Questioning Looks, Grief, Society, and Sadism

 

"The whole body is susceptible to pleasure, but in places, there are wells from which it may be drawn up in greater quantity. But not inexhaustibly. How long is it possible to know pleasure? Rich Romans ate to satiety, and then purged their overburdened bellies and ate again. But they could not eat forever. A rose is sweet, but the nose becomes habituated to its scent."

-- Jesus Ignacio Aldapuerta 

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Note to my readers:  "Congratulations, your content crossed 1,000,000 views!"  This was the headline I was greeted with this morning, but, before I became "tickled," I thought I might check it out.  In reality, my content crossed 1,007,371 views.  Now, put into context, I've been answering questions since 2019, so this number really works out to about 5,856 views per week, or 304,512 views per year..  Holy crap!  Sorry... I almost impressed myself.

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Can you take a reaction before your turn?

I had no idea I had to hold up my hand and wait until called before I react. I usually get called to explain the reaction written on my face over some bullshit I just heard at the podium. So, I suppose I take plenty of reactions before my turn. Of course, I have to clean up my opinion concerning my reaction, but I’m used to that.

Is there anything you know you should let go of, but haven't yet?

My ex-wife. She admitted she never loved me after 25 years of marriage. I hated her for everything she did to me and our marriage. I hated myself for my reactions to her. But, after 20-plus years of divorce, I still love her for giving me two great kids who so don’t take after her, and a couple of grandchildren who are terrific. I should let go of her, but what we created together will forever be with me.

Should one embrace volatility coming into their life?

Only if you have to. This is like inviting drama into your life. For what constructive purpose?

Have you ever walked into your kitchen and known something wasn't right? What happened?

All the time and my girlfriend of 20 years still can’t put the cooking utensils back where they belong. I walk into it and immediately know something is amiss. Drives me nuts.

How can an unforgiving person change to become a forgiving person?

Understand that everyone makes mistakes, even you. What you selflessly give will be returned in kind.

“To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

-- C.S. Lewis

How do you inform your boss that you don't have work?

“Hey! Boss! I finished all my assignments and don’t have work. Any thoughts?”

What has a teacher said or done that changed your life?

In high school, a liberal, socialist, hippy, English teacher took down the U.S. flag and stomped on it to make some mindless idiotic point. A football player asked her to get off the flag because it didn’t deserve to be disrespected by her. He picked it up and took it to the office. He was applauded by the class which infuriated the teacher. I had to ask myself who I had more respect for, the patriot or the socialist. To this day I have no use for the League of the Perpetually Offended. They perpetually offend me with their actions and mindless banter. I spent 23 years of my life defending my country from socialism and communism.

What do you call an actor with no lines?

An ad-libber.

How would you react if your manager is talking with you about all the important initiatives that you need to drive for the next year a week before you have decided to submit your resignation?

“Well, boss, unless you’re going to give me a significant raise, I was planning on resigning at the end of the week. But, it would seem you value me more than my current paycheck would reflect.” 

What is it called when your manager treats you unfairly?

Unfair treatment. 

“I decry the injustice of my wounds, only to look down and see that I am holding a smoking gun in one hand and a fistful of ammunition in the other.”

-- Craig D. Lounsbrough

How can I identify the psychological tricks my boss is trying on me?

If your boss is stooping to “psychological” trickery, perhaps it’s time to look for other employment with a boss who is a bit more mature and honest with you. If they’re after something they need to ask for it, not play games. It says much about the person they are, and the direction the business might take. A more ethical company might be a better prospect for you.

How can an unforgiving person change to become a forgiving person?

Understand that everyone makes mistakes, even you. What you selflessly give will be returned in kind. 

How accurate are the five stages of grief?

I answered a similar question, asking what about the 5 stages of grief is wrong? My answer is still valid, for me”

“Let's look at the five stages – denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. They seem pretty straightforward if we approach it by qualifying the “five stages” as a general rule, but there are many exceptions.

