Questions of Friends, Expectations, and Happiness

“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask... with nothing beneath it?”

-- Jodi Picoult

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Note to those who care:  8000 people read my answers this week. At this rate, 96,000 will read me in a year. Again, it makes me consider writing that book.  I said, consider.

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How would you choose to complete this sentence from your point of view, "Everything happens for a reason except _______"?

There needs to be a period after “reason.” The rest of the sentence is in error. I could answer this by saying “God,” but even this would be in question since there is no proof of God, simply an undying faith of existence. If there were proof of God, the next obvious question might be, how did God come into existence? What happened? Many might assume that God happened for a reason. Besides, answering “God” would put the League of the Perpetually Offended all over me.

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? What book was it and what about it made you feel that way?

“Tao Te Ching” by Lao Tsu. It had me looking at the universe in a very different way.

What’s a good career for people who are really good at thinking of the perfect thing to say later after a situation?

Conflict negotiator? Marriage counselor? President of the United States? Not Congress, though. They don’t say anything that makes any sense before, during, or after. a situation.

“I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'.”

--Maya Angelou

What's the belief that you hold with which many people disagree?

God exists. There isn’t proof either way, but there are certainly a lot of people with the League of the Perpetually Offended who like to argue against it because they think they’re right, and yet, again, there is no proof.

Reader comment: There is no proof yet you believe, that sounds illogical to me but no?

My reply: t is a matter of faith. Faith is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof.

Why does my boyfriend treat me like a best friend?

You should hope that when you marry him that he not only loves you but that he’ll treat you like his best friend. Not being best friends is a big reason why marriages fall apart.

What fears have triggered a desire in you to live up to your life's expectations?

At almost 68 years of age, I don’t really have any fears. If I had to dig deep, it might be the fear of violating my own code of personal ethics. My “code” is how I did 23 years with Intelligence and another 17 years with an Institutional Review Board. I do the job and I assist others in doing theirs by mentoring. Now that I’m retired, I still give advice and mentor others. Strive to be happy always, because the alternative simply sucks.

“You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”

-- Alison McGhee 

How do I make myself happy despite all the downs in life?

Make the conscious choice to be happy always, and understand that the “rough days” are probably due to bad choices and decisions you made. First of all, if you woke up this morning, be happy for the gift of life and another chance to excel in life.

I’d write down all those things that you think make life “rough” and ask yourself how you accepted that into your life. Then, I make a better choice to change those circumstances and go to the next item. If something is good or bad in our life we made the choice to allow it in. If you didn’t, then who did you allow to be in charge of your life choices?

If you truly want to be happy, get rid of all the drama you’ve allowed to pollute your life. When you start asking the question of “why” you’ll find the answer always comes back to something you did or didn’t do, a choice you did or didn’t make.

Is your job role misunderstood by your peers at work?

I wasn’t aware it was the job of my peers to understand my “job role.” I’ve been working too hard. I want their job.

Does crying ease heartbreak or worsen it?

Crying is a pressure release valve. That’s really all it accomplishes. The emotions will still be there until they've been worked through and the person moves on.

“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.”

-- C.S. Lewis

Why do people have to die and not live?

If they’ve died, they lived. But, how well, for how long, and why? Were they happy, how long did they live, and did they discover why they were here?

Can people have a significant other without having kids?

My son and his woman have done it, and they've been together 20 years. Too busy working and having fun.

What is an inspirational quote from a poet or philosopher?

He is a philosopher, as far as I’m concerned:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

-- Leo Buscaglia 

And... the short answers:

Do all pleasures reduce the more they are indulged?

It depends on the one you’re with.

Apart from wealth, what else do you think can give you happiness?

A good woman. A very good woman.

Why can't I connect what I know rationally and what I feel?

Emotion is rarely rational. 

Why do I always try to do everyone’s job?

Showoff, controling, suckup, workaholic, or lack of self-control?

Is sacrifice a necessary aspect of becoming successful?

Usually. Success takes work.

"Life is very complicated. Don't try to find answers because, when you find answers, life changes the question."

-- Unknown

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com