Questioning God and Things

"There's probably no God. Probably? That's probably non-commital. It means you feel you could be wrong. It means the faith in your statement is also questionable. It means we might all go to hell for following you. Or, it's just lights out when we die. Pardon me if I prefer to worry that you're wrong and hope for more."

-- Me

Is it bad luck to step on a grave?

I’m not sure if it’s bad luck, but it certainly smacks of a lack of respect.

When would you be perfectly happy?

I’ve been perfectly happy since about 2005 when I accepted the apology I was never going to get from my ex-wife. I forgave her and forgave myself. I have never been happier.

Is self-improvement possible without the actual need to do it?

Certainly. Every time you learn something new you improve yourself, whether you know it, or not. There’s no actual need to do it, but it happens constantly.

“I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.”

-- Ernest Hemingway

What is the best way to respond to "I am so tired of struggling just to get by"?

Then, why don’t you try struggling to get ahead?

How do you overcome a failure mindset?

Stop failing. Start by losing the mindset. You are what you believe. Try working hard to rise above failure and strive to be more. It is what it is until it isn’t. You must make it so. 

Atheism is a lack of belief, not a belief. Why can't people understand that?

They believe there is no God. If their belief is absolute, one might say they have faith that God does not exist. Faith is simply a belief in something for which there is little or no proof. Neither atheists nor theists can prove their position, but they can have faith they are right.

Reader comment: You don’t need to hold that view to be an atheist. You might merely lack a belief in any gods, and that requires no faith.

That said, there are many gods that we can show are not accurate depictions of reality. What we cannot do is rule out all imaginable gods. There’s too many and some are unfalsifiable.

My reply: And, yet, isn’t the lack of belief in any gods simply a belief that there are no gods with whom you hold belief?

Reader reply:  No. Is bald a hair color?

My reply: Do you believe it is?  Or, do you believe it's not?

Reader reply:  No. And that’s the point. Not having hair is not the same as having a haircolor. Not having any beliefs in any gods is not the same as having a positive belief in one or many.

Note to my readers:  Confused?  I could beat this to death for another hour, but I have to go to the New Orleans airport.  Besides, neither one of us is going to budge.  I still don't know where bald being a hair color came from.  It seems to be a non-sequitor. I certainly wasn't going to tell him "hair color" is two words, not one.  I'm still trying to wrap my mind around not believing your own lack of belief.  I keep going back to my comment before the bald is not a haircolor came up: "And, yet, isn’t the lack of belief in any gods simply a belief that there are no gods with whom you hold belief?"  I swear he argued this point for me, but I could be wrong.

Oh my goodness!  Another atheist pipes in: 

Reader 2 Comment:  Not true, or at least not the whole story.

The problem begins with the idea of God, or rather the lack of a concrete, unambiguous definition of it by theists. 

I have had many discussions with theists in which their definition of god changed, seemingly according to their oratory requirements, but even so, being remarkably inconsistent. Therefore for an atheist to say “I believe God does not exist” means they need to accept a specific definition of god and I see no reason to do that, as I find no definition more credible than another.

Depending on the definitions, I can say I in fact believe such and such gods do not exist. various iterations of the Abrahamic god fall in that category. However since I do not define myself according to the beliefs of others, I prefer saying that I lack belief in any gods as entities.

My non-published response: "I prefer saying that I lack belief in any gods as entities."  What the heck does that mean, and how does that differ from "I can say I in fact believe such and such gods do not exist."  Again, he's missing two commas.

Note to my readers: I'm often asked how I can tell the League of the Perpetually Offended from other comments. Well, here is an example from a thorn in my side that just won't go away. Try to ignore his spelling of "fairies" as rules, like grammar and spelling, seem beyond their grasp: "As I said to a previous answer, you are obviously quite open to a belief in fairys and unicorns. Come to think of it you must be open to any ridiculous entity someone in their wildest dreams can come up with."  Really? It is a constant disappointment.

“Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship—be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles—is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth upfront in daily consciousness.”

-- David Foster Wallace

What would you do when you win the lottery?

