Questioning Feelings, Proof, Sin, Pleasure, and Pain

“My manner of thinking, so you say, cannot be approved. Do you suppose I care? A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking for others! ”

-- Marquis de Sade

Why do you feel bad that kids have to look up to you, or that they are so weak in comparison to you, Do you ever feel like a giant when you are around little kids? Do you ever feel bad that you are much bigger, stronger, and weigh more than them?

Not in the least, and those that do have no idea of their role here. I was a small kid. I was bullied. I wasn’t the most intelligent. I struggled in school. I wasn’t the best looking, I had thick eyeglasses because I was really nearsighted. But, I overcame all of this.

I found out that I was smart, and that smart wasn’t as good as intelligent, but at least I could chew gum and walk at the same time, I’ve known intelligent people that couldn’t balance their accounts. I joined the military and learned some martial arts. I worked hard and played hard. And, I adopted contact lenses and got shed of the thick glasses about the same time I started suffering from male pattern baldness. Oh, joy.

I never feel bad around kids because I never expect them to look up to me. I approach everyone on an even level and let them determine the “geography” of our relationship. I teach I mentor, and I help them along their path. This is all any of us can do, and if you don’t, you have missed the point of being here. I’ve been there and done that. I can help, but I also have so much more to learn. I learn much from those I help, especially the children.

I'm an atheist. I don't believe in God. Can you prove me wrong?

No more than an atheist can prove a deist wrong. Both have an undying faith that they are right. Fatih, by definition, is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof.

How can one create in his mind the fire of hope, faith, courage, and tolerance?

All of these are choices one must make for their life. What one must conquer to make these choices is fear. One can conquer fear with courage. We tend to fear choosing because we fear failure, but it helps when we recognize failure for what it is - an opportunity to learn.

We don’t have to find hope, faith, courage, or tolerance, because they are already inside of us. All we have to do is exercise them in our life.

Have the courage to make the choices you need to make. We all know what tolerance is, so have the courage to show tolerance to others. Have the courage to hope for good things to come and the faith that you can make them happen. Once you have the courage to conquer your fear, nothing can stop you, but you. Understand that life is full of failure and mistakes, and these are nothing more than opportunities laid out before us. We can learn from them or wallow in fear. It is a choice. 

Do the rich have souls?

Yes, and like the rest of us, most of them are damned. 

How do you have happiness and love without costing much?

True happiness can’t be bought, therefore it costs you nothing. True love, by the same token, costs you nothing. Love and happiness, like all emotions, costs nothing for us to have. They are a choice.  The problems arise when we forget that emotions are a free choice; once we have them we forget to let them go. Nothing in life is really free.

“Folks are usually about as happy as they make their minds up to be.”

-- Abraham Lincoln

What is your daily habit or consumption that you use to escape from reality?

There is no escaping reality. Whatever you think you do to “escape” is still your reality. I drink bourbon. I have no delusion that this will change my reality, because, when it’s all over, my reason for drinking will still be there waiting for me. My ability to work out the issues waiting for me in my reality, however, is now diminished by the alcohol.

All the bourbon symbolizes is another aspect of my reality. I have escaped nothing. If I drink myself into a coma, this, too, becomes another aspect of my reality. I simply cannot escape what is real at any one moment. Better not to try. Better to simply face the issues at hand, deal with them, and then go have a drink to celebrate the end of another glorious day in paradise and another chance to excel.

If I don't commit sin with lust, is it really a sin?

If a person commits a sin, it’s a sin. “I didn’t mean to rape her” doesn’t get them off the hook for inserting their insignificant member where it doesn't belong, lust or not. If someone walks out of a store and realizes they didn’t pay for an item, it isn’t the sin of stealing until they choose not to go back in and make it right by paying for it. 

What do you give gratitude for?

The gift of each and every new day, and another chance it brings for me to excel in life.

What made you and your partner decide to be a happy but unhitched couple?

My nasty divorce after 25 years of it. I swore off investing that much of my life ever again. My current partner and I have been living in sin and loving it for almost 20 years.

How will you justify the statement, “Our daily life is peppered with moral decisions?

Well, I’m not sure if “peppered” is correct, but there are certainly daily decisions and choices that have the possibility of crossing moral boundaries. Whether they do so, or not, depends on the choices and decisions we make. Should I go up behind that gorgeous woman and give her shapely butt cheek a squeeze? Probably not the best of ideas, but the choice presented itself, nonetheless.

