Questions of Enemies, Marriage, Life, and Karma

 

“If you're really a mean person you're going to come back as a fly and eat poop.”

-- Kurt Cobain

Can you start over your life at 27 after making so many mistakes?

Mistakes and failures are opportunities to learn. If you learn, you’ve already begun to “start over” with life. It is never too late to learn, therefore, it must never be too late to start over with life.

Have you ever apologized to your enemy and why?

No. I’ve only had one true enemy in almost 70 years of life, and that would be my ex-wife. I cared about her and loved her up until she lied on me in order to have me arrested. Yes, I was an idiot.  Loving someone you can no longer trust was difficult enough, but knowing she was capable of this was the last straw.

I have thought about apologizing for my part in trying to hold the marriage together through all the frustration of her trying to tear it apart, but to what end? After 22 years of silence, trust is still hard to come by. It will only allow her an inroad to hurt me even more and I just can’t allow that drama to ruin my happiness. Somewhere in my head, I still care for the mother of my children. I wish her whatever peace in life she can find.

Reader comment:  Thank you for sharing your story! You should follow your heart & I hope you find peace.

My reply:  Thank you, my friend. We divorced in 2000, and I’ve been striving for true happiness for the past 17 years (it took a few years to get over the hate in my heart). My life has been much more productive and happy, and I have certainly found lasting peace.

What is the most satisfying way for you to see sadness removed from someone's face?

When a small child comforts them. We can learn much by watching the interaction of children with the world around them.

Who benefits from marriage more, men or women, and how?

In today's world, it is situational. Everything being equal, they benefit equally. I'm going to, probably, over-simplify this making some disagree, but try to bear with me.  

If the couple wants children, the man benefits from the woman having the child. If she wants to retire earlier and be a stay-at-home mom, she benefits from him earning the salary so she can stay home. The give and take in a relationship can, sooner or later even out so nobody really benefits more or less. This is a truly good, loving, relationship.

Are there really no right or wrongs in relationships except compromises?

There are serious rights and wrongs, as in everything. Compromises just make life easier to bear. I’ll try to keep it simple: Anything you do that is morally ethical is right. Anything you do that is immorally unethical is wrong. Nuff said.

“Marriage is a bond of compassion, compatibility, and compromise.”

-- Mohammed Ali Bapir

How do you separate between good men and bed men in dating? How do you know if someone has worthy characters or not as a husband from early on?

Good or bad men can be “bed” men. I would think good men would make better “bed” men than the bad ones unless the partner likes bad men. (Yes, I know they meant "bad" men, I just couldn't resist being a smartass.)

Reader comment:  Yeah, I get you, Tony. Thanks. I like someone who is good both during the daytime and nighttime. I think you can teach a good man to be bad in bed - with you and only you that is, but you can never make a bad man be a good man: any day anytime - they are just not teachable.

My unpublished opinion:  (I can't believe someone actually commented on this.  I was being a smartass.)  

What is an additional thing that describes yourself?

Other people’s opinions, but I try not to pay attention to them anymore. As I approach 70 years of age, what I am, I am. Love me or leave me, it is of no consequence.

What are some things to let go of in life to live better?

Drama and debt, especially other people’s drama. Best not to let other people drag you into their pit of misery. Stay above it all. As for debt, it really isn’t what is in your wallet, but who is in your wallet. Debt makes you an indentured servant to whoever you owe. How many “masters” do you serve?

What is the difference/similarity between payback and revenge?

Not much difference in my way of thinking. Both accomplish the same end, and both will bring down bad karma. Two wrongs don’t make it right, and neither will changing the name from revenge to payback.

Who do you admire?

Jetsun Jamphel Ngawang Lobsang Yeshe Tenzin Gyatso, (a.k.a., Tenzin Gyatso or Gyalwa Rinpoche) the 14th Dalai Lama.

“Have you ever felt the longing for someone you could admire? For something, not to look down at, but up to?”

-- Ayn Rand

Why do people cheat on their partners after marriage?

