Questions of Information, Communication, Distance, and Age

 

“If you're lonely when you're alone, you're in bad company.”

-- Jean-Paul Sartre

What's the one thing you would tell your younger self about the older you? Why?

Don’t ask dad for a motorcycle. The accident you have will stay with you for life in the guise of aches and pains that will get worse as you age, especially before storms.

How would you explicate 'easy' for someone who doesn't have the concept?

It’s the opposite of working hard. Breathing is easy, writing is a bit harder, but writing is easy compared to digging a trench, which is hard work.

Why is happiness close but yet far?

You think you know what it is but it seems to be out of reach most of the time, and that should clue people in. True happiness is sustainable, not here one day and gone the next. Happiness is not something we need to look for, as it is within us always. It is a choice we make to be truly happy always and in all things, or it is our choice to deny it, and this is where I usually get into trouble with the League of the Perpetually Offended. They choose to deny it.

Misery is insidious. Once you’re miserable it is hard not to be. It takes no work at all to be miserable, but you have to truly want to be happy always and in all things, and that takes a modicum of work. Not much, basically, you have to make the choice and then be what you choose.

Some people were made miserable by others, and those others continue to win as long as the people choose to remain miserable. I was one of the "miserable" when my wife took everything from me, including my children, my right to be a father. I made the choice to end it all.

It was an easy choice. Constant misery, or the easy way out. All I had to do was pull back, and it would all be over and she would finally see… what? Twenty-five years of marriage couldn’t make her see. Loving her more than life couldn’t make her see. My eyes popped open… and I could finally see. This would accomplish nothing but hurt those who did love me most. At that moment I made a different choice, and never looked back or questioned it.

At the darkest moment - understanding. It isn’t that you can’t see the forest for the trees, the forest is the trees. I was thinking happiness was lost when it was inside me all the time. I pissed myself off when I realized all I had to do was choose to be what I thought I had to work at to accomplish - true, sustainable, happiness. As I said, I made a different, better, choice and never looked back or questioned it.

Happiness isn’t far away. Happiness is within us always.

Note to my readers: Now, all I have to do is wait. 

How can someone make their spouse’s life a living hell but refuse to end the marriage?

This would be my ex-wife of 25 years. They can do it because their spouse is an idiot. That would be me. I refused to call it quits for most of those 25 years and, even though she admitted that she never really loved me, she refused to end the marriage. The fact that she could have had half of my military retirement years earlier, must have escaped her.

Is it okay that someone is not socially accepted? What can help them change that?

I would hope they don’t want to change simply because society doesn’t accept them. This would be society’s issue to deal with. If they want to be accepted by society, however, I would find out what their particular society expects of the population and, then, conform.

“Love yourself’ the social horde spouts from on high, mere moments later they frown at a bypassing narcissist.”

-- Kevin Focke

Have you ever encountered a skunk in the wild?

Intelligence was always called upon by the Survival School to assist with evasion training. We hunted the aircrews in a section of the state park. One day a couple of us came face to face with a skunk. We froze, the skunk froze, then we backed away from it, slowly, and took a path less traveled. We always came across wildlife out there. Bear, deer, porcupine, raccoon, snake, and coyote, all made the trip exciting, at times, and well worth it.

If you had to replace the word "work" in the quote, "The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary", what word would you choose?

Labor. But, since “success” in life is really just true happiness, which still comes before labor, as it should. We should always strive for true, sustainable, happiness always and in everything we do, including our labor.

What word would you choose to replace "unpunished" with in the saying, "No good deed goes unpunished"?

Unsanctioned.

What is it like to be happy at work and with colleagues?

It means you can’t wait to get to work every day. There were no complaints, just new challenges that we all worked toward solving. When holidays came along, you let everyone else take some time off while you happily held down the fort. I did this for almost 40 years, with two separate careers, and loved every minute of it.

What improper benefits that are unethical can a hotel employee give to his friends or relatives?

Notice of upcoming conferences being held at the hotel, given to friends or relatives that might make money off of being first with the information.

“90% of relationship issues are caused by misunderstandings, 9.9% by conflicts of interest. Luckily, ladies and gentlemen can always come to an agreement.”

-- Stefan Emunds

The expression "stay in your lane" is a way of telling someone to back off and not get involved. In your life and living experience, when have you followed this advice and when have you charged ahead? What's the story?

My favorite was, “Not my circus. Not my monkey.” The military had a few of these sayings. We all had our own areas of responsibility and, unless asked, we stayed in our own lane. The last thing you wanted to do was insinuate yourself into someone else's lane as if you knew better than they did. There was a good chance you’d get your ass reamed for it. If it wasn’t being handled properly, sooner or later the whole situation would come to a head and you’d probably be asked to intervene. At that point, you could jump into the circus and squeeze the little monkey’s head until the situation was resolved.

How do I tell our upstairs neighbor that their bed is super squeaky and we can hear it every time they bang?

The way you just put it is perfect. But, I’d tell the woman. She’ll usually be mortified and ensure the issue is taken care of.

