Questioning Relationships, Failure, and Aggression

“It's no good pretending that any relationship has a future if your record collections disagree violently or if your favorite films wouldn't even speak to each other if they met at a party.”

-- Nick Hornby

How can I build and maintain strong relationships with different age people?

Remove age from the equation. Those worthy of a relationship should be availed of the opportunity. Younger folks might require some permissions, and older folks might require a modicum of respect due to their age, but all can benefit from good relationships that can help them grow and feel needed.

I’ve been living in my bubble for too long, can I make up for the lost time in one year, and do everything I wanted to ever since I was 18?

If you have the money and the time, certainly.

How does creativity help to increase your level of inspiration?

Without “inspiration” creativity is stagnant. You basically go to work and pump out the same old product. Creativity moves forward when “inspiration” plants the seed of something different you want to do. Your mind creates the process you will go through to bring the new goal to fruition. 

What are signs of pride? What is the difference between pride and being proud of the work you have done?

The difference is in being personally proud of your work or being “prideful” by touting your accomplishments in the face of others. We must always strive to be humble in all things.

Why is disappointment a subjective term?

Can’t it be both subjective and objective? My observation of the facts can drive the actual perspective or preference, and these facts may fly in the face of what I’d like to see as my personal perspective or choice. Subjectively, I’d prefer this, but objectively I have to admit that. Or, objectively I see this, but subjectively I could be wrong. Either way, I will have to admit to reality and possibly be disappointed.

“Subjective most commonly means based on the personal perspective or preferences of a person—the subject who’s observing something. In contrast, objective most commonly means not influenced by or based on a personal viewpoint—based on the analysis of an object of observation only.”

-- Dictionary.com Is The World's Favorite Online Dictionary

I wanted to be special in anything and I failed a lot and lost my passion for everything even studying. What should I do?

Failure is life presenting an opportunity to learn. What you should have learned is that you don’t have to be special in anything, especially for anybody but you. I consider myself humble, but special, even though I learn stuff that most people could care less about. I am lousy at studying unless it’s something I really want to learn. I have many friends, and I’m selfless in what I do for them. I don’t tout any attributes unless it helps to get a point across.

What should you do? Give yourself a pass. Go out and live life. Go out and observe to the miracle of everything. Wake up every morning and thank God for the “gift” of another day in paradise and yet another chance to excel… at anything. Any day on this side of the dirt is a marvelous day. The alternative to life simply sucks.

Do mean people make you want to ask more questions about various topics?

Especially about why they are so mean.

What is a topic that you are particularly interested in or passionate about?

Being “sensitive” to paranormal activity, it stands to reason I’m attracted to paranormal research. I have chased down a “shadow” entity. It was a knee-jerk reaction, but it did not confront me. I constantly have paranormal experiences, so it’s probably good that I have the personality for this, or I’d freak out.

What part of your daily routine affects you positively?

Waking up! It makes me ecstatic each and every morning. Not waking up is an option I’d rather not experience, at this time.

Why do I keep almost winning in life when I want to win?

Maybe, deep down inside, you realize that being truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your circumstance, is true success in life. Everything else is just attaining goals. If you are truly happy just being alive, then you have already won more than most people understand. Occasionally, I purchase a lottery ticket. I have no idea what I would do with all the money since I’m very happy already. It might give me the financial foundation to accomplish more selfless projects, like a center for happiness and introspection. It doesn’t really matter, though, because I never win… anything.

“Winning isn't everything--but wanting to win is.”

-- Vince Lombardi

How can I plan a group trip that accommodates everyone's interests?

Try planning a group trip that expands their interests, not accommodates them.

Is "additional" ego a bad thing?

The ego, by definition, is “the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.” It has been evidenced by many people that the ego if it gains control, can turn one into a self-absorbed ass. As long as one is in control of their ego, instead of the ego controlling them, it can be a good tool. One can build on their ego, but I’m not so sure you can have more than one ego unless you have more than one personality.

What's it like to have a very vivid imagination?

You wake up in cold sweats, or with rock-hard wood. Just saying.

What are some common misconceptions about the world?

Evolution vs. Creationism. One is more wrong than the other. If you combine the two and stretch for the ignored truth, you almost have discovered fact. We will get there in the near future.

What’s the most important thing to do in order to freely let go of past baggage?

Forgiveness. I accepted the apology I knew I would never get from my ex-wife, then I forgave her and myself for 25 years of a worthless marriage. I’ve been, almost, 20 years ecstatically happy, ever since. I’ll never get married again, but I am very happy.

“The longer a life, the challenge is not the distance between destinations, but the difficulty of traveling light. My soul’s a portmanteau packed full, one half filled with what was, the other with what is, what should be.”

-- Jamie A. Hughes

Is there anything you want in your life?

So many names, and so little time.

How do I make good decisions in life?

Take a moment to think, like overnight. Weigh the options, the circumstances, and the possible outcomes. Think about how to mitigate any negative aspects. Then make a decision. A car you like during a sale at a car lot will always be on sale, regardless of what the salesman says. Tell them you’d like to think about it overnight. A deal with a very short deadline is a deal I’d be immediately wary of.

If someone says you are not good enough for the position, and it is kind of true, should you believe them?

