Questioning Narcissists, Lessons, Ethics, and Destiny

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

What is Destiny? I have a question I would like to ask.

It’s what some people believe controls the future.

Is it true that one can know a lot about another by observing who that person admires?

Not necessarily. I admire many “intelligent” people, but, if you want to know a lot about me, check out the “smart” people I hang around with.

When will narcissists reveal their greatest fears?

Admit weakness?

In your opinion, if you cut ties with an abusive friend, after they lent you $40, are you obligated to pay them back? I never wanted to borrow money, but they insisted, and they treated me like shit so I cut ties after that. I don't want contact.

You are indebted. What you wanted is immaterial, you took it. Send back the money, and learn from the lesson.

What is the hardest lesson you’ve learned in life?

It’s a toss-up. Stay out of debt, or never get married. Not getting married will help you stay out of debt, however.

“But one of the big lessons I have learned from my journey is you can’t please everyone, so don’t try.”

-- Chris Colfer

What do you think of sex with feelings?

That crosses a ridged line into “love” territory.

Who is the most relentlessly and consistently optimistic person you've ever had the pleasure to be a part of your life, both growing up and/or as an adult?

I was going to say me, but I am what my mother made me, so my mother is my answer. I am more like her than she even believes. 

Does a narcissist ever experience heartbreak?

I’m sure they do, but will they ever admit it.

Do men you expect to have sex with on a first date?

I’m old school. Three or four comfortable dates down the road, we might discuss it, unless she brings the subject up first. Sex is not a short-term necessity. We’ll deal with it in its own good time.

How do we judge a person around us?

Don’t. Judging others simply makes you look worse than those you judge.

“Never judge someone's character based on the words of another. Instead, study the motives behind the words of the person casting the bad judgment. An honest woman can sell tangerines all day and remain a good person until she dies, but there will always be naysayers who will try to convince you otherwise. Perhaps this woman did not give them something for free, or at a discount. Perhaps too, that she refused to stand with them when they were wrong — or just stood up for something she felt was right. And also, it could be that some bitter women are envious of her, or that she rejected the advances of some very proud men. Always trust your heart. If the Creator stood before a million men with the light of a million lamps, only a few would truly see him because the truth is already alive in their hearts. Truth can only be seen by those with truth in them. He who does not have Truth in his heart, will always be blind to her.”

-- Suzy Kassem

Is wanting to be loved, accepted, welcomed, and wanted a crime?

The vast majority of us are guilty.

Why would I want to pay to argue with nitwits?

Why would you want to pay at all? If you feel like an argument, let it rip. There are plenty of non-nitwits out there that will jump at the chance. The problem is this, after a short while you’ll sound like two jackasses braying at each other. 

How can you make non-curious people a little more curious?

Look up, point, and look concerned. It still works. 

Why do some people believe God isn’t real?

It is a question of faith because there is no proof. In the absence of proof, deists have faith that there is a God. In the absence of proof, atheists have faith there is no God. 

When did you realize you have a bad ex?

Long before she became my ex.

“Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for - looking up exes to see how fat they got?”

-- Bill Maher

What is one thing you can safely say for sure but isn't true?

If I know the one thing isn’t true, then I, for sure, can’t safely say it. 

What is fundamental in the cosmos?

In science, I’d say gravity. In philosophy, I'd say change.

Is it normal to have an affair in an “open marriage”?

That’s kind of the idea, isn’t it?

Is it normal to be on the receiving end of a grudge?

Only if you’ve done something to deserve it.

Would you leave your spouse if they turned out to be crazy?

Take my word for it, it’ll save you 25 years of heartache.

"People say you can't live without love, but I think oxygen is more important."

-- Anonymous

Would you want to live in a world where evil doesn't exist?

How would you know what is good? There must be balance.

How can I be confident in myself when he says he has never been faithful with anyone ever. But he is now?

This is a test. Are you up to the challenge? There are two confidence tests involved. Are you confident in his ability to be faithful, or are you confident that he will fall on his sword? Either way, you show confidence in your ability to make a choice. You might be wrong, but being wrong in simply an opportunity to learn. Are you confident that you can learn?

We tend to judge ourselves wrongly. You asked the question, which shows a sense of confidence. But you asked it of us, which shows you are hesitant to choose, to take a risk. Throw caution to the wind… and watch your back. 

What do I do if I don't want to lie, but also don’t want to deal with the consequences of telling the truth?

You have the God-given right to say nothing. Exercise it.

Is it bad if I find it kind of fun to toy with the narcissist in my life now that I know how to trigger her feelings of shame?

Karma. What goes around…

What would be a full-blown realized being?

Gautama Buddha.

“The way to become a REALIZED person does not so much lie in doing good things, which of course we all should do, but in coming to some kind of understanding with the Dark, with the Shadow.”

-- Laurence Galian

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com