Questioning Confidence, Hate, Silliness, and Love

“None of us like to think we are silly. But all must acknowledge that they are capable of silliness, from time to time”

-- Jude Morgan

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A note to my readers:  Again, this is the answer that just keeps on giving.  I'm continuing to update the statistics for those who'd like to follow with me and we'll see where it levels off, But it seems to keep on growing.  

This answer was touted by the site as being "featured" in over 10,000 individual reader digests, whatever those are.  This answer was originally posted on March 30, 2022, and, to date, has been viewed over 204,900 times and upvoted by 3,176 readers.  I assume, because it was "featured," this is a big deal, whatever "featured" means.  I will continue to share my answer, for those who haven't read it, as long as it keeps on growing:

Did you ever get a request for a favor from a neighbor who never showed any respect or interest in you or your family? What did you do?

The guy next door. He asked if he could cut down a rotting tree the raccoons use. Wanted to bill me $2000 for a $500 job. I told him not to touch it. He cut it down anyway, when I wasn’t around, then billed me $2000. My legal team, lawyers from Louisiana and Mississippi, both advised me to tell him to go f*** himself. You have to love Southern lawyers. I cleaned the language up and sent him a form letter concerning trespass, ignorance, and the fact that he wouldn’t be getting any money out of me. (Last lines have been updated) We don't talk, not bacause I'm not willing, but because he seems to think he's all that.  He flies a Marine Corps flag.  So far, the retired Air Force is not impressed.

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How can I be confident in myself when he says he has never been faithful with anyone ever. But he is now?

This is a test. Are you up to the challenge? There are two confidence tests involved. Are you confident in his ability to be faithful, or are you confident that he will fall on his sword? Either way, you show confidence in your ability to make a choice. You might be wrong, but being wrong is simply an opportunity to learn. Are you confident that you can learn?

We tend to judge ourselves wrongly. You asked the question, which shows a sense of confidence. But you asked it of us, which shows you are hesitant to choose, to take a risk. Throw caution to the wind… and watch your back.

Author's comment: I have little confidence in myself. Been choosing wrong for years. Been hurt bad many times. Part of me does feel like he can take me away from my pain my past. He could be what I have asked dreamed and prayed for. But why would he tell me he has never been faithful. To make it known he can or to tell me he feels kinda what I am feeling. He asked me to marry him and it 6months of being a couple. He chased the woman he said he was in love with for twenty plus years not faithful either one. But never asked her. Just so scared. This man showed after I had given up. And is stealing my heart more everyday even as I believe I am being resistant.

My reply: It is a choice only you can make for your life. It will be a lesson, or it will be a gift, but you’ll have to find out. Just, don’t go into it blind. Be aware of what might happen and, if it does, know that you were aware of the possibility. The blame won’t be on him, as he has been upfront from the beginning.

Should all actions have equal consequences?

You murder someone, you die. You perform a selfless act to help someone, you live. Equal, yet opposite. 

What happens if a wife cheats on her husband for revenge?

Karma is going to be busy. First with him, then with her. Revenge is the purview of karma.

Why do people stack on an inferiority complex?

A lack of faith in themselves. As this faith grows, so lessens the inferiority complex. But, one must work on developing this faith in themselves as it doesn’t just miraculously happen.

How did you escape your past?

You can’t actually escape your past. It is what it is. You can learn from it and move forward or not learn from it and wallow in a pit of misery. It is a choice. If you think you have escaped your past, you are in denial of what has taken place in life.

Our past is nothing more than lessons laid down before us, lessons we must try to learn so we can move forward. If we don’t learn, we risk staying exactly where we are until we do. I think this is our own self-inflicted hell on earth.

Our past is what it is, and we must learn from it in order to rise above and move forward into our next existence.

“Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

-- Søren Kierkegaard

She tells her friends everything I told to her, she was mocking me. I feel like an idiot, I hate myself. What should I do to forget?

It is your history, so you probably won’t forget, and this is a good thing. You made a mistake and life is allowing you to learn from the lesson it has presented you. Next time, mitigate this problem by watching what you say to others. Nothing is a secret if we put it out there for others to judge. 

Why does new music suck so much?

Who listens to it? 

What's something you heard that made you realize something?

“It is what it is.”

I realized that it was not complete, and I had to educate my father on the entire meaning of it: “It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is again.”

Life is what it is, and it might be serving you lemons, and this will continue until you change the reason why, and then life will be what it is again - life!

We tend to concern ourselves with those things over which we have little or no control instead of paying attention to those things we actually have the ability to fix. Fix your life, first, and then pay attention to the other crap. Life will abide.

How do I deal with someone who is always honest?

Honestly, would be my thought. 

Why do modern sluts choose drugs and careers over a family?

So, let me get this straight. If you choose a career over family, does this make you a “slut”? Methinks there is a definition issue here. But, then, maybe I’m just confused.

Slut: A woman who has many casual sexual partners. 

“The sexier the other woman is, the more jealous your wife gets. And that's where slut shaming comes from. When a woman is too sexually attractive, when she's too good at attracting the attention of the opposite sex, other women will shame her for it, because they are afraid she will steal their men.”

-- Oliver Markus

Who will you not take advice from?

I find good advice in the most unlikely places and, because of that, I give respect to most people who offer advice with due respect. The people I give the least attention to are those who don’t respect me from the get-go. I think, for most of us, we can determine to who we should give the most credence. There is rarely a stupid question. More often, though, we are faced with ignorant answers. I think, for most of us, we can determine to who we should give the most credence.

