Questioning Dating, Ages, Relations, Trust, and Looks

“Infantile love follows the principle: "I love because I am loved."
Mature love follows the principle: "I am loved because I love."
Immature love says: "I love you because I need you."
Mature love says: "I need you because I love you.”

-- Erich Fromm

Why would I ever want to go on a date ever again? Dudes are so childish and annoying. Just because you feed me doesn't mean I have to give you vagina. It's truly disgusting the way men think. Dating seems like a whole farcical lie.

You’re dating the wrong men, if you are dating "mature" men, that is.  For most "mature" men, it isn't all about your vagina.  Intelligent conversation and common interests make the date interesting.

Why would a man say he's in love with his girlfriend but still feel like dating other women and not want to commit?

He’s really in lust with her. He’s still looking for that special one.

How can we overcome the feeling that our decision is wrong, even though we've made it logically?

You have to see if it’s really wrong. If it’s a good decision and made logically, it might just work out. But, overcoming a feeling is a tough task. Feelings linger. But, the decision has been made, so it is what it is.

What do you enjoy doing on a date?

Whatever the woman wants to do.  

What is your reaction when someone makes a mistake or fails at something? What would you say to them instead?

“You’ve found a way that doesn’t work. You’ve learned something. Keep learning until you find the way that works.”

“I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.”

-- Thomas A. Edison

At what age does someone enter their late thirties?

Early is 30–33. Mid is 34–36. Late is 37–39.

Starting my mental health journey, and my partner left me. He asked me to work on myself, and when I’m better to find him. Is it selfish of me to want him to stay? And, should I even look for him afterward, if he wasn’t around when I needed him most?

He judged you, then he left you. He didn’t offer to help you. He left because he wanted to. The ridicule was probably his excuse to leave where he didn’t want to be. He seems selfish, so why would you want a judgmentally selfish partner to stay? Now you can start looking for a non-judgmental partner that will help you be who you want to be. It is your life, after all. 

Who can provide motivation and confidence to others?

A good manager or supervisor can instill motivation and confidence along with meaningful training.

What do you do when you can’t connect mentally with someone?

Find someone else. Life is too short.

I broke up with my girlfriend. She kept talking about having a crush on her best friend. I told her we could be friends and she should take her shot. Am I wrong?

Nope. She has a decision to make and you cut her loose so she can make it. Sometimes, doing the right thing can be a slap of reality. She might learn to focus on what she has and keep her mouth shut. Or, she might go through this a few more times, until she gets a clue.

“Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?”

-- James Patterson

Should I develop meaningful relationships with anyone I know or just some of them?

Develop relationships. If they become meaningful, so much the better, but you can’t force it. If it is meant to be, it will happen in due time.

Am I the only one who can pull off looking like a girl and a guy?

No, but is it Halloween?

Why do I feel I want to cheat on my partner after he cheated on me?

Why are you still with them? Two wrongs don’t make it right, and you need to do the right thing, not seek revenge. Break it off and teach them a lesson about cheating. You need to find a better and more caring partner.

Is there a way to find out if he is seeing me or just a girl who’s able to give him attention?

Ask him what he knows about you. If he acts like a deer in the headlights, you’ll know. 

How can I start trusting my partner again?

It isn’t your choice. Your partner needs to seriously work on building back the trust they lost. It won’t be an easy task, which is why we shouldn’t muck around with trust.

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

How can businesses develop trust with their clients and team members?

Have a good ethical business model.

Is my partner having sex when she is doing meth with other men?

Probably. She’s doing meth, so she’s probably doing them, as well. Time to find a new partner before you contract her disease.

What if you caught your girlfriend cheating?

That’s an easy answer. She isn’t my girlfriend.

What are some benefits of not being in love with one's current career choice?

You know it’s not what you want to do for the rest of your life. Now you can go find what you want to do. You might change jobs several times before you find what you love to do. I was lucky enough to love every job I’ve had. I had several “by name requests” from one division, and was invited back from retirement, at great expense, by one employer who needed me. It’s one thing to love your work, and another to do what you do better than most. If you can do both, you have a career.

What does it mean when a guy says he is going to "go for a run"?

He likes jogging.

Why is reliability important in building trust within a team?

You must demonstrate good communication, an ability to listen, be able to discuss team ideas and manage the team members. If you fail in any of these aspects, you are not reliable and team trust disappears.

“A doubtful friend is worse than a certain enemy. Let a man be one thing or the other, and we then know how to meet him.”

-- Aesop

Why are you so hot looking?

I am a god! A humble god, but a god, nonetheless.

Can you think of a time when someone lied to you, and what they said? What did you do about it?

Yes. I came back from overseas and found a man’s beige sock by the side of the bed. She said it was mine. I don’t wear beige. And I’d never been in this apartment. I eventually divorced her due to a lack of trust. I should have done it much earlier. 

What are some signs that your husband is lazy?

As a man, I’d say the “honey-do list” has grown and not been started.

How can a new leader ensure that their team sees the urgency in achieving these goals?

Good communication skills that lay out the facts and demonstrate the urgency in achieving the goals. 

What are some ways leaders can balance personal goals and professional priorities for themselves and their organization?

Good scheduling practices that keep priorities in line.

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. What we do with this hour, and that one, is what we are doing. A schedule defends from chaos and whim. It is a net for catching days. It is a scaffolding on which a worker can stand and labor with both hands at sections of time. A schedule is a mock-up of reason and order—willed, faked, and so brought into being; it is a peace and a haven set into the wreck of time; it is a lifeboat on which you find yourself, decades later, still living.”

-- Annie Dillard

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint.

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions, and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. I have come to believe, after twenty-three years of military intelligence, that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is a way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. Following his service career, he spent 17 years working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research. He also served 8 years on the Board of Directors for the Angela J. Bowen Foundation.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance... he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center. 

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com