Questions With Some Longish Answers

 

“Life is filled with unanswered questions, but it is the courage to seek those answers that continues to give meaning to life. You can spend your life wallowing in despair, wondering why you were the one who was led towards the road strewn with pain, or you can be grateful that you are strong enough to survive it.”

-- J.D. Stroube

Would you do the right thing if it means going against the ones you love?

If the ones I love aren’t doing the right thing, then yes. Not even family has the right to make you do something that goes against your personal code of moral ethics.

Why do some people enjoy being rude?

They’re covering up for their own inadequacies.

What will Trump do if he gets back in office as president?

Undo everything Biden has done to weaken and destroy this country. Pipelines will move forward with energy independence, prices will go down, the ports will get back to normal, the “rule of law” will be reinstated, the southern border will be secured, and people will, once again, be proud to be an American and the revolution will be averted.

Do you get more or fewer butterflies in your stomach as you age when thinking about someone you love?

Fewer butterflies and more wood. Then, when you get much older, the wood gets difficult to find and the butterflies come back to roost.

How can I be stingy but with dignity at the same time?

There is little or no dignity in being stingy. If you feel you have dignity, you’re in denial or stupid, but you really don’t have much dignity. If you follow a personal code of good moral ethics, you probably have dignity, but it depends.

As an example, I’m a self-proclaimed hypocrite. Do I have dignity? I struggle with this constantly, but it doesn’t stop me from striving to be happy always and in all things. Why? Because people have to take me as I am, I’m not changing, I’ve been a smartass way too long. Is that “stingy “ of me? I’m not in denial, nor am I stupid. Did I mention “self-proclaimed hypocrite” here? Yes. Yes, I did.

“Be strong. Live honorably and with dignity. When you don't think you can, hold on.”

-- James Frey

She tells me we're just friends, but we recently had sex. She insists that even after that we're still friends. I want her. What should I do?

You should never have had sex with your friend, for one thing. Now you are “friends with benefits” which never ends well. If she wants to be just friends, then make her happy and be just friends.

Why doesn’t my boyfriend feel guilty about his cheating? Not accepting his mistake makes me mad.

He doesn’t feel guilty because he has no respect for you. He doesn’t accept his mistake because, to him, he hasn’t made any. You’re just another warm body to be used. Personally, I’d dump him and go find someone who has respect.

Should I give up the friendship? Even after they hurt me, I still reached out with good intentions and even offered to call, but they made excuses and were dry. I regret it so much. What should I do?

Don’t give up what you really never had. Go out and find real friends, better friends, and stop calling those who could care less.

My husband said he cheated on me because he hated me as we were always quarreling. He wants to leave but is afraid of restarting from zero after divorce. Why does he think it is okay for me to hear such brutal honesty?

Do yourself a favor and file for divorce. Make him face his fears and restart from zero. Nothing like an unfriendly divorce to bring reality crashing down on him. Believe me, I’ve been there and done that.

Should we treat friends like lovers?

No, but you should treat real lovers like very good friends. The best marriages are those formed on the foundation of friendship. 

“That casual kiss on my cheek would have meant nothing up until recently, I realized I was in love with him. Not that, 'I love you, man,' type of love. Nope. I was ass over teacup in love with my best friend. The 'let's get married and grow old together' type of love.”

-- Summer Michaels

If my wife truly loves me, wouldn't she let me do whatever I want because I would be happy doing it?

If you truly loved your wife, why would you force her to do something she doesn’t want? It is a double-edged sword. You should have had this out before you were married.

"Women divorce for peace and men for another woman." What do you think of this statement?

I’ve known more women who have divorced for better men and better sex than for peace. I think people should live with each other for several years before tying the knot. Shake out all the issues, first, then decide.

How can you help uplift the dignity of the poor?

I would find the “poor” who truly want to work at having their dignity uplifted, and then jump in and help. You can’t save the poor from themselves, they must desire to help themselves for any sustainable dignity to occur. When you help yourself, you have vested yourself in the outcome. This is always a good thing.

There is this guy that had a girlfriend when we started talking and he told me that they broke up, but I’m not sure if they did. What should I do?

Ask him, might be the best thing to do, but why is this important to you? If they did or didn’t, it's really none of your business until he makes it so.

Do you find as you age, your definition of beauty has expanded and men or women, you once saw as "old", you now see as beautiful?

My definition of beauty, when I was young, had to do with red hair, freckles, and braces (of all things). Who they were was always more important to me than what they were. Scars became “proof of life” and pictures of deceased loved ones remained out because of the personal history to be cherished. Throughout my life, if a woman told me she wanted me, she was absolutely gorgeous.

“She was voluptuous, full-blown, past her prime, and he’d never wanted a woman more.”

-- Susan Elizabeth Phillips

If you knew for a fact your boss was lying about you to your subordinates to harm the working relationship, saying you said things you did not say, what would you do?

Confront him about the lies. Advise him that if wants me to quit, grow a pair of hairy ones and act like a man. If he wants me to quit, I’ll quit. Also, I’d advise him that my employment lawyer will be in touch with him for being my boss and spreading lies about me. I may be an “at-will” employee, but that allows you to fire me or let me go, not to spread lies about me.

Is there something that you find totally bewildering yet fascinating?

The human “construct” of time.

I asked my boss for a raise but he said I didn't deserve it, so I sent him my resignation letter. Now he accepted it, what should I do now?