Put the money in a “family trust” that pays a significant monthly dividend.

Do you believe that time can only move in one direction, from the past to the future? Why or why not?

What’s done is done. If we were to go back, we would have always gone back. Lincoln was probably shot because a time-traveler inadvertently bumped Booth. We can’t change time, we can only become a part of what we are already a part of. Or, you change the past and cease to exist because what you did causes the death of your future parents, and a new timeline begins without you. It is what it is until it isn’t, and then it is what it is… again.

Visiting the future, on the other hand, is a whole nuther mess.

What's the difference between following your heart and trusting your gut?

Your “heart” will tell you that if it makes you happy, then do it. The tightness in your gut warns you to back away. Sometimes we subconsciously see an issue, a problem, that our conscious self refuses to recognize, like the beautiful woman who’s really a 5-time divorcee, or an ax murderer.

“When the universe compels me toward the best path to take, it never leaves me with "maybe," "should I," or even "perhaps." I always know for sure when it's telling me to proceed - because everything inside me rises up to reverberate "YES!”

-- Oprah Winfrey

And... the short answers:

Is virtue the ultimate pursuit of life?

No, happiness is, virtue helps get you there.

How does one learn a new thing every day?

Read, and question everything.

My family is trying to make me stop believing in spirituality. What do I do?

How strong is your faith?

When was the last time your life felt like an adventure?

About once a week.

Why do people dream about pornography?

Really?

Can one be fulfilled at sudden release?

What fun is that?

Are you able to find anything that's hidden and secretive?

Most of the time, yes. But, this was my job.

How do I find the weakness of people I don't like and then do better than them?

Get to know them, personally.

Why do I feel empty when I know I have everything I need?

Obviously, you don’t.

There is a saying that “The youth are the leaders of tomorrow.” But the old leaders are still leading. Why is this?

Societal ignorance, and no “term limits.”

"Why does everybody think things are always contractual? I saw a shitload of questions and thought 'better keep these answers short or I'll never get to all of these'." 

-- Rob Zombie

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questions About Life

 

“It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish.”

-- Saint Theresa of Calcutta

Isn’t it true that tough times don't last, but tough people do?

Tough times only last if tough people don't work hard to change their circumstances.  In doing so, you must, also, strive to be happy always.  The alternative simply sucks.

Does life end up becoming complicated, even for those who know how simple it is?

It can. Life is about learning to live uncomplicated. Even those who know how simple life is can fall prey to drama. Drama complicates everything. Better to keep all drama away from happiness. They mix like oil and water.

Do you listen to music while working, and how does it help you?

It doesn’t. My son could listen to it while doing homework and still make good grades. Unless it’s “grunt” labor, I have to focus and I can’t do that with distraction. In a previous life, one of my jobs was to perform debriefings. We did them in a quiet room with no distraction so the subject could think and remember details important to the intelligence report.

“If you get stuck, get away from your desk. Take a walk, take a bath, go to sleep, make a pie, draw, listen to ­music, meditate, exercise; whatever you do, don't just stick there scowling at the problem. But don't make telephone calls or go to a party; if you do, other people's words will pour in where your lost words should be. Open a gap for them, create a space. Be patient.”

-- Hilary Mantel

Do you ask enough questions or do you settle for what you know and move on?

I am a product of my intelligence training. I ask questions, then I ask them again to clarify and to see if the answer is the same. If you settle for what you think you know, or what others think they know, you might be wrong. Better to ask enough questions to be sure.

1st Reader comment:  To boost my mind positivity, it’s nice to know that many people ask many questions so that they can have answers in a positive light

2nd Reader comment:  Thank you for enlightening me. 

Who does not want to succeed in life?

People who prefer to wallow in misery, unless they see misery as a success. Success requires hard work. Real success requires constant happiness, as well. Work hard at what you love and strive to be happy always!

How can I enjoy a relationship that I know is eventually going to end?

You already think you recognize the inevitable end, now enjoy the moment. Nothing is set, everything is subject to change. None of us can be certain of what the next moment holds. Enjoy now and let the next moment unfold as it will.

