July 4: Opinion for Consideration (Updated from 7/1/2014)

Consider Thomas Paine's 1777 quote, above: "Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it."

Wrong, wrong, wrong!  People in this country reap the blessings of freedom without undergoing the fatigue of supporting it... every day.  Most pull down a welfare check and see nothing wrong with making everyone else pay for them to lounge around and do nothing to support the country that gives them all of these "rights and freedoms" they didn't earn.  

A few are on welfare because they have to be, and that is acceptable.  Those that aren't on welfare, and abuse the freedom they have, can be seen disrupting the funerals of soldiers that died for their right to disrupt a funeral of soldiers that, well... it becomes an endless loop.  What Payne says, however, is absolutely correct.  Freedom is not free.  The minute we start to believe it is, we become complacent.  We allow ourselves to take the easy road.  The easy road is where we don't have to think for ourselves.  The easy road is where we redistribute wealth and everybody is considered "equal" even though they're not, and nobody wins "first prize" for fear of making all the losers feel bad for not winning.  

Oh, my GOD!  This is us!

See if this also sounds insanely familiar in the here and now:

"The present state of America is truly alarming to every man who is capable of reflection.  Without law, without government, without any other mode of power than what is founded on, and granted by, courtesy.  Held together by an unexampled occurrence of sentiment, which is nevertheless subject to change, and which every secret enemy is endeavoring to dissolve.  Our present condition is legislation without law; wisdom without a plan; a constitution without a name; and, what is strangely astonishing, perfect independence contending for dependence.  The instance is without precedent; the case never existed before; and, who can tell what may be the event?  The property of no man is secure in the present unbraced system of things.  The mind of the multitude is left at random, and seeing no fixed object before them, they pursue such as fancy or opinion presents.  Nothing is criminal; there is no such thing as treason; wherefore, everyone thinks himself at liberty to act as he pleases."

-- Thomas Paine, "Common Sense," January 10, 1776 

History has an uncanny habit of repeating.  It does so for one very good reason - we no longer teach history to our young people, and even if we did, we are too thick to learn from our mistakes.  There is a butt load of liberals out there that just gasped their lungs so full of rarefied air they are amid a coughing jag.  They would argue that we do, in fact, teach history in school.  

But, I'm not discussing the bullshit teachers make up so all of our children are happy.  I'm not talking about the Iwo Jima statue that has an African American helping to hoist the flag pole even though an African American wasn't helping to hoist the flag pole. The Holocaust is one paragraph, so we don't overburden tender minds with the possibility of monsters among us.  What I'm talking about is factual history; the history that is brutal, bloody, racist, sexist, and full of sociopaths that think they are the "second coming of Jesus" when, in fact, they are a leader in a country full of gullible people expecting this moron to be rational.  Surprise!  We will write them out of history, or we'll make them kinder and gentler, and no one will notice because we're all being indoctrinated, or we're all too stupid, to realize we've done it.  The truth is, we have programmed ourselves to not even care about history when we should.

Read the above quote, from Thomas Paine, aloud.  Do it line by line and think about each line as if it stands alone.  This is the country we are living in, at the present time.  

Consider the line, "The instance is without precedent; the case never existed before; and, who can tell what may be the event?" It is no longer without precedent, the case has happened before, and the outcome was a Declaration of Independence.  It seems the season is upon us again, I fear.  In recent news, we must admit, "Nothing is criminal; there is no such thing as treason; wherefore, everyone thinks himself at liberty to act as he pleases."  Even the President of the United States.

I fear there is a rebellion brewing in this country.  Financially we are going to feed on ourselves until there is nothing left.  The welfare state is unsustainable; history has proven it time and again.  Communism is unsustainable, even Fidel Castro, before his death, communism was a grand idea that didn't work.  Socialism is unsustainable, although Vladimir Putin would like to bring back the golden years of the Soviet, it will only die another painful death later on down the road.  Nobody learns from history! Why should they, when we don't teach it.

This July 4th, don't just drink the Kool-Aid like the millions of other mindless Americans willing to commit slow, painful, suicide, buried under governmental control of every aspect of life.  Do something totally novel.  Think for yourself.  Think about your country and the condition it is in.  Put politics aside and ask yourself if you are willing to die for an idea.  

Seven months after Thomas Paine published his book the Continental Congress declared independence from tyranny and was willing to die for the idea of freedom.  Many were happy to continue under English rule, but the majority saw the writing on the wall and opted for freedom from an oppressive government.  It is sounding all too familiar, again.

There is a silver lining to the doom and gloom, however.  Liberals don't want to fight.  Those on welfare are too busy eating Oreo cookies, getting fat, and watching television while they wait for their next check to arrive for doing absolutely nothing.  The current President, will just draw another meaningless line in the sand and end up doing nothing because he'll say it really isn't happening.  In short, any revolution that occurs will last about as long as it takes a General officer to declare the government null and void, and since most Americans feel the government meets this criterion already, this should be fairly easy.  No one gets hurt and no one dies, because we're all too damned lazy to give a shit.  

