Questions With Some Longish Answers

 

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”

-- J.D. Stroube

Would you do the right thing if it means going against the ones you love?

If the ones I love aren’t doing the right thing, then yes. Not even family has the right to make you do something that goes against your personal code of moral ethics.

Why do some people enjoy being rude?

They’re covering up for their own inadequacies.

What will Trump do if he gets back in office as president?

Undo everything Biden has done to weaken and destroy this country. Pipelines will move forward with energy independence, prices will go down, the ports will get back to normal, the “rule of law” will be reinstated, the southern border will be secured, and people will, once again, be proud to be an American and the revolution will be averted.

Do you get more or fewer butterflies in your stomach as you age when thinking about someone you love?

Fewer butterflies and more wood. Then, when you get much older, the wood gets difficult to find and the butterflies come back to roost.

How can I be stingy but with dignity at the same time?

There is little or no dignity in being stingy. If you feel you have dignity, you’re in denial or stupid, but you really don’t have much dignity. If you follow a personal code of good moral ethics, you probably have dignity, but it depends.

As an example, I’m a self-proclaimed hypocrite. Do I have dignity? I struggle with this constantly, but it doesn’t stop me from striving to be happy always and in all things. Why? Because people have to take me as I am, I’m not changing, I’ve been a smartass way too long. Is that “stingy “ of me? I’m not in denial, nor am I stupid. Did I mention “self-proclaimed hypocrite” here? Yes. Yes, I did.

“Be strong. Live honorably and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on.”

-- James Frey

She tells me we're just friends, but we recently had sex. She insists that even after that we're still friends. I want her. What should I do?

You should never have had sex with your friend, for one thing. Now you are “friends with benefits” which never ends well. If she wants to be just friends, then make her happy and be just friends.

Why doesn’t my boyfriend feel guilty about his cheating? Not accepting his mistake makes me mad.

He doesn’t feel guilty because he has no respect for you. He doesn’t accept his mistake because, to him, he hasn’t made any. You’re just another warm body to be used. Personally, I’d dump him and go find someone who has respect.

Should I give up the friendship? Even after they hurt me, I still reached out with good intentions and even offered to call, but they made excuses and were dry. I regret it so much. What should I do?

Don’t give up what you really never had. Go out and find real friends, better friends, and stop calling those who could care less.

My husband said he cheated on me because he hated me as we were always quarreling. He wants to leave but is afraid of restarting from zero after divorce. Why does he think it is okay for me to hear such brutal honesty?

Do yourself a favor and file for divorce. Make him face his fears and restart from zero. Nothing like an unfriendly divorce to bring reality crashing down on him. Believe me, I’ve been there and done that.

Should we treat friends like lovers?

No, but you should treat real lovers like very good friends. The best marriages are those formed on the foundation of friendship. 

“That casual kiss on my cheek would have meant nothing up until recently, I realized I was in love with him. Not that, 'I love you, man,' type of love. Nope. I was ass over teacup in love with my best friend. The 'let's get married and grow old together' type of love.”

-- Summer Michaels

If my wife truly loves me, wouldn't she let me do whatever I want because I would be happy doing it?

If you truly loved your wife, why would you force her to do something she doesn’t want? It is a double-edged sword. You should have had this out before you were married.

"Women divorce for peace and men for another woman." What do you think of this statement?

I’ve known more women who have divorced for better men and better sex than for peace. I think people should live with each other for several years before tying the knot. Shake out all the issues, first, then decide.

How can you help uplift the dignity of the poor?

I would find the “poor” who truly want to work at having their dignity uplifted, and then jump in and help. You can’t save the poor from themselves, they must desire to help themselves for any sustainable dignity to occur. When you help yourself, you have vested yourself in the outcome. This is always a good thing.

There is this guy that had a girlfriend when we started talking and he told me that they broke up, but I’m not sure if they did. What should I do?

Ask him, might be the best thing to do, but why is this important to you? If they did or didn’t, it's really none of your business until he makes it so.

Do you find as you age, your definition of beauty has expanded and men or women, you once saw as "old", you now see as beautiful?