“Lots of things can be fixed. Things can be fixed. But many times, relationships between people cannot be fixed, because they should not be fixed. You’re aboard a ship setting sail, and the other person has joined the inland circus, or is boarding a different ship, and you just can’t be with each other anymore. Because you shouldn’t be.”

-- C. JoyBell C.

Who is that person you regretted dating in high school?

Patti Canepa. I loved her dearly, but she had other thoughts. Like most “kids” we were too young to really know what love was. Turns out it was for the best. I found out just recently, 50 years later, her attractive friend, Joy, wanted me to ask her out, but I thought she was into who she was dating. Life might have taken a much better path, for both of us, had I asked her out. Never assume.

How can I experience God without religion?

Absolutely! I experience God constantly, and I gave up on organized religion, years ago. Develop a “moral code of ethics” and stand by them. Find your own sense of spirituality and explore it deeply. I found that folding in some Zen and Taoist philosophy has expanded my understanding of what I personally define as God.

Should I go ahead and marry a woman who turned down my proposal only to tell me later that she's reconsidered?

No. She started this. Live with her for a year or two and make sure both of you are going to be happy in the relationship. There must be a reason she balked, at first. Find out why and work through that with her while you live together in sin. I love living in sin, I’ve been doing it with the same woman for 20 years.

“I loved you so much once. I did. More than anything in the whole wide world. Imagine that. What a laugh that is now. Can you believe it? We were so intimate once upon a time I can't believe it now. The memory of being that intimate with somebody. We were so intimate I could puke. I can't imagine ever being that intimate with somebody else. I haven't been.”

-- Raymond Carver

What are your top 3 experiences that you think really had an impact on the person you are today?

My psychology major, my military career, and my divorce, in chronological order.

At what point in your life did you realize that giving up was not an option?

This usually happens when you put the gun barrel in your mouth. Do, or do not. It is a choice that you might only make once. Better to think it through and remove the barrel. Strive to be happy always, because the alternative can really suck.

Is science denial a psychological ailment?

I’m not so sure I’d categorize it as an ailment. If the science is bad it should be denied or, at least, put into question, and there is a lot of bad science out there.  Pandemics tend to throw back the covers on some of it, though.  When science gets into bed with politicians, rarely will anything good will be born out of it.

“Those who lack a basic understanding of science will likely drink the kool-aid served by Charlatans and deniers.”

-- Don Rittner

How will you define humility?

The lack of pridefulness.

How can you be happy? What is your philosophy?

Happiness is nothing more than a conscious choice to keep all drama from your life and strive to be happy always. I wake up every morning and thank God for the gift of another day in paradise and another chance to excel in life. One must choose to revel in the gift because the alternative simply sucks. 

What's a piece of advice that changed you for the better?

Avoid drama and strive to be happy always.

“Success comes from the inside out. In order to change what is on the outside, you must first change what is on the inside.”

-- Idowu Koyenikan

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questions of Priority, Truth, and Loss

“Don’t grieve. Anything you lose comes round in another form.”

― Rumi

How does one balance their priorities and the wishes of others?

They balance them because they wish to. The wishes of others are just that - wishes. Wishes only have bearing on someone if they wish to consider them. If they choose to set aside a priority, then these others should feel privileged. This sounds a bit callous, but your life is yours, not theirs. When you start letting others determine your choices, it becomes a slippery slope and, pretty soon, your life is no longer yours. Make your choice because you wish to, not because they wish you to. It is your life, after all.

Are you proud of any of your material possessions?

I have a sand painting of a “Wing Intelligence” patch, given to me when I retired from the Air Force in 1994. It still hangs on my wall as a reminder of 23 years of good times with great people who kept this country safe from enemies, foreign and domestic. I look at it more, nowadays, and wonder who blinked.

My twin sister died. Is she going to go to heaven?

Did she have faith? There is no proof that God or heaven exists. It is a matter of faith. If it does, and you have faith, then you will move forward. If it doesn’t, you are no worse off. If it does and you don’t have faith, then it matters little to you that your end is at hand. The journey for you will have ended. The entire point of faith is to believe in something for which there is little or no proof. Why? Just in case. There will always be those perpetually offended because you have faith.

