1000 Ways to Lose

“Quit while you’re ahead. All the best gamblers do.”

-- Baltasar Gracián y Morales

I took a bit of "me time" and spent a few days at the MGM Beau Rivage, Hotel, and Casino. I'm not much for gambling. Not that I lose, I just don't like the odds being stacked against me. I noticed they brought back a "single deck" blackjack table. I was interested... but stayed away from it. I usually put a few dollars in the video poker machines, win $20, and cash out.

I wandered through the casino for the days I was there, noticing all the new, tall, curved, technologically advanced "slot" machines that can take your hard-earned money away from you. Most had Asian themes, and I had a pretty good idea who they were meant to bilk.

I studied a few of the "1 cent" machines and noticed something interesting. The "1 cent" machines require a minimum bet of 75 credits. Credits are cents, if you pay attention. But, if you're going to blow 75 cents why not just go over to the $1 machines? Why? Because the casinos know about human gullibility. Losing 75 cents is better than losing a dollar, and the people were feeding the machines, hand over fist. They were losing just about as fast, but they came loaded for bear. $100 bills were fed into the slots like so many pennies. 1000 ways to lose a small fortune, and only one way to win big. Everyone didn't mind losing any more than the casino minded taking your hard-earned cash away from you. Everyone seemed to be having fun, and that is the entire point. You go home broke, but you had lots of fun.

What if you win big? This means the casino loses, right? Not so fast. They have people that will become "your" people. How about a complimentary suite? Champagne? Some free eats? You just have to stay until you lose it all back. If you won $50,000 of the casino's money, they'd be more than happy if you would stay for a while and lose the bulk of it back. Even close to "break-even" is better than the casino losing. The casino considers this a win.

I played video poker at the bar and got free drinks that offset my losses. I called it a night. The next morning I went down to the pool. I had to. I woke up in a sweat. The HVAC unit went bad.

I was in room 83. The temperature was also 83. I figured God was messing with me. Then it jumped up to 86. I called the front desk and maintenance came up to it. It was a "simple" fix. The two maintenance men were older gentlemen. They told me the recent refurbishing of the hotel, built after Hurricane Katrina, did not include the 20-year-old HVAC units. The TVs were all 48" Samsung, but the HVAC was limping along. One would have thought more of MGM, especially considering all the cash they were raking in downstairs. Penny-pinching management pukes.

The next morning the HVAC unit repeated yesterday morning's heat wave. I called the front desk and had them move me. "Me time" was turning out to be little fun.

After I moved, I went back down to the pool. I passed by a salon and stopped in to inquire about a haircut. A trim was $40. I passed. I stopped at a gift shop and saw a small leather purse my girlfriend would like. $340 was a bit much for a handful of stitched leather, but, what was I expecting?

The next time I take some "me time" I'm going back to the Louisiana swamps, or to Mobile. There are better ways to blow $1000 than at a casino. The swamp is a lot less money, and the live music, food, drink, and company, were excellent. Lesson learned.

“The Strip was still lit by a million neon lights, though the crowds on the sidewalk had greatly decreased by this hour. Still, Bosch was awed by the spectacle of light. In every imaginable color and configuration, it was a megawatt funnel of enticement to greed that burned twenty-four hours a day. Bosch felt the same attraction that all the other grinders felt tug at them. Las Vegas was like one of the hookers on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Even happily married men at least glanced their way, if only for a second, just to get an idea what was out there, maybe give them something to think about. Las Vegas was like that. There was a visceral attraction here. The bold promise of money and sex. But the first was a broken promise, a mirage, and the second was fraught with danger, expense, physical and mental risk. It was where the real gambling took place in this town.”

― Michael Connelly