My definition of beauty, when I was young, had to do with red hair, freckles, and braces (of all things). Who they were was always more important to me than what they were. Scars became “proof of life” and pictures of deceased loved ones remained out because of the personal history to be cherished. Throughout my life, if a woman told me she wanted me, she was absolutely gorgeous.

“She was voluptuous, full-blown, past her prime, and he’d never wanted a woman more.”

-- Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If you knew for a fact your boss was lying about you to your subordinates to harm the working relationship, saying you said things you did not say, what would you do?

Confront him about the lies. Advise him that if wants me to quit, grow a pair of hairy ones and act like a man. If he wants me to quit, I’ll quit. Also, I’d advise him that my employment lawyer will be in touch with him for being my boss and spreading lies about me. I may be an “at-will” employee, but that allows you to fire me or let me go, not to spread lies about me.

Is there something that you find totally bewildering yet fascinating?

The human “construct” of time.

I asked my boss for a raise but he said I didn't deserve it, so I sent him my resignation letter. Now he accepted it, what should I do now?

You should have thought about this before you resigned. Now, you look for work. According to your boss, you weren’t worth a raise. You might want to be indispensable in your next position.

What is the primary source of happiness in life?

Personal desire, to be happy always and in all things. It is a choice.

What is the most masculine career?

Nowadays? Only those careers that only a man can do. Careers that require a penis and a pair of steel balls

What would be the most feminine career? Well, careers that require a vagina, like women’s sports. Oh, wait, men with penises who identify as a woman are allowed to do that now, so they can rank better than if they competed against other real men.

Just an idea I’ll throw out there. If you identify as a woman, lost the penis. Just saying. If you truly identify, become what you identify as. Lose the testosterone, the penis, the identity. I’m all about freedom to choose, but you really have to make the choice and leave the game behind.

“A masculine man wears his attitude. He is as much comfortable wearing three piece suits as he is in wearing ripped torn jeans. He does not chase love, women, or power. He gets them anyhow. He would never ever give up his masculinity for anyone or anything in his life. He lives by his ideals that are tattooed to his soul. He does not believe in leading a comfortable life with luxuries. Rather he works hard to achieve his goals in life. He lives raw. He wanders often. And his life story becomes a testament to his masculinity!”

-- Avijeet Das

What made you realize that life itself is a test?

It was the only thing that made sense. We have sayings that excuse what we should really be paying attention to:

“Don’t stress about those things over which you have no control.”

“Shit happens”

“The best-laid plans can go wrong.”

“Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”

“How is socialism working out for you?”

And, there are more that are just as valid. Why? Because life is, in fact, made up of lessons we are supposed to learn. Don’t stress over them. Don’t bemoan the fact that they happen. Pay attention to them and learn.

Lessons are not there to ruin life unless you allow them to. They are simply lessons life serves up so we can learn to move forward. Will we fail? Hopefully. 

Failure is the best way we learn.The most important lesson that everybody misses, primarily because they stress about life, is that we’re supposed to approach all of this as just another day in paradise. Be truly happy always and in all things, even in the lessons life dishes out.

Now, to evil. There is “evil” because there must be balance. Unfortunately, evil isn’t particular about victims. Children will be murdered in the womb, young people will be terrorized with human trafficking and rape, drug abuse, and parental abuse.  Evil is insideous.

These are, also, unfortunate lessons in life. But, why these young people and not those adults? Life isn’t fair? Did karma follow from a previous life? Why are certain people called to task while others are not? Wrong place, wrong time? Poor self, or parental, protection from the evil of this existence? I don’t know, and I have been berated by those that don’t know for my not knowing. A crutch they think I must bear for whatever reason, and, why not? Life isn’t fair. The lessons keep on coming.

What made me realize life is a test? When you tie your shoe and the string breaks, when a car cuts you off, when you drop your cup of coffee, or when the waitress dumps your breakfast into your lap, what will your reaction be? Think about it, and then strive to be happy always and in all things. Why?  Because shit happens.  Life is what it is until it isn’t, and, whether it isn’t what it is, that is entirely up to us.

 The girl I was dating got angry about something, and now she doesn't text me that much. I asked her if she wants to go out again with me, she replied "I'll see thanks". What does she mean?

Sucks being you.

