Questioning Goals, Narcissism, Love, and Infidelity

 

"The heart that truly loves never forgets."

-- Proverb

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A note to my readers:  This is the answer that just keeps on giving, so I thought I'd keep updating the statistics for those who like to follow and we'll see where it levels off.  

The following was touted by the site I answer questions on as being "featured" in over 1000 individual digests.  The answer was posted on March 30, 2022, and has been viewed by over 47,900 people, to date, and upvoted 1,020 times, make that 1,507 times, and counting.  I assume because it was "featured" this is a big deal, so I thought I would share it... again:

Did you ever get a request for a favor from a neighbor who never showed any respect or interest in you or your family? What did you do?

The guy next door. He asked if he could cut down a rotting tree the raccoons use. Wanted to bill me $2000 for a $500 job. I told him not to touch it. He cut it down anyway, when I wasn’t around, then billed me $2000. My legal team, lawyers from Louisiana and Mississippi, both advised me to tell him to go f*** himself. You have to love Southern lawyers. I cleaned the language up and sent him a form letter concerning trespass, ignorance, and the fact that he wouldn’t be getting any money out of me. We do not talk.

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Does true love exist?

Yes! It is the feeling you have known the person before, in a past life. You have loved them deeply and lost them to time. When you catch their scent you find yourself transported, emotionally, to a moment when you would willingly die for their attention, their touch. When you hold them, now, you don’t want to let go for fear you will lose them all over again, and that would be death… all over again. You smile, you cry, you laugh, and you know you will, once again, see them down the road. It is the eternal curse of the truest of love.

Are narcissists ever uniquely creative?

If you ask a narcissist, they’d probably say yes. God forbid they should be judged as anything else.

What makes us want to be silly and laugh or “act the fool”? Why do you think we like to do this in life?

It throws people off the scent. You might have to be the way you really are, but better if no one knows, so you create a persona of being silly, laughing a lot, and acting the fool. People undercover do similar tactics. It keeps people guessing. The problem is when you’re silly and act the fool for too long and it follows you back into your real life. And, in real life, you are also in danger of becoming the role you choose to play.

Why is casual ignorance an acceptable way to behave?

Nobody really needs to know all you know. Casual ignorance is a way of finding out more about those around you while keeping them guessing about how stupid you really are.

What reasons do people wake up early on weekends?

When your girlfriend needs to get to work at 6:00. She sets the alarm at 3:30, the coffee is on auto, and I have to make the morning smoothie before she leaves. Luckily, ever since the military, I’ve never needed more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep, even as I approach 70 years of age. We watch Fox News to find out what’s really happening in the world, and she’s out the door by 5:20. I turn on the computer and start my day on Quora until the sun comes up enough to do my outside chores.

“Don’t you feel you get value for your day if you’ve actually watched the sunrise?”

-- AJ Vosse

A person across the hall knowingly slams her door 10x a day, she seems retaliatory, I'm not going to tell her it bothers me or ask her to stop. She'd do it more. Does someone who disturbs even unknowingly get Karma, do they get paid back?

Oh, hell yeah. I love it when they get their asses chewed by management or the new linebacker who moves in, or they break the door. I had to deal with this once and swore off apartment living. I paid the cost to be the boss and went duplex, having met the owners. I informed the apartment managers, who touted a quiet atmosphere, that if this was the way they managed the “quiet” atmosphere, I would be moving.

What intentions should a person approach marriage with?

Undying love, understanding, and the intent to be happy always and in all things, especially with your significant other. If you can’t do any of this basic bullshit, you shouldn’t even consider marriage and all the other responsibilities that come with it.

Have you ever lost a loved one?

I lost my dad to his third stroke in 2019. I haven’t grieved yet. Being the only child, I retired for the third time so I could come help take care of him and my mom after his first stroke. I think I was so prepared for it, that I probably grieved silently for years before. I now live next door and take care of mom as she approaches 88. She gave me 18 years of her life, I can give her 18 years of mine. 

Can you forgive a person who hasn't asked for it?

I forgave my ex-wife, and I still never expect her to ever ask for it. I accepted the apology I knew I was never going to get, forgave her for 25 years of hell, forgave myself for buying into it for so long, and learned to move on before hatred started to destroy my life. You absolutely need to forgive, even yourself, for everything. Learn to be truly happy always and in all things, even in this. 

In a love triangle, how do I make a questioning Catholic's "safe"/"right relationship with another Catholic as interesting as the clash of a romance with her atheist stepsister?

As an ex-Catholic, I’d say you have a choice to make. Pick one. As a person of “spiritual” faith, this should be a no-brainer. The fact that you’re a Catholic has nothing to do with this, however. I’d give the same advice to any person, even an atheist.

“Love triangles are for those that believe in shapes.”

-- Anthony T. Hincks

Do you feel that your society has treated you unfairly? If so, how?

There are laws preventing unfair treatment. Most people I talk to that feel they’ve been treated unfairly usually admit they did nothing to prevent it. They did not take advantage of the HR laws protecting them. They didn’t even go through their Human Relations department to lodge a complaint, they just complained. Bein treated unfairly is a choice. You can take it or fight against it. Society has laws protecting you, so take advantage of them, change them to be better, or just admit that the problem is you. If you seriously think society will side against you, I take a second look at where you’re coming from.