And, besides, a revolution will never happen here, right?  We're a tolerant lot, aren't we?  Think about it.  Gays, Islam, same-sex, marriages, Republicans and Democrats, liberals and conservatives, and let's not forget the multitude of religions that all think they're right and damn to hell for all eternity anyone who dares disagree.  Tolerant?  Think about it, and have a happy Independence Day!

"And what country can preserve it’s liberties if it's rulers are not warned from time to time that their people preserve the spirit of resistance? Let them take arms. The remedy is to set them right as to facts, pardon and pacify them. What signify a few lives lost in a century or two? The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is it’s natural manure."

-- Thomas Jefferson

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I have come to believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Bullies, Change, Violence, Attraction, Dumb, and Women

 

“When introverts are in conflict with each other...it may require a map in order to follow all the silences, nonverbal cues, and passive-aggressive behaviors!”

-- Adam S. McHugh

I and my 7 best friends are weirdo introverts, but I left them and became the most popular high school student who bullied my enemies, especially the ones that bullied my 2 siblings. My 7 best friends reject me for being that bully. What should I do?

Well, I was a small person in high school who was bullied. I finally had enough and almost beat a bully to death with a tree branch. I didn’t bully them, I just didn’t take any more crap from them. I got my ass handed to me almost daily. Being a bully is not the answer. Two wrongs rarely make it right, regardless of your popularity. Karma will catch up to you in time. What you should do, is know that you’ve proved some point and move on. Becoming what you fear is not the answer. Learning to defend yourself, if needed, and knowing that you can seriously hurt someone if needed, is about all you can do. But, you can’t let this “defensive” knowledge put you on the wrong path.

What is a good saying that is said around your parts?

"You’re like a pig staring at a wristwatch."

"Two men in a heated argument are like two jackasses braying at each other."

"Any day on this side of the dirt is a great day."

Why is it okay to do something stupid after someone else does and shows you it is stupid?

It's okay, only if you’re that stupid.  The problem is, you're proving it to everyone.

Why are intelligent and critical people expected to act as though the vast majority aren't idiots who don't care about truth?

The question answers itself. They “act” that way, not that there is any validity in it. The vast majority are idiots who don’t care about the truth. Intelligent people aren’t smart enough to “act” with any talent, and the vast majority of “smart” people understand this. The intelligent are transparent in their attempt.

What do you like on a lazy Sunday?

A folding chair, a fishing pole, a cooler of beer, and a sub sandwich.

Do you think that individuals like me: people without intellect, personality, or criteria (who take ideas from others to defend their positions and who often change their minds due to external influence) have any chance of surviving in the world?

You will survive as most people have survived, by taking other people’s ideas to defend their positions, and by being influenced into changing their minds for no other reason than to get along. Is it right? Well, most people would agree, even though they wouldn’t say it out loud. It is survival, after all.

“If you truly want to be respected by people you love, you must prove to them that you can survive without them.”

-- Michael Bassey Johnson

Why is it that the sub-assertive person is the one that has to change in order to stand up to the assertive or aggressive ones? Why does this world not think of the option that the assertive or aggressive people are, in fact, the ones that need change?

Because the “assertive” and “aggressive” people are the ones who get things done in a timely manner. Any thriving business is where they are because of these people. They bring ideas to fruition.

How do some people tolerate effort more than others?

Unlike whiners, they have learned to persevere in the face of extreme effort. 

What are your thoughts on this statement, "Sometimes liars are the most honest people of all"?

They are, but only if they admit to everyone that what they always say is bullshit. However, a liar, by definition, is not honest.

Is understanding the problem half the solution?

If you don’t understand the problem there will be no concrete solution. Think of the problem of a well-known bank becoming insolvent. The government wants to throw money at the problem to prop the bank up. The government doesn’t understand the problem. The bank is insolvent due to an ignorant board of directors, bad management, and poor investment of bank funds. Throwing money at it will be just another waste of money. The board, management, and the investment branch need to be dismissed in favor of better people who know how to turn the bank around.

Why are there ugly dog contests but not ugly people contests?

People understand what we say and they have hurt feelings. Dogs, not so much.

Why do people stare at me when I walk down the street? I dress like a punk but I've always wanted to know what goes through people's heads for them to give me dirty looks.

Dressing like a “punk” doesn’t define who you are. Unfortunately, without knowing you, how you dress defines you to those who don’t know you. Stop and talk to them. Ask them what goes through their head when they look at you. Don’t be confrontational. Show them that you are just another person on a path, learning, asking questions, and living life. They will probably understand that.

“I’m too outspoken for most people, they think you’re rude if you tell the truth. ‘Punk’ was the only time I fitted in. Just one tiny sliver of time where it was acceptable to say what you thought.”

