Questioning Dating, Love, Infidelity, and Sex

 

“One friend told me her one big takeaway from three years and $11,000 of therapy was "Learn to say no." And when you do, don't complain and don't explain. Every excuse you make is like an invitation to ask you again in a different way.”

-- Kelly Corrigan

What should you do if the person you're asking on a date says no?

Pitch a fit. No, you thank them, anyway. You might ask them if there is a reason. Is it you, or are they already in a relationship, or is it simply bad timing, or what? If they bite their lip or roll their eyes, it’s you. Nuff said.

Why is it necessary to apologize when you don't have something, can not do something, or don't know something?

It isn’t necessary.  It is polite, but not necessary.

What is a way to tell your husband's mom that his sister is rude?

“Your daughter is a rude bitch.” Cut to the chase. You aren’t married to her.   You are married to him. If mom isn’t a rude bitch, she’s probably already aware of her daughter’s faults.

Is it ever okay for someone to be called out on their ignorance?

All the time, but then, I have no filter. You do risk being called out as judgmental, though.

Should you be supportive if your girlfriend is interested in another guy and wants to date him?

Why not? Consider yourself lucky. She’s shown herself to be not much of a girlfriend. Support her and tell him, “Good luck.”

“Sometimes your dearest friend whom you reveal most of your secrets to becomes so deadly and unfriendly without knowing that they were not really your friend.”

-- Michael Bassey Johnson

What should you say to an ex-boyfriend who keeps saying they still want to date and loves you?

One of you left for a reason. I’d be considering that reason.

Should I stay fighting for my ex or is it done?

I’ve been down this road. She is what she is, so fighting for her isn’t going to change anything. I wasted 25 years of my life trying to save a relationship. Better if you move on to greener pastures. I finally saw the light and have been exceedingly happy for the past 20 years.

What can you say to a woman when she asks for your advice?

“What’s it about?”

Should we be judged by others on intentions or results?

The results of your intentions. If you intend to do something, you can’t be judged by anyone until you do it. There are no results to judge.

Is it okay to use "I'm divorced" as an excuse not to go on a second date with someone?

Stupid excuse. That’s the excuse for screwing everything that moves. Take it from me.

“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”

-- Shannon L. Alder

How do you tell a wife you love her and want to remain married but need a girlfriend on the side?

Over the phone. If she balks, don’t go home. She has knives at home. You still have a penis. Count your blessings. Better yet, how about just loving your wife?

What determines whether something is legal or illegal?

The “rule of law” for wherever you are.

Why are the terms "good" and "bad" considered to be religious?

Because some dumbass declared they were. Atheists use the terms all the time. I find it hard to believe atheists would use religious terms or other terms that can be construed as such.

Why do some exes act like they are still in a relationship even after the breakup?

They are in denial.

Why do people feel the need to be rude for no reason? I get brutal honesty, but you could be honest without being rude.

I have no filter. I have been told this many times. I am the quintessential brutal honest asshole. You may not want to hear it, but I’m the one to tell you the brutal truth. The truth is not always candy and roses. Sometimes it is brutal and to the point. Grow a substantial set of shoulders and get ready for the blatant truth. One thing I never want to have is some bullshit line of crap. Be rude, and be honest, and I’m with you.

“It is a wise thing to be polite; consequently, it is a stupid thing to be rude. To make enemies by unnecessary and willful incivility is just as insane a proceeding as to set your house on fire. For politeness is like a counter--an avowedly false coin, with which it is foolish to be stingy.”

-- Arthur Schopenhauer

Is the American psycho a role model?

Only if you’re a liberal Democrat.

Why is it that people call me an attention-seeker just because I am a loner-weirdo? Is it because of the fact that I am different such as me roaming while daydreaming, etc.?

They have no go-to, Don’t blame them for their shortsightedness, They have no understanding. What you expect from them, you must be willing to exercise. Understanding and tolerance. Raise your own bar. 

Are women generally horrible people and not worth the time?

Only one, that I know of.

How do I ask my best friend to impregnate my girlfriend?

Have you asked your girlfriend? My God! Get a grip. If you’re sterile, she must know. So marry her and then discuss the options. Shit! Dude… one step at a time.

What does it mean if a woman says she is "seeing someone" when you ask her about dating?

It means, “NO!” Of course, if your brain is concrete… maybe not so much.

"I'm about to make a wild, extreme, and severe relationship rule: the word busy is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes. The word "busy" is the relationship Weapon of Mass Destruction."

-- Greg Behrendt

Why do people say "I love you," but stay with their partners?

Why are you with people with partners? You need to do some introspection. Yeah, I know. Four syllables. Look it up.

Do older women like [doing] younger guys?

Oh, my, God! What do you think?

Why does my boyfriend not care about my feelings?

You need a different boyfriend who cares about your feelings. Why are you with this troglodyte? 

Do you care if your friend doesn't have friends?

They have one.

Can someone be someone's boyfriend without loving them?

“Boy… friend” does not conjure up visions of mad sex. A lover does that. I know, it is a lot to take in. But that’s because we’ve skewed the lines a bit. Damn us.

“If you kiss her cheeks, she is your friend; if you kiss her lips, she is your lover; if you kiss her heart, she is your soul mate.”

-- Matshona Dhliwayo

Can you say "No, but I do have a question for you"?

All the time, because people are basically stupid.

Can a judge rule against the law?

The judge can do what he wants, but his ruling can be appealed. This is a protection against a judge that’s gone off the rails, so to speak. If the argument stands, another judge looks at the evidence and rules again. There may be a retrial.

What are some possible reasons why someone would say “I’m not in love with my significant other anymore”?

She sleeps around.

What are the signs that you can pray for someone without using words?

What signs? They pray in silence. I can do that while driving. I do that a lot while driving, considering the morons driving the other vehicles. They still have to do a physical driving test, yes?

Is the saying “every bully has a bully” true?

Maybe when they were young, Not so much when they are older.

“People who love themselves, don’t hurt other people. The more we hate ourselves, the more we want others to suffer.”

-- Dan Pearce

If my boyfriend asks me for sex, what should I say?

"Got a condom?"

How do I begin the process of forgiveness of someone who wronged me and to forgive myself?

I accepted the apology I knew I was never going to get, and then I forgave them and myself. It takes two to destroy a marriage.; the person doing wrong, and the person turning a blind eye to it.

A woman notices a hole in your pants that reveals your penis, then she positions herself in the room to be able to look. This woman is not single. What do I do?

Ask her if you should get a room.

What should you do if a girl who is in a relationship with someone else tells you that she loves you?

Ask her why she’s in that relationship. All you need in your life is an escape artist using you as a prop.

What would you do if someone never falls in love with you?

Try falling in love with someone.

“First best is falling in love. Second best is being in love. Least best is falling out of love. But any of it is better than never having been in love.”

-- Maya Angelou

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch - it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either view any more right or wrong than the other. Opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form their own opinions if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions offered. After over twenty years of military intelligence, I believe that engaging each other in this manner, and in this arena, is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience... and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier and world-renowned Western Institutional Review Board, helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As a weapon for his war on intolerance, he chose the pen. He wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's personal, spiritual path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony at: tolerantpastor@gmail.com