Questions of Love, Marriage, Respect, and Judgment

“All religions, arts, and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom.”

-- Albert Einstein

My boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to live a "single life." If he wants to come back to me, should I take him back?

Hell no. Let him keep enjoying that single life he wanted so bad. There are plenty of guys out there that will want you for more than just sex. Go enjoy yourself for a while and look for some quality.

Will you ever get "married" again, or was doing it once enough?

One 25-year stretch in purgatory was enough. I’m not risking my newfound happiness of the past 20 years for another shot at marital bliss. We both got what we really deserved. I, for one, will leave well enough alone and enjoy living in sin for the rest of my life in this realm.

Have you ever taken back a cheater and regretted it?

Yes, several times. Love is a bitch. 

Have you ever been naked in public for a dare?

More than once. Not a pretty sight. Luckily I was drunk and don’t remember a lot about them. I don’t drink tequila much, since leaving the military in 94.

Why did my job used to make me feel happy and fulfilled but then after a year of being there I no longer delve any satisfaction from it? Is this normal? Do people sometimes need a change-up in their career for the sake of change itself?

It may no longer present a challenge for you. No challenge, no satisfaction. Find a job that constantly challenges you. Challenge is like change, and change is the only true constant in the universe.

Other than that, you need to consciously choose to be truly happy always and in all things. If you can’t do this simple task, then no job will make you feel truly happy, whether it fulfills you or not. True happiness is not fleeting, it is sustainable. It is sustainable because it is your choice for it to be so.

“If I couldn't see the upside, I couldn't be bothered, and as soon as I couldn't see the upside in that job I started looking elsewhere.”

-- Bill Rancic

Why does my ex hate me so much after he cheated on me?

Well, it kind of explains why he cheated on you. He should have told you he hated you before he cheated. Is he afraid of you?

Who is the winner in the Russia-Ukraine war?

Even if Ukraine loses, they’ve won. Heroes never lose. Russia understood that when the enemy was at their own gate. They have forgotten and become the Nazis they so despised. They are, unfortunately, showing their true colors. I mean, they brought their own portable crematoriums to the battlefield. Instead of bringing the prisoners to the ovens, they bring the ovens to the prisoners. How sick is that?

If respect is earned, why is disrespect given?

Right offhand, I’d have to say someone feels they didn’t earn respect.

Is it right to idolize a person just because they are intelligent?

If you’re at the shallow end of the pool. Now, if they’re also smart, it is a much better reason to idolize them. I would hate to idolize an intelligent person, just to find out they can’t tie their own shoes, or have a closet full of the same suit. I’d rather look up to someone who can split the atom and also fish for trout.

Why do many believe there is no purpose to life?

They grow up not being told there is? We don’t teach true happiness. We don’t teach that failure is simply another opportunity to learn. We don’t teach that the journey is the true lesson, not the destination. We don’t teach “why” but we teach how to blame. We don’t teach peace but we teach how to bully. We don’t teach parenting and yet we are parents. We have become so lax in our responsibilities, that many teachers don’t even teach basic education anymore.

Purpose to life? Wake up each and every morning to thank God for the “gift” of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. To excel you have to learn and to truly learn you must choose to do so, just as you must choose to be truly happy. Why? Because the alternative simply sucks.

“To serve is beautiful, but only if it is done with joy and a whole heart and a free mind.”

-- Pearl S. Buck

Can I give up my dream and still be happy?

Happiness is a choice, not a dream. Choose to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. In this way, dreams or not, true happiness will always be sustainable.

All around you might be wallowing in misery, but it is your choice to join them or not. This is why mistakes and failures are simply opportunities for us to learn. It isn’t the mistake or failure that defines us, it’s what we do with the mistakes and failures that make the journey so interesting. Choose to be truly happy always.

Adultery is bad. But when a boyfriend or male spouse has an affair, they say he deserves punishment from the girlfriend or female spouse. But when the opposite happens, they say the male should forgive her or let her go. Why is that?

No clue. Both should be tarred and feathered and be run out of town on a rail. Wrong is wrong.

How do I un-love someone?

If you “un-love” them, you never truly loved them to begin with. You can turn off the “love” switch, but the bulb will still glow to some extent. True love never dies. It may fade, but it will live on. Such is love.

When there is an awkward moment of silence, do you break it?

If you do it loudly, everyone jumps. 

Are employees supposed to follow what supervisors said without any questions?

