Questions of Life, Love, Learning, and Values

 

“There are things you want to say but don't
There are things I want to say but I already said them
A year ago or two or five, when we first met
There were times I thought you knew I loved you
You never knew
We never were
I died
You died
That's it”

-- Dorothea Lasky

Why have you chosen to stay alive up to this point?

Because the alternative sucks. I’ve chosen to live because I’ve grown to understand things about my life from those who have been down the wrong road. I understand it is about choices and decisions we make for our existence, here. You make bad choices or decisions, you get bad circumstances. If you allow others to harm you, you get bad circumstances. If you’re hurt because of something beyond your control, you get bad circumstances. But, in each case, you have the freedom, the choice, to lift your life out of misery or to drown in it. Many people find a reason, and excuse, to drown in it. It is their choice. I fully expect to get an earful from these folks. It is what it is, and this is just another of so many opinions.

Losing my marriage and losing my rights as a parent was my turning point. I didn’t want to live. I’d lost everything precious to me, and I lost it to someone who used me for 25 years. That hurt. But, it was my fault. I made the choice to marry her. Bad choice, bad outcome. At the last moment, I lifted myself out of the misery I was in. I forgave her, I forgave me, I accepted the apology I knew I was never going to get, and I made a promise to myself to strive for true happiness always and in all things.

Life is about learning to make good choices and decisions. If you fail, you are presented with another opportunity to learn. I didn’t choose to die through all the lessons in school, so why choose to die through all the lessons in life? If someone has forced a “lesson” onto your life, don’t let them win, muscle through it. If you choose misery, they win always. Rise above it and never give up. It is your life, not theirs.

Have faith, have hope, and never surrender.

How is it that some people who are very rude are also very funny?

As my great-aunt would have said, being rude is so plebian. People who are rude are usually hiding their own inadequacies, thinking that “rude” is anything but funny to the rest of us. Rude is counterproductive to ethical conduct and, well, just rude.

What makes a marriage joyful and lasting?

A deep understanding friendship, respect, good communication, love, and common interests, as the foundation.

Does fear equal interest?

Fear, for me, has to do with the possible loss of my life. I have little to no interest in it. The “little” would come if it happens to fall into my orbit of responsibility. Luckily, I’ve never been a first-responder, God bless them.

What measure of love is sex?

When you love a woman so much that sex is an afterthought, you’ll know the answer. 

“We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.”

-- Tom Robbins

Can one find love where there is hunger?

If people are hungry enough, they will do anything to eat. But, it says more about the one looking for “love” than those having to give it. One might say, they’re looking for love in all the wrong places.

What’s your life worth?

I would risk it to save someone else. Does that make it more or less valuable? I’ll ask the person I’m trying to save. Maybe they’ll have a better answer than any I can offer.

Am I worthy of being loved?

Everybody is worthy of being loved, but you get back what you put into it. Be worthy of someone’s love. Be what someone is looking for. Be kind and considerate. Be respectful and have a good sense of humor. Be ethical and true to yourself.

You want people to say to their friends that you’re nice. You want their friends to respond back that you are worthy of them. This says so very much of you. Now, try to live up to their opinion.

How are you so cute but also seem nice?

I work at it. Being cute, as you approach 70, isn’t too hard for a man. Staying nice as you approach 70, that’s what takes a bit of work.

I'm a decent-looking guy and I haven't had sex in a while. Is there anything I can do?

Are you left-handed or right-handed? How about asking someone out and working on a relationship? Probably takes less effort than “Rosey,” and they can make small talk, whereas “Rosey” doesn’t make much noise.

“Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.”

-- Mae West

Is it fair in life to cheat if it is justifiable?

Fair to who? And, how are you justifying it? Tit for tat? Maybe that two wrongs make a right? A poor argument to sidestep simply being honest and upfront. Oh, and two wrongs don’t make a right, it just makes it worse when both of you are wrong. How about you just do the right thing?

What are your thoughts on objective morality?

My mother is an advocate of this. We all know what is moral and what is not, so do what is right. "Universal" morality. So where does this place “pro-choice” and “pro-life” advocates, in the discussion of “objective” morality?

Why do some people choose to learn by experience?

Experience will have to include "failure" as an experience. Failure is the best way we learn, so, we choose to learn by experience.

When you are in love with two people at the same time and have to choose which person you ultimately want to be with, do you choose the person you fell in love with first or the second person you fell in love with?

I choose the one who, not only loves me back but, completes me as a person.

Why do I love sex so much?

I could be wrong, but I think it has much to do with scripture:

And God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the waters that are in the Seas, and the bird will increase in the earth.”

-- Genesis 1:22

Can we break the laws of time?

Reality exists moment to moment. Time is nothing but a human construct to give the existence some semblance of structure. “Laws of time”?Who came up with the laws, and what reality are the laws based on? If you change a law, have you bent it or broken it?

Author comment:  What about traveling at the speed of light. Time slows.

My reply:  Our perception, of what we define as time, slows. Time, as we define it, continues to march on at the same speed. We, however, have changed the speed that we move through each moment. 

Would a woman who loves you ever cheat on you?

Not if she truly loves me.

How do you know If your partner is using you for sex or naturally loves you?

We could be using each other, in which case, who cares? We are, after all, just partners. Why muddy the water with meaningful emotion?

Do you agree that money can buy everything?

Everything but true happiness, loyalty, and real friends.

Why is love not enough for a relationship or marriage to stand the difficult time?

It is… if you’re old enough to remember what wedding vows are all about. They aren’t just words. They’re a commitment you make to be there, in sickness and in health, in good times and the bad, for as long as you both shall live. Or, at least as long as it takes you both to get tired of the bullshit you didn’t sign up for. Marriage seems to be the “flavor of the day” and tomorrow, not so much. God bless the couples who take it seriously.

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor even touched, but just felt in the heart."

--Unconfirmed Author

What use can be made of the lessons we have learned from these psychological experiments, such as Wilhelm Wundt's experiment?

Which one?

I’m the founder and editor in chief of my high school newspaper. What topics should we write about and what should we avoid (especially if I want to use it for my university applications)?

School board vs parents, and curriculum content. Are you being taught to succeed or to be indoctrinated? This shouldn’t be too tough. Be ready to have the school tell you no. God forbid you actually report what is important.

What is/are the factor/s that usually prevent/s you from knowing yourself better? Why?

Denial. I think denying you have issues to work out is a serious reason preventing you from knowing yourself, at all, much less better.

What bad thing happened to you and it formed you the most?

That would be marrying the wrong woman and letting her make me miserable for 25 years. If you can survive this, and being raped through the divorce, you can deal with almost everything.

What is a five-sentence paragraph explaining the values of uncertainty that need to uphold to face this challenge?

To face what challenge? 

“There are no negatives in life, only challenges to overcome that will make you stronger.”

-- Eric Bates

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com