I didn’t deny my father was dying after his fourth stroke. He had beat the strokes, and death, on more than one occasion, therefore, I wasn’t angry or depressed, but I was acceptant of his time to move on. I prayed for his mother, Mama, to not let him suffer. I didn’t bargain in this, as it was the right thing for her to do. He lived for less than a week. God bless Mama.”

Has society become more and more informal?

Well, in the United States, we have no border, courts don’t prosecute the guilty, we allow crowds to become riots and allow the rioters to burn down cities, police are being assassinated which is cause to defund them for a “gentler” approach (refer back to the court system), yadda, yadda, and yadda. So, yeah, our society, and the government they vote in, has become more informal and idiotic.

Am I sadistic if I only enjoy inflicting physical pain while having sex?

If you “enjoy” inflicting pain at any time, you are sadistic.

“You're about to become the thing you hate. Let the games begin.”

-- Nicholas Bella

What's the best way to approach a celebrity?

From the front.

Is something wrong with me for feeling this guilt and deep heartache about how things ended months later, especially when I wake up? For not being able to let go and move on? I still replay things in my head seeing how they could’ve been fixed.

Nope. Failure is the best way we learn and your guilt is forcing the issue. Find something or someone new to focus on and all will fade into the past. Fade, not disappear. The memory of the past mitigates repeating our mistakes.

Would you like to know you better?

Oh, hell no. I already know myself better than I’d like to. 

When someone asks favors often that cost you time and money, is it ever appropriate to ask for a favor in return before you grant theirs?

No, but you can let them know that you can’t afford them. You don’t have the time or the money to assist them at the moment, and you'll work your way down to their silly-ass problem in due time. Meanwhile, they can try handling it themselves for once. Tell them it’s a concept worth their time looking into.

How do you deal with employees who think they know it all?

Demonstrate that they don’t. There is nothing better than clarity, except teaching clarity.

“You certainly are Lord Know-It-All this evening, aren’t you?”

“Only when necessary. Otherwise, I try not to let my brilliance overshadow my giving and loving nature.”

-- G.A. Aiken

What happens when you don't deal with grief?

If you don’t deal with grief, grief will deal with you. Dealing with grief can be a relatively quick process dealing with acceptance. Grief dealing with you, on the other hand, can be an insidiously long march through an emotional quagmire that will, probably, involve everyone around you, to some degree. 

What happens once you satisfy every need from Maslow's Pyramid?

Retirement. 

If you’re not successful, does that mean you are not smart?

No, it means you made a mistake. Ask yourself why you’re not successful? Find the mistake or bad choice you made and remedy it, then try again. Failure is worthless unless we learn from it and press forward.

Perseverance is the key to attaining any goal, and true success is the ability to be truly happy always and in all things regardless of your circumstances.

How can I build a high level of rapport and trust with prospects?

Be knowledgeable, dress appropriately, and treat them ethically.

Why do some managers always hold on to certain mistakes of their employees and never move on, and never forgive?

They’re bad managers. Managers should be assisting employees in moving forward, not dwelling on their mistakes. They should point out the mistake and have them work to remedy it. Mistakes and failures are the best way we learn, but some managers miss the point. Very sad.

"Your past mistakes are meant to guide you, not define you."

-- Unknown

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Living, Will, Marriage, Promises, and Cheats

 

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

How do I get back to "living life" again? I went through a series of horrible people, who did horrible things & now I have trouble trusting anyone (I'm in counseling). I've become afraid of everyone, & (almost) everything, & very reclusive.

Make the choice. Your choices, so far, seem to have sucked. Learn from them. Failure and mistakes are some of the best ways we learn. Be very choosy about who you trust. There is no shame in being careful. You gain nothing by letting the bastards continue to win, and, as long as you have these issues, they will continue to win. Stand up for yourself. Go out and have fun. Give the world the middle finger and proclaim you’re back. It is a choice.

How does one decide if letting your love go was the right thing to do?

I think that, first, you have to ask yourself why you let your love go. Was the reason valid enough to make it the right thing to do?

A person at my school thinks we are friends and he bullies me (if I can fully call it that, he just hits me on the back of the head). I’ve told him to stop but he just says that it’s fun. He is friends with some of my friends, though, so what do I do?

