Questions of Sin, Looks, Marriage, and Hate

"In the mountains, the shortest way is from peak to peak: but for that, you must have long legs."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

(You really have to admire those mountain girls.) 

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Note to my readers:  For those who are interested, I garnered 13,395 views of my answers during the past week.  This works out to 696,540 views, if it continues at this pace, for the year.

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The longs:

What does it take to live a happy life if you stay single?

Make the conscious choice to be happy always and in all things, including being single. I vowed never to marry again after my messy divorce from a woman who didn’t have the capacity for love. I’ve been living in sin, now, for almost 20 years and loving it. The flexibility of single life is obvious.

What is a blind spot of yours that took you years to notice?

Beauty. I grew up with a vision of “beauty” and what it was supposed to be according to societal standards. As a young man I “settled” for what I was “capable” of dating. I joined the military and studied world religions. I meditated, and I opened my mind to possibilities.

I discovered beauty is only skin deep. The true essence of a person is found within. Fat, short, “homely” and scarred - I found love, companionship, and, oddly enough, sexual gratification I had not understood, in the most “unlikely” people. But, then, they were just people. People walking on their own paths, and I was soon to find mine.

Scars are just proof of the life we live. The shape, size, looks, and such, are all tests of our ability to live truly happy lives as who we are, and the ability of others to look deeper than the surface. I opened my eyes and crawled over to the deep end. I never looked back. As I approach 70 years of age, I realize my journey will take several more lives to complete, and, even then, I know I will want to see so much more.

What is your personal statement that could leave a strong first impression on the employer?

“My ethics won’t allow me to lie to you, so you never have to worry that I’m blowing smoke up your ass.” Hey, it got me my corporate liaison job, and I held a position with the company for 17 years. Ethics is a concept, exercise it.

How do you forget someone who has no feelings for you?

If they have no feelings for you, why in God’s name do you want to remember them? You should be too busy hunting for someone who will have feelings for you.

How do I stop hating my ex so much even though he cheated on me?

You don’t, not at first. Then, you have to because this hate will eat you alive and affect your happiness. I was married to my ex for 25 years. I accepted my part in everything, forgave her, and forgave myself, and then I accepted the apology I knew I would never get from her. I found my way back to true happiness and have been living in sin for about 20 years. The best thing you can do is make the choice to be truly happy, and then find a loving woman so much more than she ever was or could ever be.

“If you want to forget something or someone, never hate it, or never hate him/her. Everything and everyone that you hate is engraved upon your heart; if you want to let go of something, if you want to forget, you cannot hate.”

-- C. JoyBell C.

What should he do? He loves her and has many things to offer her, yet he knows in his heart he can never run with her crowd. Must he let her go?

Does he love her, or her crowd? If they get married, is he marrying her, or her crowd? She can have her own friends. I have my own friends and my girlfriend has hers, and we’ve been together, living in sin, for almost 20 years. 

What do you see to be the level of satisfaction in marriage?

It depends on the couple and how they get along with each other. I think many people marry for all the wrong reasons, and this has much to do with their lack of satisfaction. “In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer” isn’t really grasped in the moment. Typically, lust seems to obliterate any cogent thought. Someone gets sick for months and the healthy partner shoulders all the burden of debt, or the debt becomes financial ruin and they have to admit not really signing up for what the vows clearly stated. Satisfaction in marriage is truly tied to the love the couple feels for each other and their ability to honor the vows they made for life.

What does it mean when a girl looks at me like she’s annoyed at me if she doesn’t know me?

Stick your tongue out at her next time. When she says “What the hell?” Reply back, “You started it.” 

What are some tips for living with a deep (accidental) regret from the past? I thought I was doing the right thing but lived to regret my choice?

Oops! Everybody makes mistakes, and then we learn from them. I regret that I’ve made mistakes but I learn from what I did and move on down the road. Dwelling on the mistake won’t make it better, and it won’t sustain your happiness. If you’re striving to be happy always and in all things, you fail if you dwell.

Does being desperate always bad in all aspects?

Being obviously desperate can end up with you being used, which is never a good thing. Better to calm down, understand that things happen in good time, and look for the right person. Almost everyone is out there looking for that special someone, so it really doesn’t take too long, but stay at the deep end of the gene pool. Looks are so shallow.

“When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”

-- Abraham Lincoln 

And, the shorts:

What if a girl sees you have wood?

I’m obviously happy to see her. She should be honored. I don’t get wood for just anyone.

My girlfriend keeps getting stuff on Instagram saying stuff like “lf your boyfriend doesn’t do everything you want, without you telling him, then move on to someone that will”. It’s affecting our relationship. What do I do?

Everything she wants, would be my guess.

What do you think about when you wake up?

How damned early it is.

I am 13 and I have a girlfriend. We talk about sex a lot and she says she wants to have it. I do too, but I’m kind of scared. What should I do?

Don’t. 13 is too young to be a parent.

When did you realize your girlfriend was an asshole?

I’ve been waiting for her to be one for almost 20 years. She simply refuses.

 

What is that one thing about a relationship that sucks?

Fidelity.

What is one thing you feel for someone who doesn't love you back?

Pity. 

Do all men marry mainly to have regular sex?

If they do, it explains the extreme number of short-term marriages. 

What is one thing that makes a person more intelligent?

An ability to actually think.

Am I wrong for dating my daughter's ex-boyfriend?

You go, girl! Or, are you her dad?

How do experienced guys feel about meeting a new and attractive woman? Did something happen in your brain with experience?

My brain turned me into a babbling idiot. Thanks for the memory.

Is it okay to ask your husband if he still loves you?

Inquiring minds need to know. Yes! If he doesn’t, get shed of him.

How do experienced guys feel about meeting a new attractive woman? How do you see women in general? Did something in your POV change with more experience?

I love all women, as it doesn’t pay not to. So, I went out and bought a new POV.

Is it true that men stare at everyone?

And I thought it was because of my Intelligence career.

How do people in heaven feel about those in hell?

They better not be judging. 

My girlfriend told me her religion will only allow her to have sex on days that end in Y. Is that too restrictive?

And you bought that? Give me her number.

 Why would a girl who's cheating on her man with me, tell all her friends she likes me?

If she’s trying to get you killed, I don’t call that liking you.

Why does God let Satan continue existing?

There must be balance in the universe. God’s rules, not mine.

The best I can tell it has been many years since I have slept in another's arms or they in mine. I wake up longing for the pleasure and safety there. Because social media can be trusted to be false as well as intimate there are conundrums. What to do?

If it has been, as you put it, many years, perhaps an over 50’s dating site might be in order.

Did Jesus sin if he was tempted?

God has been tempted, and God has acted. Sin, or… correction?

"Passion is the evil in adultery. If a man has no opportunity of living with another man's wife, but if it is obvious for some reason that he would like to do so, and would do so if he could, he is no less guilty than if he was caught in the act."

-- Augustine

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com