Questioning Living, Will, Marriage, Promises, and Cheats

 

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

How do I get back to "living life" again? I went through a series of horrible people, who did horrible things & now I have trouble trusting anyone (I'm in counseling). I've become afraid of everyone, & (almost) everything, & very reclusive.

Make the choice. Your choices, so far, seem to have sucked. Learn from them. Failure and mistakes are some of the best ways we learn. Be very choosy about who you trust. There is no shame in being careful. You gain nothing by letting the bastards continue to win, and, as long as you have these issues, they will continue to win. Stand up for yourself. Go out and have fun. Give the world the middle finger and proclaim you’re back. It is a choice.

How does one decide if letting your love go was the right thing to do?

I think that, first, you have to ask yourself why you let your love go. Was the reason valid enough to make it the right thing to do?

A person at my school thinks we are friends and he bullies me (if I can fully call it that, he just hits me on the back of the head). I’ve told him to stop but he just says that it’s fun. He is friends with some of my friends, though, so what do I do?

If it annoys you, stop hanging around with him. If your friends don’t stand up to him, they must agree with him. Find new friends that don’t condone that kind of immaturity. He just might be the impetus for needed change in your life.

What is a woman who likes older men called?

Safe. 

Why is forgiving important?

We all make mistakes. I’d like to think that, if I apologize for a mistake, someone will be big enough to forgive me so we can move forward.

“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”

-- Criss Jami

What was the first time you had to be courageous? How did it go?

I stood up to a bully in high school, and almost beat him to death with a tree branch. My friend pulled me off of him, and when I calmed down, I was very surprised by my ability to visit violence upon someone else. Thus began my life of standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

Did you change because you had to or you wanted to?

I had to because I wanted to. I had to change my way of thinking if I wanted to join the military.

How can I have a strong will?

Having a “strong will” is about never giving up, never surrendering, especially when you know you are in the right. It is about perseverance in the face of insurmountable odds, standing your ground, and spitting in the face of failure.

Is it okay to cancel plans because you're tired?

If you’re not going to enjoy the time, why go? The people you may have made plans with might not be happy, but if the plan is to fly a private plane and you’re the pilot, I’d rather you be wide awake for the event.

Does anyone really care what you believe?

The communists and the socialists. I’m really not a danger to anyone else, and the liberal left is only a danger to themselves:

“The useful idiots, the leftists who are idealistically believing in the beauty of the Soviet socialist or Communist or whatever system, when they get disillusioned, they become the worst enemies. That’s why my KGB instructors specifically made the point: never bother with leftists. Forget about these political prostitutes. Aim higher. They serve a purpose only at the stage of destabilization of a nation. For example, your leftists in the United States: all these professors and all these beautiful civil rights defenders. They are instrumental in the process of the subversion only to destabilize a nation. When their job is completed, they are not needed anymore. They know too much. Some of them, when they get disillusioned, when they see that Marxist-Leninists come to power—obviously they get offended—they think that they will come to power. That will never happen, of course. They will be lined up against the wall and shot.” 

-- Yuri Bezmenov (1939-1993), former Soviet journalist and KGB informant

Which is more reliable, applause or applauses?

They are both just as reliable. Applause shows that what you have offered, was appreciated by an audience. More applause would show that what you offered was appreciated by more than one audience, or, ultimately, by society as a whole. Each applause is reliable at the level at which it was offered. It is rated by the percentage of the audience applauding, the intensity, and the length.

What if someone could time travel and choose their own past?

Good for them? I’m not sure what the question is, here.

How do you deal with someone who downplays your success?

Did you attain your goal to satisfy them or you? Jealousy will come at us all through life if we constantly attain our goals. These people will stroke their own lack of attainment by trivializing yours. You don’t need to deal with them, as they are their own worst advertisement. Smile, thank them for their lack of maturity, and keep on keeping on. This will keep pissing them off. How great is that?

What are three key factors to a successful marriage?

True love, understanding, and respect.

How many times could you tolerate your paycheck being more than three days late before you would start a new job search?

That would depend on if it caused me to be late making payments for rent, power, water, etc., and so on. The job not paying you on time is not an excuse for being late on your responsibilities. This is what a savings account is good for. You pay your bills and put the money back when the check comes in. But, even with savings, how long can you “tolerate” not being paid on time? I suppose it depends on how much you enjoy the job.

"Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife."

-- James H Kabbler III

Do cheaters enjoy their lifestyle?

One would think they’d have to, while they can. Sooner or later they’re going to get caught. Enjoying has little to do with being truly happy, however. They cheat because they are incapable of rising to the challenge. How sad for them.

How do I remind someone who promised me a job?

"Is that job offer still open?"

Have been dating a guy for 4 months and it's been going great - we met at the weekend and we ended up having sex - however since then he has become really cold & not initiating much communication - What have I done wrong? 

Ask him? He’s the one being cold and quiet. My first blush is to say you did not meet his sexual expectations. If this is so, he swims in the shallow end of the gene pool, and you’d be better served dumping him for someone in the deep end.

Is it possible to have too much of a good thing?

Ever eat too much rich food? There is nothing like puking up a great pizza through your nose. It really doesn’t taste good the second time around. Just saying. 

Are you always happy at work?

I always was. Even when the work went wonky, I was still happy to have a job. I have been blessed to have two careers I absolutely enjoyed doing. Even when they were tedious or were being rated by inspectors, I always appreciated the challenge. Happiness is a choice you make for your life. Choose to be truly happy always and in all things. This, alone, is true success.

"Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances."

-- J. Donald Walters

Do confident people still cheat?

Yes, and they do so confidently.

Why is life not really nice?

If life was always nice, what would you learn from it? There must be balance. With balance, you learn the good with the bad. Why is life really not nice? Do you mean, this time around? How do you know past lives haven’t served you great times? Maybe this life is your turn to learn the tough lessons. 

Whom do you love next to yourself?

My children.

Can distractions make you focus?

Not me. Distractions piss me off. I am so not a multi-tasker. I have to focus on one thing at a time. Do one thing well and then move on to another. It has served me well. I hated doing many things well enough to get by. Doing each thing to the best of my ability or the team's ability, always got us the excellent results we were after.

Does being intimate in a relationship bring you closer?

It does if it’s mutually fulfilling. 

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”

-- John Joseph Powell

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com