If it annoys you, stop hanging around with him. If your friends don’t stand up to him, they must agree with him. Find new friends that don’t condone that kind of immaturity. He just might be the impetus for needed change in your life.

What is a woman who likes older men called?

Safe. 

Why is forgiving important?

We all make mistakes. I’d like to think that, if I apologize for a mistake, someone will be big enough to forgive me so we can move forward.

“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”

-- Criss Jami

What was the first time you had to be courageous? How did it go?

I stood up to a bully in high school, and almost beat him to death with a tree branch. My friend pulled me off of him, and when I calmed down, I was very surprised by my ability to visit violence upon someone else. Thus began my life of standing up for those who can’t stand up for themselves.

Did you change because you had to or you wanted to?

I had to because I wanted to. I had to change my way of thinking if I wanted to join the military.

How can I have a strong will?

Having a “strong will” is about never giving up, never surrendering, especially when you know you are in the right. It is about perseverance in the face of insurmountable odds, standing your ground, and spitting in the face of failure.

Is it okay to cancel plans because you're tired?

If you’re not going to enjoy the time, why go? The people you may have made plans with might not be happy, but if the plan is to fly a private plane and you’re the pilot, I’d rather you be wide awake for the event.

Does anyone really care what you believe?

The communists and the socialists. I’m really not a danger to anyone else, and the liberal left is only a danger to themselves:

“The useful idiots, the leftists who are idealistically believing in the beauty of the Soviet socialist or Communist or whatever system, when they get disillusioned, they become the worst enemies. That’s why my KGB instructors specifically made the point: never bother with leftists. Forget about these political prostitutes. Aim higher. They serve a purpose only at the stage of destabilization of a nation. For example, your leftists in the United States: all these professors and all these beautiful civil rights defenders. They are instrumental in the process of the subversion only to destabilize a nation. When their job is completed, they are not needed anymore. They know too much. Some of them, when they get disillusioned, when they see that Marxist-Leninists come to power—obviously they get offended—they think that they will come to power. That will never happen, of course. They will be lined up against the wall and shot.” 

-- Yuri Bezmenov (1939-1993), former Soviet journalist and KGB informant

Which is more reliable, applause or applauses?

They are both just as reliable. Applause shows that what you have offered, was appreciated by an audience. More applause would show that what you offered was appreciated by more than one audience, or, ultimately, by society as a whole. Each applause is reliable at the level at which it was offered. It is rated by the percentage of the audience applauding, the intensity, and the length.

What if someone could time travel and choose their own past?

Good for them? I’m not sure what the question is, here.

How do you deal with someone who downplays your success?

Did you attain your goal to satisfy them or you? Jealousy will come at us all through life if we constantly attain our goals. These people will stroke their own lack of attainment by trivializing yours. You don’t need to deal with them, as they are their own worst advertisement. Smile, thank them for their lack of maturity, and keep on keeping on. This will keep pissing them off. How great is that?

What are three key factors to a successful marriage?

True love, understanding, and respect.

How many times could you tolerate your paycheck being more than three days late before you would start a new job search?

That would depend on if it caused me to be late making payments for rent, power, water, etc., and so on. The job not paying you on time is not an excuse for being late on your responsibilities. This is what a savings account is good for. You pay your bills and put the money back when the check comes in. But, even with savings, how long can you “tolerate” not being paid on time? I suppose it depends on how much you enjoy the job.

"Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife."

-- James H Kabbler III

Do cheaters enjoy their lifestyle?

One would think they’d have to, while they can. Sooner or later they’re going to get caught. Enjoying has little to do with being truly happy, however. They cheat because they are incapable of rising to the challenge. How sad for them.

How do I remind someone who promised me a job?

"Is that job offer still open?"

Have been dating a guy for 4 months and it's been going great - we met at the weekend and we ended up having sex - however since then he has become really cold & not initiating much communication - What have I done wrong? 

Ask him? He’s the one being cold and quiet. My first blush is to say you did not meet his sexual expectations. If this is so, he swims in the shallow end of the gene pool, and you’d be better served dumping him for someone in the deep end.