Not if what the supervisor says makes little or no sense, especially if it puts people in danger. There is no such thing as a stupid question, only stupid answers. I like to hear both. If we’re going to march into danger, I’d like to follow the supervisor.

“How can I have a critical mind if I don't dare question everything? If I question myself, what makes you and your truth any holier?”

-- Lamine Pearlheart

If someone hurts you, do you seek revenge?

No. I have found that karma takes care of this more times than not. What they do and the way they act always seems to be visited back upon them.

Is being disrespected that bad?

People who go out of their way to show no respect deserve no respect, in my view. You get what you give. If someone disrespects me, I simply ignore their existence until they come around to a better way of thinking. I find trying to change these folks is like slamming your head into concrete - you just make a mess.

 What should you never let go of?

Someone you love dearly, without telling them, first. 

Are we closer to our true selves in times of crisis or during regular life?

Crisis brings out the best and the worst in people. We always tout that we will act a certain way, but when the rubber meets the road it doesn’t always work out as we planned. Heroes run and cowards fight. Responders freeze and onlookers act. The belligerents stay quiet while the timid take a stand. Deep down inside all of us, who we really are is dying to come out, and it usually does.

Must you request answers to questions asked on [this site]?

I probably answer 50% of the requests for my answer, and 50% of the questions just thrown out there. It varies. I look upon any “question” as a request. I mean, why would you ask the question if you weren’t requesting it be answered?  There is no wrong question, just wrong answers.  But, even wrong answers bring you closer to the truth.  Answers smooth and refine the question until all that is left is what is.

“An unceasing interrogation of the stories told to us by the schools now felt essential. It felt wrong not to ask why, and then to ask it again. I took these questions to my father, who very often refused to offer an answer, and instead referred me to more books. My mother and father were always pushing me away from secondhand answers - even the answers they themselves believed. I don’t know that I have ever found any satisfactory answers of my own. But every time I ask it, the question is refined. That is the best of what the old heads meant when they spoke of being “politically conscious” - as much a series of actions as a state of being, a constant questioning, questioning as ritual, questioning as exploration rather than the search for certainty.”

-- Ta-Nehisi Coates

He doesn’t want me anymore. What should I do?

Don’t want him anymore. Go find someone so much better who, also, respects you as a person. You won’t have to rub his face in it. He’ll know you traded up, and that is the sweetest revenge.

Why is judgment so real? Why can’t people just give a person a chance? Besides, you don’t know someone until you walk in their shoes.

Those who judge should occupy a societal seat of judgment. Judgment is meant for very few to exercise. The rest of us have the God-given right to keep our uninformed opinions to ourselves. Who are we to dare judge others when we, ourselves, are probably just as lacking as those we think to judge. It says more about those passing judgment than about those being judged, and this is coming from a self-proclaimed hypocrite who always struggles with trying to hold back judgment.

How better can you live with your enemy?

Find common ground and keep them closer than your friends. Always remember that the enemy of your enemy is your friend when things go south.

Did your previous negative teachers and/or classmates dislike being considered mean, stupid, ignorant, and/or arrogant?

If they do, they should probably work on not being so mean, stupid, ignorant, and/or arrogant. It really isn’t a pleasant way to travel through this life.

If you choose to be a teacher why do you have hidden agendas? If you are the students, why are you listening to moronic teachers who make such little sense while not teaching what you were sent to school to learn? You don’t need to learn the math teacher's take on politics, you need their take on math. Math is where their knowledge is supposed to be based. If they could tell their ass from politics they’d be teaching political science, not math.

Parents need to start parenting, not letting the government take the lead. When your children become theirs, they will come home in khaki uniforms with swastika armbands. Maybe it’s time for parents to stand up for proper education.

What happens around you that really bothers you?

Abject stupidity. And, now, I’ll exercise a bit of hypocrisy in my disapproval of judging others, by judging others.

It no longer surprises me that we have “road rage” when I see all the morons with driver’s licenses. It also doesn't surprise me that I have such a hard time getting on top of my lack of patience when I am faced with this crap.

“We are in the process of creating what deserves to be called the idiot culture. Not an idiot sub-culture, which every society has bubbling beneath the surface and which can provide harmless fun; but the culture itself. For the first time, the weird and the stupid and the coarse are becoming our cultural norm, even our cultural ideal.”

-- Carl Bernstein

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com