Answers: The Long Advisor and the Short Wiseass

 

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”

-- Maurice Switzer

What is a word that describes someone who is rude and condescending?

Other than rude and condescending, how about the word that usually follows the other two?  A rude and condescending asshole?

Why do I get frustrated so quickly?

I think it has to do with our inability to deal with issues. My mother is 88, and she frustrates the hell out of me. She keeps wanting to go to the other house, which would be fine… if we had another house. I’ve learned to take a breath and laugh it off. You laugh or you cry. I take the high road.

I think we all frustrate quickly, but it’s how we deal with the frustration that moves us forward. I take a breath, and let the frustration go. I ask myself “why” I’m getting frustrated, usually over nothing, and then I work out the “why” the best I can. The best we can do is all we can expect. Why be frustrated by things over which we have little or no control? If we can control them, then do it. If we find we can’t, then let it go.

It sounds too simple for us frustrated folks to embrace, and it is… too simple. I don’t know if this will help, but I have practiced the “5 Whys” process for many years and found it also helps in personal life: 5 Whys: The Ultimate Root Cause Analysis Tool

How do you put your pride aside and forgive others?

Be humble, not prideful. We all make mistakes. Some of us can own them, and some blame others. Not one of us is better than our fellow until our fellow chooses the wrong path. At that moment they elevate us to a higher level of respect. We can thank them for making us look good, or we can forgive them for falling and ask if they need some assistance. It is a choice.

What romantic gesture convinced you to give someone a chance?

She asked me out on a date. That never happened to me before. I figured, what the hell, might as well.

How can those who believe in original sin still have hope?

If you “believe” in original sin, you can’t. But, then, scripture was written by men with a hidden agenda to control the faithful, but I won’t get into that.

Be the best you can be. Strive to be good always and in all things. If you fall down, forgive yourself for the misstep and thank God for the reminder, get back up, and continue on your path. Nobody is perfect, if we were, we’d still be in Eden. We’re not. All of us will have to atone for a few things in life.

If we are to consider scripture, then let us consider this:

“As it is written: There is no one righteous, not even one. There is no one who understands, no one who seeks God.…” 

-- Romans 3:10–11

How can one learn to let something go that's bothered them for several years?

If I can let go of hating my ex-wife for several years after our divorce, anything is possible. I never hated anyone, truly hated anyone, until she took everything, including my right to be a father, from me.

Several years later, I was reminded that hate is insidious, and it will eat at me if I don’t let it go. So, I forgave her, and I forgave myself for everything I did for 25 years while trying to hold it all together. I accepted the apology I knew I was never going to hear from her.

And, then, I let go of it. I didn’t learn to let go, I just let go. I rebuilt my life and met women who love me, such as I am. But, I think being able to truly forgive is a big part of moving on.

Why is it that whenever I'm crying, I look in the mirror then I start laughing but still crying?

Because you looked in the mirror while you’re crying. Who does that? And that’s probably what you thought before you started laughing.  

What should I do if I feel injustice? Should I take revenge, should I try to fix the imbalance, or should I just accept it and forget? For example, someone just cut off my finger.

Do you “feel” injustice, or was there injustice? As for the example, if they cut off your finger, how do you “fix the imbalance” without revenge? Legal action? And, how do you accept the missing digit and forget about it? More importantly, if they took a finger I can now understand how you might “feel” the injustice when they cut it off.

But, I digress. As far as revenge, if you’re willing to take on the negative karma for something you feel, how will you feel after the karma hits? I’m not a big one for revenge unless someone killed a family member for some selfish reason. It’s a Sicilian thing. Better to learn from the experience you “feel” and let it go, or get a lawyer.

Are the psychological/emotional effects of polygamous marriage as bad as adultery? How or how not? Do most people consider polygamous marriages to be cheating?

Everyone knows what they're getting into. There are no secrets and no cheating, why would there be? It has a built-in menage a trois, or quatre, to keep things interesting.

Reader comment:  Speaking of fidelity (or the lack thereof), a question:

If a woman is already engaged to be married and she allows another woman to touch her breasts “out of curiosity” to see what they feel like, not in a sexual way, is that considered to be “cheating”?

I ask this because, one time, I saw an engaged lady named “Danielle” (not her real name) who let another lady named “Nicole” touch her breasts to explore their texture.

My reply:  If it wasn’t in a sexual way, and “Danielle” was okay with it, “Nicole” must have given her a good reason we may not be aware of. I can’t judge either of them, not that I would, until I knew the entire story.

How much do you care about people’s religious beliefs?

More than many of them care about mine. Religious beliefs are what they are, so practice them peacefully and don’t push them off on others. I don’t hold with “organized” religion because they all seem to have the same “hidden” agenda… that isn’t so hidden - control of the faithful. Rules, laws, tithing, scripture, etc., etc., yadda, yadda, and such.

I want to believe in my personal definition of God and be left in peace. I don’t need some atheist thinking he knows the truth when he doesn’t. Nobody does, that's why they call it faith. We all believe in something for which there is little or no proof. And, I certainly don’t need the “faithful” saying they love everyone except.  We either love everyone or we don't, and if we don't... it won't end pretty.

“Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.”

-- Garrison Keillor

Do I have to still ask for forgiveness after I apologize to people in general?

No, but you can reinforce, personally to the individual, how heartfelt sorry you are for whatever happened. That would be just good form.

Why will some women do anything for their man sexually as long as it makes him happy, but then others won’t and call it degrading? Are some women just wired differently?