-- Viv Albertine 

Why is it so hard to ignore a person who mocks or teases you just to get you to hit them?

Ignoring a person isn’t that hard. Ignoring the "mentally challenged" is harder. When they touch you it becomes assault. This next part needs to be said loudly for everyone to hear: They have assaulted you. You fear for your safety because they are obviously mentally challenged, and you will have to protect yourself from any harm they mean to visit upon your person. Have someone call the police and explain the situation.

This will probably put the person on notice. They are mentally challenged, however. 

Why do I have honest insecurities?

Most “dishonest" insecurities people will see through. You’ll be known by everyone as making shit up to court sympathy.

What is the correct answer to "Which child will you take"?

It is a situational answer. The best answer is as many as I can carry. As an adult, it is incumbent on us to save as many children as we can if they are in danger. A divorce is a bit more messy. And, if you’re a pedophile… oh, hell no. Any real father would stop you before you reach the door.

What is the importance of knowing about things which are not important to know?

Knowledge. We are constantly learning. What we don’t think we need today, we might need to know tomorrow. 

Do people who say they love God actually love Him?

That would make them hypocrites. There is a segment of Christianity that is deeply involved in control. I’m not so sure they have an actual “love” of God. If they did, they wouldn’t control the faithful. 

Can you explain the concept of "being" in a way that no one else understands?

Try this: 

“Reality is what it is, and what it isn’t, it isn’t.

Sometimes, what it is it isn’t, and what it isn’t, well... it is.

Other times it’s nothing, and then it isn’t anything.

But, if it’s nothing, it isn’t, and if it isn’t anything, it is.

Because acknowledging nothing gives nothing reality.

Therefore, whether it is or it isn’t, it must be,

Because even nothing that isn’t, already is.”

-- F.A. Villari

Do we really attract what we think, speak, and feel like the law of attraction states?

Yes. For the most part, opposites don’t attract each other for anything more than debate or curiosity. I think we attract those of like minds more than opposites.

Would you rather be around a humble person who loses all the time or a cocky person who sometimes wins and loses?

Thinking that “humble” people lose all the time, simply because they don’t let their ego rule their mind is so wrong. I am humble, to a fault, and I win and lose. I don’t concern myself with competition as much as I do to attain a goal. The goal I attain is to assist me along my path, not to knock someone else back. Most people are better than I am in many things, but I am more concerned with my path, not theirs.

Why do I feel compelled to reread my finished Quora answers every time someone likes or comments on them? I'm not checking for grammar/spelling.

I do the same thing. I want to know what they liked or didn’t like, and see if I agree with their critique. It is a way to keep ourselves honest and not egotistical.

When a person is humble, does that mean he doesn't talk that much and takes things very seriously?

No. By definition, A humble person is “having or showing a modest or low estimate of one's own importance.” We tend to listen more than we talk, and when we do talk we try to have something to say. We smile more than we frown because life is what it is, and we don’t like wasting our life with a frown. You will see us at a bar listening to some jackass braying, and we will simply smile and order another round. If we get into it with them, you’ll be listening to two jackasses braying at each other.

What are the implications of defining someone by what they own?

Your definition will probably be wrong. Knowing who they are, what and why they believe, and their values, will give you so much more information to assist in defining them. 

When should one agree with another person's point of view even though it differs from their own?

Only when you want to prove them wrong, other than that, never give up your freedom of opinion to someone you have no faith in.

“The man who is most aggressive in teaching tolerance is the most intolerant of all: he wants a world full of people too timid and ashamed to really disagree with anything.”

-- Criss Jami

Why do Americans like to play dumb?

It used to keep our enemies guessing. Joe Biden changed the paradigm by taking the guesswork out of the equation. Now our enemies are saber rattling. Just saying.

I met this guy recently and we fell in love immediately while he was in a relationship that was doomed to end. Now that girl won't let go and he feels guilty. I don't like this. What should I do?

Let him go. If it works itself out, you can decide, then, what you want to do.

Why do I feel uncomfortable seeing people try hard?

Do you have no concept of “trying hard” to attain a goal? For those of us who do, we give much moral support to others who are trying their best. 

Are all beliefs false by definition?

No. By definition, whether it is true, or not, is up in the air until it is proven to be one or the other.

How can you find leaders who have faced and overcome challenges similar to yours?

Yes, indeed!

Is suffering better than non-existence?

Indeed. If you “exist” then “suffering” teaches you how to continue, if you are able to learn, that is. If you have no perseverance, however, then suffering is what life will be like.

“Time is not the great teacher. Experience is. A man may live a whole life, but if he never leaves his home to experience that life, he dies knowing nothing. A mere child who has suffered and lived can be the wiser of the two.”

-- Lynsay Sands

What is the thing that women can do that men can’t?