“There once was a girl who found herself dead. She peered over the ledge of heaven and saw that back on earth her sister missed her too much, was way too sad, so she crossed some paths that would not have crossed, took some moments in her hand shook them up, and spilled them like dice over the living world.

It worked.

The boy with the guitar collided

with her sister.

"There you go, Len," she whispered. "The rest is up to you.”

-- Jandy Nelson

What must we do in finding the truth and knowing the facts of life?

Strive to be happy always. Truth can be found in facts, when facts are unavailable truth can be found in faith until the truth is out. The facts of life? We’re born, we learn, we work, we love, we grow old, we die, and through all of this, we must strive to be happy always, regardless of our circumstances. Without happiness, we have nothing of true value in life, except the gift of life itself.

How has the law of reversed effort worked in your life?

Reversed Effort, per French psychologist Émile Coué: “When the imagination and will power are in conflict, are antagonistic, it is always the imagination which wins, without any exception.”

This makes little sense to me. Leave it to the French. Imagination is effort, as is willpower, so where is the reverse of effort? To do nothing is to do something.

The reverse of effort would be no effort, whatsoever. For this to work in my life, I’d have to be asleep. Does it take effort to dream? Anyone who has awakened from a nightmare would say, yes. It takes effort to breathe. A reverse of effort, then, would be death. 

I choose effort.

What is the best knowledge you have ever received and how did it benefit you in life? Who gave you this knowledge?

My mother told me to stay out of debt when she paid off a debt I had after the birth of my son. That was in 1976, and I have paid off my accrued debt every month since.

“What you're supposed to do when you don't like a thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way you think about it. Don't complain.”

-- Maya Angelou

What is the one thing you learned about yourself that changed your life?

I have no qualms about beating a bully to a pulp with a tree branch. It made learning interrogation techniques easy.

If human nature were in sync with the conditions required for happiness, wouldn’t most of the world already be happy? Since most of the world isn’t happy, does that mean human nature is not in sync with conditions required for our happiness?

Pretty much. You need to choose to be happy, and then get rid of everything in your life preventing it. Happiness is simply a choice we make for our life. Stop choosing to fill your life with crap and choose, instead, to be happy always. Now, make it happen.

How do I become a person who is good at communication?

Take courses in public speaking and interpersonal communication. It worked for me. I ended up teaching briefing for Intelligence.

“Wisdom cannot be imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else ... Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.”

-- Hermann Hesse

Which would be a book everyone should read at least once?

Geoge Orwell’s “Animal Farm.”

Excerpt from an “unnamed” review:

“Animal Farm shows the perfect example of how the unhealthy idea of ​​a cheap Socialism began to take root to become a dictatorial Communism, as it happens in Venezuela today. Its strange end leaves a bitter taste that perhaps the writer did on purpose to open the consciousness of future generations. An open ending that forces the reader to ask himself: what is the solution? And how will it end?

Through human experiences of the animals of this farm, we can identify this truth that still lingers in some shady societies of the present. The solution is in our hands. It will depend on the degree of preparation, culture, moral values, determination, and courage people have to free their homeland and achieve a better future. Remember governments must fear the people and not the opposite.”

How do I cope with a loss of a best friend? I said some really crappy things to my friend, some on accident (long story) when I read her texts wrong. We "made up" but it's clear to me that she isn't interested in starting up our friendship. What do I do?

If you explained the misunderstanding, then nothing. Be civil and friendly with her and maybe she’ll come around. The ball is in her court.

Reader comment:  That’s a good answer. I know you don’t need a random stranger on the internet to validate you; but that’s a good answer.

I have little art experience and find I can’t start due to perfectionism. How can I overcome this?

No one is perfect. Prove this to yourself by starting an art project. Now that you’ve proved you have little talent, go take a class and learn some basics, you know, like normal people. Humility is a great teacher, so suck it up and learn to be humble.

“Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

-- Brené Brown 

And... the short answers:

What does a meaningful life look like to you?

