Questioning Work, Abuse, Fear, and Enemies

"If you don’t like this job, don’t let the doorknob hit you in the ass."

-- Unknown supervisor

You're taking the bus on your way home after work. Suddenly your boss called and said: "Who said you could leave? We still have a lot of work here to settle". How would you have responded in this situation?

“I work from 9 to 5. If you were going to pay me overtime it would have been appropriate for you to have informed me earlier, like when I told you to have a nice evening.”

What do you need to understand about yourself and others to be an effective communicator?

My capabilities as a speaker and the audience’s ability to comprehend the topic.

Now that you have lived most of the time allotted to you, what has been the purpose of your existence?

To learn, to mentor, to love, to be truly happy, to assist in protecting human subjects in research studies, and to assist in the deterrence of nuclear war. But, mostly, to learn. Anything else was fallout from that.

Are the best decisions made when a person is the most rational?

Unless they simply stumble into it, yes. Think before you act. 

Are there any tips on how I can let go of the past?

Start living in the present. Focus your energy on the “now” and you’ll have no time for the past. The past is memories and lessons learned, that’s all. Why worry about things over which you have no control? You control the “now” so it makes more sense for you to pay attention here.

“Sometimes the only way to get closure is by accepting that you'll never get it.”

-- John Mark Green

What happens when an individual deals with a difficult situation?

They either succeed or fail. Failure, however, is not the end of attaining the goal. Failure is an opportunity presented by life for us to learn from our mistakes and come to the issue from a different angle. Perseverance demands that we continue doing this until we eventually attain the goal. Or, you can just quit and settle for failure; not a good way to go through life.

If your siblings were rich, would they share the wealth with you?

I’m a spoiled only child. How I selflessly share my wealth with those in need is totally my choice.

What are some ethical implications of getting wealthy too quickly?

How you use your new wealth. Good ethics is about doing the right thing. Whether you make money fast or slow, how you put the money to use is always an ethical consideration. 

What have you learned from pursuing a hobby?

Attention to detail, attention to process, time management, perseverance, and humility. 

What is peacebuilding? Why is it an important strategy for maintaining peace?

If you aren’t building peace, how do you think you can maintain it? Construction of anything with permanence demands not only a solid foundation but solid construction and ease of maintenance. Without these, what you build won’t last the test of time. The pyramids have outlasted dynasties. So it should also be when we consider building peace. 

“Contrary to what most politicians and interveners preach, outside experts, national leaders, and top-down approaches are not the only means to re-establishing peace. Bottom-up initiatives can also make a difference, and ordinary people have the capacity to address some of the deeper roots of their country’s problems.”

-- Severine Autesserre

What short-term goal have you set for yourself this month?

Clean up the mess that was mom’s flower beds. I was so short-term, I already finished it.

What is some good but not great advice that you’ve received?

Any advice I’ve deemed to be good, I’ve also deemed to be great. There is no “good” advice unless it moves you forward. Anything that helps to move you forward is great in its own way.

Why do people want to forget bad memories or keep them as a lesson learned?

The fact that they are “memories” negates you ever forgetting them. Keeping them in a folder titled “Lessons Learned” is always a good thing, as it negates the chance you’ll ever make the same mistake twice. Marriage is my personal “go-to” example for this. I can’t forget how horrible it was for 25 years, but the lesson is the knowledge that I will never do it again, and that makes me ecstatically happy. 

What burdens me in my mid-20s?

I don’t know you, if we don’t know you, how can anyone truly answer this?

How important is self-motivation when pursuing personal ambitions?

Considering it is a “personal” ambition, “self-motivation” would be necessary to attain the goal. I can’t imagine using someone else’s motivation to pursue my “personal” ambitions. It makes no sense. 

“Most people can motivate themselves to do things simply by knowing that those things need to be done. But not me. For me, motivation is this horrible, scary game where I try to make myself do something while I actively avoid doing it. If I win, I have to do something I don't want to do. And if I lose, I'm one step closer to ruining my entire life. And I never know whether I'm going to win or lose until the last second.”

-- Allie Brosh

Does everyone possess some kind of hidden talent and can it be developed?

Pretty much, and any talent someone already possesses can be further developed.

What are the implications of a rich person becoming more humble as their fortune grows?

They become understanding of the true implications of wealth. It isn’t that you are wealthy, it is what selfless good you do with your wealth that makes a difference in the world.

How do people successfully avoid getting caught in a lie?

Don’t lie. Damn! This is easy. 

Is it healthy to spend time reflecting on past regrets?

No. Unless you can correct the past, these are only memories to learn from so you mitigate further regrets in the future.

Do people of different belief systems share common values?

That would depend on whether the belief systems are based on common values.

"Businesses must reconnect company success with social progress. Shared value is not social responsibility, philanthropy, or even sustainability, but a new way to achieve economic success. It is not on the margin of what companies do but at the center. We believe that it can give rise to the next major transformation of business thinking."

-- Michael Porter

Why is top leadership associated with aging?

Nobody has found any young person with the leadership experience to be in a top leadership position would be my best guess.

What is the cause of an abusive lifestyle?

Lack of good sense and personal control of the decision-making process.

What if I did something bad in school and I try to give money to the teacher to not tell anybody?

So, you think it’s okay to compound the bad thing you did with bribery, as a second bad thing? Two wrongs are still wrong, and the teacher, if in their right mind, will not risk their position by taking your bribe, making them complicit in the wrong you’ve done. 