Menstruate.

Why do Christians believe the lie that hell is for everyone who doesn't believe in Christ?

So, you’ve died and come back to life with the truth? Because, as I see it, neither side, atheists or theists, has any proof to support their beliefs. Yet, the fact that you can judge a “lie” would tell us that you have new information for support.

Is it wrong to say, "I had a car"?

Only if you’ve never had a car. In that case, you would be lying, and that is wrong.

Do people ever change their minds and stop believing in what they used to believe?

Oh, my yes! After my divorce, I changed my mind about marriage. I have been perfectly happy living in sin for the past 23 years. Marriage is all about legalities and has very little to do with the love you feel toward another person. She proved that in spades.

 Can you think of something that you have learned to accept even though you do not agree with it or believe in it?

Liberal Democrats. 

What are the benefits of believing in something? Does it make it easier to get along with others if we all believe in the same thing?

The benefit is having a belief system, otherwise, you have no belief in anything. And, if you do have belief, you also, most probably, have faith in that belief. If we all believe in the same thing, it can make it easier to get along with others, but it will be very boring if you have no differences to discuss. Knowledgeable discussion and debate are the spice of life in a robust society.

“You will never benefit from your faith in God until you step on the bridge and start walking across.”

-- Henry Cloud

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I have come to believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Judging, Respect, Stupid, Bliss, Leaders, and What

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.”

-- Brené Brown

Why do I always feel judged even when no one is judging?

You are your worst critic. You are judging yourself, which could be good if it isn’t taken to an extreme. I am my own worst critic. I know that I can always do better. I critique why I feel I am not as good as I think I can be. I ask the question “Why?” and find where I feel I let myself down. I learn from it so I’ll be ready for the next time.

What do you do when someone tries to prove you wrong?

“Tries” is the operative word.

Are we truly independent if we have to listen to our bosses in exchange for income?

Listening to them is being respectful. Agreeing with them, on the other hand, is sucking up… unless they are right. “Independence” is about voicing your opinion if you think they are wrong. My last boss hired me because he wanted someone that wouldn’t blow smoke up their ass if there was a possibility they were wrong. I have no filter, so I was perfect for the job.

Which way is the best way to satisfy your hunger?

Satiate my appetite.

How do you give people something to respect?

You need to find what the people will respect. Listening to their feedback, being a good communicator, giving credit where credit is due, and the like, are a few ways to give them something to respect. Respect is a two-way street. You get what you give.

What are the signs that someone was never raised or taught to take responsibility for anything?

Well, they don’t take "responsibility" for anything, especially if they are definitely wrong.

“Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”

-- Sigmund Freud

Which is better to have, respect or loyalty?

You will find it difficult to build loyalty without respect. It takes one to have the other. If you don’t have their respect, you should watch your back.

I think that if someone is debating with an idiot, then there are two idiots. What do you think?

It is never good when two jackasses are braying at each other.

Do all people want to be white? I do.

Ignorance. You can be whatever you want to be. If someone stands in your way, find a way around them. Perseverance in the face of adversity will build character, and people will respect that. If they don’t, then you have no use for them. Find a route around them and attain your goal.

Why am I afraid to be with my friends?

Deep down inside, you probably know they are not really your friends.

What do you do when someone thinks you need them way more than they need you when it’s actually the other way around?

If I need to rely on someone else, I’m probably going to be disappointed. Better to rely on the one person who will not let you down without a fight - you.

Can two people with completely different political stands get along well with each other as friends?

Yep. I do it all the time.

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

-- Elbert Hubbard

Is it possible to be stupid?

Look around. Most voters fit the bill.

Does luck or skill play a bigger role in gambling?

Skill. If you’re relying on “luck” you’ve already lost. Casinos live off people who rely on “luck” rather than skill. If you’re a gambler, know your enemy. If you’re a casino, know who you can control and, more importantly, how to control them.

Do you agree with the statement "no one's stupid"?

Oh, hell no.

Are you stupid if you lack common sense?

There is no such thing as “common sense” anymore. What we call “common sense” falls short of the definition. Strive to always offer “good” sense to people.

Is cheating on a test in class possible?

Yes.

What's worse: never making any mistakes or making the same ones repeatedly, and not even knowing it?

Never making a mistake never happens. We all make mistakes. What is worse is thinking you don’t when you do, or making the same mistakes repeatedly because you can’t seem to learn from your failures.

“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”

-- Mahatma Gandhi

Why do some people use ignorance as bliss?

They are ignorant.

How do you know if your best friend likes your boyfriend?

If your best friend likes your boyfriend, they may never let on, unless they constantly talk about him. Better would be to catch them doing what they shouldn’t be. That makes them both guilty, and you can disavow both of them as friends.

How would you describe a person who is unaware of their own rudeness?

Unaware of their own rudeness.

