossiper” than it does about you. Some things you have to laugh off. It beats crying about it.

What makes horny men fight?

If I’m “horny,” the last thing I want to do is fight.

I’m 26 years old. I’ve never had a job in my life and refuse to get one. My parents are threatening to kick me out of the house. I’m tempted to call the cops on them. Why are they being this way?

You’re 26. At 21 you were done. Your parents have the right to chuck you out. The cops will probably help them. They are being this way because you’re a deadbeat. I have an idea: Call the cops. I want to hear the rest of this story.

“You're a grown man now, Nathan. I'm sorry for any problems you have, but part of being an adult is to stop blaming your parents for whatever shortcomings you have. That's pretty basic.”

-- Noah Van Sciver

Why do some women like to show their erect nipples?

Exhibitionists. I wish more women were like that.

Why should we not debate any foolish person?

You need to know what debating a “fool” will get you. Many of them are members of the League of the Perpetually Offended. As such, they won’t understand the point you are trying to impart. They would much rather be offended. I would rather debate someone with constructive thought processes than waste my time debating fools. People will only see to jackasses braying at each other.

Why don’t women have orgasms every time they have sex?

Sucks being you.

As a human, how do you human?

This is a tough question. Every human is different because they are themselves and not anybody else. As such, when you meet them, you will be greeted by their version of the human being. If you met me, I would display my version of human - who I am.

I have had problems with many people in my life. I expect them to measure up to my high standards and bow down before me. Do I think too highly of myself?

That pretty much defines how you think - "too highly" of yourself.

Is "collective stupidity" going to be the downfall of human beings as a species?

Humans already think too highly of themselves. They are intelligent, by the standards they have set. Have you experienced President Joe? The "downfall" of humans has started. If we don’t turn the corner we will continue down this road to our ultimate demise.

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”

-- Albert Einstein

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Bullies and Jealousy (Updated from 3/27/2015)

 

"Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words, or more subtle actions."

-- American Psychological Association

Bullies.  They're all over the news today.  The reasons they bully are nothing but excuses for parental and societal shortcomings.  These excuses do not give the bully a free pass from taking ownership of their own pitiful egos and trying to be more than the sorry excuse for humanity that we have allowed them to become.  There are as many excuses for why they are, as there are ways to bully.  The problem with walking away from a bully is the bully becoming some other poor soul's tormentor.

This subject came to light in a recent post from someone becoming dear to me through our communication.  It is a serious concern for a mother at the end of her tolerance.  My concern is for the children who endure this, more than the parents who have to seek legal or other recourse to end it.  To set the stage, I included her original post here:

"Okay, I'm MAD... like, really mad! I am SO sick and tired of my son being picked on. I am OVER mean kids! [He] is not your "typical" child, thank goodness! He opens his mouth, and the first thing that comes to mind is that he is very bright, and he is. So in exchange for being very bright, he's told he's stupid, that he's "not going to grow up to be a man, but he will grow up to be a sissy" (that's the one that has me worked up tonight), and kids make fun of his vocabulary because he doesn't use "normal" words. I am sick of it. I won't fight his battles for him, but this breaks a mom's heart. It also makes me very thankful that he is homeschooled and not around bullies, on a continual basis. His peers simply don't "get" him. Maybe by the time he's in college, he will be admired for his brain instead of ridiculed."

One of the first things we need to inform all young people, including the bullies, is the definition of bullying.  Then, we need to make certain, that everyone, including parents, understands why bullying occurs.  I have included a pretty good explanation here:

Studies have shown that envy and resentment may be motives for bullying. Research on the self-esteem of bullies has produced equivocal results. While some bullies are arrogant and narcissistic, they can also use bullying as a tool to conceal shame or anxiety or to boost self-esteem: by demeaning others, the abuser feels empowered. Bullies may bully out of jealousy or because they, themselves, are bullied. Psychologist Roy Baumeister asserts that people who are prone to abusive behavior tend to have inflated but fragile egos. 

Bullying may also result from a genetic predisposition or a brain abnormality in the bully. While parents can help a toddler develop emotional regulation and control to restrict aggressive behavior, some children fail to develop these skills due to insecure attachment with their families, ineffective discipline, and environmental factors such as stressful home life and hostile siblings. Moreover, according to some researchers, bullies may be inclined toward negativity and perform poorly academically. 

Often, bullying takes place in the presence of a large group of relatively uninvolved bystanders. In many cases, it is the bully's ability to create the illusion that he or she has the support of the majority present that instills the fear of "speaking out" in protestation of the bullying activities being observed by the group. Unless the "bully mentality" is effectively challenged in any given group in its early stages, it often becomes an accepted, or supported, norm within the group.

-- Wikipedia, "Bullying"

For most of my young life, until I entered college and then the military, I was the victim of bullying. My "victimization" ended when I said enough is enough and beat the crap out of one of them with a tree branch.  A buddy of mine pulled me off the bully before he suffered serious physical damage. This was before I entered college, majoring in psychology, and became aware of why bullies are. I found this information to be a life changer in that I could find a reason to feel sorry for my tormentor, while I beat the crap out of him.

