Questioning Hitler, Friendly, Empathy, Hate, and Hurt

 

“Stalin is one of the most extraordinary figures in world history. He began as a small clerk, and he has never stopped being a clerk."

-- Adolf Hitler

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Well, here is some interesting news.  My answers have garnered 30,183 views during the past week.  I have a feeling it was this answer that seems to get upvoted all the time.  In total, it has been viewed 74,300 times: 

How do you handle a person who's loudly speaking on their phone when you’re trying to enjoy your dinner in a restaurant?

People who do this are either clueless or just assholes. I usually figure they’re assholes. Pick up your plate and go sit with them. When they ask what you’re doing, tell them in an equally loud voice, “I figured, if I have to listen to your conversation during my meal, I might as well join you so you don't have to talk so loudly. Please, continue. I’m sure everyone else in the restaurant is equally as interested in your bullshit conversation as I am. Or, tell the people you're talking to that you'll call them back, as all of us are in the middle of a nice, quiet, dinner."

They will call you names, so be prepared to smile and tell them that you expected nothing less from them.

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Why do people think Hitler and Stalin were disgusting people? You don't reach such powerful positions unless you are likable with good social skills. Authority has to be won. Nobody follows a jerk?

Weak minds will follow anybody. They followed Jim Jones to Guyana, then they committed suicide at the Kool-Aid coolers.  The media labeled it the Jonestown Massacre of 1978, when 909 men, women, and children died. He was all that, and a certified jerk, and still, they followed him. Hitler and Stalin were no better, and Hitler was so much worse.

Am I weird for preferring a clingy pet over a clingy human being?

Not a bit. I also dislike clingy humans.

How can I come to terms with how people have wronged me? I have many grudges against people from my teenage and college years, and cannot help having bursts of anger about these events which happened over 10 years ago.

Let them go. Forgive the assholes who wronged you, as it says more about them than you. A “grudge” is a barrier to true happiness, and you being truly happy is the best “revenge” on someone who is a miserable wretch. Temper the burst of anger and, instead, find a reason to laugh over the stupidity evidenced in the event. Strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances.

Is walking past someone you know and not acknowledging them twice in a day rude? I only did it because I dislike eye contact, it makes me uncomfortable.

I am not sure why being rude doesn’t make you uncomfortable. It would make me suspect that, perhaps I had offended you in some way. You don’t have to make eye contact to be personable.

Are you irresolute and indecisive? How do you tune this in the right direction?

I strive to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances or being “irresolute and indecisive.” Being truly happy allows me to ignore the bullshit of life and focus on that “right direction” you speak of. Everyone has some personality quirk that can bring them up short. The best medicine is to embrace the quirk, and simply be the best you can be while you work on it.

“Decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, solid for fluidity, all-powerful to be impotent.”

-- Winston Churchill

I was unfriendly to my coworker and she quit. I don't even have a picture of her or her phone number. Did she teach me a lesson that I will never forget?

Obviously. The fact you were unfriendly to her says more about you than her. Maybe you should do some introspection and find the root of your issue. Everyone deserves respect until they show that they don’t. But ignoring them is even a better tact than being unfriendly.

As an adult looking back at your childhood, do you now see all the mistakes your parents made or did you realize they were actually good parents?

They were good parents considering they had no clue how to parent. They did their best, and I polished off their rough edges in the military.

Why do people identify a person based on his ego?

Maybe they put their ego up front and in your face? It would be hard not to think of them without their ego muddying the water. Always try to know people by their friendliness, their personableness, and their personality, even if the “ego” is upfront. Smile at the ego and work around it. The fact that they have an overbearing ego doesn’t, necessarily, make them a bad person. They may be a little tedious, but not necessarily bad.

Is saying rude words to your partner kind of bad or really bad?

Well, yeah. Bad and really bad. Why would you do this to your partner? Communication is a better route, and not being rude when communicating is a nice thought. Why ever you were rude, you need to discuss the issue and not fall prey to childish bullshit. 

How do I forgive someone who has hurt me many times?

I could go into a long-winded explanation, but Mr. Young does a much better job of it. Try this:

“Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat... Forgiveness does not create a relationship. Unless people speak the truth about what they have done and change their minds and behavior, a relationship of trust is not possible. When you forgive someone you certainly release them from judgment, but without true change, no real relationship can be established... Forgiveness in no way requires that you trust the one you forgive. But should they finally confess and repent, you will discover a miracle in your own heart that allows you to reach out and begin to build between you a bridge of reconciliation... Forgiveness does not excuse anything... You may have to declare your forgiveness a hundred times the first day and the second day, but the third day will be less and each day after, until one day you will realize that you have forgiven completely. And then one day you will pray for his wholeness...”

-- William P. Young

What does it mean if a girl calls you ‘my dear’ or ‘dear heart’?

If she’s from the South, it means nothing but she had a good upbringing.

If a person is totally brain-dead and doesn't care if he wastes other people's time, is [this site] the right app for him?