What is the general opinion of people who make the same mistake twice but think it won't happen again?

They are either very good at learning from their mistakes or are full of shit. Why did they make the same mistake twice if they were that good?

Do stupid people like Quora?

I’m not sure if trying to become smarter qualifies as stupid.

What is most important in a past relationship?

What you have learned from it. If the relationship ended, there must be a reason. It is either you or them. Those who made the mistake should be learning from it. The other person has, most likely, already learned not to get involved with people like that, ever again. But, “lust” is an insidious taskmaster.

“You didn’t grow apart because you’re evil, but because you evolved. It’s life. It’s natural. It’s ok. Keep growing!”

-- Curtis Tyrone Jones

What are some ways to protect your reputation as a leader?

Be a very good, knowledgeable, and honest leader that people respect. Beyond that, you are what you are. 

Can a boss not trust their employees and still be a good leader?

No. The fact that the boss doesn’t trust the employees and still has them on payroll is a sign of a poor leader. Unless the boss has a plan to throw them under the proverbial bus, the boss should fire them and hire employees that can be trusted. This is also what a poor leader does, but it will allow them to hire trusted employees.

Do people say “they don’t know nothin'”? If so, why?

Well, if they “don’t know nothing” then they must know something. So, it is a compliment.

What is a good response to the statement "tradition is not scripture"?

Some traditions grow out of favor. Young girls, for instance, are not all that happy with parents choosing their mates. Freedom and independence say this “tradition” needs to go away in favor of true love. But, some cultures still look at the tradition as “scripture.”

What are some things to say to your dom?

“Hey! Damn it! That really hurts. Thank you. I’ll have another.”

Are you a remarkable human being who people should be proud to know?

I am a humble person. I think most people are proud to know me since my ego won’t allow me to tout my own accomplishments over someone else.

“True humility is not thinking less of yourself; it is thinking of yourself less.”

-- Rick Warren

Did surprises, winners, and losers from the first round?

What?

How do I hire somebody for revenge to make somebody disappear (not dead, just send them back to prison)?

You don’t. Karma has enough to do without making you pay for doing something stupid. Two wrongs don’t make anything right. Let karma handle the person. You need to go find a life.

Why does my partner refuse to acknowledge when I do something right?

It’s all about them, not you.

Would I look more intelligent if I spoke of myself in the 3rd person? Rick wants to know.

No. You sound like an idiot trying to be something you’re not. Try being smart. Smart people make much more sense, and it takes less intelligence to be smart. Most intelligent people have no idea how to be smart, so this makes you a leg up on them.

Parents focus on the negative and I easily get bored around them. Is there any way to banish it?

Stop hanging around your parents and find some positive influencers.

Why is it that when people are highly aware, others then feel the need to say, "You're not perfect," or, "You think you're perfect"?

They need to do something to offset the “highly aware” person’s need to flaunt their awareness. Keep one’s awareness to one’s self, until people wonder why they didn’t say anything. So, which is it? Do you want the awareness, or do you want me to shut up? They can’t have it both ways, but when they complain about keeping awareness to one’s self, there is now an opening for discussion. 

Meditation is to be aware of every thought and of every feeling, never to say it is right or wrong, but just to watch it and move with it. In that watching, you begin to understand the whole movement of thought and feeling. And out of this awareness comes silence.

-- Jiddu Krishnamurti

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I have come to believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Lackluster Guidelines (Repost of a previous post, different imagery.)

 

“In our lives, on average, we will be asleep for a total of 8,477 days. If we’re lucky, some of that time will be sleeping next to someone we love.”

-- Unknown

What does it mean when a guy says he doesn't like sleeping alone?

Insecurity. I know the feeling. He needs a “teddy” to make him feel secure.  

What is the best advice you or someone else has had?

Stay out of debt. If you have debt, you owe someone. Better not to owe anyone. If you have debt, you are an “indentured servant” until the debt is paid. Slavery never ended, they just changed the rules. Almost everyone is an indentured servant. It’s not “what’s” in your wallet, but “who.” Ask yourself, “How many people own me?” Any debt you carry is someone owning your life.

What does it mean if a guy says he wants something serious but has red flags on his dating profile?

He’s probably full of it.

Reader comment: Have been chatting with a guy for over 1 year. I did get sucked in to send him, only $850au from last November to March this year. I have stopped, but he still wants to maintain contact. I also was sucked in and gave my bank details so I could receive and send money to a colleague of his. He says his bank is red-flagged in Yemen. Since then I've closed my bank account and opened a new one. Is he definitely a scammer?

My reply: Ya think? If you don’t know someone “personally,” then don’t give them anything. I have many beautiful women contacting me, but, in the back of my mind, I just know, they are fat ugly guys in some backroom in Chicago.

What would be a good way to tell someone that they ruined their own relationship with their actions and behavior?

