Questioning Relations, Success, and Choices

“But until a person can say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person cannot say, "I choose otherwise.”

-- Stephen R. Covey

What are the things we do unconsciously that we should be aware of to strengthen relationships with teams?

We hear, but we don’t listen. When people on a team have an idea or a problem, it is incumbent on the leader and other team members to actually listen to what is being communicated. This, alone, will help everyone feel involved in the process and like they are a real team.

Another problem is our tendency to accept credit for the team, instead of giving credit where credit is due. It doesn’t sound like much because the team has a leader for that purpose, but the team will be more apt to volunteer for other projects if individuals are recognized for their contributions.

How planning involves making decisions today that will have an impact later?

If you’re planning to climb Mount Everest, you might want to consider, today, how much oxygen you’ll need as you approach the summit. Plan on taking extra in case there is a storm that strands you up there. The impact of not planning until you’re at the base of the mountain is going to be a disaster. The impact of planning early on and considering safety contingencies will mitigate problems on the climb.

Always plan. If you’re going with someone, have them plan with you. Have a third party look at the plan and critique issues they see. If you think the plan is solid, look at it again, and again. Planning should be rule number one and continuous. The moment you stop to blink - impact.

What should I do if my clients are not satisfied with the service I rendered?

Critique the service you rendered. Ask yourself why they aren’t satisfied, then try asking your clients. Suck it up and do the job again for free, or until you get it right, then learn from your mistakes. Failure is the best way to learn, but you have to be willing to be totally honest with yourself, or what’s the point?

“The golden rule here is to stop assuming what your customers are going to like and what they won’t. Instead, start putting yourself in their shoes to familiarize yourself with their needs and wants. That way you will never go wrong.”

-- Pooja Agnihotri

Would you rather be a master of one or a master of none?

How egotistical is that? I’d rather be a master of none and know that who I am is why people gravitate to me by choice. I would hate to live a life where people did for me and nobody truly cared for me. Besides, I have a hard enough time be a master of me.

What is your definition of success? How can you evaluate success?

Happiness! I evaluate my success by how truly happy I am with my life. If you’ve reached all of your goals and, yet, you are not truly happy, are you truly successful? I think not.

What was the moment that you knew you were successful in life?

The moment I woke up and thanked God for the gift of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. Strive to be happy always! 

"Resolve to keep happy, and your joy and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties."

-- Helen Keller

Where do people find purpose, meaning, significance, fulfillment, and self-worth?

Look inward. Everything you mention we already have. If you constantly look outward for what you already have, you’ll never find it. The keys are in your pocket, so why look on the counter? We are constantly striving to do something, mean something, and be something, yet none of that is as important as understanding that being happy is the only constant you need to cherish. Everything else is just growing what we already have, what we were born with, in preparation for moving forward into the next life.

We are born with a personal sense of purpose, meaning, significance, fulfillment, and self-worth, then we lose focus and forget what we have already been endowed with. Instead of building on what we have, we begin an outward search for it. We become confused and not really happy. We tend to change our path, hoping the next one will be right.  We waste life.

What people need is a massive dose of introspection. Find their happiness within and then start to really live life. The answer to all of these questions is already within us. Everything you mention is what makes us… us, from the very beginning. What happens to us is the drama of life, and this drama makes us forget what we already have. 

Is it possible to always win in life, like you never lose?

If you “always win in life” you’ve already lost by having never lost, and since failure is the best way we can learn, you may have also lost an ability to truly learn.

Are honesty and hard work the key to success?

It is the key to “ethical” success. Dishonest people “succeed” all the time. Of course, they’re always looking over their shoulder for the people they’ve wronged or the IRS, which, in my view, is not a happy way to live your success, but people do it.

"In looking for people to hire, you look for three qualities: integrity, intelligence, and energy. And, if they don't have the first, the other two will kill you."

-- Warren Buffett

Why are there people who wake up in the morning with only one mission in mind and that is to contradict anyone? What do you think about it?

These people populate the League of the Perpetually Offended. No matter what stand you take on a topic. they will find some offense with it. Personally, I think some people just live to make other people miserable, maybe because they, themselves, are miserable. I can put almost everybody with a chip on their shoulder into this category.

I was with a gay friend who was confronted by a gay man with a chip on his shoulder, he mistakenly thought my friend was straight. When he found out he was gay, he blew up, again, because he wasn’t being gay enough. There are levels of gayness? Who knew?

Where did I go so wrong in life?

Probably that last left turn. Don’t dwell too much on where you went wrong. Instead, pay attention to what you need to do to set yourself right. What is done is behind you. What you’d like to be is somewhere out ahead. So, now is the time you have to make things right so the future works out for you. Good choices make good circumstances. Learn from the bad choices you made and start cleaning up the mess.

What are the most powerful affirmations?

Verbal affirmation, “Job well done!”

I hate the “awards and decorations” that everyone gets. I’d rather get a pat on the back, called into an office, and be told that I did a good job.

"I am enough."

-- Unknown

Do you remember what you were doing exactly one year ago today?

COVID self-imposed isolation. I was playing thousands of games online of Freecell and Majong, without a loss. I think I ended up at some level of Gold Grandmaster at Freecell. I’m still playing Majong. I got hooked. I play the expert level, a new game called “Illusion,” and still have no loss.

What's an opportunity that you regret passing up?

An Intelligence posting at Area-51. I just didn’t want to know. 

What do you think is part of the game in life?

Learning how to win and lose gracefully. It isn’t whether you win or lose, there will always be a winner and a loser, it’s about how you win and what you do when you lose that’s important. A humble winner is as important to see as a graceful loser who critiques their loss and comes back to play again.

“You cannot control the behavior of others, but you can always choose how you respond to it.”

-- Roy T. Bennett

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com