Questioning Ethics, Hope, Goals, Emotions, and Age

“Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”

-- Aristotle

Why is it necessary for you to be an ethical model in your own family?

I’d say there is no better place to start. If you won’t be a role model to your own family, what’s the point? It isn’t necessary for you to be anything to anyone, but doing the right thing always will demand you be ethical always and in all things.

Why is a good political plan executed now better than a perfect plan executed next week?

The “President” could flush the country at any moment. Better to execute any plan to save it as soon as possible.

What should be done if a person is very angry?

Remove yourself from their misery. Walk away. But, I’d be ready to punch them in the face if they lay an angry hand on me. Pain tends to refocus the mind. They can be angry one moment, and writhing on the ground the next.  Writhing on the ground has more to do with kicking them in the nads.  Just saying.

What should I do if working 9 to 5 makes me feel unhappy?

Find a job that makes you happy. Pretty simple when you think about it.

I’m going into high school next year and I am so dumb, I can’t do simple math and I am extremely isolated and I have no social skills and my family is dysfunctional. If I’m going to be a failure in life what’s the point of being alive?

Failure is the best way we learn. I was also at a loss for math. I almost didn’t graduate high school. I went to college and found that I excelled in psychology. In high school, it wasn’t that I was stupid, they just weren’t teaching me what I was interested in. I had no focus.

The high school will solve your isolation, it is up to you to learn from your failures. I joined the Air Force after two years of college and entered the field of military intelligence. The military taught me to focus. I retired 23 years later. I enjoyed every year of it.

By the way, the point of being alive is that the alternative really sucks. 

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

-- Winston S. Churchill

Is hope the last thing ever lost?

Faith breeds hope, and both can change due to circumstances. I have faith that someone will come to my rescue. I hope they will. When they don’t, I have faith that there is an afterlife. I hope there is. If there isn’t, then it matters very little, as I will be dead. But, my faith will continue until the end. It is what it is until it isn’t, and, in the end, it really doesn’t matter.

How can someone hide their physical flaws best?

Wear a tent and a mask, or just be who you are and tell the judgmental assholes in the world to go look in a mirror if they need to see a world-class flaw. Just saying.

I have a deep sense of unease and feel extremely uncomfortable and distressed about being poor, therefore, I identify as rich. Does that mean I am transrich?

To me, it means you’re screwed up. How about just making the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances? In this way, you don’t have to make up names for what you are.

At the beginning of the year, I wrote a goodbye letter to all the bad things in my life and a welcome letter to the good things. Now I lost my best friend (we fought a lot). Is it a coincidence or not?

If you “fought a lot” it should be no coincidence that you lost, what most people wouldn’t refer to as, a “best friend.” Good riddance. Now, go out and make better friends. 

What is the point of social sciences when they fail to make accurate predictions?

Eight billion people in the world and we wonder why “social science” can’t be accurate in predicting. Well, accuracy is another way of being perfect, and since nothing is perfect, nothing is really accurate, either. We can please all the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time, but we simply can’t please all of the people all of the time.

“For a social theorist, ignorance is more excusable than vagueness. Other investigators can easily show I am wrong if I am sufficiently precise. They will have much more difficulty showing by investigation what, precisely, I mean if I am vague. I hope not to be forced to weasel out with 'But I didn’t really mean that.' Social theorists should prefer to be wrong rather than misunderstood. Being misunderstood shows sloppy theoretical work.”

-- Arthur Stinchcombe

What are some ways to overcome the feeling that your family is poor?

Make the conscious choice to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. Each morning you are “gifted” another day to excel in life. This chance to excel is your selfless chance to be the light that lifts your family up. Poor, or not, happiness will not be wasted. 

What's your primary goal or objective in participation on this site?

To impart what I have learned in 70 years of life on this rock.

It is so hard for me to apologize to my family after doing something wrong. How do I set aside my pride and gather enough courage without feeling embarrassed, scared, or even cringing to apologize to my family?

You have pride in doing wrong? You’re right to question this. Suck it up and find pride in being human. We are all wrong at times, so make better choices and decisions. Start with apologizing.

What does it mean when they say “I don't respect you”?

You must’ve really screwed the pooch. 