I apologize to someone I wronged but I didn’t ask for their forgiveness they just said it was cool do I have to go back to them and ask for their forgiveness?

Whether they forgive you or not is simply to soothe your ego. You apologized for something you did. You did something wrong and you made the attempt to correct it. It is up to them to decide if they want to accept the apology and forgive you. Going back for a second go is just asking for the to kick you because you’re still down. Don’t do that. You tried to make it right, now, move on.

How do I tell my man he doesn't make me happy?

“You don’t make me happy,” might be a way to put it. “I want a divorce,” might be another option. Either way, be prepared to discuss the issues. 

Is this right to blame someone for your failure?

Only if they were truly at fault for your failure. If my project was assigned a week ago and has to be done a week later, on Tuesday, but the special order screws for it won’t arrive Tuesday morning, after a week of shipping. When they arrive, however, they are the wrong screws. The project completion will be a week late. Not my fault? The project should have been assigned much earlier to allow for issues. The manufacturer should have sent the right screws or my parts department should have ordered the screws I asked for. I should have asked management if I could request overnight shipping knowing that shit happens. They may or may not have approved it.

Short suspense projects are always prone to unforeseen issues. When they go wrong, there is always enough blame to go around. Ultimately, it comes down to communication. Mitigate the blame resting on one’s self through good communication: Things will go wrong. Overnight shipping. Double-check the order to ensure correctness. Ask to handle the order yourself. And, most importantly, document, document, document! The blame may still be yours, but at least you’ll be damned sure you can own it.  

More importantly, get passed "blame" as soon as possible.  The project still needs to be done, as soon as possible, and this is where everyone's energy should be focused.

"So just what is so fascinating about blame avoidance? ... One is that having become alerted to blame avoidance as a phenomenon, you start to see it everywhere... blame avoidance is capable of being discussed at all levels, from abstruse philosophical analysis of the nature of responsibility to everyday conversations on the bus or in the bar that swap battle stories about the frustrations of dealing with big organizations whose systems and structures seem to be carefully designed to make ordinary human communication with them as difficult as possible."

-- Christopher Hood

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questions of Decisions, Choices, Life, and Failure

 

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

-- Carl Gustav Jung

How does budgeting help with making better financial decisions?

You should be buying everything you can with cash, not credit. Stay out of debt and you’ll be surprised at how much cash you have left for the things you really need. Budgeting helps with cash purchases since you always know how much you have to spend at the end of every month.

I haven’t been in debt since the early 1980s. I’ve bought good used cars for cash or made several payments, and then I was done.

What everyone needs to understand is “who” is in your wallet, not “what.” Use cash cards, not credit cards. The more credit you use, the more people you are indebted to, the more people own a piece of you. You become an “indentured servant” until the debt is paid which, sadly for most, will be when they die.

I have been a free man for 40 years, and have not been married for over 20. When I got my divorce, we both took our own debt. I, luckily, had none. She wanted everything, so I gave it all to her, the house, car, her credit cards, etc., and so on. I walked away with nothing. I was very, really, by all definitions, free, except supporting my children, which was my pleasure.

The point I’m trying to make is, stay out of debt!

Must one love a leader before one votes him or her to the office?

No. Biden got into office because no one wanted a strong leader, not because he was loved. Now, look at the country. Nuff said.

If I’m poor, who will give me money?

In the United States, if you can qualify for “welfare,” society will give you our hard-earned money so you can sit around playing with yourself. Hell, we even give you a “credit card” for food. People who really need welfare to get by won’t mind you slacking off and doing nothing. We don’t require able-bodied people to actually earn a living, you can game the system and suck from the public teat. If this is too much work, most big cities seem to have no issue with allowing you to rip off stores with no fear of prosecution. Respect? It’s overrated.

Why do I want to have sex with another man?

Variety?

Do we truly ever let go, or do we just accept?

I think many of us just accept. I haven’t let go of my ex-wife. I still love her, but she has little use for me, which is fine. I’ve accepted the apology from her that I’m never going to get. I’ve stopped hating her and simply have no place for her in my life. I accepted giving her everything and starting over from scratch. And, I accepted calling my lawyer five years later, as she said I would, to thank her for being right. I was a much happier person.