You should have thought about this before you resigned. Now, you look for work. According to your boss, you weren’t worth a raise. You might want to be indispensable in your next position.

What is the primary source of happiness in life?

Personal desire, to be happy always and in all things. It is a choice.

What is the most masculine career?

Nowadays? Only those careers that only a man can do. Careers that require a penis and a pair of steel balls

What would be the most feminine career? Well, careers that require a vagina, like women’s sports. Oh, wait, men with penises who identify as a woman are allowed to do that now, so they can rank better than if they competed against other real men.

Just an idea I’ll throw out there. If you identify as a woman, lost the penis. Just saying. If you truly identify, become what you identify as. Lose the testosterone, the penis, the identity. I’m all about freedom to choose, but you really have to make the choice and leave the game behind.

“A masculine man wears his attitude. He is as much comfortable wearing three piece suits as he is in wearing ripped torn jeans. He does not chase love, women, or power. He gets them anyhow. He would never ever give up his masculinity for anyone or anything in his life. He lives by his ideals that are tattooed to his soul. He does not believe in leading a comfortable life with luxuries. Rather he works hard to achieve his goals in life. He lives raw. He wanders often. And his life story becomes a testament to his masculinity!”

-- Avijeet Das

What made you realize that life itself is a test?

It was the only thing that made sense. We have sayings that excuse what we should really be paying attention to:

“Don’t stress about those things over which you have no control.”

“Shit happens”

“The best-laid plans can go wrong.”

“Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.”

“How is socialism working out for you?”

And, there are more that are just as valid. Why? Because life is, in fact, made up of lessons we are supposed to learn. Don’t stress over them. Don’t bemoan the fact that they happen. Pay attention to them and learn.

Lessons are not there to ruin life unless you allow them to. They are simply lessons life serves up so we can learn to move forward. Will we fail? Hopefully. 

Failure is the best way we learn.The most important lesson that everybody misses, primarily because they stress about life, is that we’re supposed to approach all of this as just another day in paradise. Be truly happy always and in all things, even in the lessons life dishes out.

Now, to evil. There is “evil” because there must be balance. Unfortunately, evil isn’t particular about victims. Children will be murdered in the womb, young people will be terrorized with human trafficking and rape, drug abuse, and parental abuse.  Evil is insideous.

These are, also, unfortunate lessons in life. But, why these young people and not those adults? Life isn’t fair? Did karma follow from a previous life? Why are certain people called to task while others are not? Wrong place, wrong time? Poor self, or parental, protection from the evil of this existence? I don’t know, and I have been berated by those that don’t know for my not knowing. A crutch they think I must bear for whatever reason, and, why not? Life isn’t fair. The lessons keep on coming.

What made me realize life is a test? When you tie your shoe and the string breaks, when a car cuts you off, when you drop your cup of coffee, or when the waitress dumps your breakfast into your lap, what will your reaction be? Think about it, and then strive to be happy always and in all things. Why?  Because shit happens.  Life is what it is until it isn’t, and, whether it isn’t what it is, that is entirely up to us.

 The girl I was dating got angry about something, and now she doesn't text me that much. I asked her if she wants to go out again with me, she replied "I'll see thanks". What does she mean?

Sucks being you.

I apologize to someone I wronged but I didn’t ask for their forgiveness they just said it was cool do I have to go back to them and ask for their forgiveness?

Whether they forgive you or not is simply to soothe your ego. You apologized for something you did. You did something wrong and you made the attempt to correct it. It is up to them to decide if they want to accept the apology and forgive you. Going back for a second go is just asking for the to kick you because you’re still down. Don’t do that. You tried to make it right, now, move on.

How do I tell my man he doesn't make me happy?

“You don’t make me happy,” might be a way to put it. “I want a divorce,” might be another option. Either way, be prepared to discuss the issues. 

Is this right to blame someone for your failure?

Only if they were truly at fault for your failure. If my project was assigned a week ago and has to be done a week later, on Tuesday, but the special order screws for it won’t arrive Tuesday morning, after a week of shipping. When they arrive, however, they are the wrong screws. The project completion will be a week late. Not my fault? The project should have been assigned much earlier to allow for issues. The manufacturer should have sent the right screws or my parts department should have ordered the screws I asked for. I should have asked management if I could request overnight shipping knowing that shit happens. They may or may not have approved it.

Short suspense projects are always prone to unforeseen issues. When they go wrong, there is always enough blame to go around. Ultimately, it comes down to communication. Mitigate the blame resting on one’s self through good communication: Things will go wrong. Overnight shipping. Double-check the order to ensure correctness. Ask to handle the order yourself. And, most importantly, document, document, document! The blame may still be yours, but at least you’ll be damned sure you can own it.  

More importantly, get passed "blame" as soon as possible.  The project still needs to be done, as soon as possible, and this is where everyone's energy should be focused.

"So just what is so fascinating about blame avoidance? ... One is that having become alerted to blame avoidance as a phenomenon, you start to see it everywhere... blame avoidance is capable of being discussed at all levels, from abstruse philosophical analysis of the nature of responsibility to everyday conversations on the bus or in the bar that swap battle stories about the frustrations of dealing with big organizations whose systems and structures seem to be carefully designed to make ordinary human communication with them as difficult as possible."

-- Christopher Hood

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com