Questions of Decisions, Choices, Life, and Failure

 

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

-- Carl Gustav Jung

How does budgeting help with making better financial decisions?

You should be buying everything you can with cash, not credit. Stay out of debt and you’ll be surprised at how much cash you have left for the things you really need. Budgeting helps with cash purchases since you always know how much you have to spend at the end of every month.

I haven’t been in debt since the early 1980s. I’ve bought good used cars for cash or made several payments, and then I was done.

What everyone needs to understand is “who” is in your wallet, not “what.” Use cash cards, not credit cards. The more credit you use, the more people you are indebted to, the more people own a piece of you. You become an “indentured servant” until the debt is paid which, sadly for most, will be when they die.

I have been a free man for 40 years, and have not been married for over 20. When I got my divorce, we both took our own debt. I, luckily, had none. She wanted everything, so I gave it all to her, the house, car, her credit cards, etc., and so on. I walked away with nothing. I was very, really, by all definitions, free, except supporting my children, which was my pleasure.

The point I’m trying to make is, stay out of debt!

Must one love a leader before one votes him or her to the office?

No. Biden got into office because no one wanted a strong leader, not because he was loved. Now, look at the country. Nuff said.

If I’m poor, who will give me money?

In the United States, if you can qualify for “welfare,” society will give you our hard-earned money so you can sit around playing with yourself. Hell, we even give you a “credit card” for food. People who really need welfare to get by won’t mind you slacking off and doing nothing. We don’t require able-bodied people to actually earn a living, you can game the system and suck from the public teat. If this is too much work, most big cities seem to have no issue with allowing you to rip off stores with no fear of prosecution. Respect? It’s overrated.

Why do I want to have sex with another man?

Variety?

Do we truly ever let go, or do we just accept?

I think many of us just accept. I haven’t let go of my ex-wife. I still love her, but she has little use for me, which is fine. I’ve accepted the apology from her that I’m never going to get. I’ve stopped hating her and simply have no place for her in my life. I accepted giving her everything and starting over from scratch. And, I accepted calling my lawyer five years later, as she said I would, to thank her for being right. I was a much happier person.

This is why I think “accepting” is better than “letting go.” We need to remember so we don’t repeat. Part of that memory is the feeling of emotions which helps to validate our acceptance of what took place. I think, if we simply let go, the chances of making the same mistake again are significant.

“Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”

-- Deborah Reber

How do I stop relying my happiness on one of my friends?

Understand that any happiness you feel comes from within, not from your friend. They can bring out the happiness you feel, but it is your choice, consciously or not, to feel it. If the friend makes you happy, then simply being around them will elicit this response. To stop the response, then, you must stop hanging around them. A tough thing to do if they truly make you happy.

I think most of us rely on stimulation from people or things to make us happy. They are our “go-to” for being happy. Until you come to the realization that truly sustainable happiness is a choice you have to make for your life, to strive to be truly happy always and in all things, you will continue to “rely” on certain stimuli to accomplish the happiness you feel for the moment it lasts. 

How do you deal with not knowing if you made the decisions in the past?

Unless you have memory issues, how would you not know? And, if you do have memory issues, you can't remember so why would you care?

Life is full of choices and decisions we must make and learn from. We can deny them, try to transfer responsibility for them, but we know, deep down, that we made the choice or decision. I am cognizant of every choice and decision I make in my life. I have to be… because it is my life. No one else is responsible for me, but me. This makes it pretty simple because even if I do forget that I made a choice or decision that has affected my life, I must have made it because it is my life and no one is allowed to make a decision for it but me.

This makes life interesting because if you don’t remember doing something that is totally out of character for you, then the onus is on you to validate that you actually made the choice to do it.

There are certain areas of devastation, in my past, littered with the carcasses of those who dared try to control my destiny without my knowledge. This is something none of us should condone.

As an example, recently I had a piece of my chiropractor’s scheduler when she sent me a text informing me of a scheduled appointment I didn’t make. I texted back “no” and she rescheduled it. I texted back “no” and she, then, called me. I let her know that he does not have the ability to schedule my time. But, she explained, he wanted to see me a couple of times a week for the next two weeks. Well, I explained in return, he should have informed me of that during my last appointment. I have a feeling the young lady was the one at fault and the poor girl kept falling on her sword, so I rescheduled an appointment to end her agony.

What’s a sign you’re creative?

Actually creating something is a pretty good sign. Coming up with ideas is one and being able to “think outside the box” is another. 

What has your partner done that really upset you?

About ten years ago we got into a discussion over something in my “wheelhouse” of responsibility. I felt the discussion was morphing into an argument because I didn’t know why she had insinuated herself into the issue. I told her she needed to back off of it before I lost my temper, which I try not to ever do. She heard the meaning in my voice and made herself scarce. She is a fast learner, and we haven’t had such an incident since. I’m still confused by the entire incident.

How does one gain self-awareness without an event to trigger it?

I don’t think it needs an event, it is the event. Becoming self-aware is the “event” you’re looking for. Like breathing, seeing, hearing, etc., I think the mind also filters through all the crap in order to, eventually, become aware of the self.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”

-- C.G. Jung

Why do attractive things work better?