This is why I think “accepting” is better than “letting go.” We need to remember so we don’t repeat. Part of that memory is the feeling of emotions which helps to validate our acceptance of what took place. I think, if we simply let go, the chances of making the same mistake again are significant.

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

-- Deborah Reber

How do I stop relying my happiness on one of my friends?

Understand that any happiness you feel comes from within, not from your friend. They can bring out the happiness you feel, but it is your choice, consciously or not, to feel it. If the friend makes you happy, then simply being around them will elicit this response. To stop the response, then, you must stop hanging around them. A tough thing to do if they truly make you happy.

I think most of us rely on stimulation from people or things to make us happy. They are our “go-to” for being happy. Until you come to the realization that truly sustainable happiness is a choice you have to make for your life, to strive to be truly happy always and in all things, you will continue to “rely” on certain stimuli to accomplish the happiness you feel for the moment it lasts. 

How do you deal with not knowing if you made the decisions in the past?

Unless you have memory issues, how would you not know? And, if you do have memory issues, you can't remember so why would you care?

Life is full of choices and decisions we must make and learn from. We can deny them, try to transfer responsibility for them, but we know, deep down, that we made the choice or decision. I am cognizant of every choice and decision I make in my life. I have to be… because it is my life. No one else is responsible for me, but me. This makes it pretty simple because even if I do forget that I made a choice or decision that has affected my life, I must have made it because it is my life and no one is allowed to make a decision for it but me.

This makes life interesting because if you don’t remember doing something that is totally out of character for you, then the onus is on you to validate that you actually made the choice to do it.

There are certain areas of devastation, in my past, littered with the carcasses of those who dared try to control my destiny without my knowledge. This is something none of us should condone.

As an example, recently I had a piece of my chiropractor’s scheduler when she sent me a text informing me of a scheduled appointment I didn’t make. I texted back “no” and she rescheduled it. I texted back “no” and she, then, called me. I let her know that he does not have the ability to schedule my time. But, she explained, he wanted to see me a couple of times a week for the next two weeks. Well, I explained in return, he should have informed me of that during my last appointment. I have a feeling the young lady was the one at fault and the poor girl kept falling on her sword, so I rescheduled an appointment to end her agony.

What’s a sign you’re creative?

Actually creating something is a pretty good sign. Coming up with ideas is one and being able to “think outside the box” is another. 

What has your partner done that really upset you?

About ten years ago we got into a discussion over something in my “wheelhouse” of responsibility. I felt the discussion was morphing into an argument because I didn’t know why she had insinuated herself into the issue. I told her she needed to back off of it before I lost my temper, which I try not to ever do. She heard the meaning in my voice and made herself scarce. She is a fast learner, and we haven’t had such an incident since. I’m still confused by the entire incident.

How does one gain self-awareness without an event to trigger it?

I don’t think it needs an event, it is the event. Becoming self-aware is the “event” you’re looking for. Like breathing, seeing, hearing, etc., I think the mind also filters through all the crap in order to, eventually, become aware of the self.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

-- C.G. Jung

Why do attractive things work better?

I’m not sure what bearing “attractiveness” has on the work being done unless something ugly that is doing marvelous work is attractive in its ugliness simply for that reason.

Does life have to suck? My mom says life sucks then you die, but can you live a happy life?

Considering life is all about the choices and decisions we make for ourselves, as adults, if life sucks it falls on us to make it not. If we do nothing to make our lives better, then life will, indeed, probably suck until we die. Better we should make a concerted effort to choose happiness aways and in everything we do, and keep any drama we allow into our lives to a bare minimum.  Keep in mind that, being in charge of our own lives, any drama in it, we allowed to be there.  Just saying.

What would you do if you received $900 a week for life?

Put it in the bank, donate to children’s hospitals, and take an occasional trip. It might be a good time to plan the “spiritual meditation center” I’ve wanted to build. 

Where has "free choice" gone to?

Still residing in all of us. You always have the free choice to accept or not, anything life throws at you. No one can take “free choice” away from you. At the extreme end of the spectrum, you have the freedom of choice to die rather than give in to authority.

If you had to give up one food for life, which one and why?