How do I become caring for someone?

Learn to be selflessly empathetic toward them.

What does living with dignity and respect mean?

When one lives by a good moral code of ethical behavior. Be selfless with what you give, and treat others as you’d like them to treat you. Be honest, loyal, and loving. Learn to be truly happy always and in all things, regardless of your own circumstances. Most of all, try to be the humble light in the darkness, so others can see the way.

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized, and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”

-- Michael J. Fox

What is the best response to "Oh, you're just saying that"?

“Nothing gets by you.”

Have you felt afraid of asking more questions about various topics?

Nope, It’s how I learn. If you don’t ask, you don’t know. It’s funny how that works. Now, if someone doesn’t want to give out an answer, what are they trying to hide? It is a short trip, for some of us, from questioning to interrogation.

Why did my parents replace the TV and replace it with a bookshelf of novels?

It’s called good parenting. Try reading for a change. 

I have a feeling that I’m unlovable. Why? I‘m confident on the outside, but my inner self feels like I'm not worthy of love.

You have a feeling. Is there any evidence to back up this feeling you have, or are you just beating up on your inner self for not trying harder? Just a thought, if you don’t love yourself, if you aren’t worthy of your own love, what message does that send to others? Take care of yourself, first, then worry about what other people think.

What are the implications of human ignorance?

An octagenarian President that destroys the country and doesn’t know where he is from one moment to the next? Just a thought.

“Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored.”

-- Aldous Huxley

What is the purpose of existence and how do our everyday choices reflect that?

Learning, and we learn best through failure and when we make mistakes, We fail and make mistakes when we make bad choices and decisions. We learn every day.

What should I do if my friend is struggling to make friends?

Mentor them. Maybe they’re trying too hard. If they’re a friend, show them the way.

How do expectations kill our happiness or joy?

Our expectations rarely turn out as good as we hope. Always hope for the best, but plan for the worst. In this way, disappointment will be mitigated by your “Plan B” and you can try to salvage happiness knowing that you were one step ahead of expectations.

What happens to your enemies when they become friends with you?

If you’re smart, you’ll never stop watching your back. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

Why do people say they want to be friends but then act like they don't care about you anymore?

They aren’t very good friends. They’re the ones who, in a few months, will wonder why you haven’t been a better friend. Nothing will ever be their fault and watch out for what want from you.

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

-- Bob Marley

Is it better to hurt someone who hurt you or be the bigger person?

Two wrongs don’t make it right, and karma already has to deal with them, so don’t go getting involved. Being the bigger person is always recognized by all those who are in the know. Rise above pettiness.

What does it mean when an enemy treats you like a friend?

They want something.

How can we use negativity as a source of motivation and growth, rather than letting it hold us back or bring us down?

Motivation for negativity is a waste of good effort and stunts one’s growth. Eventually, it will hold you back and/or bring you down. Better to be positive always, and move forward with the knowledge you are doing the right thing.

Do you think it's better to have fewer friends but to care more about them?

I have many friends and care about them equally. Caring is not that difficult, especially where friends are concerned.

Is there really such a thing as being forced to do something when whatever we do, we ultimately agree to do it?

The only people that can “force” you to do something you don’t want to do is legal authority. If it is your boss, you can let them know you’re doing it because you want to keep your job, not because you agree with it. You are exercising your freedom of choice. You are free to say yes or no. To live in a society of your choice, you also choose to live by certain societal rules. You aren’t being forced, however. You agree to the rules because of your choice.

“There is nothing more dangerous than a person who wants to be left alone but is forced to get involved.”

-- Jeffrey Fry

Editor's Note

(Re: disclaimer cum "get out of jail free" card)

Before you go getting your panties in a bunch, it is essential to understand that this is just an opinion site and, as such, can be subjected to scrutiny by anyone with a differing opinion. It doesn't make either opinion any more right or wrong than the other. An opinion, presented in this context, is a way of inciting others to think and, hopefully, to form opinions of their own, if they haven't already done so. This is also why, occasionally, I will present an "opinion" just to stir an emotional pot. Where it may sound like I agree with the statements made, I'm more interested in getting others to consider an alternate viewpoint. 

I fervently hope that we keep open and active minds when reading opinions and while engaging in peaceful and constructive discussion, in an arena of mutual respect, concerning those opinions put forth. After over twenty years with military intelligence, I have come to believe engaging each other in this manner and in this arena is the way we will learn tolerance and respect for differing beliefs, cultures, and viewpoints.

We all fall from grace, some more often than others; it is part of being human. God's test for us is what we learn from the experience, and what we do afterward.

Pastor Tony spent 22 years with the United States Air Force Intelligence as a planner, analyst, briefer, instructor, and, finally, a senior manager. He spent 17 years, following his service career, working with the premier, world-renowned, Western Institutional Review Board helping to protect the rights of human subjects involved in pharmaceutical research.

Ordained 1n 2013 as an "interfaith" minister, he founded the Congregation for Religious Tolerance in response to intolerance shown by Christians toward peaceful Islam. As the weapon for his war on intolerance he chose the pen, and wages his "battle" in the guise of the Congregation's official online blog, The Path, of which he is both author and editor. "The Path" offers a vehicle for commentary and guidance concerning one's own personal, spiritual, path toward peace and the final destination for us all. He currently resides in Pass Christian, Mississippi, where he volunteered as the lead chaplain at a regional medical center.

Feel free to contact Pastor Tony: tolerantpastor@gmail.com