Why do silly voices get the most reaction from children?

They are “silly” children, silly.

This abortion argument is very odd to me. Where is the woman who is going to get rich and take charge and create a social media platform to deal with this shit? Figure out how to stop getting pregnant and you won't need an abortion?

I’m very surprised the League of the Perpetually Offended hasn’t railed on you over this question. Every time I put forth my opinion they just ooze out from under their rock to try and create a cogent argument for the murder of an innocent incapable of protecting themselves when the mother isn’t in mortal danger. With all our advances in birth control, it continuously irks me that it takes so long for “intelligent” people to make a decision to terminate a pregnancy. I’m an advocate for making the “morning-after pill” free, like condoms, at local clinics, pharmacies, hospitals, and doctor’s offices. If you can’t keep your knees together, or the guy’s too stupid to take a hint, take the MAP.

Reader comment: I’m with you. Everyone seems to be able to get their text messages every day but forget to take their BCP? There are apps for everything, how about an ovulation app to take your BCP. Or who has the best price for your favorite BCP or strawberry-flavored condom? Or how close the nearest all-nite pharmacy is. Also, women could go there and cry about the guy who "hit it" but didn’t call her back. I see big money here, and all these women who complain about the patriarchy should be jumping on this.

How do you walk away from someone who doesn't want you?

You don’t walk, you run, and don’t look back. He proved he doesn’t deserve you to look back.

My partner just confessed to having an affair. This affair was longer than our relationship. He doesn't know which woman to choose and asked for some time. Should I wait or walk away?

You’ve become a choice? You're a choice that he can’t decide upon. If he truly loved you he wouldn’t have had the affair, not would he have a choice. Walk away and find someone so much better. 

“She says it's really not very flattering to her that the women who fall in love with her husband are so uncommonly second-rate.”

-- W. Somerset Maugham

Will Prince William forgive Harry for leaking private conversations?

This is the drama I pay so little attention to. I really don’t care about the “royals” and their drama. Don’t we create enough of our own? This is the purview of those folks who watch General Hospital.

Is it wrong to not respect your stepdad after he cheated on your mom?

Who is your loyalty to, him or mom? He disrespected your mother, the woman who brought you into this world, and you think you owe him respect? 

What would it mean for someone to choose their own past? If time travel were possible?

If they intend to change something, they have little understanding of “theoretical” time travel. Personally, I’d like to review questionable history. For instance, was there a “second shooter” on the grassy knoll during the Kennedy assassination?

Is love alone enough for marriage?

Believe it or not, yes. As a team you can develop everything else you’ll need. True love is enough, and very hard to find. 

Reader comment: It’s impossible to find because it does not exist. Love is a fallacy based on emotional/physical need.

My reply: Spoken like a member of the perpetually offended, albeit an "unloved" member. I'll take a wild guess that you're also an atheist. No love, no God? No faith? Yes, well, most of my fallacies are based on physical needs, you know, like eating, breathing, drinking, shelter, warmth, and my physical need for a woman which I love, you know... that pesky thing that doesn't exist.

I’m 22. I hit my dad because he only brought me one Easter egg. Now all of my stuff is outside. What should I do?

Well, you deserved it. You’re 22 years old. You’re lucky he bought you anything. You hit him for the thought. So, he buys you a gift and you disrespect him for it. I’m a grandfather and you’re a jerk. Find a place to live, get a job to support yourself, and learn how to be respectful. Believe it or not, you’re a adult now. 

"I'm sorry. I know we fight, but who doesn't? We aren't perfect. We're gonna fight sometimes. But I'm never going to stop loving you, no matter how much we fight or what we fight about. I just want to let you know that I love you and the reason I'M apologizing, whether I started it or not, is because I love you more than I love my pride. I would rather lose a stupid argument than lose you."

-- Mahmoud El Hallab

Why does my brain feel like soup?

You can feel your brain? That alone is concerning.

Is it wrong to not want anything else to do with people? Like if they're in constant despair, only negative towards you, and constantly try to limit EVERYBODY's lives to the worse scenario, shouldn't I want to be away from them?

It would be a natural inclination to want to distance yourself from such people, but, in doing so you remove the light of tolerance, understanding, and reason. There are those people, and I run into them constantly, who will deny you no matter what. They are perpetually in misery and refuse to rise up. However, there are those blessed few, waiting for someone to light their way. I would ask that you ignore your natural inclination to “be away from them” and, instead, smile knowingly, and selflessly be the light for those few to follow.

If you could live anywhere with one of your enemies, where would it be?

A sniper range.  Accidents happen.  

Do you think everything should be free in life?

Who do you think should pay for it? Who will pay for the idea, the planning, materials, construction, packaging, shipping, sales people, and the bags to take stuff home in? There’s a reason why they say there is no free lunch. It cost money.

A guy I’m dating really likes heavy metal, but unfortunately, I don’t. Will that ruin us?

Opposites attract? Love is about give and take.

“First you meet someone—someone who is completely different from everyone around you. Someone who sees everything in a different light and forces you to shift, change your angle of vision, observe everything anew, within and without. You think you can keep a safe distance from him. You think you can navigate your way through this beautiful storm until you realize, much too suddenly, you are thrust out into the open and in fact, you control nothing.”

-- Elif Shafak

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com