Candy. It really isn’t much of a food source and causes more harm than any good. Cookies, on the other hand…

“Surrendering is not the giving up of something.

True surrender is the total acceptance of yourself.

You're not 'losing' anything in the surrender, the way your society usually means that word. You are not giving up anything in the sense of loss.

Surrender means to open up: Open up to your total self; to give in and let go of the things you think you're supposed to be. Just be who you are. It will see you through.”

-- Bashar

What should I do if I told people that I’m moving, but then something happened and now I’m not? What should I do in this situation?

Don’t move.

What is the meaning of “you will fail the future”?

It’s pretty much a foregone conclusion. We all fail, and will probably fail again. Thus, is life. We learn best from our failures. At times we force failure just so we can learn what it can tell us. But, this is failing in the future, not failing the future.

In order to “fail the future” you have to fail yourself. Failing yourself is a sure sign that you really don’t give a damn, that you’ve, for all intents and purposes, given up even trying to attain any positive outcome in life. The future will abide, whether it abides positivity or negativity, goodness or evil, is another question.

Why is Putin a loser?

With any other U.S. President, he might be. But, with Joe, he’ll win back Ukraine and laugh all the way to the capital while the American people suffer the consequences of higher prices. 

Why do I feel like my girlfriend of almost 1 year doesn't love me anymore?

One year is about the right time to decide if something is sustainable. She probably doesn’t, but why don’t you ask her. No time like the present to move on before you waste another moment on someone who could care less.

What’s the nicest way to say screw off?

“Thank you for your input. Anybody else?”

“There are few phrases that annoy me more than I won't bite. The only line that pisses me off faster is when some drunk, ham-faced dude in a bar sees me trying to get past him and barks: "Smile, it can't be that bad!" Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad.”

-- Gillian Flynn

Is it right to follow your significant other and his entire family and settle overseas even if the decision wasn't made together? Is love the right choice when many things are at risk? Anyone been in this situation and do you regret your choice now?

Today’s marriages are supposed to be loving partnerships. If one partner gets disenchanted with the other partner, the partnership can be dissolved. It’s that simple. It's called divorce.  These are things that should be known, discussed, and decided, prior to the wedding, as a way of heading off a divorce.

“Oh, I neglected to tell you before the ceremony, we’re moving to Lower Slobovia for ten years. Great, huh?”

How do I discover my personal values, and what is important for me in my life?

I always tout the value of creating a personal set of moral ethics, an ethical code, you are willing to stand with unto death. Honesty, loyalty, integrity, respect, selflessness, responsibility, patriotism, love, friendship, and you can continue to break them down into their component parts ad nauseam.

Our “personal code of ethical conduct” defines who we are to those around us, to those who really care. It is not an easy path to follow. I constantly find myself at odds with my own code. It isn’t that my code is wrong as much as I want to be. I’m just a bad boy trying to be good.

Would a 4-day work week boost employee satisfaction and well-being?

Maybe, but people need to be realistic in it still being a 5-day workweek. There will be 2 hours tacked on to each of the four days to make up for the loss of one day, so what have you or the company actually gained? I think these issues will continue to populate the discussion for some time. 

Have you ever failed at something you used to do very well and just said "my life's a lie"?

I have failed many times, but my life has never been a lie. That’s an easy way of folks taking no responsibility for one’s life.My failures have been due to poor choices and decisions. I own this.I critiqued why things went wrong and corrected the issues or moved forward having learned from the mistake.The only way life becomes a lie is if this isn’t done and if you wallow in denial for your own part in not being responsible for your life.

What friendships are worth keeping?

All friendships are worth keeping or they really aren’t “friendships” to begin with. How would you feel if those who you thought were friends simply tossed you aside for better friends? How would it feel to be judged by those you thought better of? No. If you call someone a “friend” it comes with loyalty and responsibility, not only to them but to your own code of ethical conduct. What would this decision say about you to those around you? Will they wonder, when they won’t “measure up” to your standards and get the ax?

"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff, and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

-- Unknown

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Relationships, Sex, Love, and Age

 

“Breasts were one thing: they were in front, where you could have some control over them. Then there were bums, which were behind, and out of sight, and thus more lawless. Apart from loosely gathered skirts, nothing much could be done about them.”