Happy.

What made you cut off a friendship?

Infidelity, with someone I loved.

What makes you wet without fail?

For a man? High humidity.

How do you ask your boss for a golden parachute?

Just ask. They only have two answers.

Are there any interesting things about Canada that will amaze you?

Nope.

Why do I want a woman to peg me?

Kinky? Submissive? Masochistic?

What are some practical ways to make your life more fulfilling?

Volunteer.

What can make a man lose interest in a woman?

Don’t bathe.

"Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, you lose interest."

-- Irwin Corey

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

A Question of Temptation

 

“A silly idea is current that good people do not know what temptation means. This is an obvious lie. Only those who try to resist temptation know how strong it is... A man who gives in to temptation after five minutes simply does not know what it would have been like an hour later. That is why bad people, in one sense, know very little about badness. They have lived a sheltered life by always giving in.”

-- C.S. Lewis

Are there any other alternatives to going to a psych ward if I feel like I need to escape pressures in my life?

Look into meditation, yoga, and, especially, martial arts. These helped me early on in life and I still do it today. Take walks and learn how to breathe and relax your muscles. Focus on nature and not on the pressures of life. Pressure is simply drama, so find a way to get rid of all the drama in your life. There are support groups that city and county health services should be able to direct you toward.

Do you believe that if we have a millionaire’s mind we can change our lives?

Probably, if the millionaire worked to make the money or does right and good with their inheritance. The real question is, will you be truly happy as a millionaire? You will be happy, but will you be truly happy? Will you be selfless and humble or consumed with material desires? There are wealthy people, and then there are wealthy people, deserving of respect and the thanks of grateful people, who shun the limelight when they're thrust into it.

How would you change your life?

Is it true that one can resist anything except temptation?

Oh, no. The true test of an ability to stand firm on one’s “code of ethical conduct” is to defy temptation. Prisoners of war have endured much torture in order to deprive the enemy of information, instead of giving in to temptation. Temptation and I are old friends.

“I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.”

-- Mae West

Do you think life would've been less adventurous if we don't strive and work hard for it?

So, you’re on welfare and live in the projects in, say Chicago. Do you think not working hard and striving for better circumstances will make leaving your apartment any less adventurous? Every morning when you wake up is the beginning of another adventure or the continuation of one already in progress. What kind of adventure you have, however, is a conscious choice you must make. You can strive to make your circumstances better, or you can learn to dodge, duck, weave, and run away. Life is always predicated on a choice you make.

Is it okay to have big dreams and high expectations?

Definitely! The world turns on “big dreams and high expectations.” Bringing either to fruition takes a buttload of work, however. But, for those who are up to the challenge of those dreams and expectations, the rewards can be well worth it.  Never let anyone dissuade you from thinking big.

When did you decide that you were enough and didn't need to change?

Just about the age of 50. My divorce had been final for a couple of years, and I finally came to grips with the fact that I had a hand in the failure by trying to keep it together, but the ultimate failure had been her plan for 25 years if just to get her hands on my military retirement. She just had to find an “out.” She finally found him. I was dating people we both knew, and they were very confused about why she did it. I decided I was enough and didn’t need to change anything, according to my dates, but marriage. I swore off of it and never looked back.

“Your world needs you right now; don't take your life. You matter, you are enough, and you are more.”

-- Olawale Daniel

"I think therefore I am", what if someone created that thought for you?

It is what it is. I do, therefore I must be. I love it. Rene Descartes, “Cogito, ergo sum.” I have discussed this in many of my writings.

How do you go about appreciating your trip in life and not the final goal you are aiming for?

How do you appreciate where you’ve never been? The bus will take you there, so sit back and enjoy the journey. There are quite a few interesting stops before the final station.

Can I be successful in my life with a dark worldview? I'm not hopeless, but I think the world is a cruel place and I have a pessimistic view.

You’re not totally wrong, but the world is what it is and has been, for quite some time. The world is a classroom in which we, the students, must learn the lessons of life. You can approach class with a pessimistic view, or you can approach the class as an opportunity to learn, which is why you’re here. You should ask yourself if a student with a poor attitude can do well in class. How well do you think the other students who take the class, recognizing it for the learning opportunity it is, will do?