Yes, and before we totally lay the blame on women, the man needs to explain what he’s looking for, or at least choose his women better. Given all the information the man’s holding close, women can also make better choices in who they marry. Some like it hot, some don’t, but doesn't it make sense that those involved in such a lifelong decision should, at least, know the rules of the game?

What is the difference between revenge and vengeance?

There is none. Both deal with making someone pay for what they did. Both get the same negative karma brought down upon the person making them pay.  Two wrongs still don't make it right.

Am I being over-sensitive? A nan I’ve been seriously dating for 2 months confessed he is only separated, after originally telling me he was single and divorced when we first met. I’ve been crying all day. How do I respond?

Well, he’s a lying little prick. Will he change? Will he? I’d tell him to get off you. You need to find some honesty in a relationship..

Have you known that stupid, ignorant, and/or arrogant people don’t care about you?

Yes, primarily due to the fact that they’re stupid, ignorant, and/or arrogant. Basically, if they took the time to know me, they’d love me. I hang around with a few stupid and ignorant people. I try to stay away from arrogance or I’ll keep getting an earful of ignorance and/or stupidity.

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

-- Leo F. Buscaglia

How did you maintain your belief in a hopeful future, and how did it help you keep a positive attitude toward your path through life?

I have faith and my faith breeds hope. My path is what it is, my path. If it is poor, then I have made poor choices. If it is robust, then my choices have been good. If it is negative, then I have been negative. If you want to keep a positive attitude, then keep it. No one can take that from you unless you allow them to. And, if you allow them to control your life, they control you.

We must have faith in the future in order to have hope. If you have hope, that hope will steer the moment to a brighter future. Stay happy always and in all things!

Why do storms cause us to be indecisive?

Who came up with this? When I see lightning I move into a building quickly. When I hear thunder, I immediately wonder why I didn’t see the lightning and move into a building quickly. If it’s a Cat-2 hurricane, I get on the NOAA site and see where the track is. If you’re in a storm area, being indecisive can be a matter of life or death.

What’s the word for not being able to fully enjoy a happy moment because you are always thinking about how it will inevitably end?

Tentative? To concern yourself about an unwritten future is counterproductive. Why does happiness have to end? Strive to be happy always and in all things. Will it inevitably end? All things end, but let your happiness end when you take your last breath in life, and even then, just for the moment. The next life awaits!

If life is an unwinnable game why should I play it, why do you play yours? Just to fulfill your desires? What is the meaning of the desire if it will never be fulfilled?

I win most of the time, and when I don’t it is simply an opportunity to learn for the next time life throws it at me. Maybe you should learn the game before you play it. The rules most people are taught are actually contrary to what life is all about. First, you need to fulfill your needs, then you have to find true happiness, and then you can go about fulfilling any desires you might think you have.

Strive to be truly happy always and in all things.

Is it morally wrong to refuse to be sad?

I refuse to be sad. I strive to be happy always and in all things. It is part of my personal morally ethical code. I think it is morally wrong to dwell on the sadness. Be sad, yes, but don’t let it consume your life. Pick yourself up, deal with the issue, and be the light for others to follow.  There must be balance in the universe, so sadness must balance against happiness.  We wouldn't know happiness without knowing sadness.  Try to be happy in both.

“Imagine smiling after a slap in the face. Then think of doing it twenty-four hours a day.”

-- Markus Zusak

My boyfriend didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s Day but spent it on weed instead. What should I do?

Withhold sex, for forever.

What's one thing you hope to master in your life?

Women! But, I’m always a day late and a dollar short.

Did my former boyfriend get me nothing for Valentine’s Day?

If he did, then you got him nothing, as well.

Would you rather eat a sandwich made by a cannibal or a pedophile?

Is the pedophile a cannibal?

If your partner says no to sex when you want, do you get offended?

Do you get offended when you’re being selfish?

Why do people with a big heart attract a broken soul?

A “big heart” without a filter is a target for misery.

Why do certain guys get treated so poorly by women?

They like it.

What is the reason why my boyfriend of 10 years will not look at me during sex?

Does he have a problem concentrating on two women at once?

What is the best opinion about people having opinions?

They’re like assholes, everybody has one and they usually stink.

Does war really solve a problem?

Only if you don’t know how to shoot.

Am I wrong for asking my ex to leave after staying at my home for a week and a half?

No, especially if he’s tapping his ex.

What is the biggest weakness of a manager?

Communication. 

How did you get over being hurt?

I forgave them, and myself, and accepted the apology I was never going to get.

Why is it that some people record themselves while having sex?

They really do think they’re all that.

Am I a better person today than I was yesterday?

I don’t know. Are you?

Why do anonymous losers on social media sit on here defending billionaires? Just randomly? Even when they do bad things? I see it 24/7.

Oh, fine. Just throw me under the bus.

“Never judge someone's character based on the words of another. Instead, study the motives behind the words of the person casting the bad judgment. An honest woman can sell tangerines all day and remain a good person until she dies, but there will always be naysayers who will try to convince you otherwise. Perhaps this woman did not give them something for free, or at a discount. Perhaps too, that she refused to stand with them when they were wrong — or just stood up for something she felt was right. And also, it could be that some bitter women are envious of her, or that she rejected the advances of some very proud men. Always trust your heart. If the Creator stood before a million men with the light of a million lamps, only a few would truly see him because truth is already alive in their hearts. Truth can only be seen by those with truth in them. He who does not have Truth in his heart, will always be blind to her.”

-- Suzy Kassem

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com