Questioning the Pointless, Gifts, Love, and Belief

“Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me because, as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say, we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns- the ones we don't know we don't know.”

-- Donald Rumsfeld

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A note to my readers:  This is the answer that, once again, just keeps on giving.  I'm continuing to update the statistics for those who'd like to follow with me and we'll see where it levels off.  

The following was touted by the site I answer questions on as being "featured" in over 10,000 individual reader digests.  The answer was posted on March 30, 2022, and, to date, has been viewed by over 152,000 people and upvoted 2,956 times, and counting.  I assume because it was "featured" this is a big deal, whatever "featured" means.  I will contine to share it for those who haven't read it:

Did you ever get a request for a favor from a neighbor who never showed any respect or interest in you or your family? What did you do?

The guy next door. He asked if he could cut down a rotting tree the raccoons use. Wanted to bill me $2000 for a $500 job. I told him not to touch it. He cut it down anyway, when I wasn’t around, then billed me $2000. My legal team, lawyers from Louisiana and Mississippi, both advised me to tell him to go f*** himself. You have to love Southern lawyers. I cleaned the language up and sent him a form letter concerning trespass, ignorance, and the fact that he wouldn’t be getting any money out of me. (Last lines have been updated) We don't talk, not bacause I'm not willing, but because he seems to think he's all that.  He flies a Marine Corps flag.  So far, I'm not impressed.

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As an office worker, how much of your day consists of pointless meetings?

None. We did away with “pointless” meetings and adopted “point” papers. Point papers simply highlighted issues that employees needed to know about but didn’t pull managers and supervisors into a basically pointless meeting to communicate what a paper could as easily do.

Pointless meetings are, well, pointless. They waste time and money better spent. The owners and upper management might be interested to know the pointlessness and a better way to communicate and save them time and money.

What are the life mistakes one needs to avoid?

Debt. Any kind of debt, whether personal or financial. As long as you have somebody in your wallet, you are an indentured servant with chains holding you back from true happiness. And, since I brought up true happiness, make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Making this simple choice makes your happiness sustainable since no matter what your circumstances, you will always be truly happy.

Did you feel surer of yourself at the age of 40 than you did at the age of 30?

Yes. I was more mature and on a path, I had chosen. I was even becoming very aware of how my marriage was going to end up, and it did, as hard as I tried to save it.

Is it selfish to keep your own personal fiance while married?

Not at all. My significant other, not my wife, wanted to buy a house. Her credit had suffered during her deceased husband's illness. I told her it would be best for her credit to carry the loan and I would pay her rent. She did and her credit rebounded. I’m a firm believer in everyone holding their own debt and bank accounts and sharing in the bills. It keeps everyone honest and aware of what’s happening in the household financially. No surprises.

The person I was stalking called my job to show them the texts I was sending her and I was fired. Should I get revenge or leave her alone?

You’re the stalker, what do you think? There are plenty of legal reasons why you should back off and start respecting people, especially women before one of them ends your reign of terror.

“I think the very word stalking implies that you're not supposed to like it. Otherwise, it would be called 'fluffy harmless observation time'.”

-- Molly Harper

How do you keep on going when no one believes in you?

Believe in yourself. The only person you have to prove anything to, in reality, is you. It is your life, not theirs. Do you live your life at the behest of others? I wouldn’t expect you to. Keep on going because it is what you do, to attain the goals you set for yourself, not because someone else tells you to. If you can’t believe in yourself, how is anyone else expected to believe in you?

Do I need to write a thank letter to a professor whose reference didn’t help?

Whether it helped or not, they took the time to do something selfless. Show some appreciation.

Can boredom make OCD worse?

Can someone with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder become bored? I’m not sure how that would work. Maybe if you gagged them and put them in a completely soundproof, white sphere, in a straightjacket? But, even then, would not their malady, their mind, overcome the attempts to stifle the OCD, or would they simply go insane? If left there too long, I would think the latter.

What gift have you always wanted but never been given?

The truest of love. The love of centuries, of eternity. The love that surpasses time and space. The love that will find me, fight for me. and be with me forever. It is a gift that can’t be forced but must be given, The truest of gifts.

Can a person meet someone too soon after a divorce?

Yes, yes, yes! Take some time to recover, to consider what just happened, to think about what you really want for the future. No one is going to fault you for taking some “recovery” time, so take it. Lose the hate, lose the negativity, lose the “throw caution to the wind” mentality, and take some time to find the right person. Been there. Done this. Learn to be truly happy always and in all things.

“You self-proclaimed "MILF" hunters have it all wrong -- we aren't the prey, YOU are. You are but a Service Male - a SMILF!”

-- Delaine Moore

Why is love sometimes not enough?

 Well, some people are not lucky enough to have found love. In the greater scheme of life, true love is more than enough to sustain those who understand it. Rich or poor, true love between two people will overcome the speedbumps of life. Instead of one working to overcome obstacles, there are now two.

If you have true love, you should also be aware of the choice of true happiness that will sustain you both through hard times. If you haven’t found true love, at least make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. This choice will define who you are to those around you, and I think women would rather choose to love someone always happy in the work of life than one who wallows in his chosen misery. Be happy always and love will surely follow.

Why is the best never good enough?

Well, because it isn’t the “best” since it can, as history teaches, be made better. Change is the only true constant in the universe.