It is their life, not someone else’s. The only person that can ruin their life is them. They made a choice or decision that was wrong or bad. They can try to shift the blame, but the blame will stick to them like that bad choice or decision they made.

What is the solution to confusion?

Being certain.

Why is atheism increasing? Is there some form of brainwashing going on?

It takes work to have an undying faith, a belief in something for which there is little or no proof, but for which you have to pay homage. Atheism requires faith in their belief, but they have to do no work to pay homage. They have accepted that when life ends, that’s it. For the theist, it will be much less crowded moving forward into the next life. There is no brainwashing, per se, for atheism. It is a matter of a desire to move forward into the next life, or not. Theists believe the ultimate power in the universe will “recycle” the energy of the soul. Atheists, not so much.

“That which can be asserted without evidence can be dismissed without evidence.”

-- Christopher Hitchens

How will a lady find true love?

Stop looking. If you take care of yourself, love yourself, and strive to be more than you are, someone with a brain will notice. True love will find you.

What are some alternative ways to define what is most valuable in life besides financial success?

Understand that “success” is nothing more than true happiness in life. Make the conscious choice to strive for true happiness always and in all things you do, regardless of your circumstances. Anything else is simply attaining goals you’ve set for yourself. Financial stability is only one of many goals you try to attain.

What are 3 deep questions that nobody dares to ask you?

What is the meaning of life? What is God? Why?

What are some creative ways you use to express yourself?

Honesty. I have no filter, so what I think is what I give voice to. Is this rude? More times than not. Is it the truth? More times than not. Like everyone else, I can blow smoke up your ass, or, I can give you an honest assessment. I’d like to say the choice is yours, but… I have no filter.

Why can't I stop thinking that I can't do anything?

You managed to ask this question, so, now, you can stop thinking.

Why do people fail to think?

They believe they have no time to think. They rush everywhere and consider thinking as, pardon the pun, a second thought. They go into debt for the crap they really don’t need. They buy expensive cars when an average one will get them from here to there. They buy a house too big for what they really need, and so on and so forth. When people get a credit card, or four, they lose their little peanut minds. They become an indentured servant, a slave, to credit companies. This is true for almost all aspects of life. They don’t take a moment to think about actual reality, not that fantasy dancing in their head.

“Poirot," I said. "I have been thinking."

"An admirable exercise my friend. Continue it.”

-- Agatha Christie

Is it possible to treat someone with respect but not give them what they want from us?

Respect has nothing to do with letting them take us to the cleaners, emotionally or financially. Honesty is a sign of respect. You have the right to say no.

Would my husband leave me because of my attitude?

It took me 25 years to leave my wife because of her attitude. I’ve been happy ever since.

What is the difference between being a nice guy and being a pushover when it comes to relationships?

Naievte. You don’t have to be naive to be a “nice guy” in relationships. I am friends with many people I don’t really know that well. I keep my eyes and ears open to learn who they really are. So far, I have not been disappointed. I’m a pretty good judge of character if I have a chance to be around them. The best rule of thumb is to not let your guard down.

What do women say behind men’s backs?

“Nice butt.”

Author's comment:  So true. Only we usually say it this way, “Cute Butt!”

My reply:  Lol... Indeed!

Do big women give the best oral sex?

I'm going to answer this because it made me chuckle.  It is all about a woman's desire, effort, talent, and ability to take charge. It is not about a woman’s size or girth. Big, medium, or small, all can make a man’s mind explode, leaving him a babbling idiot incapable of speech.  

What does it mean when a girl says, “I’ll be there for you no matter what”?

Check’s in the mail.

“When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, and he looks you crooked in the eye and he asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol’ Jack Burton always says at a time like that: ‘Have ya paid your dues, Jack?’ ‘Yessir, the check is in the mail.'”

-- Jack Burton

Is it okay to be uncomfortable with somebody who is a people pleaser? For example, a friend who you aren't close to being suspiciously generous towards you?

Absolutely. What are they after?

Does being married make it easier to love someone?

No. Making a commitment to truly love someone, with all your heart, is so much better than marriage. Marriage has become about the piece of paper that allows you to dodge taxes, rake someone over the coals in a divorce, and prove you are “married” to those who demand proof. If you truly love someone who truly loves you in return, of what use is a piece of paper other than preparing for future selfishness?

Should I expect people with bad pasts to behave in the same way as they did in their past?

Until they prove otherwise, yes. Due to their past indiscretions, they have to earn forgiveness and trust.

Why do I always fail to succeed?

Failure and mistakes are life lessons we are supposed to learn so we mitigate failure the next time. It isn’t that you failed, we all fail. It is what you do with the failure that counts. 

“Success” is not attaining your goals. “Success” is finding true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. This is true success in life, and you can’t ask for anything more important than happiness. We all strive for true happiness.

Why do we blow things at the end?

Poor planning.

Can a person live without another person?

