Questions of Ethics, Hope, and Choices

 

“Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”

-- Shel Silverstein

How have you helped someone?

Many people. As a supervisor/manager In the military, I was constantly being given airmen who couldn’t measure up. I was their last chance or they would be cross-trained to another field or, more likely, sent back to civilian life with a general discharge.

My record for saving careers was darned good. I actually had a couple of people call me years later to thank me for straightening them out. My issue, however, was the supervisors and managers that seemed incapable of doing what I was doing with these folks. Why were they still in positions of supervision and management? Turns out, several of them were removed when I pointed this out.  Time to train the trainers.

What is one unique quality that you want to reflect on you today?

Tolerance. Since I’ve returned to my early roots, on the Gulf Coast, I think I tolerate more than most, and I’m certainly not in the League of the Perpetually Offended, which should say something about my good character. I come across plenty of idiots, especially online, and I simply smile, shake my head, and usually mutter something Southern, like, “God bless their li’l heart.”

What is a life rule you have followed since your 30s that you wish you followed in your 20s?

It’s two-part: Have a good and moral code of ethics, and stand by them always. Or, just strive to be happy always. But, a good and moral Code of Ethics would have done me a world of good.

“But sticking to rules just because they're there does not make them right. You need to learn when the rules should be broken.”

-- Ilsa J. Bick

When was the last time you did something that actually benefited your community outside of your family?

Volunteered several days to help paint the local cigar bar, inside and out, when the new owner bought it. Now it strikes a good look in the middle of the main street. Before that, I volunteered to be the lead chaplain at our local medical center where I visited patients and met weekly with the PTSD patients.

Is the way you currently live a choice or an accident?

It is a choice. Having an "accident" would probably cause me to make a different choice, or deal with what life dealt me which would also be my choice. I can’t think of anything we do in life that isn’t our choice, unless we allow someone else to dictate our life which, again, would be our choice to surrender our freedom. But, since I will die before surrendering my freedom to anyone, everything must be by my choice.

How did you finally accept that life has to keep going after loss?

This was a problem for me. During my divorce, I was losing everything. I was about 45 years old and had wasted 20 years on a woman who had admitted using me. I was going to end it all. And, this would prove what? And to whom? My kids? The woman who made it her career to destroy me? My loving parents?

I was wallowing in the bottom of my emotional bucket, kneeling on the floor, seconds away from oblivion. I asked myself how I got down this far, and my answer was that I fell. How do I get out? Go back the way I came, and I looked up, through the solid ceiling, to the heavens, and started to cry. When I was done crying, I started to laugh. God sends messages we sometimes miss.

Committing suicide accomplishes nothing. If you’re a Christian, you end up back on your knees going through it all again, because you got the answer wrong. If you’re an atheist, I don’t know, is it just over? I mean, if you seriously believe this is all there is, is this really it for you? No afterlife? No salvation? I don’t know. The League of the Perpetually Offended will surely attack me for my comments, it is expected.

Whoever you are, it is better to face the loss, the failure, and learn from it. Pick yourself back up and continue moving forward while striving to be happy always. The alternative simply sucks.

“They say time heals all wounds, but that presumes the source of the grief is finite”

-- Cassandra Clare

Besides focusing on proper diet and exercise, what 30-day challenges are worthy of trying out, especially if you are in your late 20s?

Meditation to try and calm your mind and strive to be happy at all times. It makes other people wonder what you know that they don’t.

As a guy at what age did you feel that you were not physically attractive anymore?

Male pattern baldness set in about 36. That’s probably when I felt a loss. But, about the age of 55, I started feeling better about my mature looks. I started wearing contact lenses again and started experimenting with beards and mustaches. At 67, I feel pretty good about my looks and, besides, it isn’t how you look physically as much as it is how attractive you are on the inside. 

Is hope a good thing or a bad thing?

When it seems all is lost, hope is all you have left. Once you lose hope, you have truly given up your will to succeed.

“They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for.”

-- Tom Bodett

What kind of advice should you give to someone with a learning disability? Should it be optimistic or should you encourage realistic attainable goals?

The advice would depend on the depth of the disability. But, it should reflect optimistic and realistic goals that are attainable given their degree of disability.

What’s a bad idea that you thought was a good idea?

Marriage! I thought I was in love. I was 22 and didn’t really know anything, yet. I spent the next 25 years in regret while trying to hold the marriage together. Ultimately, I lost the battle. I learned it was easier for someone to tear something apart than it is for someone to try and save it.  This "bad idea" cost me 25 years in misery.

What’s a platitude that actually worked for you?

In passing, I mentioned to an attractive woman, at a large party, that she was wearing a very tasteful outfit. The military guys with me gave me grief about that not being the best “pick up“ line. They ate crow when she came over and asked me to dance. We spent the rest of the party talking together.

“PLATITUDE, n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-mortality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jellyfish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram.”

-- Ambrose Bierce

Could you explain in detail how you used the Pareto principle in your preparation?

“The Pareto principle states that for many outcomes, roughly 80% of consequences come from 20% of causes.” — Wikipedia

I’m not sure how to address this. “Cause and effect” seem appropriate. If there’s an effect, there must have been a cause, so every consequence had to be caused by something, a choice, a decision, a bolt of lightning, a flood, a hurricane, etc. So, to my mind, 100% of consequences are the result of some cause, even inaction.

In my Intelligence career, having briefed aircrews for almost 23 years, I was always mindful during “preparation” that what I told them was going to have some effect on their mission planning, even my opinion, or the most insignificant comment. The information had to be as factual, timely, and complete as possible, or the mission might be unsuccessful, or people could die.

What's your message of hope for 2021?

2022.

What do you do when you already planned about something and then your family scolds you for not doing it and they say you will be a failure in your future life?

I’m not sure how not following through with plans signifies failure in life unless their idea of life includes following through regardless of new information. There are plenty of plans I’ve made and not followed through with for one reason or another. If I had followed through, it might have been counterproductive, but I have had much success.

If you're of age to make your own decisions, “bite me” might be a part of a good response. If you aren’t of age, then I’d just smile at them and say, “We’ll see what life presents me.” Remember this comment, though, so you can remind them when life works out well for you. But, be prepared if you turn your life to shit for not following through with things.

“Doing nothing can sometimes be the most effective form of action,' Sophie remarked. 'If you do nothing, you'll be sending a clear message: that you're stronger than they think you are. Not to mention a lot classier. Think about it.”

-- Kevin Kwan

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com