Is it possible to have too much of a good thing?

Ever eat too much rich food? There is nothing like puking up a great pizza through your nose. It really doesn’t taste good the second time around. Just saying. 

Are you always happy at work?

I always was. Even when the work went wonky, I was still happy to have a job. I have been blessed to have two careers I absolutely enjoyed doing. Even when they were tedious or were being rated by inspectors, I always appreciated the challenge. Happiness is a choice you make for your life. Choose to be truly happy always and in all things. This, alone, is true success.

"Happiness is an attitude of mind, born of the simple determination to be happy under all outward circumstances."

-- J. Donald Walters

Do confident people still cheat?

Yes, and they do so confidently.

Why is life not really nice?

If life was always nice, what would you learn from it? There must be balance. With balance, you learn the good with the bad. Why is life really not nice? Do you mean, this time around? How do you know past lives haven’t served you great times? Maybe this life is your turn to learn the tough lessons. 

Whom do you love next to yourself?

My children.

Can distractions make you focus?

Not me. Distractions piss me off. I am so not a multi-tasker. I have to focus on one thing at a time. Do one thing well and then move on to another. It has served me well. I hated doing many things well enough to get by. Doing each thing to the best of my ability or the team's ability, always got us the excellent results we were after.

Does being intimate in a relationship bring you closer?

It does if it’s mutually fulfilling. 

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.”

-- John Joseph Powell

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Sacrifice, Expectations, Truth, and Respect

 

“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”

-- Winston S. Churchill

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A note to my readers: I'm continuing to update the statistics for those who'd like to follow with me and we'll see where it levels off, which it doesn't seem willing to do.

The following was touted by the site I answer questions on as being "featured" in over 100,000 individual reader digests (as of the previous report it was shared in only 10,000 digests). The answer was posted on March 30, 2022, and, to date, has been viewed by over 252,300 people and upvoted 3,458 times, and counting. I assume because it was "featured" this is a big deal, whatever "featured" means. I will contine to share it for those who haven't read it:

Did you ever get a request for a favor from a neighbor who never showed any respect or interest in you or your family? What did you do? 

The guy next door. He asked if he could cut down a rotting tree the raccoons use. Wanted to bill me $2000 for a $500 job. I told him not to touch it. He cut it down anyway, when I wasn’t around, then billed me $2000. My legal team, lawyers from Louisiana and Mississippi, both advised me to tell him to go f*** himself. You have to love Southern lawyers. I cleaned the language up and sent him a form letter concerning trespass, ignorance, and the fact that he wouldn’t be getting any money out of me. (Last lines have been updated) We don't talk, not because I'm not willing, but because he seems to think he's all that. He flies a Marine Corps flag. So far, I'm not impressed.

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What are some of the benefits of self-sacrifice?

True happiness comes from the knowledge that you have done the right thing for the selfless sake of doing the right thing. Any other benefit would be more self-serving, than selfless.

What would you do if you had the power to manipulate luck?

I would call it the manipulation of life. Luck is what you make of it through choices and decisions. I manipulate luck every day, and usually in a good way.

What is something you are guilty of being bad at?

I am so guilty of being bad at having patience. In particular, I have no patience for drivers who don’t pay attention to their driving, especially the ones who sit at stop signs, texting, oblivious to you waiting behind them.

What does "X walked so Y could run" mean?

A misunderstanding of the algebraic equation?

Are people weird or just different from those who judge them as 'weird'?

Everybody is “weird,” in one way or another, even those who judge others as being weird. Judge not, lest ye be judged. I’m not a big fan of man’s interpretation of scripture, but, occasionally, solid truth wins out.

“Some are born weird, some achieve it, others have weirdness thrust upon them.”

-- Dick Francis

What was the first monthly income amount that made you feel very accomplished and like a hard worker?

I think it was, like, $90. It wasn’t much, but I was in Air Force basic training in 1973, as an E-1. We were really being paid to learn the military way.

What does a 4-year-old do better than a 40-year-old?

