Questions on Marriage, Behavior, Morons, and Weakness

 

“He was frigging Dionysus! The man who invented the three-way! He’d had sex every possible way known to man. He’d made improvements to the Kama Sutra. And he was suffering from a major case of wet noodle.”

-- Rosanna Leo

How can I be a better husband? I have only been married since November 5 and I have lied to her, I have cheated on her. I blame her when in reality, I have caused this destruction and I have no idea how to take accountability. Where do I even start?

You can be a better husband by not constantly trying to destroy your marriage. You can start by taking responsibility for all of it. Be honest with her. In other words, come clean and admit everything. Tell her that you want to be a better husband, and leave the rest up to her. She’ll probably leave you, which will serve you right. But, if she doesn’t, you have the chance to be the better husband, but you will so have to change from treating her like crap. Good luck!

What happens if I seek revenge on those who hurt me and something bad happens to their relationship because of me?

Well, seeking revenge already has you on the “bad karma” delivery list. I suppose ruining their relationship will get you a “special delivery” upgrade.

How is it possible that you are so pretty?

Oh, stop it. You don’t even know me.

Why do I always feel like being taken care of more by my partner? I don’t usually pay for meals and rent. Am I not fair? Should partners be half and half with everything?

Yes, that’s why they call it a partnership. A stay-at-home mom, if she takes her role seriously, woks her ass off in exchange for being treated like a queen. What each contributes, monetarily or through work, should be equitable. It keeps things nice and tidy when everyone pitches in to make the partnership work.

I and my boyfriend have been in arguments for over 3 days straight. It’s not its fault, it’s mine. But just to sum it up, I’m getting mad over every little thing when we talk. Then I take it out on him when he did nothing wrong. Is this normal?

Assuming you’re a woman, remember, you are from Venus. Are you pregnant? That time of the month? Bitchy is kind of expected, anyway.

“Because, frankly, I have a tough time feeling that feminism has done a damn bit of good if I can't be the way I am and have the world accommodate it on some level.”

-- Elizabeth Wurtzel

What behavior is an immediate red flag for you?

Spouting flagrant bullshit would do it. This is one reason the League of the Perpetually Offended and I don’t get along.

There is a term that says one should "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer," but, how and why?

The why is a warrior tactic used to keep a close eye on those who wish you ill. How you do it is usually through social events, lines of communication, visits of dignitaries, and milking their friends and enemies for any intelligence information that might prove useful.

Does your animal speak to you through physical gestures?

Yes, and the 20-pound “feral” cat just pisses me off.

Have you encountered mean people at your paid jobs?

Oh, my yes! But, sooner or later I sit down with them and we come to an understanding about that chip on their shoulder and their need to adjust their sights to the right target. 

What led you to change your perspective or “to see the light”? Was this sudden or gradual?

It was sudden and during my divorce. I was at the point where I realized I’d wasted 25 years of my life trying to make someone love me. I had missed the point, my bad. The solution for me was typical, just end it all. As I sat there, alone in the dark, a flickering candle providing the only light, I was prepared for what I was about to do. I’d show her. Really? I’d show her… what? She wouldn’t care. My children would blame her, but what would it do to them, and my parents? Who failed me? Well, I did.

How did I end up in this deep pit of despair? I climbed down into it. How do I get out? The same way I got in. I looked up, passed the ceiling, into the night sky I couldn’t see, and I started to cry. The one way out was up.

Messages come to us in many forms, we have to open our minds and listen for them. What I heard was loud and clear. I found myself crying and laughing, a man possessed, some might say, and I was. I was possessed of a path forward I had missed. A signpost I had ignored, and an introduction I’d forgotten:

"You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone!"

Indeed I was. I climbed out of my pit and backtracked, with the help of good friends, to find the path I’d missed. I found true happiness. I forgave my ex-wife, and I forgave myself. I accepted the apology from her that I knew I was never going to get. I started waking up each and every morning, thanking God for the gift of another glorious day in paradise and, most importantly, another chance to excel in life.

Life is what we make of it, but you have to be alive in order to do it.

“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.”

-- Plato

What are some good oxymorons?

“Military Intelligence” has always haunted me.

Isn’t God supposed to fulfill our needs instead of us being demanded to fulfill his needs?

What makes us so worthy? We were created. We were given a world. We were put in charge of everything on the face of the world. God asks so little back for all that was given and, yet, you want more? You were gifted with everything you need to fulfill whatever needs you might think you have. Go forth and make use of the gifts. 

Do people honestly go for hookups immediately after meeting online?

Yes, and it is dangerous and not very smart. Having said that…

How do I learn to open up to others when humans continuously show how violent, selfish, and uncaring they are?

You’re obviously “opening up” to the wrong humans. I’d find a better class of people to hang around. That kind of kills the bar scene.

What is a relationship to you? Is it sex, love, or hanging out?

Yes.

“We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: it's got to be the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.”