As we mature, I think we find ourselves making better choices and decisions. We tend to stay out of the line of fire, so those much younger can brave the minefield of morality while we sit back and chuckle, thinking how we might have gone about it differently.

"The most important human endeavor is the striving for morality in our actions. Our inner balance and even our very existence depend on it. Only morality in our actions can give beauty and dignity to life."

-- Albert Einstein

Who gets more aroused, the male or female?

It depends on the male or the female, and who they’re with.

How can I know what my strengths are?

Live life. The only way to truly know your strengths and weaknesses is to try everything. Art, music, construction, computers, supervision and management, the military, and so much more offer opportunities to fail or to succeed. If you fail at something you like, do you persevere until you succeed? If you succeed at something that offers you no challenge, it is a strength, but to what end if it offers no challenge?

The only way you know the answers to your questions is to go out into the world and live life. Live life and expect to fail. Understand that failure and mistakes are nothing more than opportunities to learn. For you, they are opportunities to learn your own strengths and weaknesses. Do not fear failure. Better you fear your own ability to persevere. This is where your real strength will be tested. 

What makes people so unhappy?

Drama. If people would keep drama from their lives they would be so much happier. We allow certain drama into our lives because we think we can handle it. The unwanted drama that is forced upon us, on purpose or not, is what we really need to stop accepting. 

How can one know that they are running in a cycle instead of running in the right direction in terms of achieving a particular goal?

I assume you mean “running in a circle” not a cycle?

You have to stop occasionally and take stock of how far you’ve come in achieving your goal. If you are not showing signs of movement, and this lack of movement wasn’t in the plan, you’re probably running in circles. This would be a good time to ask why. Why is there no forward movement? Critique your work and answer the question. Fix the issue and see if it breaks the “circle” and you begin to move forward again.

Good task management requires an occasional critique to see where you are and how things are progressing.

Is it okay to take a break from dating?

It’s just dating, it isn’t a relationship. Take a vacation.

"Stop taking your private matters to public platforms. Don't complain about people being all in your relationship when you're personally sending out the invitations."

-- Unknown

What is something that you cannot say about me?

I cannot say anything about you, because I don’t know you. And, even if I did, I would be careful not to judge.

Why is it said that women never care about how men feel?

Because whoever said it never had a woman care about the way he feels. I have, several times, my marriage notwithstanding, so I can attest that this is not wholly true.

Is an ignorant mind state born or made through society’s culture?

We are all born ignorant, empty vessels waiting to be filled with the wisdom of our parents. Unfortunately, many parents are no longer “wise” and have relinquished their responsibilities to society (government) for the education of children. A dangerous decision, but one that can be expected from parents brought up by other parents suffering from the same ignorance. 

What does false-negative mean?

They got back a negative result, but the subject is still infected. Sucks being them.

How can a person know absolute right from absolute wrong?

In the absence of truth, or good authority, if there is no question in your mind that something is either right or wrong, it probably is.

“Reality is an absolute, existence is an absolute, a speck of dust is an absolute and so is a human life. Whether you live or die is an absolute. Whether you have a piece of bread or not, is an absolute. Whether you eat your bread or see it vanish into a looter’s stomach, is an absolute.”

-- Ayn Rand

What do I do if my girlfriend’s family doesn’t accept me because I’m black?

Are you dating them or her?

What is the most important decision you have made as a teenager?

To stand up for me. I took on the bullies that tormented me. Oh, I was afraid. I was always afraid. But I found the courage to go around that fear. That courage led to an understanding that they were tormenting me because they, themselves, were tormented. Oh, I was pummeled more time than not, but learning to embarrass them for bullying led me to a psychology major in college, and that major got me a job in military intelligence. For the rest of my life, I was standing up to bullies in defense of those who were incapable of doing it themselves. 

What kind of surprises would men like from their girlfriends?

Really? Let me think…

Does using too much Instagram or TikTok make people dumb and less attentive?

Too much of any “social media” will do this. I have to force myself to get up after a couple of hours when I notice my brain starting to rot.  I go outside to live life. When you spend more time on the phone when you’re somewhere else socializing, you are addicted to technology. Turn the phone off and enjoy some “face time” with real people. You will be smarter and more attentive for the effort.

Does the greatest pleasure require pain?

According to Donatien Alphonse François, Marquis de Sade, yes, it does.

“It is only by way of pain one arrives at pleasure.”

-- The Marquis de Sade

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com