I’m not sure what bearing “attractiveness” has on the work being done unless something ugly that is doing marvelous work is attractive in its ugliness simply for that reason.

Does life have to suck? My mom says life sucks then you die, but can you live a happy life?

Considering life is all about the choices and decisions we make for ourselves, as adults, if life sucks it falls on us to make it not. If we do nothing to make our lives better, then life will, indeed, probably suck until we die. Better we should make a concerted effort to choose happiness aways and in everything we do, and keep any drama we allow into our lives to a bare minimum.  Keep in mind that, being in charge of our own lives, any drama in it, we allowed to be there.  Just saying.

What would you do if you received $900 a week for life?

Put it in the bank, donate to children’s hospitals, and take an occasional trip. It might be a good time to plan the “spiritual meditation center” I’ve wanted to build. 

Where has "free choice" gone to?

Still residing in all of us. You always have the free choice to accept or not, anything life throws at you. No one can take “free choice” away from you. At the extreme end of the spectrum, you have the freedom of choice to die rather than give in to authority.

If you had to give up one food for life, which one and why?

Candy. It really isn’t much of a food source and causes more harm than any good. Cookies, on the other hand…

“Surrendering is not the giving up of something.

True surrender is the total acceptance of yourself.

You're not 'losing' anything in the surrender, the way your society usually means that word. You are not giving up anything in the sense of loss.

Surrender means to open up: Open up to your total self; to give in and let go of the things you think you're supposed to be. Just be who you are. It will see you through.”

-- Bashar

What should I do if I told people that I’m moving, but then something happened and now I’m not? What should I do in this situation?

Don’t move.

What is the meaning of “you will fail the future”?

It’s pretty much a foregone conclusion. We all fail, and will probably fail again. Thus, is life. We learn best from our failures. At times we force failure just so we can learn what it can tell us. But, this is failing in the future, not failing the future.

In order to “fail the future” you have to fail yourself. Failing yourself is a sure sign that you really don’t give a damn, that you’ve, for all intents and purposes, given up even trying to attain any positive outcome in life. The future will abide, whether it abides positivity or negativity, goodness or evil, is another question.

Why is Putin a loser?

With any other U.S. President, he might be. But, with Joe, he’ll win back Ukraine and laugh all the way to the capital while the American people suffer the consequences of higher prices. 

Why do I feel like my girlfriend of almost 1 year doesn't love me anymore?

One year is about the right time to decide if something is sustainable. She probably doesn’t, but why don’t you ask her. No time like the present to move on before you waste another moment on someone who could care less.

What’s the nicest way to say screw off?

“Thank you for your input. Anybody else?”

“There are few phrases that annoy me more than I won't bite. The only line that pisses me off faster is when some drunk, ham-faced dude in a bar sees me trying to get past him and barks: "Smile, it can't be that bad!" Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad.”

-- Gillian Flynn

Is it right to follow your significant other and his entire family and settle overseas even if the decision wasn't made together? Is love the right choice when many things are at risk? Anyone been in this situation and do you regret your choice now?

Today’s marriages are supposed to be loving partnerships. If one partner gets disenchanted with the other partner, the partnership can be dissolved. It’s that simple. It's called divorce.  These are things that should be known, discussed, and decided, prior to the wedding, as a way of heading off a divorce.

“Oh, I neglected to tell you before the ceremony, we’re moving to Lower Slobovia for ten years. Great, huh?”

How do I discover my personal values, and what is important for me in my life?

I always tout the value of creating a personal set of moral ethics, an ethical code, you are willing to stand with unto death. Honesty, loyalty, integrity, respect, selflessness, responsibility, patriotism, love, friendship, and you can continue to break them down into their component parts ad nauseam.

Our “personal code of ethical conduct” defines who we are to those around us, to those who really care. It is not an easy path to follow. I constantly find myself at odds with my own code. It isn’t that my code is wrong as much as I want to be. I’m just a bad boy trying to be good.

Would a 4-day work week boost employee satisfaction and well-being?

Maybe, but people need to be realistic in it still being a 5-day workweek. There will be 2 hours tacked on to each of the four days to make up for the loss of one day, so what have you or the company actually gained? I think these issues will continue to populate the discussion for some time. 

Have you ever failed at something you used to do very well and just said "my life's a lie"?

I have failed many times, but my life has never been a lie. That’s an easy way of folks taking no responsibility for one’s life.My failures have been due to poor choices and decisions. I own this.I critiqued why things went wrong and corrected the issues or moved forward having learned from the mistake.The only way life becomes a lie is if this isn’t done and if you wallow in denial for your own part in not being responsible for your life.

What friendships are worth keeping?

All friendships are worth keeping or they really aren’t “friendships” to begin with. How would you feel if those who you thought were friends simply tossed you aside for better friends? How would it feel to be judged by those you thought better of? No. If you call someone a “friend” it comes with loyalty and responsibility, not only to them but to your own code of ethical conduct. What would this decision say about you to those around you? Will they wonder, when they won’t “measure up” to your standards and get the ax?

"A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff, and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away."

-- Unknown

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com