More on Effort, Wisdom, and Success

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”

-- Maurice Switzer

Why do I silently judge others but get angry when people do the same to me? How do I fix that?

Stop judging others, for one thing. You have no right to judge the servant of another master. As far as them judging you, it says much more about them and, again, by what right do they think they can judge you? The fix is to stop the judgment.

Reader comment: Tony, Jesus said judge not, lest ye be judged, but he also clarified that by saying to judge with “righteous” judgment. Inasmuch as you are a chaplain, I trust you believe the Bible. I did caution the questioner against wrongful judgment (which is “holier-than-thou” thinking or judging without knowing all the facts).

My reply: I made an error in assuming we would all know we’re obviously discussing wrongful judgment, which I believe the author of this question was addressing. My bad.

Reader's reply:  What you thought was very understandable.  I appreciate your reply. 

 

Do you have hope for the future?

I hope for the future, but, at the age of 67, I try not to plan for it. Instead, I strive to be happy always. It’s about trying to live in the moment.

What is the difference between an innovator and a visionary?

A visionary imagines, and an innovator does.

“Good leaders have vision and inspire others to help them turn vision into reality. Great leaders have vision, share vision, and inspire others to create their own.”

-- Roy Bennett

Does the fact that there are people who have what you have always dreamed of having without any effort discourage you, while it would cost you a tremendous effort to obtain them?

Not really. Some people have the touch, some don’t. There is balance in the universe. It is what it is until it isn’t, then it is what it is again.  Better to strive to be happy always, than to begrudge someone a bit of luck.

What do you like to do to "get lost" and forget about life for a while?

Mindless labor is good. Woodworking or fishing comes in a close second. Reading or writing would be third.

Have you ever been described as "simple but stylish?

It’s the way I describe myself.

“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.”

-- Coco Chanel

What is it like to have your worldview completely disproven?

Almost 23 years with military intelligence. I think my “worldview” is pretty solid.

There are different perspectives of wisdom from different wise men and one doesn't support another's wisdom. What should I do?

Their wisdom differs because their philosophies differ. This difference gives us much to think about before we make choices and decisions. What you should do is consider them all and pick the one that works for you. It may not work out, but the plus is that you can change philosophies like you change clothes. I find most philosophies to be situational. They are all wise, but they view the world and the universe differently.

What are situations at work in which there is a winner and a loser?

Promotions. 

“People who hold important positions in society are commonly labeled "somebodies," and their inverse "nobodies"-both of which are, of course, nonsensical descriptors, for we are all, by necessity, individuals with distinct identities and comparable claims on existence. Such words are nevertheless an apt vehicle for conveying the disparate treatment accorded to different groups. Those without status are all but invisible: they are treated brusquely by others, their complexities trampled upon and their singularities ignored.”

-- Alain de Botton

What’s a heartbreak you didn’t think you’d survive?

The breakup of my 25-year marriage and the loss of my kids, and everything I had built for our life, in the divorce.

What is the biggest achievement without success?

I’m not sure you can “achieve” something without there being a success.

What’s one thing you have seen (bad or good) that you can never stop thinking about?

A bit chauvinist, but… Las Vegas call girls. Oh-My-God! Very good!  They actually knew how to dress and walk in 4-inch heels.

“It is a funny paradox of design: utility breeds beauty. There is elegance in efficiency, a visual pleasure in things that just barely work.”

-- Ben Orlin

How do you know that you want to end a friendship?

They would have to do something that is unforgivable. Something that defies any sense of morally ethical conduct and, somehow, got me involved in it, would do the trick. Lying to me or sleeping with my girlfriend or my wife would be examples. Getting me arrested would be another.

What is your go-to excuse for getting out of things you really don't want to do?

I’ll tackle it tomorrow… or the next day… or… 

What can you do to make yourself happy in the rough days of life?

Make the conscious choice to be happy always, and understand that the “rough days” are probably due to bad choices and decisions you made. First of all, if you woke up this morning, be happy for the gift of life and another chance to excel in life.

I’d write down all those things that you think make life “rough” and ask yourself how you accepted that into your life. Then, I make a better choice to change those circumstances and go to the next item. If something is good or bad in our life we made the choice to allow it in. If you didn’t, then who did you allow to be in charge of your life choices?

If you truly want to be happy, get rid of all the drama you’ve allowed to pollute your life. When you start asking the question of “why” you’ll find the answer always comes back to something you did or didn’t do, a choice you did or didn’t make.

Reader comment: Yes, the greatest mistake I’ve made in my life was falling in love with a narcissist, she single-handedly has destroyed my life, why was I born with such a tender, weak, loving heart? Bad, bad, bad me.

My reply: I also married poorly. The worst mistake I ever uttered was, “I do.”

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”

-- Mandy Hale

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com