Questioning Reason, Success, and Goals

 

“He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;

Who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;

Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;

Who has never lacked appreciation of Earth's beauty or failed to express it;

Who has left the world better than he found it,

Whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;

Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had;

Whose life was an inspiration;

Whose memory a benediction.”

-- Bessie Anderson Stanley

When should we not listen to the advice of others?

When it runs contrary to good sense, ethics, morality, or is really just plain ignorant.

What’s something you want to achieve?

Winning a multi-million dollar lottery. Not that I have any use for the money, but I’d just like to win it. What a hoot that would be. I’d be setting up a charitable trust or foundation to handle the bulk of it.

Are you willing to make mistakes along the way? I am interested to hear your thoughts.

Absolutely! Mistakes are the best way we learn. If someone thinks they can sidestep mistakes, they’re making a mistake. You can work to achieve the best, but you have to plan for the mistakes you’re going to make and learn from them so you can continue to move forward with more confidence.

“Sometimes a "mistake" can end up being the best decision you ever make.”

-- Mandy Hale

What is the biggest secret that you have learned in your career?

Listen. Keep your big mouth shut, and listen. Talk only when you have a question about what is being said, or when asked your opinion, and then, ensure your opinion is on point. You will learn much from those who know and, one day when you talk, others will listen. 

What sacrifices have you made to become the person you are today? I am interested to hear your thoughts.

Being married to the wrong person for 20 years was sacrificing a good chunk of my life to accomplish nothing except children with a woman who admitted she used me and never loved me. It has been 21 years since that occurred, and I am much happier for the experience. I have since loved better women, and have made a better life for myself than I could have ever dreamed. My son has grown up in a job that has given him his career. My daughter has only ever wanted to be a good mother and has been the best mother and the best wife I know of. Sometimes our worst mistakes and significant sacrifices are blessings in disguise.

If your work depended on someone else higher in the organization ladder and if they are dragging their feet, would you politely nudge them every so often?

If my work depended on them, “polite” is what I do the first time. The second time I advise them of what they should already know, and the third time I go over their head with my documentation of the first two times and ensure my job isn’t in jeopardy. Now, the problem rests in their boss's lap, and I document this third visit as well. Good documentation will save your ass, most times. It also puts people on notice about good documentation of an issue and who they should listen to.

Reader comment:  How does your having documentation “ensure [your] job isn’t in jeopardy”? Are you employed at a place that does not have at-will employment?

My reply:  I’ve always worked in “at-will” employment. If you’re in the right and the HR department isn’t totally clueless, solid documentation is a love/hate relationship for them. It doesn’t prevent them from firing the wrong person, but it makes them think, especially when you’re the only one with documentation. If they let you go, you’re probably better off at another firm.

“Management cares about only one thing. Paperwork. They will forgive almost anything else - cost overruns, gross incompetence, criminal indictments - as long as the paperwork's filled out properly. And in on time.”

-- Connie Willis

Why do humans need a reason for everything, and cannot just accept something as it is?

Planes keep crashing. I can accept that, or I can ask why the planes keep crashing and see if there is a way we can prevent them from crashing. Yes, people need a reason for pretty much everything. There is no such thing as a stupid question, just stupid people who don’t ask them.

How would you finish this sentence, "Not expressing or appreciating gratitude is like_______________"?

“…paying for sex.”

How is finding yourself more about an unlearning of all these things that aren’t the true you? How is finding yourself more about returning to your authentic self?

I’m not sure how to approach this. If what you find is not the true you, then what was the point of searching? You have failed to find your authentic self, and will continue failing until you do. If I beat a dog and feel bad about it, beating the dog is not my true self. I need to listen to my bad feeling about it and unlearn the behavior. I need to stop beating the dog. If I constantly cheat on my wife and am wracked with guilt, this is not the real me. I need to listen to my feelings of guilt and unlearn the behavior. I need to stop cheating on my wife, I don't care how much fun I think it is. When you have changed all the things you know are not the real you, your "authentic" self, what is left?

“Life is painful and messed up. It gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do. Lots of times people just let themselves get lost, dropping into a wide-open, huge abyss. But that's why we have to keep trying. We have to push through all that hurts us, work past all our memories that are haunting us. Sometimes the things that hurt us are the things that make us strongest. A life without experience, in my opinion, is no life at all. And that's why I tell everyone that, even when it hurts, never stop yourself from living.”

-- Alysha Speer

Is it possible that the people who live in a socialist society during its origins live a very good life?

If you have never lived any other way, with nothing to compare it to, you would probably think so. Soviet pilot defectors could not believe the lowest married airman in the USAF lived in a house with only one family and owned a nice car. They had no idea how bad they actually had it in the Soviet Union.  All they knew growing up was waiting in line for toilet paper.  Socialism only works until you run out of other people's money.

What’s the best way to deal with failure?

I’ve always looked at failure as an opportunity to learn. Step back from the failure and critique it. Why did you fail? What choice or decision you made caused failure in your system, and why did you make that choice or decision? If you do this, the loss or failure hasn’t been for naught. You have learned what to do the next time. The best way to look at failure is to make a purse out of a sow’s ear. Make the best of it and move on down your path.

To what extent is one's success or failure determined by the choices of one's parents?

If you’re too young to make your own choices and decisions, probably quite a bit. When you’re old enough to make your own choices, however, their input is just that, their input. It is your choice whether to listen to them or tune them out. Your choice, not theirs. So, if you listen to them and succeed or fail, it is due to your choice to listen to their input. You can’t shift the blame of failure onto them because you chose to listen to them, any more than they can claim your success because you listened to them. How selfish is any of that? It is good form, though, to thank them for their input and let them know if following it ended in success or failure.

“There is more to a boy than what his mother sees. There is more to a boy then what his father dreams. Inside every boy lies a heart that beats. And sometimes it screams, refusing to take defeat. And sometimes his father's dreams aren't big enough, and sometimes his mother's vision isn't long enough. And sometimes the boy has to dream his own dreams and break through the clouds with his own sunbeams.”

-- Ben Behunin

What do I do when nothing of what I truly need happens?

If you “truly” need it, stop waiting for it to happen and go make it happen. Or, stop being so needy. In my life, a lot of shit happens. I don’t “truly” need any of it, it’s just a lot of shit. Too much drama that I turn a blind eye to. If you can’t make happen that which you truly need, then maybe you don’t truly need it.

At what point did you realize you made it?

When I retired for the third time.

Which is worth it, impressive work or hard work?

It’s situational. What if the “impressive” work was the result of “hard” work? For me, if someone reaches a goal through hard work, I’m impressed at their effort. Which is worth it? If you can arrive at impressive results with less work, more the better, but reaching the goal, either way, is worth the effort.

“Many who are self-taught far excel the doctors, masters, and bachelors of the most renowned universities.”

-- Ludwig von Mises

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com