Considering it’s “kind of true” you’d be well served to consider their critique.

I graduated college, and I majored in something I have no passion for whatsoever. My gut is telling me to pursue something I've been passionate about my whole life. Is 25 too old to pursue my dreams?

My son graduated from UC Riverside with a major in some urban environmental science. He went to work for Verizon in fiber optics and has been with them for over 20 years. The certificate of graduation is simply proof that you can persevere. This is pretty much all employers care about, your ability to learn and stick to it. Do what you feel passionate about, or, in my son’s case, what will pay well, and some.

Everybody wants to be a billionaire, but only very few people succeed. Why?

It takes a lot of work, knowledge, patience, perseverance, an achievable goal, and a cadre of the right support people. Very few people have all of this.

“The discontent and frustration that you feel is entirely your own creation.”

-- Stephen Richards

I had to end a really good relationship even though I didn’t want to and neither did she. how do I heal when I don’t really think I want to get over her?

Get back together. Neither of you really wanted this, so what the hell were you thinking?

Should we use a possibility or possibilities to justify our current decision or actions? If not, what is a good principle(s) to guide us on whether to take an action or not?

If you’ve thought through the ramifications of a decision or action, and have decided the outcome is more than likely positive, then you have done all than can be asked of you. Selflessness is a great principle to guide us when we are confused about taking an action, however. You can, almost, never go wrong when acting selflessly, unless you’re up against the League of the Perpetually Offended, then you just can’t win.

What are the biggest mistakes a new leader must avoid in their first week?

Taking a vacation, or demonstrating that they suffer from senile dementia.

Who decides what society perceives to be right and wrong? Why?

In a free society, the majority of society decides for themselves what they perceive to be right or wrong. They develop “rules of law” that dictate to the people what is acceptable and what is not. Without maintaining the “rules of law” there would be chaos. We see the ignorance of the “rules of law” unfolding across the United States as chaos sets in due to the ignorance of liberal District Attorneys who think they know better than the majority, and the ignorance of a liberal minority that supports them.

What does it mean if one has a desire for indulgence in their subconscious?

It explains why they wake up with “morning wood.”

“As much as I disliked Eddie Kuntz, I could sort of identify with a man who got a stiffie over banana cream pie.”

-- Janet Evanovich

Why do some people get angry at questions when it doesn't seem a very logical and cool and mature and fun and lovely thing to do? What can be done about bad attitudes toward questions in general and this particular question?

People that get angry are probably members of the League of the Perpetually Offended. The best tact is to ignore their ignorance. I catch more crap for my answers to questions, which explains much about why I don’t ask any questions. One wonders if it takes more courage to put a question out there or to put the answer out there. Either one will incur the wrath of the League.

Author's comment: That was hilarious, League of the Perpetually Offended. I liked your answer. Bravo!

Stupid moral dilemma: Do I buy Atomic Heart? On one hand; seeing a lot of arguments about how buying the game supports Russia, on the other hand, I’ve been waiting for this game for 4 years. I'm so hyped for it but my mind tells me it’s unethical.

You’re right.

How can I effectively manage and delegate tasks to a team?

You are supposed to be managing and delegating, so make sure what you delegate makes a lot of sense and isn’t “bullshit” work. Put a project “progress board” where everyone can see it, and update it with progress. The tasks must make sense, have a timeline for completion, and you must be able to seek clarification for any intelligent questions. You should have ferreted all of this out before you even think of delegation. Everyone needs to know you have already been down the “ignorance” road before it even gets to them. Now, you are ready to manage all of the delegations.

What’s a good strategy for choosing between two terrible options?

If you have the choice, don’t. Find a more acceptable option.

Who agrees that, in order to be considered great or extraordinary in life, you must accomplish 3 objectives: you must get married and have a family, have a meaningful relationship with God, and you must have the respect of everyone around you?

One, you don’t have to be considered “great or extraordinary” unless your ego needs a really good stroking. Marriage and family have nothing to do with it, nor does a meaningful relationship with God or the respect of everyone, although it helps. Most of this is about being truly happy in life, regardless of any objectives. If you’re truly happy, you are already great or extraordinary in your own mind. Most people never get this far.

“Is it so bad, then, to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

How can I vent my aggressive trait in a functional way?

Try out for the World Wrestling Federation. Otherwise, try to get a grip.

How does planning ahead affect productivity when managing complex workloads?

“Planning ahead” also means planning for the unexpected. If you’ve made plans for the unexpected, you have possibly mitigated productivity shortfalls and can better stay on schedule.

When is it appropriate to show weakness as a leader and when should one stay strong?

You never show weakness as a leader, unless it is to trip up your opponent.

Do personal values dictate what someone believes in?

Pretty much. But, belief doesn't make it right or your values valid. An example of this might be the basis for the age-old argument atheists have with theists. Both sides have personal values. Both sides have faith in their beliefs. Neither side has any proof. Their faith, by definition, is a belief for which there is little or no proof.

How do you politely tell someone you are leaving them?

“I’m leaving you.” This is as far as being "polite" will go, in most cases, as emotion usually erupts.

“You get used to someone—start to like them, even—and they leave. In the end, everyone leaves.”

-- Rachel Ward

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com