Play.

I come from a poor environment but hung out with settled or rich people. I made a decision for my life based on rich expectations but I failed. I am kind of lost. What should I do?

Try deciding to work your ass off without expectations. You can’t hang out with rich people, learning how they made their riches, but they are not you. You have to find your own way, your own path, and follow it. Failure is the best way we learn, so learn, and go back to try again, and again, until you get it right.

What makes you not want to help your coworkers?

When the coworkers slack off and think you’ll do their job for them. We all pitch in or someone burns, and I have no problem setting the workforce on fire. Loyalty is a two-way street.

What are signs that someone has completely failed in life and is at the point where there is little chance it can be turned around?

For me, it would be homelessness. In my role as a pastor, I helped feed the homeless with a private group in Olympia, Washington. Most of the homeless were satisfied with their lot. Some were trying to get a leg up. Talking to them, those who were satisfied had given up. For them, it is what it is. Oh, I’m sure the League of the Perpetually Offended will come down on me like a ton of shit, but you had to listen to these homeless folks, their stories, their expectations, to really get a feeling for what you never wanted to experience. This, for them, was life, and failing at this life would really suck.

“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

-- Winston S. Churchill

How would you define a value worth fighting for?

God, country, mom, and apple pie. Patriotism is worth fighting for because it holds the most intrinsic value in life.

Should I say sorry if I’m a boring person to know?

Why would you be sorry for who you are? If you wanted to be someone else you’d have done some self-introspection and worked on whatever makes you boring. One assumes you are okay with it, so, again, why apologize?

When did you realize you are not anybody’s favorite person?

Wha... What? You mean, I’m not? Holy crap!

Is looking up to a person for their individualities the same thing as having a crush on them?

I look up to many people I don’t have a crush on. I simply respect them for their opinions, beliefs, or sense of ethics.

Can financial freedom be achieved while humans have a difficult nature to be satisfied?

If they’re trying to satisfy their “difficult nature,” the greed will win out. Financial freedom and greed are strange bedfellows.

“As a woman, you are better off in life earning your own money. You couldn't prevent your husband from leaving you or taking another wife, but you could have some of your dignity if you didn't have to beg him for financial support.”

-- Ayaan Hirsi Ali

How do I give up on women? I have already accepted the fact that no woman will ever like me and I am not changing my mind.

If you’re not changing your mind, Eureka! You have given up on women.

Fact and truth, which is upheld in life?

If a fact is a lie, it really isn’t a fact. It may be the fact as we understand it, but that doesn’t make it the truth. A fact is “a thing that is known or proved to be true.” So, don’t believe facts that are not known to be true, and uphold both in life.

Is it weird that I am more attracted to older men than younger men?

No. They are more set in their ways and tend not to wander. They also are more appreciative and tend to show it.

How can I be a nice and respectful guy but also confident and sexual with women at the same time?

One has nothing to do with the other. You can be nice and respectful, and, if the woman is in agreement, you can show your confident and sexual side. I suppose you could say your question answers itself. If you want to be confident and sexual with women, try being nice and respectful. But, be nice and respectful anyway. It’s simply good manners.

Is it possible to find a girlfriend if you're not the most physically attractive?

Many unattractive people do. Personality has much to do with attraction.

“Have you ever been tempted to adjust your appearance, your attitude, or the way you behave in an attempt to fit in with someone? You may think you admire this person, and that's the reason you are considering alterations that are very unusual for you. But could it be, that you actually fear this person? Not in the physical sense - but perhaps you fear that this person won't have a high opinion of you if you behave like... well, like yourself? If so, take back your identity. Be proud of who you are, and don't let anyone intimidate you.”

-- Nitya Prakash

Is it normal to seek praise for doing something nice for someone else?

If that’s why you’re doing it, but it crosses the line into selfishness. Do something nice because it’s a nice thing to do. They may not praise you, but they know. Praise just may not be who they are.

What is an example of how can jealousy and envy be the same or not?

Jealousy is the showing of envy.

Is it right for someone to say to another person, "I am the best thing that will happen to you"?

