Questions Concerning Real life

“You don't get explanations in real life. You just get moments that are absolutely, utterly, inexplicably odd.”

-- Neil Gaiman

What is the meaning of life if there are no passions?

That would be the question, wouldn’t it? No passion, no meaningful life other than to be able to declare you’re alive. An amoeba does just as well, or a flatworm. We are driven by our passions. How boring would life be without them?

Are you more interested in obtaining approval from others or achieving the personal goals you have set for yourself?

I have no need for approval from others. If you’ve read my answers on this site, you would agree. I take mindless grief from a few members of the League of the Perpetually Offended and see no reason to reply. I try to operate my life on a fixed set of moral ethics, and if these garner disapproval from others it says more about those judging me than it does about achieving the personal goals I set for myself.

Who thinks you're a great mediator?

As a supervisor and manager, I’d be willing to bet everyone who had the pleasure of working under me would attest to my ability as a mediator. Friendships had little bearing except to disappoint me that my friend couldn’t, or wouldn’t, work out the issue. I was more than happy to see the big picture and bring down a reasonable verdict and explain why. For this reason, most of my bosses would send me to settle disputes.

“A wise person can successfully resolve a conflict by incorporating basic knowledge of Psychology to understand human behavior, Dispute Resolution to bring both parties together to form an agreeable solution, and Law to restrain from engaging in illegal actions.”

-- Saaif Alam

How hard is real life? Whatever the field (relational, professional, financial, personal, etc.)?

“Real life” is as hard as you want to make it. Life is about you making choices for yourself. If you choose to study brain surgery, it might be harder to learn than being a sanitation engineer. We tend to think life is harder than it has to be because we don’t recognize we made a very poor choice. If your feel the choices you’ve made have made life too hard, then you also have the choice to change your previous choices. If you feel someone is forcing you to do something, you also need to realize that letting them run your life is also your choice. You could just say “No.”

What exactly does it mean when you are told to 'grow up? What virtues and qualities are being referred to?

Stop whining and complaining. If you’re already a mature adult, and still whining and complaining, it changes to “Act your age.”

How can we free our happiness from the approvals of others?

Try just being happy. If your happiness is legal, moral, and ethical, how can anyone be against your happiness? In any case, who really cares what others think if it's going to affect your own happiness, kinky or not? Better to ignore them and strive to be happy always.

“If you are an approval addict, your behavior is as easy to control as that of any other junkie. All a manipulator need do is a simple two-step process: Give you what you crave, and then threaten to take it away. Every drug dealer in the world plays this game.”

-- Harriet B. Braiker

Would you agree that nothing external of you can create a feeling inside of you without your own participation?

No, unless “participation” extends to passive participation and not just active. If I hear or see something, I’m not really an active participant, in the strictest sense, yet what I hear or see is external and can elicit emotions, feelings, or responses. If I respond, however, I will then be actively participating.

What change(s) in your life was made by choice, rather than by force or coercion?

All changes in my life were made by my choice. If I made a choice “by force or coercion” it would still be my choice to be forced or coerced. It would be a bad choice, but my choice, nonetheless. I also have the opposite choice, to say no. If I were being forced or coerced, saying no will probably have negative consequences, but those would be the consequences of my choice.

What are the variables making up wisdom?

Age, and experience. Experience in failure, success, loss, gain, love, hate, and more. Without experience, there can be no true wisdom, only “wise” supposition.

“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”

-- Albert Einstein

Are professionals always better than amateurs?

Only until the amateurs prove themselves better than the professionals. This is how they become professionals.

What is more important, being true to yourself regardless of who gets hurt or considering the consequences of your actions on other people’s lives? Why?

If you have a solid moral code of ethics, being true to yourself shouldn’t hurt anyone except those who choose to be in a position where they’ll be hurt. This sounds cold, but life is about making choices and they would seem to have made the choice to put themselves in that position. Letting them know they’ve put themselves in that position would be the right thing to do, but if you spend your time worrying about those who make bad choices, you’ll never accomplish anything for yourself.

Always stand by your convictions and values, as they define who you are to those around you as much as someone putting themselves in a vulnerable position defines who they are. We are responsible for ourselves, first. If you can help them while taking care of you, so much the better. I always go back to the flight attendant's safety briefing: “Put your oxygen mask on first before assisting the person seated next to you.”

Would a " perfect " society with no serious illnesses, no poverty, no serious conflict, every desire catered to, no big problems, etc. become stupefyingly dull after a while?

A resounding “YES!” I actually thought about getting off that 9:15 train when it arrives in Heaven, walking over to the ticket booth, and purchasing another ticket to anywhere but Perfection.

“Totalitarianism is not only hell, but all the dream of paradise-- the age-old dream of a world where everybody would live in harmony, united by a single common will and faith, without secrets from one another. Andre Breton, too, dreamed of this paradise when he talked about the glasshouse in which he longed to live. If totalitarianism did not exploit these archetypes, which are deep inside us all and rooted deep in all religions, it could never attract so many people, especially during the early phases of its existence. Once the dream of paradise starts to turn into reality, however, here and there people begin to crop up who stand in its way, and so the rulers of paradise must build a little gulag on the side of Eden. In the course of time this gulag grows ever bigger and more perfect, while the adjoining paradise gets even smaller and poorer.”

-- Milan Kundera

Do you ever think about improving some of your past answers, and what specific answers?

Nope. I pretty much speak my mind. The League of the Perpetually Offended would probably like to see me improve or delete some of my answers, but they’d just be offended if I did. 

How do I face everyone after failing an important exam?

“Hey, shit happens.” Study harder and try again. Are you here to please yourself or them? Remember that failure is the best way to learn. Maybe they should try it. 

Do you think atheists are right?

No, and thus, I’m sure I’ll hear from them, or another offended person, shortly.

Reader comment: Their beliefs are valid and cant be judged as right or wrong. 

My comment:  And... we have a winner.  I'd like my readers to really think about the "contradictory" comment the reader makes.  A belief that is valid cannot be judged as right or wrong.  I may be off on this, but it is a belief.  If it were fact it would be valid.  An atheist's belief is no more valid than a deist's.  Like deists, they simply have faith in their belief that they are right given that there is little or no proof to back up their claim.  I don't believe they're right, and they don't believe I am.  There is no proof.

“Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship—be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles—is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.”

-- David Foster Wallace

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com