If he’s “totally brain dead” how is he functioning? I come across the League of the Perpetually Offended all the time. They, also, think it's okay to waste other people’s time. If more people ignore them, they will go bother those who acknowledge them. Whether this site is right for them or not will not stop them from utilizing it to bother other people.

What do you do when your father lacks empathy?

Forgive him, but don’t emulate him.

How can someone achieve a state of mind where they are naturally happy and never feel lonely no matter what?

I made the conscious choice, after my nasty divorce, 23 years ago, to strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. Because it is a choice, it is sustainable until you change your choice, which would be counterproductive to true happiness. One must come to realize that true happiness is a personal choice we must make for our lives for life to be truly successful. 

Can we ever trust someone again after they have broken our trust over and over again, even if we forgive them?

The best way I can answer this is from a quote:

 

“I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you.”

-- Friedrich Nietzsche

What does it mean when an atheist says "I don’t hate"?

I’m sure some don’t. I haven’t met one yet. The majority I bump into seem to be members of the League of the Perpetually Offended, and they’re usually offended by me. Do they hate me? Well, I sure wouldn’t turn my back on them.

What other measures should you take to solve problems rather than complain?

Critique the problems. Ask why they exist. Once you know why they exist you can go about solving or at least mitigating the problems.

What do you think the person means when they say "You never know whose life you changed just with a smile"?

Laughter is the best medicine and a smile is a good start. Everyone wants to feel better than they are, and a smile is infectious. If you smile, the chances are someone will smile back, and it might just be the person thinking that life simply isn’t worth living.

How can I believe that my girlfriend is real?

Kiss her, passionately. If she kisses you back, Eureka! She is real.

How can I accept the fact that some people don’t like me?

Know that you aren’t alone in this. Some people don’t like most of us. There’s not much to do about it. We rub them the wrong way, or we offend them for some off-the-wall reason. But, worrying about those who don’t like us is a waste of time better spent with those who think we’re pretty good folks.  Strive for happiness!

“When we inhabit our own life—stop doing things based on the approval of others—we offload baggage and trade up to joy!”

-- Laurie Buchanan, Ph.D.

When someone told me that I cannot do anything, what should I do?

Something. That’ll piss them off.

How should you respond to a spouse who is angry or upset that you did something hurtful to them? Should you make counterarguments? Should you answer questions they ask in an accusatory way?

I tried everything. Finally, I got as angry as she was, and I stayed that way until the divorce, 20 years later. Come to find out, from her mouth, she never even loved me, she was just using me as an escape from her parents. For the past 20 years, I’ve been living in sin with the same woman and we get along marvelously. Don’t get angry, don’t argue or get mad, it just feeds the fire they set. If it isn’t working, end it before you waste your life.

How were you able to be authentically who you are?

I stopped paying attention to everyone else.

When you tell someone to let you know if they need anything, what exactly are you willing to provide?

It depends on what they say they need. I might be able to get it from another source. You shouldn’t say it if you aren’t willing to try and work it out, it becomes just another platitude people see through.

What does it mean if your ex says they love you but don't know what they want?

If my ex-wife said she loved me, she said it to too many people for me to put credence behind it. As it turned out, I was right.

“Some people are very happy despite their ex’s absence; some, because of it.”

-- Mokokoma Mokhonoana

“Does she still show affection by swatting a fly with a brick?”

-- Soroosh Shahrivar

How do you deal with the fact that most people are selfish? I can feel it in how they treat me in daily life all the time. It’s just demoralizing.

If you expect anything from anyone but yourself, you court disappointment. Expecting anything from yourself is sometimes a disappointment. Don’t expect people to be anything but what they are and you will stop being demoralized.

How can I use my lack of confidence as a strength?

Go undercover as a person with no confidence.

How can you relate the statement “sometimes the eyes see what the heart can't see” in real-life situations?

Of course. Your eyes see a woman with some extra pounds on her. The heart sees through all that. 

What is the point of living if I have a speech disability?

Have you heard of Helen Keller? She would be disappointed by your question.

How do I stay happy with a spouse?

If you are questioning your relationship, you would be better served to sit down with your spouse and work it out. It may be that both of you are not enamored with the marriage and would be better off ending it before you damage each other. Take this from someone who wasted 25 years of his life, trying to hold it together.

“There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.”

-- C. JoyBell C.

Has anyone ever questioned how they spend their time? Do you feel like you should be doing more? How have you learned to feed that feeling, or have you found something more?

Being retired, I spend my time as I choose. Others have questioned it, but I have never questioned it. 

What should you never do in front of your classmates?

Spank your monkey, comes to mind.

What shows a woman that a man really is into her, and wants to be with her?

A couple of dozen red roses in a vase might do it. And after the first date, to make sure, another couple of dozen roses just to say thank you.

How do I find high-quality single men?

Go to a reputable dating site and list your preferences. Or, go to church and ask around.

How can I be intelligent and wise?

You can’t. Become smart. The “smarts” offsets the intelligence so you can actually garner some wisdom instead of just thinking you have some Being smart and intelligent is a rare commodity.

“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.”

-- Aristotle

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com