Questioning Relationships, Sex, Love, and Age

 

“Breasts were one thing: they were in front, where you could have some control over them. Then there were bums, which were behind, and out of sight, and thus more lawless. Apart from loosely gathered skirts, nothing much could be done about them.”

-- Margaret Atwood

Every time I look at my girlfriend's butt, I get aroused. What can I do to stop this?

Stop looking at your girlfriend’s butt. There’s nothing else you can do about it. If it happens, however, I’m sure she knows how to take care of it.

What was a seemingly small decision you made that ended up being life-changing?

I had nothing better to do, so I reenlisted in the military for a second four-year tour that lasted almost 19 years. I gave up a degree in psychology to help keep my country safe from socialism. Had I known we were going to invite socialism into our government, I would have become a psychologist. Senator Joseph McCarthy was right.

What do you do if you're gay and your crush finds out you like them?

It’s already done. The next move is on them.

Have you ever fulfilled a dream? How did you feel?

Fulfilled. I wanted to retire before 60 years of age and managed to do it at 58, after almost 23 years in the military and another 17 years with an I.R.B. (Institutional Review Board). I spent almost 2 years in Mexico before I was asked to return and help the owner of the IRB with the upgrade of a golf and country club she bought. On my 60th birthday, I “retired” for the third time and moved to the Gulf Coast. Not many people can fulfill their dream three times.

What job could you never do but you’re grateful someone else does?

Sewer systems. A sewer full of crap doesn’t work well with my gag reflex. And, any job where I have to be around dead bodies all the time is another one.

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar."

-- Drew Carey

Can a woman pressure or coerce a man into having sex with her?

Please!

Why would it be considered rude to say someone is not “worth being treated with respect”?

Because everybody deserves respect until they show contempt for it. But, to say someone is not worthy is a judgment call they probably should be making on themselves.

What should I do when I am telling the truth but my boyfriend doesn't believe me? It hurts.

Ask yourself how long you intend to put up with this hurt?

When you finally can love someone with all your heart and that person loves you the way you are, even this is a long-distance relationship. But then you realize you both cant ever be together in the future. How do you handle this? I'm super sad now.

It is what it is, and being sad about it won’t change the fact. You need to remain good friends and soldier on to other relationships. Be very happy for the time you’ve had, and for the friendship moving forward.

Would you rather have the ability to see the future or see the past?

I have no need to see what others have written volumes about. Seeing the future, however, might prove profitable.

“You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”

-- John Green

How can I feel good enough for a pretty girl who shows interest in me? My self-esteem and overall view of myself have been damaged by bullies.

Share your pain. Let her know you’re a work in progress and ask her if she’s up to the challenge. Better to honestly get it out in the open before either of you gets hurt because you were less than honest.

A guy is sending mixed signals to me, but he has a girlfriend. How do I know if he really likes me?

He has a girlfriend! If he’s doing this to her, why do you think you’re going to be immune from him doing it to you?

If you have someone in your thoughts, does it mean this person is also thinking about you?

One can only hope.

I would always refuse to enter a relationship with a girl unless I would be in love with her. My sexual impulsivity is very low. What is wrong with me?

Absolutely nothing. Find a nice girl and love her till the end of time.

How do you use psychology to make a woman love you?

If a woman wants to love you, she will. If you have to make her love you, I’d be asking, what’s wrong with you that you have to make someone love you? This is manipulation, and it rarely ends well.

“Why don't people realize that feelings are so much better when they aren't forced?”

-- Nitya Prakash

What do you do or say to make things work when your boyfriend tells you you're boring and not very entertaining.  I send him romantic sexy things, but he tells me I look awkward or not good-looking.  He says I dress old?

Another guy that’s probably just using you. Hell, he barely rates as a friend with this attitude. What are you doing that keeps him with you?  I'd stop whateve it is, because you're better off without him.

What makes people ‘old’ to you?

Attitude. If you don’t think you’re old, you’re not.

How are you supposed to react when you meet the woman your dad cheated on your mom for? I'm due to meet her soon and I don’t know how to handle the situation.

I’d refuse to meet her, and your dad is an ass for suggesting that you do. How tasteless is this? If you decide to go through with this, I can’t help but think that, if she stole your dad from your mom, maybe you can steal her from your dad. 

I'm 18 and my new girlfriend is 43. Is this okay?

For you? Yes! She’s a bit out in left field, however. You do realize, though, that when you’re 36, she’ll be 86, right?

Why does my boyfriend call me ugly, fat, and lazy?

He isn’t your boyfriend. As a matter of fact, he’s not really a friend at all.

“Never listen to destructive criticism - it's only meant to silence you.”

-- Stewart Stafford

How do you show your displeasure to someone?

I ignore them. It’s rude, but they started it

When people degrade you personally, what are they hoping to gain?

They are bullies. They gain nothing but the chance to forget what absolute losers they are. People who do this think they’re covering up their own faults, when what they do actually speaks louder about what they are than if they just kept their mouth shut. They are sad people. 

What happens when narcissists get older?

They become old narcissists.

What do you not want in a partner?

Selfishness. Been there, done that, and it wasn’t the basis for a good relationship. Better to find a loving, giving, and caring, partner for life.

My girlfriend has been saying she’s fat and ugly, and I could say she’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen a million times but she wouldn’t budge. How do I make her feel better?

This is a pit of misery she has dug for herself. She’s inviting you to validate her, but you won’t, and that is a good choice. You need to explain to her that she needs to stop this behavior, of you’ll go find someone happier to be around.

“The average person’s self-esteem is so low that they are way less frequently surprised that they love someone than they are surprised that someone loves them.”

-- Mokokoma Mokhonoana

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com