They can, but it will be a very lonely existence. I like to have some “me time” throughout the year, but I also like to have social friends and lovers who understand my need. 

“Although I am a typical loner in my daily life, my awareness of belonging to the invisible community of those who strive for truth, beauty, and justice has prevented me from feelings of isolation.”

-- Albert Einstein

What do you think if humans have no name at all in this world?

Everyone would have to take time to look when some putz yells, “Hey, you!” And everyone will be doing it since no one has a name.

What's the most common reason for infidelity in relationships?

Lack of good communication.

How do you ask your man for a certain position if he's a little inexperienced?

Instruction! Tell him. A man loves getting instruction, especially for certain positions and if they’re inexperienced. Learning is the spice of life! If he doesn’t believe this, maybe it’s time to go shopping.

What is the greatest value in life?

True happiness.

Why would a married man be overtly protective of a woman who is not his wife?

If he’s a real man, it will be in his nature. His wife will understand this... if their relationship is solid. If it’s not, his motives might be in question.

What are some reasons why a man should protect his girlfriend or wife?

This is going to be seen as chauvinistic, but… The fact that the man is even with them, romantically or otherwise, signifies the man has made an unspoken commitment to protect them from harm. The man can run away or cower like a child, but that will only define him to everyone else.

I would love to step in front of a woman to protect her, only to have her pull me back and say, “I’ve got this.” Hell hath no fury like a woman, scorned or not. I would love to be with a capable woman in danger.  I would step up and tell her, “If I fail at this, kill him.”

“You are a man with a protective instinct. To care that deeply is a blessing. But like most blessings, it can also be a curse.”

-- Louise Penny

More on Responsibility for Happiness (Updated from 6/25/2014)

 

“You can’t be responsible for everyone else’s happiness if you can't even manage to be responsible for your own.”

-- F.A. Villari

I have a very simple question that everyone should ask themselves all the time, it is my favorite question and the most important, in my view.  Why?

I was in a discussion where the topic turned to this person believing everyone thought she was responsible for their happiness.  After a few minutes, it became pretty obvious that she had fallen into a trap where everyone had made her responsible and she'd bought into it.  I pointed this out to her and she continued to target the others for making her responsible.  I finally had to be pretty blunt about it.  Why do you feel responsible for everyone else’s happiness?  Did somebody saddle you with that responsibility, or did you just figure, “What the hell?  My own life is crap, so maybe I can help some other poor dumb bastards find happiness.”  She started crying.  My bad.  But, it did bring some clarity for the rest of our conversation.  Now, she owned it.

Why do you think it is easier to take care of the happiness of others than to take care of your own?  If you give a starving man a steak, he’ll still complain about how it’s cooked.  Let him cook his own damned steak so you can go have that super-meat-combination pizza you've been craving.  You can’t save the poor from themselves any more than you can make someone happy that is perfectly content to drown in misery.  Let them drown!  I suppose I'm old school.  Sink or swim.  Throw a person that can't swim into the deep end of the pool and see how fast they can self-learn to dog paddle.  Having taken a Red Cross lifeguard course, I can tell you that a sure way to drown yourself is to try and rescue someone that's drowning, who is going to fight you instead of listening.  The only recourse is to punch them square in the face and drag their limp, carcass into shore.  They'll probably be drowning at the same time, same place, next week.  You just can’t cure stupid.  

Why are most of us humans, survivors?  Left to our own devices, we will probably rise above adversity.  At least that's the way it was before we started handing everything out for free and having no expectations of anyone.  God weeds out those that won't learn or rise above adversity.  We can't stop that process unless people want to listen.  The best way to help someone is not to help them, so to speak.  I think it's better to teach them to help themselves.  Give a man a fish and he eats for a day.  Teach that man to fish and he can feed himself for life.  It isn't that we help, it's how we help that's important.  Unless they're a child, the worse thing we can do is accept responsibility for anyone.  Show them how to be responsible for themselves, if they truly want to.  If they don't, there is little to be done for them.

Why let someone try to be responsible, or think they are responsible, for your happiness?  You wouldn't let some stranger invest your hard-earned money, why the hell would you let them try to invest your happiness.  If they know how to invest money they'd be on a beach in the islands, not talking to you.  If they’re so damned good at being happy, why is their happiness making you so damned miserable?  Their happiness should be naturally infectious, right?

Why do we listen to others?  Why do we let them “help” us make decisions in our lives?  Why don't we step up and take control of those decisions for ourselves?  Is it too hard?  Of course, it is, and it takes time.  Rebuilding happiness doesn't happen overnight any more than losing happiness did.  Worse yet, if you think you're miserable now, wait until you feel the frustration inherent in fighting to rise above it.  Frustration can make you want to give up on everything.  Don't be weak and give in.

