Questions of Priority, Truth, and Loss

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

― Rumi

How does one balance their priorities and the wishes of others?

They balance them because they wish to. The wishes of others are just that - wishes. Wishes only have bearing on someone if they wish to consider them. If they choose to set aside a priority, then these others should feel privileged. This sounds a bit callous, but your life is yours, not theirs. When you start letting others determine your choices, it becomes a slippery slope and, pretty soon, your life is no longer yours. Make your choice because you wish to, not because they wish you to. It is your life, after all.

Are you proud of any of your material possessions?

I have a sand painting of a “Wing Intelligence” patch, given to me when I retired from the Air Force in 1994. It still hangs on my wall as a reminder of 23 years of good times with great people who kept this country safe from enemies, foreign and domestic. I look at it more, nowadays, and wonder who blinked.

My twin sister died. Is she going to go to heaven?

Did she have faith? There is no proof that God or heaven exists. It is a matter of faith. If it does, and you have faith, then you will move forward. If it doesn’t, you are no worse off. If it does and you don’t have faith, then it matters little to you that your end is at hand. The journey for you will have ended. The entire point of faith is to believe in something for which there is little or no proof. Why? Just in case. There will always be those perpetually offended because you have faith.

“There once was a girl who found herself dead. She peered over the ledge of heaven and saw that back on earth her sister missed her too much, was way too sad, so she crossed some paths that would not have crossed, took some moments in her hand shook them up, and spilled them like dice over the living world.

It worked.

The boy with the guitar collided

with her sister.

"There you go, Len," she whispered. "The rest is up to you.”

-- Jandy Nelson

What must we do in finding the truth and knowing the facts of life?

Strive to be happy always. Truth can be found in facts, when facts are unavailable truth can be found in faith until the truth is out. The facts of life? We’re born, we learn, we work, we love, we grow old, we die, and through all of this, we must strive to be happy always, regardless of our circumstances. Without happiness, we have nothing of true value in life, except the gift of life itself.

How has the law of reversed effort worked in your life?

Reversed Effort, per French psychologist Émile Coué: “When the imagination and will power are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always the imagination which wins, without any exception.”

This makes little sense to me. Leave it to the French. Imagination is effort, as is willpower, so where is the reverse of effort? To do nothing is to do something.

The reverse of effort would be no effort, whatsoever. For this to work in my life, I’d have to be asleep. Does it take effort to dream? Anyone who has awakened from a nightmare would say, yes. It takes effort to breathe. A reverse of effort, then, would be death. 

I choose effort.

What is the best knowledge you have ever received and how did it benefit you in life? Who gave you this knowledge?

My mother told me to stay out of debt when she paid off a debt I had after the birth of my son. That was in 1976, and I have paid off my accrued debt every month since.

“What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.”

-- Maya Angelou

What is the one thing you learned about yourself that changed your life?

I have no qualms about beating a bully to a pulp with a tree branch. It made learning interrogation techniques easy.

If human nature were in sync with the conditions required for happiness, wouldn’t most of the world already be happy? Since most of the world isn’t happy, does that mean human nature is not in sync with conditions required for our happiness?

Pretty much. You need to choose to be happy, and then get rid of everything in your life preventing it. Happiness is simply a choice we make for our life. Stop choosing to fill your life with crap and choose, instead, to be happy always. Now, make it happen.

How do I become a person who is good at communication?

Take courses in public speaking and interpersonal communication. It worked for me. I ended up teaching briefing for Intelligence.

“Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else ... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.”

-- Hermann Hesse

Which would be a book everyone should read at least once?

Geoge Orwell’s “Animal Farm.”

Excerpt from an “unnamed” review:

“Animal Farm shows the perfect example of how the unhealthy idea of ​​a cheap Socialism began to take root to become a dictatorial Communism, as it happens in Venezuela today. Its strange end leaves a bitter taste that perhaps the writer did on purpose to open the consciousness of future generations. An open ending that forces the reader to ask himself: what is the solution? And how will it end?

Through human experiences of the animals of this farm, we can identify this truth that still lingers in some shady societies of the present. The solution is in our hands. It will depend on the degree of preparation, culture, moral values, determination, and courage people have to free their homeland and achieve a better future. Remember governments must fear the people and not the opposite.”

How do I cope with a loss of a best friend? I said some really crappy things to my friend, some on accident (long story) when I read her texts wrong. We "made up" but it's clear to me that she isn't interested in starting up our friendship. What do I do?

If you explained the misunderstanding, then nothing. Be civil and friendly with her and maybe she’ll come around. The ball is in her court.

Reader comment:  That’s a good answer. I know you don’t need a random stranger on the internet to validate you; but that’s a good answer.

I have little art experience and find I can’t start due to perfectionism. How can I overcome this?

No one is perfect. Prove this to yourself by starting an art project. Now that you’ve proved you have little talent, go take a class and learn some basics, you know, like normal people. Humility is a great teacher, so suck it up and learn to be humble.

“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

-- Brené Brown 

And... the short answers:

What does a meaningful life look like to you?

Happy.

What made you cut off a friendship?

Infidelity, with someone I loved.

What makes you wet without fail?

For a man? High humidity.

How do you ask your boss for a golden parachute?

Just ask. They only have two answers.

Are there any interesting things about Canada that will amaze you?

Nope.

Why do I want a woman to peg me?

Kinky? Submissive? Masochistic?

What are some practical ways to make your life more fulfilling?

Volunteer.

What can make a man lose interest in a woman?

Don’t bathe.

"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."

-- Irwin Corey

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com