Questioning Feelings, Fear, Regret, Dating, and Infidelity

 

"A Boy will Love A Girl for what she looks like; A Man will Love A Girl for who she is!"

-- Nikhil Saluja

Do women date older men because they think they're mature and less likely to cheat?

I think they date older men because they will treat them well, with respect, and with no expectations. Young men have an agenda. Older men would like to have that agenda but are just tickled that a younger woman is on their arm for the evening. What old guy wouldn’t like that? Especially if she can dance and give intelligent conversation?

(Female) reader comment: This really bothers you, huh? You must be an old man who can't get a good woman (old or young).

My reply:  And, you must be from the League of the Perpetually Offended, trying to bait me. 

Note to my readers:  I'm not sure how she misunderstood the answer I offered.  I received no comeback, however, which made me feel correct about her.

What are the signs that someone has feelings for you?

A wink and a “come hither” smile, a heartfelt hug, a passionate kiss, cupping my butt cheek, flowers, oral sex…

Should I go where someone doesn't respect me?

Why? It’s just asking for drama you don’t need.

Is it okay for a girlfriend to miss her male friend more than her boyfriend?

Not so much. Did you settle for “second best” in a relationship? Maybe your boyfriend and “male friend” should know how your feel. If nothing else, at least be honest.

Is it okay to ask my boyfriend how he feels after our first kiss?

If you can’t share honesty, why did you kiss in the first place?

“Hannah wasn't my first kiss, but the first kiss that mattered: the first kiss with someone who mattered.”

-- Jay Asher

If a person says I'm afraid to love you, does that mean he/she doesn't love me?

Not necessarily. It might mean they want to love you, but they’ve been hurt before and are afraid to put themselves out there again. I’ve been there. A broken heart is hard to get passed and makes it that much harder to trust. It’s been over 20 years and I still won’t consider marriage again.

My 12-year-old son died. How can I punish him for dying too early?

Love him for the time you had with him. I doubt it was his choice for early death, so why consider punishment?

Why does knowing I don’t have control over my thoughts/feelings make me feel better?

Taking responsibility for your thoughts and feelings means you must exert some control. The fact that you feel you don’t have to, takes the burden off your shoulders. Unfortunately, this means everyone sees you as irresponsible when it comes to thoughts and feelings concerning them. But, you know, screw them. You should be bothered by any effort on your part.

Do people cheat in relationships in Japan?

Infidelity knows no country boundaries.

How can we become good human beings with good character traits, morals, manners, and values?

This isn’t that difficult. Strive to do good always. Develop good character traits, morals, manners, and values. It doesn’t just happen. What you have to do is make a decision to be all you expect of yourself, and then do it.

“A truly good person will speak truth, act with truth, and stand for truth. A truly good person is not afraid to think from their heart; therefore, allowing nonconformist decisions, viewpoints, and perspectives to lead their life. By following their heart, they stand with their conscience, and only with God.”

-- Suzy Kassem

What's a good answer to "Would you rather regret doing something or regret not doing something?"?

I answer questions for the right reasons, so I don’t regret not doing something. The fact that the question might be put out there for all the wrong reasons doesn’t matter. The are some people too ignorant to understand this. You can sift through questions, hoping to dodge those from the League of the Perpetually Offended, or you can suffer the slings and arrows of the other morons who see you answer the questions. I try to ignore both groups. It is a tedious task.

What are the differences between an emotional relationship and one that is just for fun?

If it’s just for “fun” they won’t expect to cuddle and have you make breakfast in the morning. Emotions require a bit more non-sexual expectation.

Why do some people get emotionally hurt, so easily?

They throw everything they have on the other side of their walls, instead of holding some of what they have in protective custody. When you put all of your emotions out there, there is a real chance someone will take advantage of your trust. It usually takes just one time to learn, but some people keep putting it all out there, like gluttons for punishment. They can either end up as an emotional wasteland or be severely gunshy if they don’t learn the lesson.

Are you freer when you’re rich?

Not if you tie yourself to the money.

I ended my relationship because he lied to me about using cocaine, he went back to his ex who uses too. Why can I not get over this? I feel like a fool.

You can’t get over this because he made you feel like a fool. It isn’t what you did, or what he did, it is all about what you learn from it. Critique your mistakes, learn from them, and move on down the road to someone better.

“Man is not what he thinks he is, he is what he hides.”

-- André Malraux

What should I do to get over someone I love?

From my own experience, go find someone better to love.

What does it mean if a guy hasn't taken you out on a date after a few weeks of dating?

There could be a plethora of reasons, and none of them are as bad as one might think. The best tact would be to ask him. He took you out for several weeks, which would indicate he likes you. You might have done something off-color, or he might have scheduling issues. Before you go fearing the worst, how about asking?

How do you get even with your wife for cheating on you?

Divorce. Set her free to sow her oats and ruin other lives.

Why is it so difficult to let go? What are you afraid of?

If you never “latch on” you never have to be afraid to let go. After my divorce, after 25 years of marriage, I promised myself to never “latch on” ever again. I’ve been with my current significant other for 20 years, and as much as I would hate to lose her, the choice would be hers to make, hopefully for all the right reasons. We are good friends and I think we would remain so.

How do you make your girlfriend happy with you?

Be happy with her. After 20 years, it’s worked so far. 

"Most men cannot do without their television and football games. I would rather sit with a woman who can hold a brilliant conversation over a bottle of wine."

-- Unknown

Don’t most women wish they could cheat at some point?

Probably, but wishing and doing is the difference between morality and immorality, good ethics and bad. 

What irritates you in someone else's actions and they keep doing it?

Slow driver’s in the left lane. It irritates me when the fast lane is backed up by some idiot with no clue. The other drivers are “big rig” drivers. They pull over into the left lane of a two-lane highway to pass and then take forever to do it. The left lane backs up, again, due to an idiot not moving fast enough to make their actions reasonable.

Are Japanese girls forced into porn?

I sure hope not. But, you never know anymore.

Why should we remove negative people from our lives?

Don’t associate with them. If you don’t you risk them taking you down with them. If they ask why, tell them. Honesty is always best. It lets them know they have issues they need to work on.

Does cheating portray a lack of love for your spouse?

No, but the best way I can explain it is through a quote:

“Cheating in a relationship is a sign of self-regulation failure. When it happens once, it is a mistake. When it happens twice, it is unfortunate. But when it happens thrice or more, it is a pattern indicating primitive, uncivilized inhuman behavior.”

-- Abhijit Naskar

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I have come to believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com