Questioning God, Grief, Clues, and Control

 

“A person who has been punished is not thereby simply less inclined to behave in a given way; at best, [she] learns how to avoid punishment.”

-- B.F Skinner

Name Two things that can make you visit your fiancee repeatedly?

When I had a fiancee, it was sex and her mom’s cooking. As it turned out, her mom’s cooking was the best part of the 25-year relationship.

Is God a Pie in the Sky?

God is everything.

What was the best lesson you learned from someone you didn’t like?

I was capable of violence against another human being. I was a small kid and was always being picked on and bullied. One day, I just snapped. I picked up a tree branch and beat the kid to the ground and then just kept on beating him until my friend pulled me off of him. From that point forward, I stood up for myself and I started standing up for others who didn’t dare defend themselves. I got my ass beat several times, but it was worth the effort to put the bullies in their place.

Would you slap your best friend for a million bucks?

I’d slap the crap out of him, then I split the money with him, or her.

What are the signs that someone is living a double life?

It is hard enough to remember your own life without doubling it. You actually have to adopt another personality, temporarily forget the original, and hope you come out the other end unscathed. Sooner or later the bullshit falls apart. Nobody is that good, unless you’re insane, and even then…

“If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.”

-- Mark Twain

What is the scariest character trait a human can possess?

The ability to do anything without conscience. I can gather information about people, kill, torture, unleash nuclear armageddon, but my conscience will haunt me until death and, most probably, beyond. A person without a conscience is a scary individual who bears watching.

Are your problems actually real or ones that you created in your mind?

I find that most people have “problems,” real or imagined, they create themselves. The ones they don’t create, are usually drama they let in. If you think you have problems, before you go assigning blame, ask yourself why you have the problem. It will usually come down to a choice or decision you made. Try the “5 Whys” for yourself. It is an eyeopener: 5 Whys: Getting to the Root of a Problem Quickly. 

Can a pastor deny forgiveness to his cheating wife?

Why not? Men of the “cloth” seem to feel they are so above it all until they're forced back down to earth. Pastors, priests, chaplains, and the like, who take what they do seriously, at times forget their humility. They forget that they’re just human. We see this constantly in the courts and on the news. There are those, however, who are fully aware of what they really are. Historically, they’ve been in it for the money and the power. This is a big reason I don’t trust organized religion. I say this as a baptized Catholic who found a better road.

How would you treat me when I am with you?

With respect, until you gave me a reason not to.

How can a person get creative in his 40s without any significant creative spark in his earlier life?

Grandma Moses started painting at 76 when arthritis made it too painful to embroider. Her paintings have sold for over a million dollars. She died at 101 years of age in 1961. Did she have a spark? Probably, but was it significant? Embroidery and painting are not the same art forms, so you tell me. I try many artistic endeavors to see if I have the knack. I find that I am like a handyman, “A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.

“A jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one."

-- Proverb, or a "figure of speech"

What's your first intention when you think about a girl you care about?

Not to intentionally hurt her.

Why did my ex dump me this way? A month before he dumped me he asked if I was breaking up with him. I said no. He grew more distant and dumped me, blaming me for the breakup. He said that I wouldn't answer his texts even though he was doing this.

He’s creating the situation so he doesn’t have to “man up” and be honest with you. I really have no use for this kind of obvious cowardice.

What about the 5 stages of grief is wrong?

Let's look at the five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They seem pretty straightforward if we approach it by qualifying the “five stages” as a general rule, but there are many exceptions.

I didn’t deny my father was dying after his fourth stroke. He had beat the strokes, and death, on more than one occasion, therefore, I wasn’t angry or depressed, but I was acceptant of his time to move on. I prayed for his mother, Mama, to not let him suffer. I didn’t bargain in this, as it was the right thing for her to do. He lived for less than a week. God bless Mama. 

What should I do if my girlfriend is pregnant, because of somebody else?

She has become the problem of “somebody else.” Time to say goodbye and have a great life.

Would you put a naked picture of you up?

Yes, but, oh, would that be an unappetizing sight you couldn’t burn out of your mind. I would be brought up on charges of mental cruelty.

“Most people lie. Including when they think that nudity is something that is inappropriate and disgusting. Nudity in any condition always attracts attention, challenges, and provokes curiosity. The problem is whether people want to admit that or not.”

-- Titon Rahmawan

What would you do if you found someone other than your significant other cheating?

If they’re not cheating with me, it would piss me off. But, what they do is their business and, unfortunately, not mine.

Do you think we will ever prove or disprove the existence of God?

No. But, I think that’s the point of faith.

How do I say sorry to God?

First of all, it has to be a heartfelt apology, then you just think it or say it. God is all-knowing. God knows you were going to ask this question and God knows whether or not you’re going to apologize. So, now that you've set things in motion, get on with it.

Why is perfection impossible?

Because everything can be improved upon. Change is the only true constant in the universe.

What is your "I lived through that" event? 

I’ve had two events. Both were motor vehicle accidents that the witnesses of one can’t explain how I survived, and the highway patrolman is dumbfounded that I even survived the second one.

The first was a motorcycle accident where a car hit me, I went under the front bumper, the car stopped, and then I flew over the top of the car from under the bumper. Yeah, after the car stopped. Leftover energy? Two months in the hospital.

For the second one, I rolled a Datsun 510 station wagon. During both accidents, I blackout when I saw what was going to happen, woke up during it and blacked out again, and then came to when it was over. All the doors, including the back hatch, were sealed shut during the rolling side-over-side and then end-over-end. The best guess of the CHP officer was that I was thrown out of the back hatch. Everything inside the vehicle came loose. He said I would have been torn to shred had I had my seatbelt on. Mild concussion, scrapes, and cuts.

“He looked him right in the eyes and saw a man who was great and good and human, who had done extraordinary things and terrible things and been broken and reassembled as a shell, only then to do the bravest thing of all: He had kept on living, though there are easier paths to take.”

-- Laini Taylor

How would I know if someone truly loves me even though they cheat on me constantly?

How can you answer your own question and still ask it? They don’t, because they cheat on you constantly.

So I've liked this guy for 2 years, over the course of 2 years he and his ex have broken up and have gotten back together. They cheat and spread lies about one another and when they get back together they break up 2 weeks later. What should I do?

Develop a good sense of taste, because this guy is not who you want unless you want to be treated the same way when the relationship goes south. He’s with you but back and forth with her? One of the three of you needs to get a clue. 

What do you say to a person who hurt you?

“I accept your heartfelt apology, even though you haven’t offered it.” You just can’t escape karma.

What should you never say to a girl who loves you?

“I love another.” You should never say it, but sometimes it has to be said, especially if she has no clue. However, you can appreciate the moment and ask her to be your good friend. After all, who you think love might not be the one who truly loves you.

My ex punishes me to control me. When I broke it off, he was clueless about why and got angry. Was he dumb or was he taking me for granted?

How about both, and cruel, as well.

“It's not that you should never love something so much that it can control you. It's that you need to love something that much so you can never be controlled. It's not a weakness. It's your best strength.”

-- Patrick Ness

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com