-- Margaret Atwood

Every time I look at my girlfriend's butt, I get aroused. What can I do to stop this?

Stop looking at your girlfriend’s butt. There’s nothing else you can do about it. If it happens, however, I’m sure she knows how to take care of it.

What was a seemingly small decision you made that ended up being life-changing?

I had nothing better to do, so I reenlisted in the military for a second four-year tour that lasted almost 19 years. I gave up a degree in psychology to help keep my country safe from socialism. Had I known we were going to invite socialism into our government, I would have become a psychologist. Senator Joseph McCarthy was right.

What do you do if you're gay and your crush finds out you like them?

It’s already done. The next move is on them.

Have you ever fulfilled a dream? How did you feel?

Fulfilled. I wanted to retire before 60 years of age and managed to do it at 58, after almost 23 years in the military and another 17 years with an I.R.B. (Institutional Review Board). I spent almost 2 years in Mexico before I was asked to return and help the owner of the IRB with the upgrade of a golf and country club she bought. On my 60th birthday, I “retired” for the third time and moved to the Gulf Coast. Not many people can fulfill their dream three times.

What job could you never do but you’re grateful someone else does?

Sewer systems. A sewer full of crap doesn’t work well with my gag reflex. And, any job where I have to be around dead bodies all the time is another one.

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar."

-- Drew Carey

Can a woman pressure or coerce a man into having sex with her?

Please!

Why would it be considered rude to say someone is not “worth being treated with respect”?

Because everybody deserves respect until they show contempt for it. But, to say someone is not worthy is a judgment call they probably should be making on themselves.

What should I do when I am telling the truth but my boyfriend doesn't believe me? It hurts.

Ask yourself how long you intend to put up with this hurt?

When you finally can love someone with all your heart and that person loves you the way you are, even this is a long-distance relationship. But then you realize you both cant ever be together in the future. How do you handle this? I'm super sad now.

It is what it is, and being sad about it won’t change the fact. You need to remain good friends and soldier on to other relationships. Be very happy for the time you’ve had, and for the friendship moving forward.

Would you rather have the ability to see the future or see the past?

I have no need to see what others have written volumes about. Seeing the future, however, might prove profitable.

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”

-- John Green

How can I feel good enough for a pretty girl who shows interest in me? My self-esteem and overall view of myself have been damaged by bullies.

Share your pain. Let her know you’re a work in progress and ask her if she’s up to the challenge. Better to honestly get it out in the open before either of you gets hurt because you were less than honest.

A guy is sending mixed signals to me, but he has a girlfriend. How do I know if he really likes me?

He has a girlfriend! If he’s doing this to her, why do you think you’re going to be immune from him doing it to you?

If you have someone in your thoughts, does it mean this person is also thinking about you?

One can only hope.

I would always refuse to enter a relationship with a girl unless I would be in love with her. My sexual impulsivity is very low. What is wrong with me?

Absolutely nothing. Find a nice girl and love her till the end of time.

How do you use psychology to make a woman love you?

If a woman wants to love you, she will. If you have to make her love you, I’d be asking, what’s wrong with you that you have to make someone love you? This is manipulation, and it rarely ends well.

“Why don't people realize that feelings are so much better when they aren't forced?”

-- Nitya Prakash

What do you do or say to make things work when your boyfriend tells you you're boring and not very entertaining.  I send him romantic sexy things, but he tells me I look awkward or not good-looking.  He says I dress old?

Another guy that’s probably just using you. Hell, he barely rates as a friend with this attitude. What are you doing that keeps him with you?  I'd stop whateve it is, because you're better off without him.

What makes people ‘old’ to you?

Attitude. If you don’t think you’re old, you’re not.

How are you supposed to react when you meet the woman your dad cheated on your mom for? I'm due to meet her soon and I don’t know how to handle the situation.

I’d refuse to meet her, and your dad is an ass for suggesting that you do. How tasteless is this? If you decide to go through with this, I can’t help but think that, if she stole your dad from your mom, maybe you can steal her from your dad. 

I'm 18 and my new girlfriend is 43. Is this okay?

For you? Yes! She’s a bit out in left field, however. You do realize, though, that when you’re 36, she’ll be 86, right?