Learn your lessons and, while you do this, remember that the classes are “pass or fail” because failure is simply another opportunity to learn. If you fail, critique what you did and try again until you get it right.

You are here for the duration, so you might as well smile and have some fun. Learn to be the light for others to follow and not the sourpuss in the corner, sulking. While here, strive to be happy always. Learning to be happy in the face of adversity is a test in itself. 

Best of luck! 

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.”

-- Alphonse Karr

How do I know if I’m wrong about something even if I and a lot of other people don’t realize it?

It’s what’s called the “Aha!” moment. You suddenly realize you, and everyone around you, are idiots. The simplicity of what you thought you knew slaps you in the face like a wronged woman.

Should you wait for something that might be the greatest decision of your life or just let it go because there's no assurance that you'll have it?

Live life. The “greatest decision” of this life will come for you when you least expect it, in this life or in the next. 

What makes life more important?

Children. Children are our future. Children are the most important aspect of us. To violate a child, abuse a child in any way, is an offense to mankind. For the deist, it is an offense to God.

“Abuse manipulates and twists a child’s natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked and she learns to ignore her feelings. She can’t afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body while she’s being abused—pain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion, arousal. So she short-circuits them and goes numb. For many children, any expression of feelings, even a single tear, is cause for more severe abuse. Again, the only recourse is to shut down. Feelings go underground.”

-- Laura Davis

And... the short answers:

Apart from an anniversary or birthday, what is the biggest thing your partner forgot? What happened?

Birth control. Oops!

Why do we have different beliefs in God?

Same God, but the same humans, as well.

If you are to change one thing about yourself, what will it be?

An insatiablly perverse sexual appetite, or a washboard stomach.

What is the most beautiful thing you have seen in your life?

My daughter when she was born.

What is the secret of the success of Indians so that they can occupy top positions in many giant technology companies such as Google, Microsoft, and others?

Education. Check their Grade Point Average.

What is an assumption that you had that proved to be completely true?

I’m okay.

When you get on in years and realize that you will not accomplish many of your goals, what will you do?

Relax. There’s always next life.

"Einstein was a man who could ask immensely simple questions. And what his work showed is that when the answers are simple too, then you can hear God thinking."

-- Author: Jacob Bronowski

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

Questions of Friends, Expectations, and Happiness

“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask... with nothing beneath it?”

-- Jodi Picoult

****************************** 

Note to those who care:  8000 people read my answers this week. At this rate, 96,000 will read me in a year. Again, it makes me consider writing that book.  I said, consider.

****************************** 

How would you choose to complete this sentence from your point of view, "Everything happens for a reason except _______"?

There needs to be a period after “reason.” The rest of the sentence is in error. I could answer this by saying “God,” but even this would be in question since there is no proof of God, simply an undying faith of existence. If there were proof of God, the next obvious question might be, how did God come into existence? What happened? Many might assume that God happened for a reason. Besides, answering “God” would put the League of the Perpetually Offended all over me.

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? What book was it and what about it made you feel that way?

“Tao Te Ching” by Lao Tsu. It had me looking at the universe in a very different way.

What’s a good career for people who are really good at thinking of the perfect thing to say later after a situation?

Conflict negotiator? Marriage counselor? President of the United States? Not Congress, though. They don’t say anything that makes any sense before, during, or after. a situation.

“I've learned that making a 'living' is not the same thing as 'making a life'.”

--Maya Angelou

What's the belief that you hold with which many people disagree?

God exists. There isn’t proof either way, but there are certainly a lot of people with the League of the Perpetually Offended who like to argue against it because they think they’re right, and yet, again, there is no proof.

Reader comment: There is no proof yet you believe, that sounds illogical to me but no?

My reply: t is a matter of faith. Faith is a belief in something for which there is little or no proof.

Why does my boyfriend treat me like a best friend?

You should hope that when you marry him that he not only loves you but that he’ll treat you like his best friend. Not being best friends is a big reason why marriages fall apart.

