Questioning Who, Why, What, When, How, and Because

 

“Make sure your worst enemy is not living between your own two ears...”

-- Nitya Prakash

 

What does it really mean when you have a terrible thing that troubles you and then you get to hear "that person is you"? I am not that person at all, so why are they saying that?

Who lets it trouble you? We let people bring drama into our life. We could, simply, deny the package and keep drama from our doorstep. What I think they’re saying, is that you let the drama in, that “terrible” thing, and now it troubles you. Better for you to keep unwanted drama out of your life, so you are not troubled by it.

Is software engineering worth pursuing even if I’m not passionate about it?

It pays well, but is it worth the loss of being happy in your work?

Am I wrong to sarcastically reply to what I think are stupid questions on Quora? Should I make an effort to discern the asker's sincerity?

There are no stupid questions unless they intentionally make them stupid. The League of the Perpetually Offended asks intentionally stupid questions in an attempt to bait people to answer them. I’ve run across questions that actually answer themselves. I might ask the author if they’re “trick” questions, but, they aren’t “stupid” questions, they simply don’t realize the answer is in the question.

What are the speaker-audience relationships?

The speaker imparts knowledge. The audience comes to learn. 

What is my responsibility to society and/or humanity? What prevents most people from upholding that responsibility?

Your “responsibility” is your belief. I believe in a free society that operates under the rule of law. Therefore, I choose to live in the United States. My choice comes with a price, however. It is my responsibility, by choice, to ensure the freedoms I enjoy are secure. To this end, I volunteered for military service. To this end, I vote. But, my responsibility does not end there. If this country is ever attacked, it is my responsibility to take up arms against the oppressor, foreign or domestic, to ensure our freedoms continue to be secure.

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. It is its natural manure."

-- Thomas Jefferson

Why is it that when things go their way, they mock those who try?

A false sense of ego. Just because it goes their way doesn’t mean they earned it.

I can analyze perfectly other people’s behavior after I get used to them. How do I deepen my skills to go beyond what is expected? What is beyond that?

Study psychology, or get into the intelligence or law enforcement fields. What is beyond that is interrogation, manipulation, torture, and control. Not for the faint of heart.

Why are only regrets and not successes associated with the deathbed?

Most people leave things unsaid or undone in life.

What simple things can cause you to grow bored with your relationship? What can you do to mend that boredom?

Lack of communication. Not meaning to be a smart ass, but… communicate more. I mean, really, if you’re not getting enough intimate contact, go to bed and screw like rabbits. If you married the wrong person, maybe you should find the right one. Once you know the cause, fix it.

What are the effects of living modesty?

Not spending money that is better saved.

“One must learn to be simple, anyone can manage to be complex.”

-- Amit Kalantri

I feel like a complete and utter failure. What can be done about this?

Failure is an opportunity to learn, regardless of age. Find out why you failed. And, don’t ever forget that you failed, not someone else. Life is all about choices and decisions, and you have, obviously, made some poor ones. Critique your failure, learn why you failed, try to correct the failure or, at least, use what you learned to mitigate the failure from happening again. It isn’t that you failed, we all fail. It’s what you do with the failure that matters most.

How are the values of mercy, fairness, kindness, and compassion related?

They are all morally good ethical behaviors included in good personal codes. 

What is the best advice, you can give to a 25-year-old person?

Life is full of lessons. You can learn or you can fail. If you fail, find out why you failed and try again, and again, and so on, until you learn. Failure is the best way we learn, so don’t waste the opportunity life gives you. Some people aren’t that lucky to know about failure and its benefits. When they eventually fail, and they will, they will fall hard, having never failed in life. 

How can someone become a better person in life and work?

Choose to be truly happy, always, and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. 

I have achieved nothing yet. Does that mean I'm a failure?

No, it means you’ve achieved nothing... yet. But, I find this hard to believe, that nobody has friends, family, a job, responsibility, you know, achievements. No one is a true failure until they have given up. But, wait! You asked a question, so… you haven’t quite given up... yet.

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail." 

-- Confucius

Does God still love us even if we disobey him?

God will be disappointed, but will still love us. Punishment hurts both.

How come I'm full of intelligent ideas and advice when it has to do with other people's problems but when I'm faced with my own challenges, I end up making terrible mistakes without any show of intelligence? What's actually wrong with me?

Do as I say, not as I do. You’re basically a hypocrite. You give others this great advice but have taken none for yourself. I am, also, a "self-proclaimed" hypocrite. The difference is that my advice helps other people with morally good advice for their life, but these “morals” and I are strange bedfellows. My “mistakes” don’t really present "challenges" to anything or anyone, except to my immortal soul, and, yes, I will pay for these down the road.

There is nothing wrong with you that taking your own good advice can fix. Next time you have a problem, pretend you’re someone else and give them some sage advice. It will be up to you to act on it. 

How do I sustain a Personal relationship with God?

Never lose faith.

Can money buy love, if not can it be transformed to love? If so how can the money be transformed into love?

No. Money can buy things. If someone loves you for your money, you have, essentially, bought a thing, not true love. If the imaginary “emotion” you bought for money, transforms into love, will you ever be able to forget it started out as a purchase? Probably not, and nor will the “thing” you bought. It will always haunt the back rooms of your mind. 

