Questioning Anxiety, Judging, Ladies, and Work

“If you're reading this... Congratulations, you're alive. If that's not something to smile about, then I don't know what is.”

-- Chad Sugg

What should you do when you feel too nervous and everything is being ruined in your life (job, relationship, friendship, etc.)?

Take a step back and ask yourself, “Why?” Why is everything being ruined? If you’re honest with your answers, it will take you five “whys” to understand what the issue is, and it usually centers on you. The choices and decisions you make for your life. 

It may be the wrong job, bad friends, or a sour relationship, but you have to ask, who accepted the job? Who chose the friends? Who accepted the relationship? Who, who, who? We usually find the who, involved in the “why,” is us. 

You will go from why your job sucks, and five “whys” later you arrive at, “Why did you accept the job offer?” If you exercise the “whys” for each of your issues, you will find yourself jumping straight to the problem - a choice or decision you made. 

You will stop being nervous because you now know the cause. You can critique why things happened and correct them, or simply learn and move on. Your choices and decisions will become better as you take time to think before you act: https://kanbanize.com/lean-management/improvement/5-whys-analysis-tool

I'm 30 years old, a woman, single, and sometimes I miss having someone to talk to or to share. I miss being loved by a man. How do I cope with this feeling?

Find a man? 

Is everyone selfish?

Is everyone greedy? Greed breeds selfishness. I think most people a greedy to some extent. We don’t exercise “selflessness” enough. Doing for others with no expectation of gratitude. Do it simply because it is the right thing to do.

Do women enjoy being used for sex?

Most men do.

Am I outgrowing a long-term boyfriend?

It happens. You are maturing faster than he is. Women do that. Your wants are changing as well, while he’s probably still thinking with that brain below his waist, you’re thinking of the future that, for better or worse, doesn’t include him.

Reader comment: Tony, How were you able to respond to such a vague question?

My reply: I didn’t find it that vague. Was I wrong?  I have to laugh. This site kills me. The original question wasn’t “Pickles? Or cucumbers?”  Yeah, I agree, pretty vague.

Reader reply: From your perspective! ABSOLUTELY NOT wrong! BUT I had to laff cuzzZ your response was soooo noT about Pickles or Cucumbers.

“Sometimes you just outgrow certain people. Don’t try to fix or repair it, just accept it and move on.”

-- Nitya Prakash

One of my friends says I smile too much. What should I do?

Smile at them. There’s nothing wrong with smiling. Let them know that they don’t smile enough. You’re hanging with a bunch of sourpusses.

I’m a 25-year-old girl my mother is forcing me to study medicine when I refuse to become a doctor and want to become a math professor and study maths my mother beats me and my father I want to run away what do I do?

You’re 25 years old, so I’ll assume you're not in the United States, maybe India?  No matter, I’d still run away and study mathematics. Are you serious when you say your mother beats your father? 

What simple characteristics or behaviors will make people think you are rich?

Spend money like you really have it.

How do I make people stop judging me based on my zodiac sign? As someone who doesn't believe at all in this and doesn't even fit "their" description, it's really frustrating.

For one thing, why are people judging you? Their judgment says more about them than you. I’d tell them to grow up, and that you give the zodiac about twice as much credence as you give them, and two times zero is still zero.

My ex said I’m not worthy and enough reason for him to move closer. I got upset and ended it. He blocked me without saying anything. Should I ask family members or friends why?

Is it really that important for you to know the reason why he treats you with little respect? His actions, unless he has good reason, speak for themselves. You’re free, so go find someone to treat you better.

“Don't let society fool you into believing that if you don't have a girlfriend or boyfriend then you're destined for a life of misery. The Dalai Lama has been single for the last 80 years and he is one of the happiest people on earth. Stop searching for happiness in places outside of yourself, and start finding it where it has always been: within you.”

-- Miya Yamanouchi

My boyfriend and I were having sex and during that he said, he wants to propose. Is that just sex talk or is he thinking about it? 1st time brought it up and we have been in a relationship for almost a year.

Yeah, but did he tell you what he wants to propose? Are you assuming marriage? Maybe he’s wanting to “propose” a threesome. Just saying.

Why do I get so weak when someone says something hurtful to me? I get depressed and want to kill myself. What is wrong with me?

What’s wrong is that you pay way too much attention to hurtful people. Try ignoring them and meeting better people who will treat you better. Killing yourself won’t phase these kinds of people one bit. They’ll find fault with you for doing it. Better you ignore them and go live life more robust than they could imagine.

What are the things a person should do in order to become successful in life?

Choose to be truly happy always and in everything. This is “success” in life.

What do I do when I have too many problems to keep on living but everyone says not to commit suicide?

So, you have made some bad choices and refuse to learn the lessons of them? What happens when you commit suicide and find yourself right back in this life reliving it all over again until you make better choices? Kind of your own personal hell on earth? It kind of makes one want to work through some of those lessons. It isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey. If you get off the train, you’ll have to get back on.

Why does hard work beat everything?

Like not doing anything? How boring is that? At least when you work hard you can be proud of your progress. It also makes the beer taste much better, and the companionship much sweeter, and you can afford both. Yeah, hard work beats just about anything.

“There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.”

-- Beverly Sills

What can a woman do to stop her man from cheating?

Ask the man. She might not like the answer, but she’ll know what’s in his head and she can go from there.

How do you know the time to forgive and act positively?

Wisdom would dictate that you should always forgive and act positively. But, forgiveness has nothing to do with trust. If someone violates your trust, you can forgive them, but that doesn’t mean you have to trust them again.

What should you never say to a girl who likes you?

I’m gay.

How do you stop loving someone you have been with for many years?

You don’t, and if you can, you were never really in love. Many people can just flip the “love” switch. I find that hard to believe if you truly loved someone. I truly loved my ex-wife for 25 years before the divorce. I fought as hard to save the marriage as she did to destroy it. I hate her for what she put me through, but I still love her for marrying me and giving me two great kids.

Am I experiencing anxiety again?

I don’t know. Are you? 

“Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems”

-- Epictetus

Someone I care a lot about called me a repulsive person. What do I do?

I’d be interested in why they feel that way. If they’re full of shit, I’d unfriend them.

I’m 19. I screamed all the way home in the car and I kicked all the windows when my dad said he was cutting off my food. What should I do?

You act like this at 19? I’d say it’s time to grow up, get a job, buy your own damn food, move in with friends, and apologize to your dad for your total lack of appreciation.

What is the biggest philosophical question?

“Why?” And this is followed by the biggest philosophical answer, “Because.”

I keep getting bullied by this guy. Yesterday I found out his name is ‘Punty Pink Higgins’. I am so pathetic that I allow myself to get bullied by a guy with a name like that. What do I do?

Tell him you’re sorry he has such a suck name, but you didn’t give it to him. You would be more than happy, however, to spread the knowledge should he ever bully you again. Social media is a free zone, you might want to exercise there.

Are you in love with a lady?

Ever since my divorce, I have only fallen in love with ladies.

“You will manage to keep a woman in love with you, only for as long as you can keep her in love with the person she becomes when she is with you.”

-- C. JoyBell C.

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com