Love Is Not like Chalk (Updated and reposted from 6/19/2014)

"Some people say my love is like chalk,

that I can write it on

and erase it whenever I choose.

Well, they're wrong.

I use Crayons."

-- F.A. Villari

When I wrote this poem (above), so many years ago; before college, before the military, before marriage, and before the nasty divorce, it was a heartfelt sentiment.  Now, after a life spent proving it, it has become a truth I find hard to deny, if I were to try, and I have tried.  

I always thought that an ability to erase a love felt was a love never truly given.  If you can say to yourself, "I have the ability to leave this person and just stop loving them," then you never truly loved them in the first place.  God ordered Abraham to kill Isaac, his son.  What "God" would condone this, much less order it?  I would have denied this sacrifice and offered myself up, instead.  In this way, I would have saved my son and still proved my faith.  But, how sad is it that he actually contemplated following through with the request?

Personally, I have truly hated one person in my entire life.  I hated this person for years, for what she did to me, for what I allowed her to do, and for how badly I was hurt for her selfish reasons.  But, hate did not replace the love I felt for this person.  The hate I felt was due to the unrequited love I had felt.  I have come to admit this was selfish of me to expect love in return, for love given.  But, you just don't erase twenty years of love any more than you can erase a single day of it.  Love is, after all, a much stronger emotion than hate.  It took me another twenty years to realize this simple truth.  It has become my "45-year" lesson.  

What was done to me was heartless and cruel, but my hatred has since been tempered by the constant memory of the love I felt, which I always felt, and still feel, even today.  I still despise what was done to me, no one should ever have to be put through hell for someone else's selfish agenda, but I have learned forgiveness.    I have owned my part in the drama and this is a good thing.  Even if the perpetrator never recognizes their own failings, I still wish them a happier life and God's grace.  It is all they left me to offer them, and this is enough.

Can you simply love and walk away? Can you erase years of love at the flip of a switch? I thought I could, but I forgot the poem I had written.  I was right all along - I couldn’t.  Love is a hard emotion to get shed of.  I think it's one reason we try to replace it with hate.  The frustration and the hurt are so intense, from losing our investment in the hardest of emotions, we strike back with hate, the easiest of the emotions which we can reach for.  Because hate is so easy to feel, we must always temper it with tolerance, understanding, and even a bit of honesty.  We must look inward to see if we don't own a share of the blame for whatever occurred to cause the loss.

So, when you tell somebody you love them, it shouldn't be a frivolous statement thrown out there like confetti at some drunken party.  Perhaps it would serve us better to consider if we could ever see ourselves erasing such a statement from our reality blackboard. If the answer is yes, maybe we shouldn't put the statement out there.  Throwing an important word like "love" around willy-nilly can devalue the emotion behind it, and "love" without emotion is nothing more than a hollow, selfish, feeling thrown out into the universe by a very shallow person, indeed.  Better we use "lust" if we need to feel a temporary emotion for the moment.

"Forgive and give as if it were your last opportunity. Love like there is no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again."

-- Max Lucado

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After twenty-three years of military intelligence, I have come to believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com