How did you begin to love yourself when you realized you didn't?

I loved myself, just not enough. Immediately after my messy divorce, I realized I had wasted 25 years of my life with a woman who never loved me. I almost ended it all. I loved myself, just not enough. I realized I just wasn't happy and had not been happy for 25 years. My fault, not hers. I should have ended it much earlier, but, being of Sicilian heritage, I thought love and hard work were the answer. Yes, I was a dumbass.

I forgave both of us. I accepted the apology from her that I knew I was never going to get. I broke free of the “pity party” and discovered how to be happy always and in everything - I made a conscious choice. Because it was my free choice to always strive to be happy, my happiness would be sustainable. I no longer harbor anger or drama. I always strive for selflessness. I learned to love myself so I can really know how to love others.

Author's comment: Thanks for your time to answer. Great answer. So odd how we learn such important things later in life. I feel you so much on the divorce issue. I married a narcissist who definitely didn't love me it was apparent by the constant lies, cheating and degrading of me. I'm working on forgiveness with the Lord. I still have resentment as we had three daughters together and he became very rich and now he puts all the blame on me with my kids and it has me frazzled daily. How did you let go of the resentment? My oldest daughter at 22 had my first grandchild and he wouldn't let her allow me at the hospital. I have to let go the resentment is killing me inside but I am lost at where to turn. Thanks for your time again you are much appreciated.

My reply: If you’re divorced from him, he can’t tell you where you can and cannot go, especially with your older children. This is the second thing you have to do, after forgiveness, is to accept the apology he’ll never give you and take back control of your life. A narcissist has more problems than you do. Narcissists populate the League of the Perpetually Offended, and I have to deal with the League constantly.

Should I aim to write as simply as possible?

It depends on your audience. You don’t want to write so simply that their intelligence is insulted. You always want to consider the audience you are writing for.

In what ways do you seek pleasure in today's capitalistic world of deadening jobs, and how does the pleasure stimulate you?

Reading, art, and woodworking. When I tire of that, I go to yard work. Happiness is a simple choice to be happy always and in all things. If you aren’t, you have allowed way too much drama into your life. If you’re in a “deadening job” you probably need to find a better one. If you seek pleasure in life, how about the “gift” you receive, every morning, when you awake to another day in paradise and another chance to excel in this life? The alternative is, well, counterproductive.

Any day you find yourself on this side of the dirt is stimulating and pleasurable. If it isn’t, you need to do some deep introspection. The past is memory, learn from it and move on. If you allow the past to keep you in misery, the past will keep on winning. Keep all drama and debt from your life. Dwelling in bad memories is allowing the drama of the past to continue hurting you. Better to choose happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances.

“You must learn some of my philosophy. Think only of the past as its remembrance gives you pleasure.”

-- Jane Austen 

What are some seriously petty things that slowly destroy relationships?

Lack of good communication, true friendship, transparent financial accountability, honesty, fidelity, and, basically, good moral ethics. These are serious things that most couples approach as petty or “understood” until the shit hits the fan. These are things most couples should sit down and iron out before ever getting into a marriage.

Will you say sorry to your spouse when you are wrong?

I always did, and to all my girlfriends since, as well. There is no shame in admitting you are wrong. It evidences strength of character. 

Why does what goes around always come around?

If you are charitable, you will have charity. If you lie, you will be lied to. If you steal, those around you will steal from you. If you cheat on your wife, expect your wife to cheat on you. Karma is a bitch, and “karma,” good or bad, will come back around, sooner or later, to punish or reward.

How can you say you are happy?

Because I made the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things. Understand, It is my choice to be happy. As my choice, being truly happy becomes sustainable. Why? Because I never intend on ever being on the other side of happiness again. I control my life, no one else. I decide what I will be in my life, and why, no one else. Mistakes and failures, even the ones from other people, are nothing more than opportunities for me, and for them, to learn. Anger is counterproductive in this adventure.

Can I be happy without a romantic relationship? I mean as happy as couples are but alone.

I can’t exist without someone always underfoot. The operable word here is “always.” Humans, for the greater part, are social animals. We long for relationships, romantic, or not. My greatest fear in life is to die alone. Do I need them underfoot 24/7? No, but I accept that as a burden I must deal with to not die alone. Do I need someone to love me? It would be nice. But I so much have the need to love someone else. I don’t need them, especially, but I so much want them. I am happy in my solitude, but I am much happier when I am around people.

“In life, love is not everything, but without love, life is nothing.”

-- Debasish Mridha

How common is it for a wife to cheat at the age of 38?

More and more, it seems. Marriage has lost its meaning, for many.

Would you rather someone beat you with their gun to death or shoot you to death?

Sorry. Neither is a choice for me. I plan to go down fighting. So, unless they shoot me to death before I rip off their testicles and shove them down their throat, I’m still good.

What justifies someone living a holy life?

Desire.

In your own view, what is life all about? 

Learning lessons so we can move on into the next existence. If you don’t learn the required lessons, you will be reborn here until you do. A personal hell, until you make it better.

What would you say to someone before they had to walk a mile in your shoes?

Keep them.

Trying to walk around in shoes that were custom-made for someone else is a lot like trying to live a life that God custom-designed for someone else. It may look pretty on the outside for a little while, but all it will bring is frustration, misery, and pain.

-- Kathi Lipp

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com