Questioning Selfishness, Fate, Change, and Age

 

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Note to my readers:  Well, here is another kick in the pants.  For those who are interested, I garnered, wait for it... 169,838 views of my answers during the past week.  Extrapolated, this works out to 8,831,576 views total, if it continues at this pace, for the coming 52 weeks.  Being the humble man I always am, me thinks they've made a grave error.  But, I'll have to look up a publisher... just in case.  Humble.  Always humble.

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I'm afraid I could be insensitive by wanting everything my way and also being too direct and impulsive in my reactions. How can I be more tactful and understanding?

Most of the time you’ll find it isn’t all about you. Selfless and understanding is the mentor. It is usually about letting others have the experience to learn. You can explain how you would do it, but let them take the reigns of control and see what happens. If they attain the goal, so much the better for the experience. If they stumble a bit, explain where they might have done better. If they absolutely fail, remind them of how you would have done it and help them try again. It is always more about the journey than the destination, for all concerned.

Are we destined to make the same mistakes our parents made?

No. Destiny is like fate, it is the ultimate consequence of our choices and decisions. 

What successes have you had in life so far?

I have attained many goals. About 20 years ago, I found true happiness always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. Since then, I have had true, sustainable success - happiness.

Who is the most inspiring person in your life and why? Have they inspired you to do something?

Leo Buscaglia. He inspired me to be a better person, love life, and find true happiness.

Who do you admire most and what 3 things do you admire about them?

Leo Buscaglia. He was a notable educator and a mentor. He was a lecturer who could speak to your heart, not at you. He knew how to love and live. He will be sorely missed by so very many.  

“The majority of us lead quiet, unheralded lives as we pass through this world. There will most likely be no ticker-tape parades for us, no monuments created in our honor. But that does not lessen our possible impact, for there are scores of people waiting for someone just like us to come along; people who will appreciate our compassion, our unique talents. Someone who will live a happier life merely because we took the time to share what we had to give. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have a potential to turn a life around. It’s overwhelming to consider the continuous opportunities there are to make our love felt.”

-- Leo Buscaglia

Is our life determined by fate?

Life is determined by your choices and decisions. Choices and decisions, therefore, determine our fate.

What is one thing you know about the afterlife?

It comes afterdeath.

Should someone turn themselves in for a medium-level crime that didn’t directly hurt anyone that they committed a year ago if they are feeling terribly guilty after just remembering this offense?

Ah! Guilt. Karma coming back to haunt you. Yeah, it helps a lot if you own up to the offense and pay reparations. Turning yourself in will get you a long way with the courts. You have to do the time for the crime, but it may be just community service, depending on what it was. 

What are the factors that contribute to wisdom?

Trial and error, failure and success, living life and witnessing death. 

What is up with people who get offended on behalf of completely unrelated people?

Sounds like the League of the Perpetually Offended. They really don’t need a reason, but, if they did, that would offend them, as well.

“People get addicted to feeling offended all the time because it gives them a high; being self-righteous and morally superior feels good.”

-- Mark Manson

Can arrogance be a strength?

It can be a strength and a curse. The strength is that your arrogance makes you think you can conquer the world. The curse is that your arrogance makes you think you can conquer the world.

How do I make every day worth living?

Make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things because the alternative sucks. Each morning when you wake up, thank God for the “gift” of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in this life. Know that failures and mistakes are nothing more than the best opportunities for us to learn. It isn’t that we have failed, it’s what we do with the failure that is important. Critique why you went wrong, correct it, and try again, and again until you attain the correct outcome and move happily forward. It is truly all about the journey, we will reach the destination in due course.

You have finally reached your goal. How do you feel?

Since my goal was to feel truly happy always and in all things, I feel fulfilled.

At what point did you prioritize your life over your career?

After my divorce from a 25-year marriage. I wasted enough of my life beating my head against a wall, to no avail. The rest of my life was going to be for me. I was going to prioritize my happiness and my life over all else, including another career. If you don’t help yourself, how can you help others? If you don’t love yourself, how can you love others? If you don’t respect yourself, how can you respect others? If you don’t understand yourself, how can you understand others? At almost 70 years of age, I am truly happy. 

What was your biggest life change?

My divorce from the anchor was holding me back from true happiness.

“Sometimes the one thing you need for growth is the one thing you are afraid to do.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

What does it mean when your ex kisses your forehead but you broke up because he cheated?

He knows he might have an STD and doesn’t want to pass it along. Mighty thoughtful.

Can it be selfish to invoke good karma by helping someone?

If your purpose was to invoke good karma, then, yes. Good karma comes from selflessness. Helping others is the right thing to do, not a means to some selfish personal goal.

How do I know if my ex is suffering?

Why do you care? You should be out looking for better, and wishing the ex a happy life. Whether they’re suffering or not is no longer your concern. They are now someone else’s problem. However, if you want your ex to be suffering, that knowledge comes at the price of bad karma. Be careful what you wish for.  

Why is it easy for God to forgive yet it's hard for a person to forgive?

There is a reason why we are not supposed to judge others. Judgment is the purview of God.

Is there anyone in your life that prevents you from reaching your goals?

Not anymore.

“Never surrender your hopes and dreams to the fateful limitations others have placed on their own lives. The vision of your true destiny does not reside within the blinkered outlook of the naysayers and the doom prophets. Judge not by their words, but accept advice based on the evidence of actual results. Do not be surprised should you find a complete absence of anything mystical or miraculous in the manifested reality of those who are so eager to advise you. Friends and family who suffer the lack of abundance, joy, love, fulfillment, and prosperity in their own lives really have no business imposing their self-limiting beliefs on your reality experience.”

-- Anthon St. Maarten

 Why are problems so important?

They are life’s opportunities to learn. The more you learn the easier life will become and the more prepared you are for what comes next. Be happy when you get them. The people who will suffer will be the ones who have the problems and do nothing with them but wallow in misery.

How can I make my parents realize all the things I do for them?

Stop doing all of it.

If your friends don't believe that you're very bright or that you'll really be successful in life, should you try to convince them otherwise, or should you keep your head down and work hard towards tangible accomplishments to show them otherwise?

Screw them. Go find new friends while you’re working your ass off to attain goals because you want to, not because what they say means damn it. And, you don’t have to show these so-called “friends” anything, either. Better to just get shed of them.

How do I break up with a partner that is promiscuous and lies a lot?

“We’re over. You’re promiscuous and lie a lot. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass.”

Is it really over for women after 35? Guys really think we aren’t attractive anymore I want to know instead of wasting my time.

When I was younger I loved women over 35. Now that I’m approaching 70, I still love them. You are never a waste of time to a discerning male. But, then, I just love the ladies. It isn’t your age, it’s how you carry it that makes you attractive.

"Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter."

-- Mark Twain

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com