Do you believe that who the messenger is, changes the meaning of the message?

Unless the message is delivered as told, yes. Inflections of voice and attitude of the messenger can, alone, change the message from “nothing much” to “dire circumstances” requiring immediate help. A good rule of thumb is unless you trust the messenger or the circumstance is classified, or dire and requires immediate assistance, take the time to write the message down.

My mom saw my small penis. What should I do?

Tell her it’s dad’s fault.

How can someone get over their “pride being hurt” from failing another person and possibly angering them? This person wants to be kind and helpful to others.

One can only try. In trying there are three possible outcomes - good, bad, and neutral. Before you try, you have to accept one of the three will happen. In acceptance, it is what it is. If you let an outcome affect you, maybe you shouldn’t have tried to begin with.

No one deserves grief for trying and failing, for giving it their best shot. Failure, after all, is simply an opportunity to learn how to do better. Hurt pride, and anger, simply get in the way of the learning experience. Better to ignore all that and focus on learning. Don’t let the immaturity of others affect your happiness. 

“Where is the pain when your pride is wounded? And why do we say that: wounded? There is no gash, no blood, not even a scratch. Which part of us hurts? The brain cells? The neurons? What, for goodness' sake, what?”

-- A.P.

As an adult, what’s the most memorable way you’ve ever broken up with someone?

Divorce. It sticks with you.

Do most things in nature and in life have flip sides? What are the reasons for this, and can you give a few examples?

In the universe, there must be balance.  Balance allows an equilibrium that, in turn, allows a continuum. Hard and soft, smooth and rough, light and dark, cold and hot, nothing and something, good and evil, sour and sweet, life and death, and so on. We have no concept of one without the other. If there were no balance, like an engine poorly tuned, things would soon grind to a halt.

Do you ever regret leaving the other parent of one of your children?

I regret having to divorce the mother of both of my children, but, after 25-years of trying to hold the marriage together as hard as she was trying to end it, she left me little choice.

Is it hypocritical for my boyfriend to expect me to have no communication with the opposite sex when he’s not legally divorced?

First of all, it isn’t your boyfriend's business who you talk to. Second, if he thinks it is his business, he probably doesn’t trust you. A relationship without trust is on a shaky foundation.

Why is it so hard to make new friends as a 45-year-old person?

Hanging out in the wrong places. I frequent a cigar bar in town where active duty and retired military gather. We make friends with everyone that comes in. The bar is small enough that you can’t help but talk to the person next to you. It sounds as if, at 45, you haven’t much of an “outgoing” personality. You might want to try and change that. If you told us this at the cigar bar, we’d be sure to pull you out of yourself, usually with humor, and usually at your expense, which you’d get used to considering it’s all in fun.

I think most people would be willing to work with you on this kind of change because it really doesn’t take much more work than just introducing you, including you, and volunteering you. Yep, you gotta share the work.

“Remember: the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself. Life's cruelest irony.”

-- Douglas Coupland

Would you want to help a person who thinks what you offer should be free, even after 12 years of expertise? My sense is that he is not capable of being coachable & is too unaware to learn from the process & succeed. I find some people you can't help.

I want to help a person who wants to be helped. If I want to help them, why would I expect anything in return? If I’m told to help them, I’m being paid to do so.

In the military, I was the last stop before troops who were “untrainable” got the boot. The first thing I did was sit them down and explain the facts of life to them - last chance, untrainable, a general discharge, future employment options dwindling. It always had the desired effect.

I was always successful. But, then, they got the message and wanted to find success. I found people I can’t help, however. I found them in the League of the Perpetually Offended, the Perpetually Miserable. No matter what you do, they absolutely want no part of it. Misery is their stock and trade.

You are a rich person and you are also nice. One random person comes up to you and says that you are evil, how would you reply?

I wouldn’t. They don’t know me. The comment is probably thrown out there to elicit a response for some reason. This is a game I run into all the time and refuse to play. I’ll smile and walk away. If I were evil, I’d crush their trachea first. One would hope this wouldn’t escape them, but, it is their game.

What is addictive but isn’t a drug?

Sex! Someone had to put it out there.  Why not me?

Does job satisfaction mean an individual is having fun in the job?

It always meant that for me. Job satisfaction, for me, was all about being happy in what I did. True happiness, after all, is nothing more than being successful in life. The pay and benefits might not have been the best, but I was happy and having fun doing the job, otherwise, I would have left to find something just as fun that paid more. Yeah, good luck with that. I doubt I would have been as happy.

Weighing all the options and the issues, I figured I could keep on doing what I was doing, being satisfied, for the next 20 years, and I did. The job destroyed my marriage, but, what the hell? I ended up much happier in the long run, and I was still doing what I liked doing with people I enjoyed being around, I just didn’t have an anchor holding me back.

How will you be successful today?

I woke up. Tada! Success! Any day on this side of the dirt is a terrific day!

"Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it."

-- Maya Angelou

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com