If wives could read their husbands’ minds, what percentage of their marriages would quickly end up on the rocks?

Having gone through a messy divorce after 25 years of marriage, I’d say the majority of them are in trouble. I’m the first to admit I was way too young to marry and her determination to destroy us set my mind on “other things” than marriage. My mind was the proof in the pudding, so to speak.

Does a narcissist regret losing your fat?

If your losing fat makes you look better than they do, probably not. It is all about them.

How do I accept that I got used? I got used during my first relationship, and I truly loved him. He only came around at his convenience and then blamed the break up on me. This broke my self-esteem and I struggle to rebuild it.

My ex-wife admitted she used me after I spent 25 years trying to hold our marriage together. I truly love her, but we were both too young for marriage she admitted she never loved me, she just used me to escape her home life. Well, she also got half of my military retirement, so using me came with a government benefit. She, also, blamed the whole thing on me, even after her admission of never loving me. That made perfect sense, to her. This broke my self-esteem and almost cost me my life. It has been over 20 years, now, and I have survived and never been happier.

The first thing I did was forgive both of us, Her for using me, and me for buying into her bullshit. The second thing I did was to accept the apology I knew was never going to get from her. The third thing I did was to choose to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. Why? Because our circumstances are due to our choices. I chose to marry her, stay in the marriage, and, ultimately, let her destroy me. My choices.

Keep all drama from your life. Focus on those things, or people, that make you truly happy regardless of where your circumstances place you. Being truly happy will get you through almost anything.

When goals become boring, then what is the next step?

A less boring goal. Your goals are obviously not challenging you. Set your bar higher. Remember that failure and mistakes are simply opportunities to learn why you went wrong and to try and fix the issue so you can try again, and again if necessary. Try attaining a goal that intrigues you. A goal that makes you happy to be involved with. After all, if you aren’t constantly happy at all times and in everything you do, this will affect your attitude as you strive to attain the goal.

“Final Cause lives beyond your goals—the sake for which you make goals in the first place. You don’t work for work’s sake. You work for something else.”

-- Richie Norton

How do you know if a woman is secretly admiring you?

If you don’t know, you really have to learn to pay more attention to subtleties. Body language is a big one that I learned while in Intelligence. Bear hugs from women you barely know is another. Less subtle is when she leans over just enough for you to see she is wearing no bra. No, that isn’t an accident and she isn’t that stupid. I pay attention to subtleties so much, that my friends note that notice the strangest things about people. Yes, yes I do. It can keep you alive, in more ways than one.

How does your relationship change when you realize envy has entered the picture?

That depends on how good the sex is.

Do you care if people hate you or want to get revenge on you?

Not particularly. As far as revenge is concerned, I try to do nothing that would require it. Having a personal code of moral ethics helps. But, if someone really wants to take revenge for some imagined slight, I will try not to hurt them too badly.

How do you make a rude person feel sorry for their actions? 

Tell them. If they really give a shit, they’ll apologize for being thoughtless. If they don’t, then anything else you feel you need to do will also be a waste of time.

Is infidelity predictable? 

There are subtle signs and overt signs, and there are signs that slap you in the face, that a person is going to cheat on you. They have it in their mind, and once there it can not be removed. They will cheat, and once they do, they will cheat again, and even if they don’t do it again, it will forever be in their mind.

As their loving partner, you can fight this for years and to no avail. You will find yourself becoming just like them, in order to forget them. They will ultimately, through mutual consent, become someone else’s problem.

“Cheating in a relationship is a sign of self-regulation failure. When it happens once, it is a mistake. When it happens twice, it is unfortunate. But when it happens thrice or more, it is a pattern indicating primitive, uncivilized inhuman behavior.”

-- Abhijit Naskar

What’s the traditional thank-you etiquette for ongoing hosts, say for a weekly brunch club? Should one write a thank you note after each meeting, once a year, not at all? Assuming one would write a thank you note for a normal, one-off brunch?

I would thank them personally after each brunch, or so, complementing them on another fine brunch presentation. I mean, how many notes do you really want to write for an ongoing brunch? 

Can China compromise America’s undersea cables?

As much as we can compromise theirs. The problem with compromising lines of communication is business. All countries survive through world business transactions. Russia is learning this expensive lesson through invading a peaceful country and having the world business community spank his ignorant ass. Whether China can compromise cables is not as important as knowing why they would cut off their nose to spite their face.

What would be a poetic punishment for a hypocrite (in hell, etc.)?

I’ll let you know.

Isn't it usually a romantic relationship in which someone tries to assert dominance over the other person and gets offended if the other person doesn't do what he or she wants them to do?

I’m not sure you can qualify this as a “romantic” relationship, as much as a relationship heading toward trouble. Dominance has little to do with romance unless the partner agrees, even if the dominant figure deludes themself into believing so. Dominance requires a submissive, and a submissive partner would never dare refuse the dominant partner’s wants and desires. This is the entire point of the “relationship” they have. A little pain, a little pleasure, and the spankings will commence! Oh, my!

What has Zelensky done to be worthy of so much praise from people?

When have you witnessed a President or his administration, in modern times, take up arms and go to the trenches to fight with their countrymen?

"We will fight to the end. We will not give up and we will not lose. We will fight until the end at sea, in the air. We will continue fighting for our land, whatever the cost."

-- Volodymyr Zelensky

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com