Why does my boyfriend call me ugly, fat, and lazy?

He isn’t your boyfriend. As a matter of fact, he’s not really a friend at all.

“Never listen to destructive criticism - it's only meant to silence you.”

-- Stewart Stafford

How do you show your displeasure to someone?

I ignore them. It’s rude, but they started it

When people degrade you personally, what are they hoping to gain?

They are bullies. They gain nothing but the chance to forget what absolute losers they are. People who do this think they’re covering up their own faults, when what they do actually speaks louder about what they are than if they just kept their mouth shut. They are sad people. 

What happens when narcissists get older?

They become old narcissists.

What do you not want in a partner?

Selfishness. Been there, done that, and it wasn’t the basis for a good relationship. Better to find a loving, giving, and caring, partner for life.

My girlfriend has been saying she’s fat and ugly, and I could say she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen a million times but she wouldn’t budge. How do I make her feel better?

This is a pit of misery she has dug for herself. She’s inviting you to validate her, but you won’t, and that is a good choice. You need to explain to her that she needs to stop this behavior, of you’ll go find someone happier to be around.

“The average person’s self-esteem is so low that they are way less frequently surprised that they love someone than they are surprised that someone loves them.”

-- Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Love, Marriage, Cheating, and Divorce

 

“Men are as faithful as their options.”

-- Chris Rock

 

My dad is going on a business trip for 10 days and my mum is sad. What can I do to help her?

Bring her flowers to perk her up, and then ask her what you can do to help her while dad is gone. Helping her around the house is another way for you to bond, as well.

What do you do when your wife is no longer interested in sex?

Sex in general, or just sex with me? I have experience with both. 

Who should decide what is wrong or right?

It is totally up to you. You are free to do whatever you’d like. Society has set some laws and guidelines which you can choose to follow or ignore. There may be some stiff penalties, however, if you choose to ignore societal laws and guidelines. But, it is your decision. 

As a man who has slept with a lot of women, what are your surprising insights?

It doesn’t matter what they look like. What really matters is how perseverant they are in attaining their goals. Some can be very persistent about getting what they want.

Loved a girl that loved me but she ended up with a guy who manipulated her into marriage to rob her of many things. Eventually, they separated. She didn't want a new relationship right now we should just be friends. What can I do?

If you truly love her, be there for her until she either leaves or grows to understand the love you feel for her. True love has unexplainable patience.

“Maybe that's what it all comes down to. Love, not as a surge of passion, but as a choice to commit to something, someone, no matter what obstacles or temptations stand in the way. And maybe making that choice, again and again, day in and day out, year after year, says more about love than never having a choice to make at all.”

-- Emily Giffin

When did you realize your parents knew everything?

What?

Why is my boyfriend picking up prostitutes and keeping secrets from me?

First of all, he obviously isn’t your “boyfriend” because he has no respect for you. Now, your question is moot because you shouldn’t be with him. He keeps secrets and is trying to infect you with an STD. He’s a real peach.

How do I tell my wife that I can't stand her?

I want a divorce.

Why do you decide not to marry your partner?

I only needed to have a woman strip me of everything once through a divorce. Twice is just being a glutton for punishment.

Is a strong woman considered a bitch?

Only if she bends you over and spanks you. But, I wouldn’t call her that.

“Gentlemen are gentlemen in bed. They make sure you're having a good time."

"I'll make sure you're having a good time, and that you're okay with everything. I just won't be well mannered about it.”

-- Samantha Young

Where can I find some girl to have sex with?

Do you have any money?

What lessons in life would you rather skip over?

Bullies, hatred, lying, infidelity, basically all the negative ones. I’d rather skip over them, but the world demand we learn them because of who we are capable of being. How sad is that? This is why I made the choice to be truly happy always and in all things. Screw evil.

Between respect, honesty, loyalty, trust, and integrity, which attracts you in a person?

Integrity, because it pretty much covers the others.

How can a guy manipulate you, use, and dump you, and then move on to another girl? I swear to God I wish he'd die right now for the pain he has caused me.

Karma in the form of an incurable STD will probably be visited upon him. Just wait.  Everything to it's own moment.