Talk about an “in your face” slam. That egotistical ass is the best you’ll ever do? I would bank on the fact that you can lower the bar and still do better than them.

If consciousness is a dream, then how is anything truly real?

Good question, so let’s assume the person who said it is bonkers. But, even if they’re right, what you experience in the dream is as real as the dream. Therefore, what we experience as reality in a dream is different than what is imagined, even in dreams.

What happens when a narcissist is faced with reality?

Denial.

“The main condition for the achievement of love is the overcoming of one's narcissism. The narcissistic orientation is one in which one experiences as real only that which exists within oneself, while the phenomena in the outside world have no reality in themselves, but are experienced only from the viewpoint of their being useful or dangerous to one. The opposite pole to narcissism is objectivity; it is the faculty to see other people and things as they are, objectively, and to be able to separate this objective picture from a picture which is formed by one's desires and fears.”

-- Erich Fromm

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questioning Authority, Mistakes, Love, and Flirting

“Flirting is a woman’s trade, one must keep in practice.”

-- Charlotte Brontë

How do I cast a revenge spell with a white candle?

If you believe in “spells” then you must, also, believe in karma. The revenge you cast will come back to visit you, sooner or later.

How can you not give up on juicy opportunities that you know are precious to you and for which there won't be a second chance, but you just don't have the right mindset to seize them at that very moment? Should you dare anyway?

We learn by doing. Take the dare. If you fail you learn. Learn as much as you can so you can be prepared to attain the goal. I find it hard to believe there won’t be a second chance in anything but war, and even that can be questioned. If your mindset is the issue, then you might want to work on that and get your head screwed on right. If the opportunities are that “precious to you” then you have to get your head in the game.

What is something you would never put on your bucket list that is commonly added to other people’s lists?

Skydiving

If you're happy in your relationship you shouldn’t be thinking of your past?

Is this a statement or a question? What has past is memory, and what is future is unwritten, but what is in the moment is at hand. We learn from thinking of our past so we can do better in the present to ensure a happier future.

Were you ever told when or when not to take your break for lunch by someone who had absolutely no authority over you? What did you do?

Yes, in the military. I ignored them because they weren’t my supervisor. They came back on me and I advised them to go talk to my supervisor. They were stupid enough to take me up on that and got their ass chewed for giving me instructions that differed from the ones my super gave me. In a chain of command, you only have one boss. If your boss isn’t available, then his boss is over you, and so on. If someone breaks that chain, chaos is inevitable.

“One of the authors, then a department head, found that this worked when a colleague was trying to manipulate and bully him (about office space); looking right at the colleague and loudly saying, “Don't mess with me, Jack. I teach negotiations!” made him back off. Jack was much nicer from then on, because he assumed his ploys wouldn't work.”

-- Allan R. Cohen

How do you own up to past mistakes?

How do you not? If they're your mistakes, you own them. A good sense of ethics defines who you are to those around you. Most people are smart enough to smell truth from fiction, so what they think of you is predicated on your ownership of things you do. It might not be comfortable, but you’ll find the mistakes becoming fewer and your honesty becoming easier.

How and why can fears be unlearned?

Desire and need. If you desire to learn to swim, you also learn to ignore your fear of water. If you’re thrown into the deep end of the pool, you need to learn to swim or you’ll drown.

What is one thing you wish you could say to them?

Uh… Who is “them”?

Is it really possible to get rid of the ego?

You can mitigate your self-esteem or self-importance, but the ego also “mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.” I’m not sure how well we would operate if we didn’t test our reality and differentiate between the conscious and unconscious mind.

My boyfriend went to a party with the one girl I told him I was uncomfortable about. He left me on the street to go with her. Should I end it after 4 years?

Do you like being used and abused? You need to send him a clear message that his behavior is unacceptable.

"Starting to feel just a little abused Like a coffee machine in an office."

-- Shakira

How important is love to you, and why?

Very important. My worst fear is dying alone. On the flip side, however, my greatest joy is loving others. So, love is important to me at both ends of the scale between fear and joy, and in between.