I mean, really. Read and understand the three (blue) Wikipedia paragraphs above. Bullies are the least of us. They do what they do because they are, at the most basic definition, jealous. They suffer their own torment of not being all their victims are; of knowing they may never become everything their victims might. They have to suffer the possibility that they are the real losers. Their lack of ego pushes them into denial. They act the way they do hoping that we'll join them in their marginalized lives, their pit of despair. How sad is that? 

Like an escapee from a mental institution that dances in the street, drooling and naked, while a voluminous oration of gibberish spews from their pie hole. We have to endure them until the authorities manage to find a way to control them. We should never condone what they do, even though we shake our heads in embarrassment for them while muttering, "Bless their poor little heart," as those around us also shake their heads.

And, what of those that stand around while the bullying occurs, goading the bully on, or simply saying nothing?  With the information presented, above, what does this say of their lives, who they are?  Are those who stay silent any better than the tormentor?  Don't they marginalize their own lives and morality by saying nothing?  Fear is an equally ugly thing.

I seriously believe that once kids learn why their tormentor exists, they can also learn to forgive their tormentors for being so much less than the victims they terrorize.  Bullies are mentally challenged and need serious help.  We all need to realize this, understand it, and find a path to helping these young people, bullies, and victims before more lives are destroyed.

"Bullying is killing our kids. Being different is killing our kids, and the kids who are bullying are dying inside. We have to save our kids whether they are bullied or they are bullying. They are all in pain."

-- Cat Cora

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Stupidity, Quotes, Characteristics, Truth, Evil, and Caring

“Now the trouble about trying to make yourself stupider than you really are is that you very often succeed.”

-- C.S. Lewis

What do you do if you're the most stupid person on the planet?

If I’m that stupid, would I be cognizant of how "stupid" I am?

What do you do if you think your death is going to be better than your life?

Your life is what you make of it. If you haven’t made your life what you like, what makes you think you’ll be more energetic in your death?

Why do I like showing people that I give myself "pleasure"?

You’re an exhibitionist.

What do you do if you're just waiting to die?

Nothing. You’re just waiting to die. If you do something else, you’re not just waiting to die. If you have something else to do, you are living life... which is always the best choice.

Do women date men who don't enjoy physical involvement?

Only if the woman also doesn’t enjoy physical involvement.

Why are some people not afraid to die?

Some people are cowards. It is so much easier for them to commit suicide than to be brave enough to correct the bad choices and decisions they keep on making in their life. Life is all about making choices and decisions and learning from them. Some people don’t want to understand this.

“There comes a time when you look into the mirror and you realize that what you see is all that you will ever be. And then you accept it. Or you kill yourself. Or you stop looking in mirrors.”

-- J. Michael Straczynski

What do you think of the quote, “A bad day for the ego is a good day for the soul?”

No one is perfect, and this reminds us so.

I tried my hardest, to pass my courses but I failed and now I'm going onto academic suspension. They all had high hopes for me, and so did I. But how can I let my family know that I'm a failure?

You’re not a failure. I squeaked by graduating from high school. Turned out that the curriculum in high school wasn’t what I wanted to learn. I majored in psychology in college, never cracked a book, and earned a 3.2 GPA. I was drafted for Vietnam and was accepted into Air Force Intelligence. My point is, not to be so hard on yourself. You probably haven’t taken the right courses that tickle your soul.

I am writing a text about consciousness, the soul, and magic. What do you think of it?

They are three subjects that seem to not have much to do with each other.

Can a person be extremely arrogant and genuinely intelligent, or does arrogance hinder intelligence?

Arrogance hinders intelligence. Being “genuinely intelligent” you will find no reason to hold your intelligence over everybody. Being “genuinely intelligent” wisdom would remind you to keep your mouth shut so the “extremely arrogant” can make fools of themselves.

How would you respond to someone asking you, “Why on earth would you know that?” Is this likely a way to trigger insecurity and/or discredit you, more so, than genuine curiosity?

“I would know that because I’m a fount of trivia bullshit.” The only “insecurity” would be with the person asking the question, since I know what they don’t.

Which quote resonated with you the most, and why?

The “why?” is self-explanatory:

"Faith is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof. Christians have faith in life after death, in the next great adventure, in an omnipotent power in the universe. There is no proof and there is no proof to the contrary. Atheists, well... they provide the balance the universe requires."

-- F.A. Villari

I adopted some characteristics of a group I liked as a form of identity and not personality. I feel very uneasy and unwell. What can I do?

Try being yourself. It is a concept that will help.

Why do all problems and questions have answers?

Problems have answers, even if we aren’t aware of them yet. Questions require more information, and some context, than simply asking, “Why?” The obvious non-answer to this question is to say, “Because.” Most people, with a brain, would look at you and answer, “Why what?” Questions don’t all have answers. The question must have some context to uncover an answer.

Do people sometimes eat snacks and more food out of boredom?

If the people were focused, they would have little time to snack.

How can we address the belief that intelligence makes someone superior without causing offense?

“Intelligence” only makes someone “superior” if they know how to wield it. Thinking that your intelligence makes you “superior” will invite all those who know they can take them down a rung or two.