What can I do…my boyfriend wants to have sex with me and he laments me always for not being successful during the process because am still a virgin and It really hurts so much he even wants to break up with me what can I do?

He isn’t worth your effort. Let him go and find someone who respects you.

“Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power.”

-- Oscar Wilde

What does a man need to do to satisfy a woman’s sexual needs?

Foremost, I’d have to say, the desire to do so. It isn’t all about him. If he doesn’t have the desire, what are the chances he will actually work toward the goal with his full attention? Second, I think constant communication from the woman about what’s working for her is crucial. Third, the man needs to be enjoying her “fulfillment” as much as she is. She needs to know it’s okay for her to be “herself” when that special moment arrives.

What does it mean if he’s sober and doesn’t want sex?

You’re not deserving of 100% of his effort, attention, and respect?

What is something that no one warned you about in life after a divorce?

Heartache. Putting twenty-five years into trying to salvage a marriage and having to admit it died 24 years ago because the woman admitted she never loved me and was just using me, was devastating.

My friend said she is "disappointed" with me because I can't take time off work to go to a festival. She has other friends she is going with. Why is she making me feel so guilty?

She has little respect for your work ethic. If you want to keep her as a friend, I’d confront her with why you have "ethical behavior" and voice your disappointment in her for not respecting this. Then, I’d recommend she look into some "ethical behavior" for her own life.  Offer to help if she doesn't know what "ethical behavior" is.

Author's comment:  I have stood up for myself which I don't usually do with her and she's come back telling me that if I wanted to go I should have booked the time off sooner. We are only in February and the festival is in June but others have taken the time off. She says I am making poor excuses. But this is the same person who didn't attend the second day of a festival in August because she couldn't be bothered. She also had made plans with me in the past where I paid for a ticket for an event and canceled last minute after I have messaged her on the day she said last minute she didn't want to go. I said no matter what I do it doesn't feel good enough and her response was, why bother with me then?

My reply:  Lack of respect and a desire for control, then. Let her go, and hang with a better class of people. She sounds like life is all about her, so maybe you should let it be all about her… without you.

What would you do if you found out that a painting your partner did of a female turned out to be his ex but lied to you and said it was no one he knew?

Your partner is a liar. I’d find a partner that isn’t.

“Love is a verb, not a noun. It is active. Love is not just feelings of passion and romance. It is behavior. If a man lies to you, he is behaving badly and unlovingly toward you. He is disrespecting you and your relationship. The words “I love you” are not enough to make up for that. Don’t kid yourself that they are.”

-- Susan Forward

What is the number one reason why women cheat?

Lack of satisfaction, or the need for excitement. But, I repeat myself.

I found out my dad was cheating. Should I tell my mother or someone else?

Confront your dad. Tell him if it doesn’t stop, you’re going to mom. If he says there are issues, tell him to suck it up or file for divorce. This won’t be the rocket science he’ll probably be making it out to be.

Why did my friends feel no remorse for betraying me and dismissing me, instead keep saying that it's nothing, and feel justified and think that I am overreacting and laughing at me?

They aren’t your friends. Time to embrace this fact and find yourself some true friends.

I love her, but for her, I'm just a friend and we spend 3 hours a day video chatting. What should I do?

If she doesn’t know the way you feel, tell her.

How do I find someone to enjoy videos of teens having sex with me?

Call the County Sheriff’s office.

“Some abusers organize themselves in groups to abuse children and other adults in a more formally ritualized way. Men and women in these groups can be abusers with both sexes involved in all aspects of the abuse. Children are often forced to abuse other children. Pornography and prostitution are sometimes part of the abuse as is the use of drugs, hypnotism, and mind control. Some groups use complex rituals to terrify, silence, and convince victims of the tremendous power of the abusers. the purpose is to gain and maintain power over the child in order to exploit. Some groups are so highly organized that they also have links internationally through trade in child pornography, drugs and arms.

Some abusers organize themselves around religion or faith and the teaching and training of the children within this faith often take the form of severe and sustained torture and abuse. Whether or not the adults within this type of group believe that what they are doing is, in some way 'right' is immaterial to the child on the receiving end of the 'teachings' and abuse.”

-- Laurie Matthew 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com