What fears have triggered a desire in you to live up to your life's expectations?

At almost 68 years of age, I don’t really have any fears. If I had to dig deep, it might be the fear of violating my own code of personal ethics. My “code” is how I did 23 years with Intelligence and another 17 years with an Institutional Review Board. I do the job and I assist others in doing theirs by mentoring. Now that I’m retired, I still give advice and mentor others. Strive to be happy always, because the alternative simply sucks.

“You are most powerful when you are most silent. People never expect silence. They expect words, motion, defense, offense, back and forth. They expect to leap into the fray. They are ready, fists up, words hanging leaping from their mouths. Silence? No.”

-- Alison McGhee 

How do I make myself happy despite all the downs in life?

Make the conscious choice to be happy always, and understand that the “rough days” are probably due to bad choices and decisions you made. First of all, if you woke up this morning, be happy for the gift of life and another chance to excel in life.

I’d write down all those things that you think make life “rough” and ask yourself how you accepted that into your life. Then, I make a better choice to change those circumstances and go to the next item. If something is good or bad in our life we made the choice to allow it in. If you didn’t, then who did you allow to be in charge of your life choices?

If you truly want to be happy, get rid of all the drama you’ve allowed to pollute your life. When you start asking the question of “why” you’ll find the answer always comes back to something you did or didn’t do, a choice you did or didn’t make.

Is your job role misunderstood by your peers at work?

I wasn’t aware it was the job of my peers to understand my “job role.” I’ve been working too hard. I want their job.

Does crying ease heartbreak or worsen it?

Crying is a pressure release valve. That’s really all it accomplishes. The emotions will still be there until they've been worked through and the person moves on.

“Crying is all right in its way while it lasts. But you have to stop sooner or later, and then you still have to decide what to do.”

-- C.S. Lewis

Why do people have to die and not live?

If they’ve died, they lived. But, how well, for how long, and why? Were they happy, how long did they live, and did they discover why they were here?

Can people have a significant other without having kids?

My son and his woman have done it, and they've been together 20 years. Too busy working and having fun.

What is an inspirational quote from a poet or philosopher?

He is a philosopher, as far as I’m concerned:

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

-- Leo Buscaglia 

And... the short answers:

Do all pleasures reduce the more they are indulged?

It depends on the one you’re with.

Apart from wealth, what else do you think can give you happiness?

A good woman. A very good woman.

Why can't I connect what I know rationally and what I feel?

Emotion is rarely rational. 

Why do I always try to do everyone’s job?

Showoff, controling, suckup, workaholic, or lack of self-control?

Is sacrifice a necessary aspect of becoming successful?

Usually. Success takes work.

"Life is very complicated. Don't try to find answers because, when you find answers, life changes the question."

-- Unknown

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com

More on Effort, Wisdom, and Success

“It is better to remain silent at the risk of being thought a fool, than to talk and remove all doubt of it.”

-- Maurice Switzer

Why do I silently judge others but get angry when people do the same to me? How do I fix that?

Stop judging others, for one thing. You have no right to judge the servant of another master. As far as them judging you, it says much more about them and, again, by what right do they think they can judge you? The fix is to stop the judgment.

Reader comment: Tony, Jesus said judge not, lest ye be judged, but he also clarified that by saying to judge with “righteous” judgment. Inasmuch as you are a chaplain, I trust you believe the Bible. I did caution the questioner against wrongful judgment (which is “holier-than-thou” thinking or judging without knowing all the facts).

My reply: I made an error in assuming we would all know we’re obviously discussing wrongful judgment, which I believe the author of this question was addressing. My bad.

Reader's reply:  What you thought was very understandable.  I appreciate your reply. 

 

Do you have hope for the future?

I hope for the future, but, at the age of 67, I try not to plan for it. Instead, I strive to be happy always. It’s about trying to live in the moment.

What is the difference between an innovator and a visionary?

A visionary imagines, and an innovator does.

“Good leaders have vision and inspire others to help them turn vision into reality. Great leaders have vision, share vision, and inspire others to create their own.”