Why do we equate happiness with material wealth?  I consider myself much wealthier than those who have everything, and I have just enough to be comfortable.  I worked hard to get here, just to find how little it actually takes to make me truly happy.  I always advise people to lose the drama in their lives.  It always made sense to me that happiness hides behind the drama we invite into our lives.  Drama is the smoke and mirrors which hide our reality.  The reality is, we are all capable of our own happiness.  But, first, you have to learn to get shed of all the crap in your life.  Just let it go!  Scream, kick, spit, take a deep breath, and let it all go.  Nothing is truly worth all the grief we visit upon ourselves.  A few ideas that may help:  

Don't fight those things you have no control over.  Let them go.  Take care of those things you do control and then, if you feel the need, come back and tackle the rest. 

Don't surround yourself with negativity.  Let it go.  If the negativity is coming from people around you, let them go.  If it’s family, guess what?  It’s time to let them go.  They need to grow up or find another hobby because you aren't it. 

Don't incur debt.  If you have debt, make the conscious decision to stop taking on more of it.  Downsize your crap, especially stuff you owe money on.  Sell the expensive new car you took a sixty-month loan on.  Sixty months?  Are you freaking insane?  New cars alone will have you in debt for more than half your life.  Get a used vehicle and spend cash on it.  If you can’t take a trip in a used car because you only trust it around town or to and from work, guess what?  You can’t afford to take a freaking trip!

I had someone throw their opinion of my life back at me the other night.  They asked, what would I know about all of this?  I've always had the money or people to help me.  I found it funny as I remembered how I had to work for my weekly allowance as a kid.  How I worked for 23 years in the military and another 17 for a private company.  I remembered how it felt to lose everything I owned; my house, my savings, half of my military retirement, my family, and my kids.  I remember how it felt to sit there, alone in the dark, and come so close to the point of giving up and ending it all.  I remember telling myself I was better than this.  I remember when I made the conscious decision to never let anyone do that to me again; to make me that miserable and that unhappy.  I remember telling myself I was willing to do whatever it took to get over that hump.  I remember how demeaning it felt to be bailed out of jail for something I didn't do and the humility of accepting just enough charity from others until I got back on my feet.  I didn't ask for any help, but help was offered along with a butt-load of advice.  And, most of all, I remember the ten years it took me to turn it all around so I could retire at 56 and never have to look back.  

It wasn't what I know about this inasmuch as why I know about this.  Choices and consequences.  Our lives are the choices we make and the consequences which follow.  If your life is crap, it is due to some decision you made.  Don't look for someone to blame unless you're looking in a mirror.  Our lives are our lives, and it is so much better to learn to own your life than to misplace blame for all the drama we invite into it.

It really takes very little “stuff” in our lives to make us truly happy.  We won't understand this until we lose it all, but it's true.  By the same token, my money didn't buy my happiness, I did.  I buy it every morning I wake up and praise God for another glorious day in paradise, and another day to excel on this path that I have set myself upon.  

I learned that I cannot be responsible for everyone else’s happiness.  Their happiness is all about their own path.  I can mentor them down it, only if they want me to, but I cannot be responsible for their ultimate outcome.  They must make the decisions and take ownership of the outcome.  It is their life! If you have a child that can’t stand on their own, what will they do when you die tomorrow?  Let them go!  Guide them, give them advice and love, but they have to try, and fall, and try again, or they will surely die before you, if not long after.  This is what we used to call "good parenting."  Is this heartless?  Some might think so, and that's fine with me.  

I will not continue to enable people to be less than they are by saying it is okay.  It isn't!  Our country has bought into the philosophy of mediocrity; it is okay to "get by" and not try.  Everyone gets a trophy so no one feels like a loser.  Really?  I hear a lot of people telling me they feel like losers, and that they're sick of it.  I hear them telling me they're tired of their loser friends pushing and pulling them.  They're tired of their loser family wanting them to make everything better without once thinking about how bad it is for the people they're asking it of.

Don't confuse compassion with responsibility.  I can feel compassion for the starving homeless, but I feel no responsibility for their happiness.  There are those mentally incapable of ever being what we would consider capable of holding down a job.  For those that are capable, how can we ever expect them to do the job if they are too weak to even apply for it?  I feel no responsibility for their happiness as this is something they must discover for themselves, but this does not negate my compassion for their hunger.  You cannot save the poor from their lot as they have to desire that salvation for themselves.  Only then do they have a chance for success, and only then can you assist them in their endeavor, but you are still not responsible for them.

Is it heartless?  You decide.  

As usual, this is just my humble opinion and I'm almost positive you have an opinion as well.  Don't just wallow in it, make it heard!  Do it here with a comment, e-mail, or write a post for me and I'll put it up (as long as it meets my stringent criteria).  Yeah, right...

"God did not call you to keep everyone happy.  You are not responsible for other people's happiness; you are responsible to keep yourself happy."

-- Joel Osteen

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I have come to believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com