-- Andrew Boyd

Why do people use [this site]? I have never used it and never will.

But... uh… Oh, never mind.

My best friend has distanced herself from me and the guy I am talking to will meet up with her although he knows how upset I am about the situation. Am I in the right to find this not ok?

It’s not ok, primarily because neither of them has the balls to be upfront and honest with you. I would confront both of them for their cowardly lack of tact, and then put some distance between you and them. They can’t be trusted.

What does teaching teach you?

It taught me communication skills, differences in people, moods, patience, tolerance, and understanding, and I was teaching adults. Who woulda thunk?

What qualities should I have to become a good husband?

Love goes without saying. Be a friend. Be understanding and tolerant of differences. Be courteous and a gentleman to her and to her friends (yes, they need to like you as well). Don’t be quick to anger. Always be honest and upfront. Be patient. And, regardless of what she says, you are her knight, so protect her always. When the time comes, be a father, and remember all the rules, above, as they also apply to your children. Teach them well, and… be patient.

What is the most creative answer you have heard in response to the question, "What is your greatest weakness"?

Was “erectile dysfunction” one of them?

“You think I can't get it up anymore, maybe? Lemme tell you, you eat enough garlic and it stands up every time.”

-- Alberto Vitale

The boy I like always makes jokes in class and then looks at me and smiles. Does this mean he likes me?

He might be looking for your approval, yes.

Is freedom of choice more important to God or to the devil?

God. The devil wants you to toe the party line. Freedom of choice is the last thing he wants you to have. Sound familiar?

Reader comment: When murder is your choice… God absolutely wants you to intervene and stop it.

My reply:  So the freedom you choose is, again, more important to God, as is my freedom of choice to intervene. Evil may try to prevent that, as it interferes with their agenda.

Can God go against his will?

Uh… If God goes against his will… wouldn’t that be his will?

Who consistently brings holiday joy into your life?

Good friends! We try to make the most of the holidays at the local cigar bar. We’ll grill up some food, bring some from home, bring out the folding tables and treat everyone to some holiday eats. Most of us are retired, or old enough to remember some hard times. What fun to be with friends!

My dad calls my mom stupid and he is very rude and disrespectful. What should I do?

That depends on your age and gender.

“THE SILENT PEOPLE

Some people are so rude,

Living their lives with no concern for others,

Or possibly just intent on pissing other people off-

Annoying everyone around them.

The silent people-

Want to kill them-

And drive forks into their skulls-

Create weapons of extreme torture-

And scream from the top of their lungs-

"SHUT UP."

But words are not spoken-

And attention is not given.

Though annoyance is apparent,

The annoying keep on living.”

-- Giorge Leedy

Criticizing a person's idea as dumb, terrible, unintelligent with strong factual reasons would you agree isn't the same as calling that person dumb, unintelligent, or any other negative word?

No idea is dumb, terrible, or unintelligent. We learned in the intelligence field the value of running any idea up the flagpole to see if it catches air. Who would have thought to fill a wooden horse with a special ops group and present it as a gift to the city of Troy? A stupid idea that wasn’t as stupid as the soldiers guarding the gate of Troy, and had so much merit it went down in history.

If you’re looking for ideas, you’ve already admitted you are wanting. If their idea is so stupid, where is yours? You can almost hear the crickets chirping.

Reader comment:  There are no stupid ideas, only stupid people.  Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

My reply:  You made me smile, Erwin. Thank you! 

Should I help someone who is homeless on the street?

If you have a little extra, sure. But, do more than that. Engage them in conversation, if they don’t mind. Their story ofttimes reveals the reasons for homelessness. For instance, in Washington state, I had no idea that you can’t get a job if you have no mailbox. I found this out from a young man living in his car with a wife and two small children. He was a carpenter and couldn’t get a job in a city booming with construction.

Reader comment:  Yes - there is so much more than many think - conversation and asking questions fills in the blanks that so many are unaware of. A conversation with a homeless person without judgement can have more worth than money. because someone is actively listening to them as a human being - and they are exactly that.

 My reply:  Indeed.

How do I tell my girlfriend that positive thoughts are better than negative?

“Positive thoughts are better than negative!” Or, you could just turn her out. Having someone around you who constantly bombards you with negativity is not healthy. If you can’t fix it, sometimes you have to walk away and hope the point drives home.

Should I confess my feelings to the person I once hated the most?

I hate to be trite, but, the truth will set you free. There is something about getting it off your chest that really makes you feel better. Hey, they may not like it but, oh well, sucks being them. Do the right thing and you’ll grow for the effort. And, who knows, you might grow closer.  (I really don't hate being trite.  I do it all the time.)

“As you dig your teeth into your assumptions, your teeth become sharper. You can dig deeper. You become what the world needs simply by helping yourself. It’s not easy, but it is worth it. The truth, as they say, hurts. But they also say it sets you free.”

-- Vironika Tugaleva

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com