Questions of Hate, Time, Anxiety, and Trust

 

“Anxiety is love's greatest killer. It makes others feel as you might when a drowning man holds on to you. You want to save him, but you know he will strangle you with his panic.”

-- Anais Nin

Is it okay to sleep with someone that you’re not attracted to?

Been there, done that. I can attest to the fact it was "okay" but not great.  Or, were you asking from the moral standpoint?

Why are there 2 versions of the Lord's prayer?

There are several versions, depending on which bible you reference. There is also a version in the “Book of Enoch” that is significantly different.

Who has the responsibility for you, and how?

When you come of age, you have responsibility for yourself, unless you voluntarily relinquish that to someone else, like a commanding officer. But, only you can relinquish it because it is your choice to do so. I chose to give that responsibility to the military, for almost 23 years, every day when I showed up for work. You can walk away from that choice, but you also agreed to whatever penalties will be levied against you for doing so.

What’s hated about you?

Only members of the League of the Perpetually Offended can answer this. Most people think I’m Mr. Wonderful, even though I am so very humble.

Why will I sacrifice everything for someone else who wouldn’t do the same for me?

True sacrifice is selfless. You expect nothing back for all the good you do. This is difficult for many. I have to ask the same question you asked: Why would you sacrifice everything? 

I can understand if it is family, but, even then, you must take care of yourself, first. Then, there is sacrificing everything and leaving yourself with nothing else to give. Charity should be sustaining, and giving everything is counterproductive to sustained giving. 

If you give, do so selflessly, regardless if they would do the same for you. It isn’t always about you. But no one should expect you to give everything, that is just selfish on their part.

“Someday you will find out that there is far more happiness in another's happiness than in your own.”

-- Honoré de Balzac

If you meet a cougar, how should you behave to get it to move away?

Are we talking about an older woman or an actual cougar?

Why do I no longer find something impressive once I can do it?

Because, if you can do it, it isn’t all that impressive? Impress me with something I can’t do, or that I don’t know. Once you impress me with what I don’t know, however, I won’t be impressed again until you come up with something else I don’t know. Something I can’t do is a lot harder.

If you could go back in time 1,000 years, what year would you visit?

Uh… 1022. Is this a trick question?

What is the greatest mistake you’ve made? Did it make you stronger, and did it bring you closer to God?

Marriage, yes, and yes it did, after the divorce.

How do you forgive someone who is going to take the forgiveness as a sign of being able to get away with whatever they want to do to hurt me?

Forgiveness isn’t a license to steal. Forgiveness isn’t instant trust. “I forgive you, now go away.”

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

What 2 languages would you like to be fluent in?

Italian and Spanish.

Is it normal to lose your interest in something you started because you loved it and you’ve been doing it for years?

Whether It’s something or someone, if you truly love it and you’ve been doing it for years, it’s a good bet you’re still interested or you would have left it long ago.

How do I learn to give things time when I desire instant gratification?

Drink a glass of grape juice, and then drink a glass (or three) of well-aged wine. Tada!

What makes you feel or think you are more loved by God than another?

It is not my place to judge another, but I often fail at this. So, I’m probably loved as much as everyone else.

Why does my fiance ignore me?

Uh oh… you should find out before you get married.

Reader comment:  Take the ring off then give it to him, but if you really want to know, hire a private investigator. But give him the ring.  He's not ready for you and maybe he's seeing someone else or having doubts. Sit down and talk to him.  He's either telling you the truth or lying.

My comment:  Hard choices to make, but this is life. Maybe telling him to hold the ring, while you both take some time away from each other, might be in order. Both of you can get your heads straight about what you doing with your lives.

“Spend your time with those who love you unconditionally, not with those who only love you under certain conditions.”

-- Suzy Kassem

What’s something you just realized when looking back?

The wall needs painting.

Do hurt people really hurt people, or do they hurt those who hurt them?

They know what it feels like to be hurt, so hurting others would make no sense unless they’re just simple-minded. Hurting those that hurt them is counterproductive to ethical behavior, so better leave revenge to karma.

What do you do when you miss your good old days?

Reminisce. Always happy to relive good memories.

How do you make peace with the fact that there are some things in life you're never going to have?

I didn’t work hard enough to deserve them. My bad. Hopefully, I’ll remember to work harder in the next life. I try not to dwell on those things over which I have no control, and if I’m never going to have them, then it is out of my control, in this life.

What kind of people is it hard to befriend?

People who insist on being perpetually offended at everything you say or do. It is easier to ignore them, not listen to them, and hope they get a clue. For the perpetually offended, however, this rarely works. It is what it is.

Reader comment:  Tony, this is so true - what you say about “the perpetually offended.”

My reply:  I have named them the “League of the Perpetually Offended” because there seem to be so many of them.

Reader's reply: LOL! One league I don’t want to be recruited into. [This site] is giving me good training.

Reader #2 Comment:  I do like the term perpetually offended.

I think they hold contempt for everything and everyone so everything and everyone offends them. Funny, but I wrote a piece about two unnamed relatives on this just this morning.

Here it is:

I know two very judgmental and condemning people who remain together yet fight with each other over so many things.

I speculate that even though they judge each other as not good enough, they remain together because they judge all others as even much less worthy than themselves and derive a mutual pleasure from this judgment and condemnation of others. I cannot see anything else that binds them together as I seldom here a good word about others from them. So it seems they tolerate each other as partners because neither wants to be alone? 

"I am thankful for all those difficult people in my life, they have shown me exactly who I do not want to be."

-- Unknown

How can you tell your boyfriend of 3 years cheated on you?

When he gives you an STD, would be pretty good evidence. If you’re questioning trust, maybe you should be finding a new boyfriend.

When did you give up on the person you loved the most?

When I discovered she was loving everyone but me.

Why do we tend to trust people who look like us?

That’s not a good reason to trust someone, especially if you’re a self-proclaimed hypocrite.

“I trust him.”

‘Why?”

“He looks like me.”

“You’re an idiot. No, I mean it. You're an idiot”

What does it mean when a guy sends a girl a dick pic?

He has no class, little respect, and probably is a poor choice for a relationship. When I did it, on the other hand…

If being around a specific person (a partner) causes great anxiety and stress. The moment you decide to remove them from your life, they become sad but then try to seek revenge and try to exploit you and your secrets. How do you handle the situation?

First of all, you were well served to pay attention to the anxiety and stress. There’s not much you can do about them but let the secrets roll out, and explain to all that he has issues, which many will already have figured out. Don’t play their game. The minute you do it just gets worse. Ignore them and hope they go away. Whether they do, or not, you have taken the higher road and others will see that.

“Karma comes after everyone eventually. You can't get away with screwing people over your whole life, I don't care who you are. What goes around comes around. That's how it works. Sooner or later the universe will serve you the revenge that you deserve.”

-- Jessica Brody

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com