-- Roy Bennett

Does the fact that there are people who have what you have always dreamed of having without any effort discourage you, while it would cost you a tremendous effort to obtain them?

Not really. Some people have the touch, some don’t. There is balance in the universe. It is what it is until it isn’t, then it is what it is again.  Better to strive to be happy always, than to begrudge someone a bit of luck.

What do you like to do to "get lost" and forget about life for a while?

Mindless labor is good. Woodworking or fishing comes in a close second. Reading or writing would be third.

Have you ever been described as "simple but stylish?

It’s the way I describe myself.

“Simplicity is the keynote of all true elegance.”

-- Coco Chanel

What is it like to have your worldview completely disproven?

Almost 23 years with military intelligence. I think my “worldview” is pretty solid.

There are different perspectives of wisdom from different wise men and one doesn't support another's wisdom. What should I do?

Their wisdom differs because their philosophies differ. This difference gives us much to think about before we make choices and decisions. What you should do is consider them all and pick the one that works for you. It may not work out, but the plus is that you can change philosophies like you change clothes. I find most philosophies to be situational. They are all wise, but they view the world and the universe differently.

What are situations at work in which there is a winner and a loser?

Promotions. 

“People who hold important positions in society are commonly labeled "somebodies," and their inverse "nobodies"-both of which are, of course, nonsensical descriptors, for we are all, by necessity, individuals with distinct identities and comparable claims on existence. Such words are nevertheless an apt vehicle for conveying the disparate treatment accorded to different groups. Those without status are all but invisible: they are treated brusquely by others, their complexities trampled upon and their singularities ignored.”

-- Alain de Botton

What’s a heartbreak you didn’t think you’d survive?

The breakup of my 25-year marriage and the loss of my kids, and everything I had built for our life, in the divorce.

What is the biggest achievement without success?

I’m not sure you can “achieve” something without there being a success.

What’s one thing you have seen (bad or good) that you can never stop thinking about?

A bit chauvinist, but… Las Vegas call girls. Oh-My-God! Very good!  They actually knew how to dress and walk in 4-inch heels.

“It is a funny paradox of design: utility breeds beauty. There is elegance in efficiency, a visual pleasure in things that just barely work.”

-- Ben Orlin

How do you know that you want to end a friendship?

They would have to do something that is unforgivable. Something that defies any sense of morally ethical conduct and, somehow, got me involved in it, would do the trick. Lying to me or sleeping with my girlfriend or my wife would be examples. Getting me arrested would be another.

What is your go-to excuse for getting out of things you really don't want to do?

I’ll tackle it tomorrow… or the next day… or… 

What can you do to make yourself happy in the rough days of life?

Make the conscious choice to be happy always, and understand that the “rough days” are probably due to bad choices and decisions you made. First of all, if you woke up this morning, be happy for the gift of life and another chance to excel in life.

I’d write down all those things that you think make life “rough” and ask yourself how you accepted that into your life. Then, I make a better choice to change those circumstances and go to the next item. If something is good or bad in our life we made the choice to allow it in. If you didn’t, then who did you allow to be in charge of your life choices?

If you truly want to be happy, get rid of all the drama you’ve allowed to pollute your life. When you start asking the question of “why” you’ll find the answer always comes back to something you did or didn’t do, a choice you did or didn’t make.

Reader comment: Yes, the greatest mistake I’ve made in my life was falling in love with a narcissist, she single-handedly has destroyed my life, why was I born with such a tender, weak, loving heart? Bad, bad, bad me.

My reply: I also married poorly. The worst mistake I ever uttered was, “I do.”

“You’ll learn, as you get older, that rules are made to be broken. Be bold enough to live life on your terms, and never, ever apologize for it. Go against the grain, refuse to conform, take the road less traveled instead of the well-beaten path. Laugh in the face of adversity, and leap before you look. Dance as though EVERYBODY is watching. March to the beat of your own drummer. And stubbornly refuse to fit in.”

-- Mandy Hale

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

It is my fervent hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as a chaplain at the regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony:  tolerantpastor@gmail.com