Questions of Relations, Learning, and Success

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”

-- Donald Miller

What is the difference between purpose and strategy?

The purpose is your goal, the strategy is how you attain it. For instance, the purpose is to be the best, and the strategy is to work hard, learn much, and never lose sight of being the best.

Why do you choose to keep going when you are on the verge of giving up. Knowing well that the journey is difficult and you can’t take it anymore?

Perseverance. If you want something bad enough it doesn’t matter to you how difficult the journey is, you will find a way to persevere. Besides, it isn’t all about the goal as much as it is the journey to get there.

The only thing that I want is the one thing I can't have. How do I get past this?

There is a country-western song about unanswered prayers sometimes being a blessing in disguise. You get past it by embracing the possibility that this isn’t your path. Maybe what you really want isn’t what you really need.

“The old adage that people only want what they can’t have or what they can’t tame— is totally primitive. A being of higher origins will know instinctively that life on earth is a series of chances, moments and concepts. That’s really all that you have. So when you find one of these things and it makes you burn, or it makes you feel peace inside, or it makes you look forwards and backward and here all at the same time— that’s when you know to hold onto it. And you hold onto it with every fiber of your being. Because it’s in the holding on of these chances and moments and concepts that life is lived. Every other kind of living is only in vitro. I don’t care what psychologists say today about how the human mind works. Because one day they will reach this pinnacle and they will see what I see and they will look upon the old ways as primitive. As long and gone. We do not wish to have what we can’t have. We wish to burn in whatever flame we have stepped into.”

-- C. JoyBell C.

Would you care about your appearance if you or no one else could see yourself?

Yeah, unfortunately, I was brought up to care about my appearance as much for myself as how I present myself to others. It has to do with having pride in oneself. If I skip a shower or don’t shave, I feel like a crud.

Which goals have you set recently?

I suppose it would be striving to be happy always. I might make another, more recent goal, but I would always follow it up with continuing to be happy always while I attain the “side” goal. I like to keep my eye on the prize. In this way, even if I fail, I will be happy with my effort and the knowledge I have another opportunity to learn.

What is the point of learning history? Why do we have to learn it?

Knowing what we’ve been through, and why, helps us to plan where we are going so we don’t make the same mistakes again.

If the “unsinkable” ship sinks while in battle, we go back to review the battle, the tactics, and weapons used against it, and try to answer why. If the battle doesn’t answer the question, we go back and review the specifications of the ship, how it was built, looking for flaws in our thinking.

This is all history, stored in books, plans, and reports, and eyewitness accounts. If we don’t learn from them we risk losing another ship for the same reason.

“If you don't know history, then you don't know anything. You are a leaf that doesn't know it is part of a tree. ”

-- Michael Crichton

Why can't I understand my ex and her friends? Are we just really incompatible in thinking and values, or do we lack communication skills, or are they just not communicating directly with me on purpose, or am I just thick?

Maybe some, or all, of the above. Maybe it’s time to move on? Oh, and I’d really be concerned about the “am I just thick” comment. Probably not, but… you are still hanging around your ex and her friends.

What happens if the soul can't end and you chose death? Is there a peaceful/compatible way for your soul to exist in Infinity? Does Righteousness make us compatible? Do the self-righteous make their own incompatible rules to cause sin?

What happens if you jump off the ledge of a 12 story building, hit the concrete sidewalk below, and find yourself right back on the ledge again? How many times do you jump before making a better choice? The rest of your questions can wait until you begin to understand the possible ramifications of your choice.

Why do people see marriage as an achievement?

And, yet, most marriages seem to fail. Hell of an achievement. Maybe we need to continually focus on love and happiness and, then, when one partner dies, we can help the other celebrate the achievement of their continual commitment to each other.

"A great relationship doesn’t happen because of the love you had at the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end."

--Unknown

What is the next image you want to add to your vision board?

There are so many, and I can’t remember any of their names.

What are some good ways to figure out whether you're being lied to about a topic you're unfamiliar with?

Look up the topic on your phone while they’re speaking, or tell them you’ll have to research that when you get home. Check their response. If you know them fairly well, and their background, if the subject is well out of their wheelhouse, their comment is probably out there as well.

What are some creative metaphors for "uncertainty"?

“He’s like a pig looking at a wristwatch.”

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment, and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next.

Delicious Ambiguity.”

-- Gilda Radner

How can "try but fail" be better than "not try"? I mean the result is the same (fail), while "not try" means spending fewer resources, saving time for other things, while "try" means you waste 16h a day for a 5% success, doesn't make any sense.

Life is a learning experience. If you don’t try, you don’t learn. Learning is never a waste of time for those who make use of what they learn. It is a choice. If you feel your best choice in life is not to try, don’t go for it, because that would be trying and you might fail.

What will it take for people to understand that you can put in the work and still get nothing out of it?

Putting in the work and getting nothing out of it will probably do the trick unless they’re brain-dead.

If you are in a relationship, at what aspect of life do you think you are positively affecting each other?

All aspects of life that you interact with each other in, which is pretty much all of them, will be affected by what you both do. A relationship, and I assume you mean a loving one, means that you can expect your “partner” to have some effect on every part of your life, and vice versa. When I worked in military intelligence I couldn’t involve my wife in any of my work. I couldn’t talk about it. This was not positively affecting my marriage. This lack of sharing pretty much destroyed the relationship after 20 years.

The clothes you wear, the way you treat others, the friends you have, everything has some effect on your significant other, even if they don’t show it. If it isn’t negative, then it’s probably positive.

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.”

-- Carl Gustav Jung

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com