What is one thing that can destroy you?

Death.

What is one thing you should make absolutely sure you don't do while you're dating?

Don’t ever “show your ass.” Don’t be a jerk, to anybody. Don’t act out. You’re supposed to be putting your best foot forward and acting like a perfect gentleman or lady. Showing the ass you’re capable of being is one way to not get a second date, if you even make it through the first.

When should people quit a relationship?

When there is no “good” to be had in the relationship. Why stay when nothing is working? Better to go find true happiness than to beat your fists against a cinderblock wall.

Would you date a woman who slept around with a huge amount of men and had a wild sex life, tho she is deeply in love with you for real, and keeps telling you she only cares about you? Would you date her?

Not a chance in hell. The odds are she isn’t done with her “wild sex life.” And, I have no idea what multiple STDs she’s harboring. We can be friends and we can have plutonic dates, but I’d have to be honest with her… my little “winky” is going nowhere near her.

“Here’s what I would never, ever admit out loud: a part of me always thought it was some kind of secret compliment when someone got called a slut. It meant you were having sex. Which meant people wanted to have sex with you. Being a slut just meant you were normal. But I think maybe I’m wrong about that.”

-- Becky Albertalli

Is walking away from someone the kindest thing you can do rather than stand there and list the reasons you don't want them?

It sounds kind of cowardly, to me. Don’t you want them to know what areas you find questionable? They may not be aware that they have issues others may also see. You telling them will offer them a chance to do some introspection and, maybe, correct what they might not see as an issue. What’s the worst that can happen? They get mad and walk away from you? Well, you attained your goal, then. Right?

Reader comment: I think it depends on the issues. Some things are physical aversion. Others might be a lifestyle. How much of the aversion is simply personal preference?

I can see not wanting to list off all of the reasons, and I personally have never done that. I think that could be too hurtful to the ex-partner.

My reply: So, you don't want to list all of the reasons, like a "physical" aversion?  Why not?  It is, after all,  a shallow reason for not liking someone.  The question never intimated the person was an "ex-partner" or even a friend, it only asks if you should give them the courtesy of your time.

How can we tell if our cheating boyfriend still loves us?

He’s cheating. Any “love” he feels is a definition in progress.

How do you become friends with someone you used to know that is the opposite sex without it being weird?

So, you used to be friends but aren’t anymore, or you knew them but weren't friends? Regardless, becoming friends isn’t, ever, weird. Try talking to them about life and their opinions, be a good listener, and start out small by having coffee and small talk. If friendship is going to grow, it will. You might even find an opening to ask how they feel about being friends.

Why does my ex text me just to ask me, "How am I doing?"?

How would you know how he’s doing? 

Is life really simple?

Life is about learning lessons so you can make appropriate choices and decisions. How much more simple can life be? It’s when we make bad choices and decisions that life becomes difficult. Make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances, make the best choices and decisions you can, and life will, at least, be bearable, if not really simple. 

“A simple life is not seeing how little we can get by with—that’s poverty—but how efficiently we can put first things first. . . . When you’re clear about your purpose and your priorities, you can painlessly discard whatever does not support these, whether it’s clutter in your cabinets or commitments on your calendar.”

-- Victoria Moran

What does it mean to have a bestie who is of the opposite sex?

It means you don’t judge your “bestie” by what sex they are. You’re an EOBH - equal opportunity bestie haver.

How do I know if I am texting him too much? I text him almost every day. He always responds.

Ask him. If he feels it’s too much he should feel comfortable letting you know.

How do I set boundaries for men?

If they don’t know the boundaries, what are they supposed to do? You set boundaries by telling them what the boundaries are. Men are pretty simple.  You say, they do.  If they cross the boundaries, they can’t say they didn’t know.  Well, they'll say they didn't know, but they'll know they did. 

Is a guy flirting with a girl if he said “I want to see you again”?

It doesn’t get much clearer.

What do I do if I like my best friend and he sometimes flirts with me?

Flirt back, silly.

“Flirting is a promise of sexual intercourse without a guarantee.”

-- Milan Kundera

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com