Why do stupid people argue with intelligent people?

Why do "intelligent people" allow it?

How do you deal with stupid people who think they're actually smart?

I don’t “deal” with them. I smile,  keep my mouth shut, and wait for somebody else to “deal” with them.

“I am not perfect, but if I looked perfect to everyone I must have been rocking imperfect perfectly to a few imperfect souls that seek imperfection vs. perfection, in an imperfect world where God asks us to seek perfection for our imperfect souls.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

Is "the truth" something that we find, or something we create?

The truth is what it is. To try and make it something that it’s not is counterproductive. It can be found or created, but it will always be the truth, or someone will prove it false.

Why are people who are purely factual and adhere very close to the truth so dry, boring, and often slightly angry, while those who run more on imagination are light and full of life?

The truth is not as much fun as imagination and fantasy. The truth is what it is.

What is it like to live alone and die alone?

My worst fear. I hope I never find out.

Why are liberals so deeply amazed by my knowledge of politics when I have an educated debate with them?

It is an “educated” debate. That, alone, will throw them off their mark.

Do some people get enjoyment from going to the doctor?

It depends. Is she going to probe? 

What do you think about how people perceive you?

I don’t think about it because I don’t give a shit. I am who I am. I have no filter, so I say what I think. If people have an issue with this they don’t have to listen to me. I’m 70 years old, and I’m not changing for some creampuff who doesn’t like what I say. They are usually members of the League of the Perpetually Offended.

"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us."

-- Virginia Satir

Which trait brings about more evil, greed, or pride? Which of these traits more than the other causes a person to go down a dark path in life?

Greed answers both. I pride myself on trying not to be greedy. And, since I’ve been down that dark path in life, I am much happier being back and sharing wisdom.

Why do people say they rather be respected than feared, when being feared is easier but once you're respected and that person loses respect for you it's almost impossible to get their respect back, why not just be feared?

It takes nothing to threaten someone and instill fear in them. It takes a lot more work to be respected. Any “jackanape” can puff up their muscles and give you that “you’re going to die” look. To not be bothered by them is the challenge. Shoot them in the leg and they cry like anyone else. The only thing about “fear” is that you can be conquered by it. They can beat the crap out of you, but, sooner or later, they have to get drunk or go to sleep. This is when revenge kicks in and “respect” is learned. Being a “jackanape” is a sad way to go through life. Learning is why we’re here. Even the “jackanape” can learn.

What is there to know about the knowledge people don't know?

The knowledge. We are here to learn, though most people don’t realize it. To know the knowledge, that we don’t know, satisfies our reason for being. We learn.

I'm considering becoming evil because I've been repaid with evil for my good far too often. I feel it would get me farther ahead in life. Why should I change my mind?

So, evil has won you over. It is how evil keeps in the game, by winning people over. It takes a strong will to tell evil to go back to hell. I’m not here to change your mind. There must be balance in the universe, and you will “turn” to keep the balance. Like most people without strong wills, you will sacrifice yourself for the common good. You will become fodder on the field of battle. Not something I would do, but, if fodder suits you...

I am in the mood to give away most of my things but I have "bad trust and discernment." Who do I know who is bad or good?

Why are you asking us? 

Does science know the truth about Mel's hole?

Science probably doesn’t want to know about “Mel’s hole.” I’m sorry I’ve heard about it. Tell me that “Mel’s hole” is not on his body. If science comes snooping around any of my holes, they’re in for a surprise.

"I forgot where I initially encountered Mel's hole (though it wasn't through Art Bell or his radio show, which I have never heard), but I have been fascinated by the whole hole phenomenon, and not simply the impossible hole itself, ever since."

-- Doug Harvey

Why don't good people care about what you have to say?

A plethora of good people, care what I have to say. They “upvote” my comments all the time. The only people I have problems with are members of the League of the Perpetually Offended.

While everyone exists due to reproduction, does everyone exist because their parents necessarily wanted to have children?

No. Some exist due to rape.

I created a new identity for myself that feels unnatural and I don't want to assume. How do I become my authentic self?

You were probably your “authentic self” before you tried to create a “new identity” for yourself. How about being who you really are? When you rip away all the false bullshit you have decorated yourself with, you will see your authentic self. Every time you see yourself doing something that is not who you are, stop it. Tell yourself, “This is not who I am.” None of us can tell you how to become. You know, better than any of us, who you really are.

Why is everyone in the world dumb except me?

Because your opinion is not just wrong, it is really wrong.

What do you do, if you realized you might be wrong all along in your thinking all these years?

Try being right. Everything that has gone before, is in the past. Now is the time to change your thinking.

I am overly obsessed with perfection: perfect days, perfect hair, perfect everything. How do I get over this? Should I seek professional help?

You need to admit that nothing is “perfect” in the universe. There are “levels of excellence” to strive for, but “perfect” does not exist. What you have are excellent days, excellent hair, excellent everything. You can seek “professional” help, but they’ll charge you for what I gave you for free. Oh, and stop being obsessed or you’ll never find true happiness. Strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. It is a choice.

“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.”

-- Leo Tolstoy

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion in an arena of mutual respect concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained in 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com