How do you start forgiving yourself for every little thing you hold on to? Where does it start?

Forgiveness is a choice. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong, so be strong enough to forgive yourself. It starts at the only place it can. It starts with you. Make the choice.

I forgave my wife for a 25-year marriage that was a living hell. I accepted the apology I knew I would never get. I forgave her and, more importantly, I forgave myself for expecting us to change for so long.

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”

-- Steve Maraboli

I'm a burden to myself. What should I do?

Ignore your drama.

How do I get ready for a mid-life crisis?

Go through a messy divorce. By the time you recover from it, you’ll wonder what happened to the mid-life crisis.

What is the definition of "morally neutral?" Are there things in life that are not based on morals or ethics?

Like dessert? Lemon pie or ice cream? “Morally neutral” in my book.

Why do guys feel like they can’t show their emotions or open up?

We feel that way, but it doesn’t prevent us from running it all up the flagpole for all to see. I”m the first one to grab a tissue and wipe a tear. “The Incredible Journey” or “Field of Dreams”… oh, my God…

When I say mother, what quote or saying do you have in mind?

Try this:

“The best place to cry is in a mother's arms.”

-- Jodi Picoult

Why do people choose scorn and being judgmental over support and giving wisdom?

I run into this all the time, especially from the League of the Perpetually Offended. I’m not sure they choose it as much as it’s all they have. It would seem that some people are incapable of anything but scorn and judgment. They actually bait people in order to exercise it.

What would we want our past self to know and understand better than now if we had a choice?

Love. I made some bad choices in the past, and I think others have, as well. 

Do you ever feel like giving up on life? What changed your mind, if anything?

Yes, after my divorce. She took everything including the kids. I was left with the clothes on my back. I was contemplating ending it all, but that would make me a coward. 23 years in the military told me that any day on this side of the dirt is a good day. 5 years later, I was back on top and happier than I’d ever been. I take a lot of “me” time. 

How do you prevent people from doing things better than you?

I wouldn’t even try. If they can do better, go for it. I might learn some things. Everyone has their strengths.

Is spending more time on social media good or bad?

Bad. I spend more time answering questions on this site than I should. I spend almost no time on other sites. Luckily my schedule is such that it forces me away from social media for the rest of the day. Unfortunately, my day starts at about 4:00 am.

“It amazes me that we are all on Twitter and Facebook. By "we" I mean adults. We're adults, right? But emotionally we're a culture of seven-year-olds. Have you ever had that moment when are you updating your status and you realize that every status update is just a variation on a single request: "Would someone please acknowledge me?”

-- Marc Maron

Do extroverted people realize that there are people with different feelings and who aren't as social?

I think so. I think people know opposites. For instance, people who are bad know what is good. I can’t imagine defining something without knowing the opposite.

If you're given a chance to change something in your life, what will it be and why?

I wouldn’t marry so young. I would wait until my late 20s until I found the right woman, the right friend, and the right partner in life. Divorce after 25 years of hell is a failure that costs at least a third of your life that would be better spent in a loving and supportive relationship. It will always stick in your brain, one little mistake…

What does it mean when someone likes you but doesn't act on it because you are "busy"?

They don’t "like" me enough.

I’m 23 and very anxious about growing old. I feel so overwhelmed thinking about being 30 in 7 years. How do I manage the stress?

I’ll be 70 next year. I feel much younger, but death comes to us all. I try not to think of it. My dad died at 89, so I can only hope for 20 more years in paradise, but I don’t dwell on it. Life is much too short now. I’d rather focus on being truly happy always and in all things, regardless of my circumstances. This is a much better use of the moment.

Don’t be so anxious and, for God’s sake, don’t stress. Don’t ever be selfish. Don’t care what other people think of you. Dance like no one is watching. Hug everyone. Kiss those who will let you. And, make love so those lucky few know you cared. And, when you do die, know that you will be missed for who you are in people’s lives. Until then, strive to be truly happy always, or at least until the "next great adventure" that comes after this life. 

What is the quote that you take with you every day?

Try this:

“Strive for true happiness always and in all things, regardless of your circumstances. The alternative simply sucks.”

-- F.A. Villari

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com