They made so the wrong choice for a mate. One would hope we could be so much better than this. We’re not. Wedding vows have become so much miscellaneous fluff we are required to recite before we can legally have continuous sex with one person in the eyes of the church. It didn’t pan out the way we hoped? Too late. Now your “partner” gets half your shit when you divorce. Gee, half of the dog, lucky you. Is it easier to cheat than to lose half your stuff? Probably.

Why haven’t you done anything about it yet?

It would be kinky, exotic, and immoral. I’m really not sure.

Do women feel used when men date more than 1 woman at a time (even though there is no exclusivity & you don't even sleep with him yet)? Is it just me? Somehow I feel degraded as a woman. It is a process but after 3 dates, I think men know already.

As a man, I would feel degraded and, most probably, used. If you want to date me, date me. I would hate to be on some toad’s “call list” for fun and frolic, not to mention the STD potential. This is why most toads get squashed, they try to juggle too many “relationships” and fail.

Why don’t feel ready for the exam even though I studied hard? Is this a normal feeling (exam of graduation)?

Yes, and it will follow you into the workplace. We can only study hard and hope for the best. Relax and keep telling yourself “I’ve got this.” You probably do.

Every time I leave my house, I feel I forgot something. Why?

Depending on your age, it happens. I’m approaching 70, and if I feel I forgot something I probably have. The most I can hope for is to realize it before I get down the road. You can also look forward to going into another room for something. For something. You can’t remember what the “something” was, but you think you’re in the right room for whatever it was. The joys of getting older. At least I’m still continent, knock wood.

“The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

What is a case of, “You just disrespected the wrong person,” that you will never forget?

I’ve never disrespected the wrong person. If they feel I disrespected them, I was wrong for doing it, but, they certainly deserved it. I did, however, have someone think I disrespected them on a phone call, but I was handling several issues at once and they thought I called them an incompetent “expletive” when I was really referring to someone else. He was seriously pissed. I stopped multitasking during phone calls. He did, however, ultimately prove himself to be another incompetent “expletive,” albeit a pissed-off one.

What is that one hurting thing you can't forgive?

Treason. The mere thought hurts me to my core, as it should any patriot. Disrespect to the flag, the country, or the Constitution sets my teeth on edge.

How do wives feel when their husband is legitimately having sex with another woman?

What is “legitimate” sex with a woman other than the one you married? And, if the wife is consenting to it, her feelings are already out there.

How many revenge spells can you put on the same person?

How much negative karma can you handle? What befalls them is nothing compared to the negative karma coming down for multiple offenses of revenge. Karma hits when it hits, it doesn’t discriminate. This means there may be collateral damage to those around you. Karma can suck.

What do many people lack when it comes to saving money?

Willpower. It is much easier to have it taken directly from every paycheck and put into a retirement account.

“The world’s greatest achievers have been those who have always stayed focussed on their goals and have been consistent in their efforts.”

-- Dr. Roopleen

Is it easy to have sex with the person you don’t love?

Oh, hell yes! But, you have to like them… a bit. 

How does one make a narcissist weak?

Try this on for size:

“You are so not deemed important, or worthy of admiration by anyone. You’ll never be powerful, successful, beautiful and, therefore, you’ll never be loved. You’re not unique so you will never be farmed by executives and institutions, so your false sense of entitlement will go unfulfilled. Your arrogant, haughty, and exploitive behavior, along with your total lack of empathy prevent anyone from being envious of you. Be real! The only one envious of your shithole life is you”

Now, trying to trash them, along with all their hopes and dreams, might make them weak, or, they might kill you, destroy the world, and then they’ll have to kill themselves… because they’ll be all alone.   Personally, I'd just walk away from them.  Too much drama.

What is your own definition of success in life?

True happiness! If you discovered it, you’re successful. If not, you can still attain a goal, empty as it will be without true happiness.

Is it gay, for me to be gay?

Only if being gay has made you lighthearted and carefree. If it has, then are gay… being gay.

Why does everybody now doubt love?

I never doubt love. Love is right up there with faith and hope. Faith, hope, and love. But, there are those who will deny this unto their own death. Some people you just can’t change, and this is fine. There must be balance in the universe. All you can do is wish them peace and walk away, quickly, before they realize you’ve been nice to them.

“Doubt… is an illness that comes from knowledge and leads to madness.”

-- Gustave Flaubert

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com