How do people get out of being poor by thinking?

Perseverance. You are what you truly want to be. Thinking is only the first step.

“The opposite of poverty is not wealth; the opposite of poverty is enough.”

-- Dr. Wess Stafford

How can I stop taking it personally when my boss corrects me? She always adds that my making mistakes causes extra work for others and it feels like she is attacking me for causing extra work on purpose. How can I stop thinking about it this way?

Find another job. She seems to not appreciate your efforts, so maybe you need to find a boss that does. If she balks at you leaving, then explain to her, in no uncertain terms, that she needs to climb down off your back.

What is the definition of success?

True happiness.

My friend has mice in his house. He has started leaving water n food out for them. Is this a bad idea or a good one? He says it is kindness.

His “kindness” will cause him to move out and turn over the house to the mice. Leaving food and water is inviting many more mice into his abode. They carry fleas and diseases. Better to eradicate the problem before it becomes a disaster.

Is it ever okay to demand respect, even if we don't feel we've earned it yet?

You should get a modicum of respect, regardless. But, demanding what you haven’t earned is a bit presumptuous.

Is there anything negative about not focusing enough on one's outward appearance?

Yes, if you let your “outward appearance” make you look like a pig… unless your entire point was to let people see the real you, that is. How we look is as important to who we are as how speak and how we act. If you want to be taken seriously, you should make the attempt to look like it, just as you should make the attempt to speak like it and act like it. Otherwise, you’re just another looney-toon special case wearing a sandwich sign warning that “The End Is Nigh” in downtown Manhattan. 

“If you are to be a homeowner, you need to do all these things. You need to keep your exterior tidy. After all, it serves as an outward reflection of the stuff going on inside. Doesn't it? If the walls are crumbling, so must be your marriage. If the paint is chipping, so must be your will to live.”

-- David Olimpio

Is it ethical for companies to hire people only to lay them off a few months later - which is what has happened at many tech companies lately - but unethical for people to take a job only to quit to take another job a few months later? If so, why?

Tech companies come and go. If they threw all their capital into the startup and the business just didn’t take off, there is a reason for the layoffs. If they hire, knowing they are going to lay off and don’t tell the employees when they come on, this is unethical. As someone who isn’t laid off, I would take the hint that the company acts unethically, and I’d be ready to move to a better company when they lay my “ethical self” off.

As far as people quitting to take a better job after just a few months of employment, maybe the business needs to look at why it happens. Maybe they have found better pay and benefits. This is not as unethical as purposely not paying people what they’re worth just so the owners can grow the bottom line. 

I was making £1.4k a month. If I quit my job, I'll be making -£1.4k until I find something else, or should I change my perspective?

You already have the answer in your head. What do you think?

Every time I tried thinking about a question, and if I have the answer wrong/ridiculous, I always feel like there will be someone to mock me and whip me, is this a reason that I always can't think of an answer to a question?

Probably, but no one is perfect, and failure is the best way for us to learn. Ignore that others think they are so good they can judge you. Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! Screw what the “know-it-alls” think. It is what you try to learn that is important. If you let them hold you back, you become your own problem. 

How can we turn the attention from good answers to good questions and then good silence?

Work on the good silence. Listening is 90% of learning, and good questions are the other 10. Keep your pie hole shut and your ears open.

Author's comment: Thank you for the good advice!

How can I set boundaries to prevent feeling frustrated and fed up in certain situations?

Setting boundaries is erecting a fence to keep out what you don’t want. You don’t want frustration and getting fed up in certain situations, so don’t allow certain situations into your life, like drama. Learn to walk away from frustration and unwanted drama. This is pretty simple. You will go through some trial and error, but it will become easier as you get used to the program you’ve set for yourself. Jealousy will show up from those who don’t understand how you can act like this. “Understanding” can be a bitch for those who don’t.

“When we fail to set boundaries and hold people accountable, we feel used and mistreated. This is why we sometimes attack who they are, which is far more hurtful than addressing a behavior or a choice.”

-- Brené Brown

How can someone like me get somewhere in life when I have no communication skills? I wish I had communication skills so I could say things to people.

Your communication skills, when writing, seem pretty good. Try saying what you write in your head.

Why do I have no communication skills?

Making the answer simpler. What are you doing with this question? Communicating, and you’ve made the communication more succinct than the previous question, which is even better communication.

Does "Because" always follow "Why"?

Of course. This is because of that... if you buy into “cause and effect” as a natural law. 

When in your life did you see someone’s perception of money change?

After my divorce, my perception changed. What I wanted became so less important than what I already had. When you have everything ripped away from you, including your children, material things become so much less important. Friendships, love, family, and giving selflessly, all come into focus.  

We are seeing a lot of the most successful people saying that going to college is not necessary right now and degrees aren't important and how the school system is so bad but we see that they went to college and they send their kids to college?

Look up the wage of a master welder, or a master diver. Given the right employer, shipbuilders, or oil companies, they can make as much as a doctor practicing medicine. 

"For vocational workers, their pay should reflect their skills and the difficulty of labour. To be skilled in a craft should be accepted as an alternative path." 

-- Tan Cheng Bock

 

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com